nobody gets the cancer twice.  
(a blues guitar riff)

blood in the stool
ain’t nobody’s fool,
whent to high school
did not graduate,
but know it wasn’t no thing I ate

scale greets me friendly like,
long lost buddy from yesterday morn,
‘let get right down to it,
let’s see how much less of you borne
leftover alive from the prior day’

spirit spit blood from my gums,
got me a woman, she’s way over town,
woman said I’m brushing with
too hard a brush, alright, alright,
make no fuss, she’s good to me

nobody’s fool whent to school,
though I did not graduate,
a mean riff is better than a
slow moving woman blues cry,
got the strings to do my screaming

doctor is a fan, name is Jimmy,
played music like last time round,
Jimmy-jamming, dancing in the waiting room,
“that cancer got kick, it’s gonna get ya,
think I told ya that about hunner times before”

‘nobody gets the cancer twice,’
an old wives tale for unlucky po’ somofabitches,
do you some tests, tell ya the specifics,
right now, lay, lay down them new tracks,
no quitting time less the good lord comes a-calling’

blues guitar makes a man
cry shiver scream and shake,
progressions licks and tricks,
so you can’t tell what’s making
a grownup man cry and laugh louder

bring me my medicine
bring me my guitar
all I know is how it makes me feel,
oh baby once a night it’s true,
nobody gets the cancer twice

He was a simple man of simple words,
or high-school girl with broken heart who thought
they had a message, or a call, or not.
Arriving with a sense of the absurd,
a bittersweet purview on life and love,
together with a gift for nuanced phrase,
appreciating how the language plays
upon the mind and tongue, they rise above
the well-worn similes, the tired cliches
for days, perhaps for weeks.  Then comes the time
when human ugliness shows up to flay
the budding poet.  The evidence of crimes
committed: smoky circles, nameless gray
reminders of whose gifts they took away.

He was a simple man of simple words,
or high-school girl with broken heart who thought
they had a message, or a call, or not.
Arriving with a sense of the absurd,
a bittersweet purview on life and love,
together with a gift for nuanced phrase,
appreciating how the language plays
upon the mind and tongue, they rise above
the well-worn similes, the tired cliches
for days, perhaps for weeks.  Then comes the time
when human ugliness shows up to flay
the budding poet.  The evidence of crimes
committed: smoky circles, nameless gray
reminders of whose gifts they took away.

Upon a shooting star i ask -
Send me under the graveyard's grass.
Yet though my wish has been granted -
It was my heart that whent while
My brain stay'd planted.

she asked if i knew what i wanted when i was 18
of course i ******* knew what i wanted back then
that is when i first fell in love with a soul sucker
and my life whent completely off course.  what i wanted
****** me over, and now i don't know if i should give in
since then i sold my soul to the devil, just to give in
to get what ever i want, and still i don't really *******
think i need what i really ******* think i want
**** what i want. i want what i need

i need the old ****, the **** that got me so high
that i didn't need to sleep for days, or i could sleep
and it wouldn't matter because you were watching
and i could ******* sleep as deep as i wanted to
and know that when i come up for air, you would be there
waiting to know that i fell asleep and made it alright
and that high became life, i stayed high off you so much
so that it doesn't really scare me that i talk to you at night
in my writing, or when I'm singing, or when i do *******
anything you stupid *****, what the **** did you slip in my drink????
im poisoned after the fact and i can't get you out of my blood
the way i see it, is not the same way my therapist sees it
so i keep going to him, just kidding i never see him, he hates me
or maybe he doesn't, either way he never tells me how he feels,
he just asks me questions and lets me sit in my feelings for seconds
**** that i sit in them all day, i don't need to pay to find the pain
i just ******* really  need to stop sleeping or find a way to fall asleep
either of the two because i only live when I'm dreaming now,
its not the drugs, no i mean real ******* full blown dreams
like god ****** how it was back before we ******, and i told
your lover that i only enjoyed dreaming and not waking life
just because i could be with you, and yet he didn't take my warning
**** no! no one ever takes my warning, they are all too busy listening
to their own ******* ***** and hearts and blood pumping rust and
their own ******* thoughts and feelings, and it never ever occurs or
comes back to me in the end, always to them, so **** them, wait also
im gonna stop thinking about you in the end, because ******* too
youre not special enough to deserve two separate entities of people
waking up everyday thinking about how selfish, or pretty you are
or whatever else i do think about you, more like wonder because youre fake
imagination or maybe you are still alive and still exist and i didn't make you up
to hurt myself , maybe i only think about me now, i don't know yet
great . i just ******* think about how possessed i am that i have nothing
nice to say about you, good thing i say nothing at all to you, and i just spend
all this time, painting you into pictures, even tho I'm using my own blood
i say that now but until i
blow my brains out onto venetian blinds, just for the splatter effect
                       and because i hate them enough to waste my life on them
                                             whatever will i do , but waste my life on you

Nothing makes me love like in the old days
Nothing but my old ways
You got me changing all my actions
Now you wonder where my passion
You wonder why i'm slackin
I don't love you like my past man
Cause my past man got put on blast, then
My emotions whent to trash
Now i'm living in the aftermath
Void of all except for clash
My heart's been torn apart and slashed
My brains been turned to **** and bashed
My personality turned into ash

My love whent with my soal when you put it over gas

There was a man with massive plans - he was going to change the world. He laid it all out, started his route, then remember he never began. His great great grandfather was shot and became martyr to the racism that's still alive.

I watched a show with a ninja who killed for gold and i didn't care. I watched a show where a movie theater was shot and i got real scared. But just like the ninja i didn't believe - that could never happen to me.

I whent to walmart to pick up some milk and saw a man with a gun to a head. They gave him the cash and whatever he wanted in hopes to not end up dead. I've lived in this town for nearly 18 years - born, raised, and lived.

This is Belmont, the town i grew up.
I could be on cnn.

He got tired of the bachelor life, the same routine of a new girl every night. Hanged his shirt and quited the game, left the spotlight that brought the wrong kinda fame...

So he began his search for misses right, stopped fulling around night clubs till day light. Visited the library, took walks in the park, even whent to church wearing a tie, searching for so called, mrs right.

He searched and searched till the days where nights. He searched all over till 2 years past. He grew weary of church, bored with libraries. The people at the park started pointing at this weird man who took walks by himself.

After years of searching he quit the quest. Concluded that in life, there is no mrs right...

The race of man is spent;
His honor left in Rome,
The night we were born in has whent;
And Our once pretty pallet is chrome

O Humanity! The Pains I must bare!
Pride, Anger, Greed, Pain, Selfishness, all vain!
And all tangled in my hair!
and all leading to a single lane...

And In my opinion life, is but the fools game
Who've thought they've won,
Have had their fun
Till they go to hell in shame.

Don't let your dreams get to far - remember you can't get the gold if you don't know just where you are. Id trade a leg and arm just to get the golden touch, of her heart. I lost a peice of me when she left - she made me bleed and now i feel i need a surgery or a drug or some kind of thing to make me feel like i am next to she - the one that got away. Never will i forget your face. You put me in my place and now i'm stuck forgot how to give a **** about myself. They come first. The ones around. It hurts me way deep down when i see a face i love put on a frown. It's more than just a brown it's a burn. I almost like the way it hurts. Conditioned by repition put me in this disposition so i write this written. I put the decision of who i am in another person's hands. I've lost my promised land. Lost my human rights. I've given up the fight for my life. Can't sleep at night. Round and through - pull it tight - get it done right - the tricky bit is when you get up into it and you start question if the noose is worth the conditions - can't stop now - won't start slippin - stick to the plan - you cant comply to lifes demands - if you dangle there's no repremands - step on down and be a failure yet again - no i can't - i won't do it - head whent through it - **** i blew it - the rope i knew it - broke in two, it - snapped at the base - landed on my face - hit the ground - still choking out - grab my kneck n' pull it out - **** what now - lets over dose like an auschewitz kid just got some chow - take enough to **** a cow - woke up in the icu - full of tubes - right here next to you - the dissapointment shows right through - don't deny it don't even try to hide it you know i know when you're lyin.

Now hush baby brother, dont you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Gotta toughen up my little buba, i told ya
I'll always be with ya in your mind
You'll hear alot of things but hold onto my good side
Dont forget you were my pride
It may feel a little painful, when the rain falls
But i promise the sun will always shine

There was a certain magic in the warmth of the air that night. In the glow of her skin, her endless gaze, her cool touch. The smell of summer and cigarettes. The feel of her cool fingers laced in mine, with her head on my shoulder. That flannel I never did get back. The taste of her lips and her neck. Those goosebumps that never whent away nor lasted long enough. There was a certain magic in the warmth that night I found out what love was.

As the grass grew
I cut it
I didn't think about it
I just shaved it
Again
Again
Again

Have you ever been outside?
It's slow.
Have you ever seen the grass?
It's slow.
I watched the grass for an hour today.
I didn't see any change.
Yet somehow the grass kept growing
Just to get cut down on saterday
Because when grass stops growing,
It dies.

Every week when i cut the grass
I looked in the mirror
I shaved my beard
I didn't see any change
Weeks whent by
I didn't grow
Am i alive?

I was driving down I-85 when all of a sudden I got stunned by a view over a bridge and nearly slammed into a feline leaning against the railing, lost in the view. Lordy, my engine shut down real quick. Neither of us were damaged, but rather impacted. I said my goodbye with an apology tagged along and whent on my way home. Every day i drive that strip, seeing the view, passing by my old friend. Never again did we collide. Every time i passed by, my engine stalled. I wanted so badly to honk, swerve, pull over and talk, anything.
     Yet i kept on driving.

I've been to Hell and Back.
Back was fun yet wrong.
Because nothing changed when i whent Back to Back.
Hell has been here all along.

Send me down to Heaven.
No one would really mind.
Just one shot till the meds will start to work -
Then i'll go back in time.

for cas ~/ 20 1 7 with the class / 6 on the 10  was the day i saw you last / never thought id walk the stage / never thought you'd walk away / now im runnin every day / seems a step head is where my problems play / hopefully instead of in the sheets in wich we used to stay tonight will be the night i end up in the grave / im ****** Poppin pain pills / just to pass the days / painful ways / whats the point of life if we all pass away / smokin jays / high is how i like to stay / lets my mind run away / not gonna lie / im feelin so blue ~/ think i wanna die / when im here without you / never met a woman that / loved me like you do / **** / ever hear the one about the ***** lettin loose / somthin somthin somthin an~ now the ***** blu / try an crack a joke an hear the silence in the room / when you went away had no idea on what to do / feelin like here lately i been loosin all my moves / the smiles at the party man that mask is never true / i lost my since of self / traded in for wealth /  **** a title belt / problems stay in stealth / i need my ****** baby to keep me livin safely / kept the devil waitin now the due's is what he's taken / i said you must be mistaken see my life already vacant / so he took my one safe haven / yeah the drugs whent with my lady ~/ **** ~/ my life is crazy ~/ my mind is always hazy ~/ clouded with the deprications / getten ****** lazy  ~/ i need to get back out an quite depreciaten / lettin go of contemplatin / **** the need of validation ~/ yeah ~ /think its time to leave you in the past ~/ for cas ~/ my love / no more love ~/ forever always fallin fast ~/ you are my last ~/ you are my last ~/ you are my last ~~/ you are my last ~/ you are my last ~/ you are my last

The next morning after their morning loving making session
After whispering sweet nothings to eachother
Boris said that he going to announce that
He at a young age had found enlightenment
She thought her scronny tattooed lover was going to do that
Claudia said that she loved him
But since they came here
He went insane
Yet was still loving
She realized that she had missed her period three months in a row
Could she still teach
While carrying their child.
Could she take care of them
Here in this waste land
She thought know and she
Called her tattooed monk that
She was carrying his kid
Claudia then she she was going to open up a dojo in
Upper manhattan
To make a better life
For her and the kid
She kissed him farewell
Feeling those piecing for the last time
And turned her back
On the punk Lama.
When she arrived Claudia left
Her beloved
In Tibet
And wished him well
She also found out that she was having multiples.
When she got to a doctor
Claudia stayed with her friends
Until she gave birth
Made a name for herself again
Every night she cried herself to
Sleep
And dreamed of Boris
And in the day she took her
Sketch book out and
Started drawing tantric art
Who involved her and Boris
The friends asked
What happened to him
And she said
That he was happier in the mountains
And she couldn’t live there
For the sake of the children
When it came time to give birth
She had for daughters
To whom she promised not
To breathe a word of their
Father.
Over the years
She got stronger both emotionally
And physically
And the girls grew up
Like wild flowers
When the daughters whent to school
She opened her own dojo
And found another
Who her daughters called
Dad.
She never told him about Boris
Trying to pretend like they
Never met in that alley
Once a upon a time
Then her new husband saw the tattoos and the name
Who was Boris
He asked her
And then as the children slept
She said that she
Was once in love with a street punk
Who dragged her
To Tibet
And he lost touch of reality
She said that he was called Lama Tashi Surya
But she knew him as Boris
Claudia cried and then tried to move on with life
Until her one of daughters
Discovered in the mail
A letter in what she called Egyptian
And normal
It said that her husband
Lama Tashi Surya
Killed himself
The letter in tibetan was both a love letter and suicide note.
Her and her new husband
Got the others around and
Told the daughters
Of their real father
Lama Boris as Claudia called him.
She found the only suitable sketch of her beloved
And showed it do her daughters
Claudia felt like it was her fault
That the love
Of her life was dead.
She closed her school
And went to be a secretary
First she was a martial arts expert
And mistress
Then some insane punk’s lover
Now a mother
And wife.
She had to leave her passion karate behind along with Boris.
She framed the sketch and
Hung it up
Above the tv so when her daughters
Watched cartoons
They knew where they came from.
From time
To time
Claudia still had feelings
For the Russian punk
Who rocked her world.

i cant move
i know im insane
but i cant die now
my blood whent cold as
the knife when
in my heart
a few secints later
i was dead.....
from the start.