What I would do to have security
To embrace the Trinity
To have the connection
To not have this misconception

What I would do to have a wife
To feel like everything is good in life
To have children calling my name
To hear my wife feel the same

What I would do to have money
To feel that sweet feeling like honey
To not worry about paying bills
To not have to be willing to ****

We all have something wanted
To feel it so close like we’re haunted
But you can have whatever you desire
Just work hard for what you admire

-CC

Flashes of light flood my mind at night
My eyes are closed but I retain my sight
I see how broken this world has become
I see how far i've fallen and become numb

Numb to the selfish acts of humanity
How cruel we are to drive others to insanity
How politics have dominated nations morality
How people lose sight because of nationality

I’ve lost hope in purity
I’ve gained insecurity
No longer do I hold my head high with hope
No longer do I want to help people cope

But I am a fool
I let people use me like a tool
To make themselves feel better
And here she comes, i'm gonna let her

Because my passion is helping others
To give shelter and distribute cover
Even if it means killing myself inside
But these feelings are what I coincide

-CC

Used, Abused, and Injured
Drink it all away until your words are slurred
Dig a blade into your skin
Until your blood starts to run thin

Shut every emotion off
When someone ask just scoff
Let every insecurity eat you alive
Until you have lost your will to survive

Overthink all little things
Until your chest hurts and stings
Black out in the shower
Pass out like a collapsing tower

Wake up weak and half dead
Where you can’t move like you’re full of lead
Wonder why no one wants you
Think about them as you turn blue

See your vision start to fade
Know your choice was just made
Leave behind the world that hates you
Its grey and white hue

Now you’re dead and there is no going back
All you see is black
Your funeral is held and people do go
People that love you start to show

Your friends from school
Your Family, people you barely knew
Because you thought you were alone
Like you just were sinking like stone

But you pushed people away
People never got you to sway
You never let them stay
Just shut them out of our day

They wanted to help you more than ever
But now they blame themselves.
When they found your body
Everyone bent over on one knee

Because they can’t breathe without you.

-CC

Look up at the sky
Like your saying one last goodbye
Sick and tired of breathing this air
It's tainted but nobody cares

You see in black and white
You know something isn't right
There is something missing in you
Like there's a hollow cavern too

A black void in your mind
You're no longer kind
You don't feel anything anymore
You can't feel happy in your core

Walking around in a empty shell
People ask but you never tell
You feel disconnected from society
That constant feeling of anxiety.

So why bother
Like a sheep waiting for slaughter
Just waiting for the end
Like trash being thrown in a bin

Hollow, weak, flawed, pointless

-CC

Blonde hair and green eyes
Little nervous habits that end with sighs
A person holding a mask over her face
Hiding all emotion yeah that's the case.

Careless, emotionless attitude outside
Broken, depressed, bottled on the inside
These are the words that describe her
You can ask her if she's okay she'll say sure

Because deep inside she wants to speak out
Inside she wants to yell and shout
She's been abused and violated
She's been held down and sedated

This girl is another story
Whether yours may be gory
Hers was one of betrayal and lies
She doesn't like when she cries

She keeps it her own
But her covers just been blown
Don't worry because I'm here for you
I have two shoulders for you too

Cry, sniffle, scream, it doesn't matter
Just let that bottle shatter
I'll catch you so don't be afraid
Throw away the blade

Turn to me when you're weak
When you feel the bottle hit its peak
Just know I understand
This isn't planned

This is how I feel
I'm just breaking your seal
Let those feelings spill over
Come out of your inclosure

From yours truly.

-CC

You will change
All this may seem strange
Losing people you thought loved you
But deep down inside you know it isn't true

You will learn lessons the hard way
There isn't a good way for say
But, maybe you will survive this
After all life is just a hit and miss

Some give up and take the easy way out
Others just get mad and scream and shout
Some like to pretend that nothing is wrong
Some may pretend to be strong

But everyone wears some sort of mask
Like they have some hidden task
That speaking out is forbidden
So they keep it all hidden

Overtime people will see through the cracks
See the colors you are seeping are black
Maybe no one will understand you
Not everything they will say is true

But one thing you can count on
And this is no con
There are people who care about you
Here is a clue

I’ve written poems to help you
I spoke out my deepest thoughts tis’ true
Others have taken entire careers to help you
Because there are many who want to help you

you just have to remove that mask and seek aid
Open the flood gates and cascade
Reach the light at the end of the tunnel

Feeling your heat
Sitting in the passenger seat
Stealing glances at you
Those cheeks with a rosey hue

Those eyes of green and fire
What’s there not to admire?
I feel my heart pace rise
I feel my happiness grow in size

I feel you wrap your arms around me
Im shaking from being nervous but you cant see
I feel that weird sensation of i'll be okay
Almost always has me choked up I don't know what to say

My heart skips a beat when you lean in
Like its being drawn on with a pen
Or maybe its just my guard dropping
Like I just picked up heaven out shopping

You need to know that I trust you
Maybe you can tell this is a clue
I write these for your happiness
To help you rid of your blackness

I want you to be happy with me
So I do everything for you to see
I listen closely because I care
I always love when you want to share

The moments you want to tell
To come out of that thick shell
From the dark into the light
Its an amazing sight

To see that smile grow
Makes my stomach sink real low
The tingling in my stomach increases
Feel my chest build up from pieces

Every moment with you is amazing
To feel my cheeks blazing
Thats a rare thing by the way
Figured I should just say

Thank you for helping me
Maybe you’ll be that lost key
We’ll have to wait and see
If you will let me in and have me.

The memory of being in my car seat
Looking out the window at the summer heat
Dad behind the wheel long hair everywhere
Mom watching him with her weird stare

Sister next to me feeling the wind with her hand
those moments sure where grand
Made me feel like a normal kid
Just took my real life and put on a lid

I would do anything to have those again
Just to go back to where it all began
Before you left me alone
Before I sank like a stone

Falling into the black void
Leaving behind what I enjoyed
The feeling of tranquility
Feeling like I had stability

Then you went and took those pills
Guess you just wanted to feel the thrills
All the times I cried and begged you not to go
But every time I woke up you didn’t show

I wished on every star
That you would be here but its just another scar
I often wander what your voice sounded like
If you sounded like your friend mike

Mike must of meant more to you then me
Since he was the last one you went to see
I hate myself with a passion
I feel my life crashin’

I didn't get to say goodbye
Thinking about that always makes me sigh
Actually it makes me cry
Makes me want to die

But I wanted to make you proud
Stick out to you above the crowd
I would've done anything for your love
But you lick the silver spoon and scoot me back with a shove.

You finally did it one night
Maybe it was out of spite
Because you knew better
Now you'll never receive this letter

A motel room sofa was your resting place
Father like son is the up coming case
I have to get out of this place
So maybe ill try my first taste

Just breathe inhale
And then exhale
I tell myself that often
When I start feeling that bottle soften

When I feel like some emotion may leak
Pouring out flowing down my cheek
Leaving a long wet trail
So I'll start to feel like a fail

That nothing is worth living for
Nothing left in the world to adore
Sometimes those leaks are red
Maybe that is enough said

But I crave a blade on me
I like to just watch and see
How much does it take
For me to be numb, how much does it take

So until the day it takes too much
Bleeding out and such
I'll keep writing these
Until my life comes to a cease

-CC

Breath in the trepidation
Sit on the couch with your contemplation
Light the cigarette
Instantly swim in regret

Inhale the poison that is killing you
Exhale the stress that overwhelms you
Get into an evil circle that you can’t escape
Piece yourself back together with tape

When you feel yourself fall apart
Just replace the part
By lighting another one
Like your you’re holding a gun

About to put it to your skull
All you have to do is just pull
But you don't do that yet
Your hands are wet with sweat

Something has you tied to this place
Someone keeps ahold of you like a brace
Keeps you from acting on impulse
Keeps you from your red avulse

Because no matter how far gone you become
No matter how much you feel dumb
Someone, somewhere will love you
They will give you something new

Something that gives you meaning
Something that takes the sadness in a cleaning
So you can wake up and smell the morning air
Something that will make you care

That something is life
it gets rid of your strife
Because we all have rough patches
Like its the last of your matches

But its gets better
Like a sudden change in the weather
So this is from me to you
Even I may love all of you too

Amelia or Aden I'll never know
That sits in me real low
I love you no matter what
But you scarred me like a deep cut

You could of been a boy
Me and your mom both know you'd be a joy
You could've also been a girl
I would of hope you had little curls

I feel the urge to hear little feet slapping the floor
All the little things I would've got to adore
The first time I would've held you
But I'll never even have a clue.

I'll never see your face
I'll  never feel your heart pace
I'll never be the same
Me and your mom couldn't place the blame

We went our separate ways
Even when she begged me to stay
I couldn't look at her without breaking down
She was my queen that I should've gave a crown

So to Amelia Marie Collins
Or Aden Jeffrey Collins
We love you

-Caleb Collins