Yesterday
Driving down
The road
Lizard brain said
Pull the steering wheel
Find the peace
You’re craving
Do it.

Yesterday
Monkey brain said
Climb under table
Table safe
No noise
Curl up
Safe

A week ago
Lizard brain said
Stab scissors
Into palm
Do it

A week ago
Monkey brain said
Blanket over head
Hides self
Safe

A month ago
Lizard brain said
Walk into traffic
Jump.
It’s time.

A month ago
Monkey brain said
Tell everybody
How you feel
They care
Safe

6 months ago
Lizard brain said
Those pills?
Take them all
No feelings.
Just bliss.

6 months ago
Monkey brain was quiet.

2 years ago
On the balcony
Five stories high
View of my whole world
Lizard brain said jump.
No one will miss you.
Do it.
Safe.

And the only thing
keeping me alive
Was the fact that
I didn’t want
To make
Anyone
Clean
It
Up.

Not wanting to feel anything
Deep thoughts of suicide runs through my mind
Not wanting to feel anything
Sometimes these thoughts go too far

And just when I thought I was safe
From all these feelings of thoughts
I guess they found a place in my soul
The anger has taken control
Of me
I want to be set free
From the hostility
That makes me lose my ability
To have a relationship with someone
It's also holding me back from being happy and going out and have fun
All because these thoughts gone too far

Not wanting to feel anything
Deep thoughts of suicide runs through my mind
Not wanting to feel anything
Sometimes these thoughts go too far

And just when you think you're okay
I thought all that fear and anger has gone away
But no, maybe just for the day
It will be back when I'm least expecting it
Causing me to through a fit
Wherever I'm at
And I have to react
By leaving
'Cause now I'm believing
People are starting to think there's something wrong with me
How can I switch from a nice sweet girl
To a total ******* *****
Which
Is something I'm not getting used to
But what the **** am I supposed to do
This anger inside of me
Helps get rid of the anxiety
That's why I rather be
******* mad
Than shaking
******* making
Me look like some kind of wuss
But it's not like I'm angry all the time
Only when I'm trying to get the worrying off my mind

Not wanting to feel anything
Deep thoughts of suicide runs through my mind
Not wanting to feel anything
Sometimes these thoughts go too far

Sit and think
Contemplate
The world as it is
What a difference
A year makes

Joy and love
Gives way to
Sadness and pain
Betrayal
The watchword of it all

Sit and think
What's the point?
Why is there this
Suffering
Torment and pain
Never-ending
Fades from time to time
But it waits

Watching like a jungle cat
Waiting
Just waiting
For a moment of weakness
For the prey to relax
Then it may strike

Contemplate the edge
As you thumb the blade
Wonder
What would it feel like
Is it true
That it's cowardly?
It's easier
To lay down and die
Than to keep fighting
Keep trying
And nothing changes

Forced to walk alone
For all the effort
To care so much
And nothing in return
The mind screams
That's the way it is
The heart weeps
Poor shattered thing
Wants to give
Can't make it happen

Shallow cut
On the pad of the thumb
Pulls the mind to reality
Softly swearing
The tool is cast aside
This time
As the wound
Is staunched

This time
The mind won
Survival
Over the pain
In the heart
We live to fight
Another day