Happiness

I wake up fresh and happy as can be
Monday mornings are just simply nothing for me,
A new day has been given to me
Oh for what this day has in store for me I just can't wait and see,

Class starts with the teacher telling a joke
Recess and gotta sip on some of that coke
At the math class the quiz was postponed
At lunch my crush sat with me and I'm feeling like I'm ******

Just got home and mom bought some pizza
And how i enjoyed grobbin' down on that meat
Pepperoni, ham and bacon now that's just neat
Oh how today was a good day

Endin' everything at night
Just chillin on my bed not a ****** in sight
Oh how today was cute like some pup
But it was all ruined when I heard wake up!!!

Do you ever just sit there
In your living room
Drinking hot chocolate
And listening to the rain fall on the tin roof?

Do you ever just look at him
And think
Man I'm so lucky
I don't know how I deserve you
But oh how I'm thankful

Do you ever just look at your family
And one minute
You hate them
But you really can't
You can't hold anything against them
You really just love them

Do you ever just flick through photographs
Reliving those memories
The laughter
The tears
The regrets
The magical moments

Do you ever just sit there
And think
Man life is pretty **** good
Your grateful
Thankful
Its all working out
Just the simple things

The way you lean in
Close to me
To whisper something
In my ear
To make me laugh
To make me smile

The way you sit a little closer
When it gets too cold
And your fingers
Ice cold
Burning against my skin
You smile
That stupid
Crooked smile
And tickle me
With your wit

The way you grab my arm
When I'm on the verge of tears
Pull me away
From the torture of today
To ask me what's wrong
And pull me in close to you
Arms tightly around me
Not caring how wet
Your shoulder is getting

The way you message me
Good morning
Just to check on me
Because its been a day
Since we've talked
And you can't bear to wait

The way your chest feels against mine
Hearts beating together
Your arms tightly round my waist
As I'm lifted and swung around

The way I go to pull away
And you pull me back
Closer to your chest
Arms tighter
Because one hug wasn't enough

The way I feel protected
Whenever your around
Because you've always told me
You'd always keep me safe

What even is it?
Is it a perfect smile
Long golden hair
Blue eyes with long eyelashes
Tan skin
Perfect figure
Big ****
Big *****
Clear skin
Pale skin?

That stuffs all *******
What's a beautiful face
Without a beautiful soul
An ugly personality
And dark soul
Destroys that beautiful face
It means nothing anymore

Beauty comes from within
Stop straining yourself
To look a certain way
You are you
God made you who you are
For a reason
Love yourself
Be confident

Sitting watching
the play today
Things seemed
Almost
Perfect

A good friend on my right
Laughing her silly laugh
Pulling faces
Leaning against me
Laughing uncontrollably
Loud and high pitched

Him
On my left
Sitting as close as possible
Feeling his breath on my arm
Ice cold fingers
Piercing my skin
Leg pressed against mine
Hearing his soft laughter in my ear
And his stupidly funny
Witty comments

Sitting
Laughing
Watching
Peacefully
With some of my
Favourite people
Surrounding me
Together
In harmony
Enjoying the show

Dear the Old Me,
You're depressed
Why don't you seek help
You're afraid
You still in primary school
You have no idea
What depression even is
Or that its even a word
At this stage your 9 years old
And your depressed
You just don't really know it yet
You can't explain why your sad most days
Why you cry in your room everyday
Why you always hide under the bed
Hiding away from the world
Let's go forward to year 8
Your at intermediate
You've discovered depression
What it is
It explains everything
Things were worst than ever last year
You were alone
Scared
Depressed
Cried every single day
Felt unwanted
Year 9
You've started self harming yourself
It takes away the pain
Just a little bit
Helps you focus on something else
Just for a little while
Takes the weight off
Just for a little while
You want to die
You've almost gone through with it
Many many times
But you're scared
Put the scissors down
Put the string down
Put the knife down
It's going to be okay
Year 10
You're getting there ***
Things are getting better sweets
Trust me
You're getting better
Slowly
Painfully
Year 11
You're getting bullied
Being told your fake
Ugly
*****
****
But it's okay
You have people there for you this time
To support you
You couldn't be happier
You've met a guy
That you've never really noticed before
He's better than the rest
Witty, kind, quiet, intreging
Your childhood best friend is with you
She's right by your side too
Year 12
This guy now means the world to you
Your best friend and you are closer than ever
She's more your sister now
Things are okay
Average
You're getting bullied
It's starting again
*****, ****, fake
You get to school and your friend doesn't notice
How broken you are
Your best friend can tell right away
You can't stand it you breakdown
Go to class
That guy grabs your arm
Pulls you aside away from the terrors
Asks you what's wrong
You cry right in front of him
He doesn't mind at all
He pulls you close to him
Against his chest
Your making his shoulder wet with your tears
He doesn't mind
He looks after you all day
Keeping a close eye on you
You realise that day who your real friends are
Next day you get threatened
Your scared
He tells you he'll protect you
He does
He keeps you safe
Right now your 16
Have the best friend ever
Best guy in the world to protect you
Best friends ever
Happy family
And great things
Dear the Old Me
Things do get better
Way better
Hang in there love

That's what it feels like
Depression
I've never really talked about
My depressed days that much
Its just a part of me
I can never really reveal to other people
This is hard
It never really leaves you you know
Its like your just numb
You can lay there for hours staring
At the ceiling
Doing nothing
Thinking nothing
Or you can be
Lying on your bedroom floor
Tears streaming down your face
Crying silently alone
Burning all the memories
You want to never remember
But somehow can never let go of
You can have the blade in your hand
Running across your skin creating
Lines of red
Lines of pain
Lines of anger
Of heartbreak
No one even knows
You hide it so fucken well
The pain is unbearable
But you can't let it show through
Smile
Laugh even
No one notices
No one notices the scars
You keep your jumper on to hide them
Even on hot summer days
Your skirt hides the lines on your thigh
No one notices
No one knows that the happiest person they know
Truly isn't
They're broken
Cut up
Terrible

You burnt me
You've given me bruises
You've hurt me
So much it hurts to walk
You've strained me so much
I needed medical help

But I guess the best things in life hurt you the most
Food burns you
Exercise strains you
Sport bruise you
Shoes blister you

Do you ever just wonder
What if

What if I took a chance
What if I just went for it
It could turn out perfectly
But then it may not
I'm scared
Scared to take a chance
Even if its something that
could make me
happier than ever
But
If it goes wrong
It could crush me
Break me
Wonder why
Do you care so much
For little old me
But not feel the same
Its all so weird
Isn't it
So confusing
The things you wonder

Thinking back
Back to those dark days
Where I didn't think
I'd ever live to be 30
To get married
To even get a boyfriend
Thinking back to the day
I would harm myself
To ease the pain
Just for a little while
To the days I'd cry and cry
In the shower
So it wasn't obvious
To the days
I didn't think there was a way out
Of this dark hole
Called depression
But now
I've still gotten bullied
I'm 16
And still going strong
I have the most amazing best friend
I could ever ask for
This guy that was merely a stranger
I knew of him for five years
And we never spoke
But now he protects me
Keeps me safe
Makes sure I'm okay
Won't let me sleep
If I'm upset
Won't let me sleep til
He's made sure everything's okay
And he's bid me goodnight
My best friend stands up for me
Like no one ever has
She doesn't just stand beside me
And watch me get torn down
She speaks up
For what she believes in
The most opinionated annoying person
Who has a lot to say
But somehow she never gets old