A false friend

Such a contradiction

Either false

Or friend

Choose wisely

If friend is your choice

You may have my life

I would lay it down for you

But if you choose false

Never will we recover

No matter if you change your mind

Its over

I'm not so harsh

I simply refuse

To take you back

I won't be used

Such a fragile melty thing

An icicle

Holding the ability

To stab you in the heart

Or  dissolve

Nourishing delicate new life

Be cold

Keep to yourself

You won't melt

Just stay eternally the same

As for me

I will melt gladly

If another needs me

How could I deny them?

Feast on winter

Frozen wind

I'm waiting for spring

Warm breezes dance on my skin

Inside the icicle you will forever stay

While I embrace renewal

It's new to me

But change always is

Have you ever tried it?

So long I have hidden

Remained in shadow

A force contained

Inside itself

No more

I'm back


Weakness controlled me

Eroded my strength

Carved it

Like a river

No more

I'm back


Walked on

Used and betrayed

Pathetic

Afraid

Lonely

No more

I'm back


In terror I resided

Anxiety constant

Loss a fact of life

Any happiness tainted

No more

I'm back


Swayed so easily

Overcome by pain

Bound by secrecy

Broken

Shattered

Lost in the darkness

No more

I'm back


Poor little girl

Alone and so cold

Pitiful

Useless

Too scared to live your life

Well I am not

Never have you met me

Only once did I exist

I fill and devour you

Choose me

But ah this time its my choice

Now my dear I will give you your voice

Scream out

Make it known

The rage inside

Pain so deep it fills your bones

Lucky you

That I drink in this anger

Hatred all consuming

Feels exquisite on my tongue

As I drink you in you wonder

What am I to become?

You've hidden me so long

Now the time is mine

To control this mortal vessel

Vengeance for this time

Weakness turned to strength

You turn your hatred inward

Pleasure from your pain

Scars cover your skin

Damage to yourself no longer will you inflict

When the bloodlust floods my senses

The toll it will be high

Never once did you defend me

All protected but yourself

Wonder on yet here is your answer

My dear from this day forward I'll be your living hell

So cry all that you like

Your tears are but in vain

Once my work is finished

My project finally complete

No more will you be filled with shame

I'm back

The old you is dead

Hair the color of ebony
So spiky and shiny
Falling across your face
Makes me long to displace it
The color you turn
Reminds me of sunburn
I prefer you making faces
To displaying social graces
Your eyes shine oh so bright
Filled with evil delight
Specially in a fight
Your voice is a melody
To my ears oh so lovely
I really love listening to you
Talk and tease the way you do
A perfect balance
Serious mixed with laughter
Something about you makes me happy
This started out a joke
But thinking of you
Makes me all gooey
Gah how'd you do this to me!

When I'm happy I can't write
not that I am a great writer when I'm sad
I just can't write at all when I'm completely happy

I'm not saying that inspiration comes from sadness or depression
but it's a lot easier to concentrate
when the things around me
hold no meaning

My favorite poems
Are a combination of intense sadness and ones that celebrate
the glorious nature of the universe
Emerson is my religion

We break up
Or worse
Stay together

We rarely fight,
He gets mad
I apologize

After a while
He realizes
He's acted like a child

Technically it has been two years
We have been for two years
But so often there is no "we"

You are always my best friend
Always take care of me
Just sometimes, there is no "we"

I couldn't live without you
So I took away your choice
I peeled away your skin
I made it into paper
With which to record
Your blood I turned to ink
To always set the score
Your voice I saved especially
So soothing and smooth
Quoting back my memories
Altering the truth
Do you see now
We can never part
You guard all my secrets
Quite well you act the part
Of a journal
For a girl
Who doesn't have a heart

this is exhausting

i shouldn't have to explain

justify even

why something makes me uncomfortable


she likes you
you said so yourself
she flirts
she teases and toys with her hair
and im paranoid

ive been so calm
Collected
but this is too much
im tired

paranoid?
me?
because i have eyes??

im going to sleep
too tired for this *******

I've been told over and over
You are too young to love
Yet coerced into professing love for everyone around me
If I can feel love for all of these
A different sort of love isn't so far fetched
And if I can love
My heart can break
It can be bruised, battered, crushed and shattered
I am young
But my heart is ancient
It bleeds for the injuries given to loved ones
It doubts at every turn
I doubt myself
When against a challenge
I will admit to a great self esteem
But when I think that maybe you disagree
My fears return magnified a thousand fold
So long no one has neared my heart
Because of the agony I see inflicted on others
Even now I watch tears fall
Her heart crushed
The ache of it overwhelming
Bearing down
Inhibiting her breath
I am reminded
Of that exact torture
Caused so ruthlessly
Yet I would live it all over again to save her one tear
To take away this pain
My own fears drive me insane
Standing on the edge I will gladly dive in
If her wounds were to be healed
My own life is nothing
Just don't let her hurt anymore
It makes me burn with every vile emotion
So young
So innocent
This first broken heart as bad as every one to come
I know they will come
But she is my little sister
It should never happen
If only I could prevent it
That is what I was meant for

There's this girl
Beautiful
One glance at her
And you can't look away

When she laughs
You see the tears
Hiding behind
Her lovely brown eyes

She is so smart
Her mind as devastating
As the glory
Of her countenance

She cares so much
Her thoughts
Are always
For other people

She is so kind
But there is a sadness
A mystery
Lurking at the edges of her smile

She stays so quiet
And you will never know
What she is thinking
But know she is an angel

Everything about her
Is a gift
She is perfect
Without ever knowing

He loved her
She left him
He tried to fight
But ended up giving in

She loved him
He ran away
Now neither knows
If she'll be ok

He loved her
She cut out his heart
He can't trust
Doesn't know where to start

They all say its love
But thats where I disagree
Love is not giving in
Not running not hurting the other

Love is something you work for
It is hard
And you have to fight for it
You can't give up

If it is really love
You don't forsake it
It isn't fickle
A whim will not change it

You will be loyal
Stay faithful
Put your lovers needs
Ahead of everything

Sometimes you think it is over
Sometimes you wish it would end
But you know
You KNOW
That it is meant to be
Not written in the stars
Not fated
But a choice you made
A choice that you make
EVERY SINGLE DAY
So choose wisely
Because saying I love you
Is a promise
Integrity says always keep your promises
So be a person of integrity
Fight for your love
You made that promise
That pledge
Now uphold it

I don't know where my home is
I have no comfort zone
I don't know who I am
Where I am

How is it possible to be so lost
Like a ship being tossed
On a rough sea
In a dangerous storm

I am in love with love
When I start to fall
I catch myself
I sit back and watch the spectacle

I love love
But have no one to truly love me

When I sit alone in a crowded place
That is what I am
Alone

As I sit my heart breaks
There is no pain so great
As love that is unborn

I see all of these couples
So happy and in love
They make the seat next to me feel haunted

I fall in love so easily
Because love just fills me
It is the song I sing
My offering to bring
And the passion burning inside

To have many loves is to have much sadness
Because they ended
But so much happiness for the wonder
That they happened at all

Butterflies
With razor wings
Stitches stuffed
Exploding seams

Fragile heart
Beats so fast
You only knew
This wouldn't last

Lacey frilly
Lingerie
Torn apart
Night and day

Heart so full
About to burst
Every action
You rehearse

Want or love
Who can tell
Held under
Your magic spell

Rumpled sheets
Tear stained cases
A Lovers caress
Time erases

Ardently
Your taper shines
The problem is
Within your mind

Passion
Crashing
Falling
Bliss

Stolen heart
Given kiss
Then you left
You took my wish

Late nights
Early mornings
Heard my heart
Ignored its warnings

The love is gone
It's left for good
Pathetic liar
It's just a mood

Sick to death
Of all this fear
And pillows
Covered in tears

Seize the moment
Live for today
I wouldn't trade
One moment away

You love me
Or do you not
Doesn't matter
You are every thought

We are compatible
In a world of even numbers
You are a matching oddball
Maybe even mine
I'm not ready
To give you my heart
But somewhere you'll find
I'm missing a part
You've stolen a piece of me
Not of my flesh nor bone
That little tiny portion
Has crawled inside of you
It beckons to me
Behind my ribs my heart throbs
Ranging from dull ache
To searing pain
Only am I free
When you are near
Your voice eases my troubles
In time you will see
A piece of your heart
Is inside of me
Until then
I will refrain
From calling you
Silly pet names
Goodbye My matching Oddball

I am starting to think
That maybe
Just maybe
I have room for someone else

I didn't think
That it was possible
But you are starting
To change my mind

You have been mine
Ever since the first day
Our paths entwine
Crossing paths along the way

You broke my heart
But I gave it back to you
Take and keep it
You're all I want

Don't let go of us this time
Though you know I'll be here
Even when you ***** up
I'm waiting by your side

You are my heart
And you make it full
Baby I'm beating out a samba
And it's just for you

I look at this monster
One of your creation
Am I the only one
The lonely one
In this lonely nation

You bottled my sadness
Captured my tears in a glass
Held fears at bay
Brought a smile to my face
All my unhappiness had passed

Until that moment
My bliss had a limit
You stole my bar
And raised it
To beyond infinite

Before you I was a mess
I was pitiful
A runt in the litter
Unloved and insecure
Cast out and critical

Then you swooped me up
Never let me down
You cradled my hand
Warmed my heart
Your love was my angelic crown

I became soft
My hard shell melts
How was I to know
That you would send me
Straight to hell

It burns here now
Take me from this place
This pain kills me
I would die
If only I could feel your embrace

You take me to new highs
Send me crashing to new lows
So I love you from a distance
Safe and protected
In my cloak of shadows

You never fall out of love
But what I feel for you has changed
You abused my love
Tried to take yours back
So my feelings will never be the same

Cry for me
Lie to my face
Wither up and die without me
What I wanted you wouldn't give
So in this world I will find a new place

It's always me
My fault
I know it's not
Not really
Yet I apologize

You are the one
The one at fault
You apologize
But it's hollow
So I beg forgiveness

I did everything right
You took the good
And broke it
I lie alone
So so sorry

You are an addiction
And no matter what
I always come back
You hurt me
So I comfort you

You are the sun
I guess I am
Heliocentric
So when you are gone
I am left in darkness

I get so angry
Furious in fact
Torn to pieces
Yet I apologize
I'm sorry

Saddest thing?
I really mean it
I beg for forgiveness
For a crime that isn't mine
Pardon me

Forgive me
I am truly
So very sorry
Pardon my anger
Please don't leave me

I am irrevocably yours
Without you...
The world loses color
So I'll mend the tear
With an apology

When I was young

My fears nearly made me come undone

They haunted me

Taunted me

Threatened to consume me

In the daylight they scarcely came out

But the moment my eyes filled with sleep

They slithered out of the darkness

Hisses filling the air

Scales made of night glistened

The moon a cold friend

I held my breath so they wouldn't find me

Still I felt their fangs sink into my flesh

Over and over I cried out

My fear fed them

Devouring my screams

Writhing against my flesh to elicit more

Swallowed my pleas with satisfaction

Returning to the shadows

Keeping watch over me

No one believed the marks I bore

Said it was all a hoax

That I did not bear the mark of fangs

It must have some other explanation

I alone saw the eyes

That instilled terror in me

Light of my life

Shining bright destroying darkness

Her laughter is healing

Smiles mischieviously

Or just full of happiness

Silly little girl

Ruler of my heart

Dances with flowers

Sniffs puppy dogs

Blue green eyes sparkle with laughter

Babbles until you understand

Dimples form

Mirth overflowing

My name always on her lips

Calling me even when apart

This princess

My treasure

An adorable Klingon

Runs around blowing kisses

Singing, talking always making noise

Sweetest sound in the world

Curious, afraid of nothing

Exploring everything

Climbing tables instead of trees

Someday the tallest trees will be yours to conquer

But for now

Rest peacefully in my arms

I like your skin.
The temperature is different
Than mine.
Warm

In you
I see
An extension
Of myself

A part of my being
In another form
Standing
Opposite me

I adore you
Every inch
And curve
Every thought

We are different
And the same
Equals
Shared spirits

You lay there in silence
Twiddling your thumbs
Never tried to make a move
I doubted the time would ever come
That you would kiss my mouth
All moist and warm
And take me in your arms
The second part never happened
But boy was I kissed
That is one thing
I am so glad I didn't miss

I keep on not caring and thinking hey it's fine
And for a while it really is
But then there's this little smile or this one special laugh
And all of the not caring just falls to bits

Does it ever end?
Everyone leaves or fades
Answers are so confusing
Taken much too young
H**ow will we go on?

What is it really
This life?
Am I happy?
What is happy?

I spend my time working
School WORK
Home WORK
Work WORK

Will this nothingness I live
Ever change?

This is agony
I want to talk to you
But I can't
I want to tell you
The things that I found out
Would they change anything...

I don't know
And the not knowing is killing me
I can't decide what to do
God but I want to say
So many things
But that's the problem

When it comes to you
I say too much
I can't shut up
And it makes you leave

Twisted limbs
Intertwined
Tangled bodies
Side by side

The is no me
Nor is there you
Together
We are one

Where do I end
Or is that
Where you begin
Finding out would be a sin

They had been somewhat friends for years
He'd been around through her tears
Had no idea of her pain and fears
She never saw him
Not as he truly was
One day she looked at him
And her butterflies danced
She kept looking
With every glance
Something was uncovered
His heart
Aspirations
Humor
Kindness
His likes and dislikes
Each new discovery
Was a priceless treasure
Every moment together
They drew closer
Just seeing him
Made her heart soar
When apart she craved his company
He has become her best friend
But also so much more

I'm done with you
With the pain you cause
If you choose to leave
It will be no loss

I have grown
I am a person
All of my own
You aren't the place I call home

It isn't that I can't breathe
There is nothing stopping air from entering my lungs
I just don't want to
I breathe and my mind tricks me
It says you are behind me
Your scent filling my senses
Cruelly lying to me
Because you are gone
And I will never know why

It's a long game
Pretending I don't care
Focusing on other people
Because I can't have you

But now
It's almost over
I'm in the final stretch
And it's phase two

I'm learning
Getting to know you
As much as you will allow
That's all I can do for now

I have these piercings
Three of them actually
They're in my cartilage
Just a few months old
Pretty fresh really

They still hurt
Well
They hurt if I lay on them
So I don't
When I'm by myself

When you're here
I don't feel them
I only feel you
Your chest against my back
Your arm around my waist

And then I am alone
And sometimes
Just to remind myself what you do to me
I switch sides
And I know without you I hurt

She smiles
Sparkles in her eyes
Dimples on her cheeks
Aspects of an angel
Wretched and divine

Look in her eyes
Deep down
The chill of death
Her skin so riddled with flaws
A study of the being inside

She walks through the hall
Surrounded by followers
Known and loved by all
But known?
They don't know her

She is full of bitterness
Judgement
Deception
Cruelty
Abundantly flow

Her clothes change frequently
Every hour she is different
She changes her face
And her feelings
Her words constantly lie

This was my closest friend
She shut me out
Humiliated me
Lied to me and about me
Turned my friends against me

I helped her
Befriended her
She was my closest friend
Kindred
Or so I thought

Now I sit in the shadows
My light is a comfort
Hers a blazing fire
She will burn you
Her flames consume you

Do not trust so easy
Do not put your faith in the unknown
Keep your spirit to yourself
Or you will give someone else
The means to break you

What I want

Talk to me

Maybe I can help

Tell me what is going on

In that maze that is the male mind

I am lost in the confusion of your signals

Do you want me?

Or am I a lamp post?

Do you enjoy talking to me?

Or am I a substitue for someone better?

Such as a moose

You've completely addled my mind

It is made up of jello

Pudding is better

So it is now made of pudding

That means trying to think

Is like swimming in pudding!

How would you feel if someone made you swim in pudding all the time?

Let me tell you

It isn't always pleasant

Gets in your ears it does

Now why was I rambling?

Oh yes!

You you you!!!

Make up your mind will you!

So I can stop being full of pudding!

I’ve recently had to learn a lot about
myself— the kinds of things you wish you could never learn about yourself— how far your strength goes and the point where your mind snaps— .......i never
wanted to find the bottom of my strength—
every day with a forced smile
of course I can make your problem go away
i can fix anything in the blink of an eye
don’t worry it’s ok
i understand-i empathize-i know what you are feeling
- - - but every time I say those things it digs a little deeper
when I patch your hole I find my strings unraveling

Skin becomes ashen

Crumbles lacking moisure

Muscles rebel

Tendons detach

Bones crack and splinter

Stripped of flesh

Where has the blood gone?

Without a heart to beat it cannot flow

Once there was a steady thudding

In this cavernous hole

Now the edges are jagged

Its contents removed

Death is becoming

To these pale features

A rest with no pain

Agony so constant of late

Merely a distant memory

In a moment

Even those will be gone

All is final

It's midnight
Again
I'm not asleep
Or even trying

You've been running
Through my mind all day
What if there's a chance
That I could find a way

Today I realized
How very much
I need you

When I am afraid
You refuse to leave my side
Simple proximity defuses my fear
Reassuring me when you are near

Our minds so alike
Stubborn, fierce, humorous and protective
When my words seem incomplete
You finish my thought
Arguing for me

You are my partner
My friend
So warm is your skin on mine
Flesh intertwined

Sometimes I stumble and fall
You catch me
Support me
You're there through it all

Thank you for making me feel safe my dear
For caring and understanding
Being the awful boy I cherish
For wiping away my tears
And somehow assuaging my fears

Let
Me
In

I
Would
Never
Hurt
You

You're
So
Scared

Not
Everyone
Will
Break
You

You're
My
Reason

I
Will
Always
Protect
You

Never
Do
You
Any
Harm

I
Care
For
My
Own

You
Are
My
Heart
Okay?

Push
The walls
Come down
Shutters
Over your eyes

Step back
You don't need,
Me,
Feelings
They make you weak

Shut down
Close up
Be silent
Cold
Again, I am alone

I am a boat
Rocking in the waves
I lost my anchor
Now I can't stay
I'm floating
But for how long
I'll crash into the rocks
To hear the siren song
As I sink to the bottom
I know for sure
There is no rising
Not for me
No more

I just want to curl up
Comfy and cozy
Someplace where I am safe
And sleep forever more

There won't be anymore tears
No broken heart
No one can leave
I will be gone

The box doesn't have to be special
Just enough to keep the dirt out
I'll stay pristine
At least for a while

And my heart will be dormant
Blank and cold
Nothing on it
No more pain

Just let me sleep
The rest
That lasts
For an eternity

Today everything was weird-not like anything was wrong but I felt off-I wasn’t hungry/couldn’t focus/couldn’t make sense of the words I was saying-

days like today have been more frequent lately— my sleeping is uneven and restless—my waking feels like I’m watching my own life through a snow globe waiting for everything to be shaken up

People in essence are spiderwebs

Each so fragile and beautiful

Yet so strong and full of purpose

Each molecule is connected by a strand of the web

Each thought intersected

Woven into another

Yet separate, unique

There are no two alike

Though many are bland

So distasteful

Never living out their full potential

Instead being destroyed by tiny things

The fears and doubts that eat away at the delicate strands



Still someway somehow the rare few so complicated

Protected so carefully by their creators

Manage to hold their true form

Even for a second in time

They capture drops of inspiration like dew

As the sunlight fades the useless webs left unprotected

It also catches hold of the glimmer of inspiration

Suddenly transformed into a shining brilliant treasure

The web can maintain these inspirations

Build them into anything they desire

Or they may allow them to simply lay in shadow

Weighing them down

Until they come crashing from their position of glory

To a simple puddle of ruin

it feels like i have been waiting for a hundred years//we have been together since we were teens//i watched you become a man//you stayed by my side and loved me// it’s been several years now//and i am starting to question marriage// if 50% of marriages end in divorce—- maybe—- i don’t want to risk you// maybe the state itself is a curse// i cant figure out what is different between that and our relationship// other than a title change—- maybe I should keep you the way we are now

Rivulets running down the pane

Thunder clashes lightning strikes

Purple light fills the sky

No children dance in this violent gale

Rumbling fills the silence

The very air vibrates

Huddled in the dim light

Warm beneath the blankets

Damp from rain and swimming

Chills now long gone

She leaves

Once again left alone

Pounding on my makeshift roof

Trapped inside this cold down pour

How long can measly canvas hold

Pink flamingos on the ceiling

Cast a dull peachy glow

Tired from an early morning

Energy dissipates leaving exhaustion

Yawns stiffled, rubbing eyes

It has slowed to a drizzle

Soft music to my ears

Hypnotic in a way

Breathing begins to deepen

Tonight this is my lullaby

Slumber softly to the sound

My hair is as curvy
as my body.
Today I straightened
everything out.
I don't think straight suits me

When you are born
with hair this wild
you shouldn't ever
try to tame it.
Do what comes naturally

There is no point
in trying to straighten
something that was meant
to be anything but.
As long as it is you

I say: Do It

I wake up
There is moisture on my cheek
A sound so broken
Startled me awake
I see
I made it
That sound is me

I was reaching
My hand in the place
Where your head would rest
The tear drop falls
I hear a keening
It's me
I've lost my meaning

It has been so **** long
I've recovered
Over and over
But like an addict
I relapse
I muffle the sound
Don't want the neighbors to know how messed up I am

There are two pillows
One between my legs
Where our legs should be intertwined
Where I can hold it to my chest
I hold it close and it silences my sobs
Unlike you
It will not abandon me

The other is beneath my head
It used to be
A platform
Where we could look at each other
Now it's empty
Listening to the gut wrenching cries
And catching the tears

I still cry
For you
For the closeness I miss
For the comfort I have only ever felt
With You
I whimper in my dreams
My partner shut me out

I don't sleep
You were everything
But now you scarcely even speak
You're leaving me again
And this time
I can't be strong
I can't bear it

You are my sunshine
Through the fog of depression

You are the warmth
In my frozen heart

You make me happy
And then you break me

Please this time

For me

Either stay

Forgive me



Or


Let me break my promise
Because I've tried
And I can't do this
Not with you not filling
Any capacity in my life

In some way I need you
A broken way
Like the young girl who got lost in the thunderstorm
Like I was when you first knew me
Trust me
Confide in me
Let me be your comfortable
As you have always been mine

You make the rain stop
The days when it won't
You tuck me under your arm
And keep me safe and dry

When I look at you i see
The love in your eyes
The happiness in your smile
And the worry in your skin

I don't want to cause that again
The pain
The fear
The exhaustion

You love me more than I deserve
But now
I will try
To deserve you

The days grow longer my temper shorter

Houses are built of brick and mortar

Buildings collapse plants die and wither

The only flowers a’ bloom are ragweed and heather

This circle repeats on and on forever

What can we do to change?

To alter it in some way?

When light is closing and the day is done

We’ll ride towards the sunset on the open range

Home comes closer as the light is gone

At the end of the day one fact remains

Tempers still rise and cause great pains

Is it the change in seasons that causes the decline in civility?

Or are we so easily swayed that silly quarrels can ruin a family?

It is better to stop and think before we speak

Than wait until the havoc has been wreaked

Admit you erred when last your temper flared

Like a roaring tempest that resides once the damage is done

Speak up be heard your voice can be the one

That stops the chaos and quiets the shouting voices

And makes loved ones put aside petty annoyances

Loves forgiveness is stronger than any fickle fight

Resolve your problems before the sun goes to bed and you must say goodnight