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"slats" poems
There is a hole in the world All the doors are painted a shade of liars faces their colors while arriving are also fading but we are still here.. Where corroding slats of 63 year old wood sound like the screams echoing across the crumbling pages of days burnt yellow beneath the fire of eyes The purple pouring through unseen waves in the dusk sky as Janis joplin sang gray star clouds into my heart she sewed my wounds with the ash of of bodies adrift of lovers living only in the mirage air disguised as smiles everlasting glass of the empty kind of love that lies, and never breathes yet forever dies dreams devour you with tears remembering the terror in Janis's eyes, she poured herself out across the floor of the perishing world while performing "work me lord" "live at stockholm 69'" to the dark, we were never there we were born into hands that were dying we breathed our last breath of freedom- then we were born, It was then that I heard the darkness cry. we are dying.. because we have forgotten the free gift given, our lightless bones loose around the spine of every bolt we never knew, strengthened our stance against the murderous long night. Choosing blindness, over looking without sight, The invisible mountain, that breathed in our corroding dusty hearts, weilding love against the demons behind our mirror eyes.. Refusing to call his name.. we have lived for each one of us just for ourselves ("selflove") so it is this then, we have sold our freedom to the lie named death.
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Apr 18, 2020
Apr 18, 2020 at 2:42 AM UTC
And, so it was that in those days; the lips of clouds erupted!
There is a hole in the world All the doors are painted a shade of liars faces their colors while arriving are also fading but we are still here.. Where corroding slats of 63 year old wood sound like the screams echoing across the crumbling pages of days burnt yellow beneath the fire of eyes The purple pouring through unseen waves in the dusk sky as Janis joplin sang gray star clouds into my heart she sewed my wounds with the ash of of bodies adrift of lovers living only in the mirage air disguised as smiles everlasting glass of the empty kind of love that lies, and never breathes yet forever dies dreams devour you with tears remembering the terror in Janis's eyes, she poured herself out across the floor of the perishing world while performing "work me lord" "live at stockholm 69'" to the dark, we were never there we were born into hands that were dying we breathed our last breath of freedom- then we were born, It was then that I heard the darkness cry. we are dying.. because we have forgotten the free gift given, our lightless bones loose around the spine of every bolt we never knew, strengthened our stance against the murderous long night. Choosing blindness, over looking without sight, The invisible mountain, that breathed in our corroding dusty hearts, weilding love against the demons behind our mirror eyes.. Refusing to call his name.. we have lived for each one of us just for ourselves ("selflove") so it is this then, we have sold our freedom to the lie named death.
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65
How long the day, Delivering letters to friends, And cranky, bald dog feeders. Home Is forward, past those poplars. Always I’ve been in love with Their almond scent, just as I catch Past, dragging feet and who knows How many heartfelt "Thank-you's". Home is... where the wife is sitting. She's not keen on laundry, but, I’m an exception. Always are my blue shirts blue, She likes to make sure. Just in case I meet With him; that carrion shaker, Mr. Reaper. “Hello.” I'd say, and tip my cap, Along my silent nightly rounds; Perhaps he'd humour me, if he could See me. He's searching. For me? No. That’s not right. The lamps are thickest In the dark, and that's just how he likes it. Even if I tip-toe, tip-toe, tip-toe around Him, he'll still turn his hood toward me. A courteous, creaking greeting. That chill I get. Matches only the fear From losing fingers, as I push envelopes, Catalogues, and restless dreams Through many metal slats. But even I, can't quite see, When the sky turns milky-grey... That perching, questioning hand Placed gently on my shoulder; Pushing down as I bend my back, Kicking over milk-bottles, sometimes accidentally. I shake it off. Get to bed! I say to myself, mostly Always, to myself. Slap on some cream And Get to bed.
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Jan 15, 2012
Jan 15, 2012 at 5:56 AM UTC
Postman
We spread our blanket on uneven ground, bodies embracing in descent,                                They lay on the boxcar floor,                         fingers twisted, clutching slats. Transfixed by the spell of evening, limbs entwined, interlaced,                         Barbed wire punctured palms                         faces creased as in old photographs. We stretched in dawn’s light, poured coffee out of cups, and left as it merged with the dust.                          Bones upheave ground                          unsheathed fingers                            clotted with soil. Copyright © 2003 Gary Brocks
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Aug 28, 2018
Aug 28, 2018 at 9:45 PM UTC
PICNIC IN A FORGOTTEN CLEARING
There’s a broken heart sitting on a park bench waiting just for you Bleeding crimson down the wooden slats and metal railings Like a collapsing scarlet avalanche I wait eternally for you
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Sep 21, 2011
Sep 21, 2011 at 5:50 PM UTC
Park Bench
Distance brings proportion. From here the populated tiers as much as players seem part of the show: a constructed stage beast, three folds of Dante's rose, or a Chinese military hat cunningly chased with bodies. "Falling from his chariot, a drunk man is unhurt because his soul is intact. Not knowing his fall, he is unastonished, he is invulnerable." So, too, the "pure man"-"pure" in the sense of undisturbed water. "It is not necessary to seek out a wasteland, swamp, or thicket." The opposing pitcher's pertinent hesitations, the sky, this meadow, Mantle's thick baked neck, the old men who in the changing rosters see a personal mutability, green slats, wet stone are all to me as when an emperor commands a performance with a gesture of his eyes. "No king on his throne has the joy of the dead," the skull told Chuang-tzu. The thought of death is peppermint to you when games begin with patriotic song and a democratic sun beats broadly down. The Inner Journey seems unjudgeably long when small boys purchase cups of ice and, distant as a paradise, experts, passionate and deft, hold motionless while Berra flies to left.
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4.6k
Tao in the Yankee Stadium Bleachers
Sun slits in through slats of kitchen window blinds and she is alone. The art major is cooking spaghetti, pretending her thrifted T-shirt bearing a cotton copy of Campbell's Soup Cans is not stained with tears and blood. Oh, but that's hysterics and hyperbole; art has a tendency of making its worshippers melodramatic...no? The blood is only tomato sauce and the tears... well, what are tears but water and salt? After all, dramatizing the mundane is just one awkward shade of artistic temperament. Visualizing life through a heavy silk screen. The art major sighs and stirs. The spaghetti is redder and redder as she cooks. Just as her paintings bleed more blood as she dangles a brush over them - the teary-eyed watercolours. The art major has decided that drawing out extremities of colour might transform her own life into a pop of a Warhol painting. The art major sighs and stirs. She thinks, tries to think in technicolour. Today's thought-pencilled thesis concludes (like a brush stroke of uncertain finality) that love is the red of tomato soup cans. Anger is the boil, passion is the gulp, danger, caution, warning, the hot breaths, fleeting warmths, the burn and sweet and tang. She looks down at the scarlet of Warhol's soup cans, blooming in worn out cotton on her chest. It might as well be blood, she thinks. It is, it is, it is. Blood red love - tomato soup cans. Sun sets in slits through kitchen window blinds and she is still alone. The art major sighs and stirs. The spaghetti is ready.
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Aug 2, 2015
Aug 2, 2015 at 6:41 AM UTC
Warhol
Sun slits in through slats of kitchen window blinds and she is alone. The art major is cooking spaghetti, pretending her thrifted T-shirt bearing a cotton copy of Campbell's Soup Cans is not stained with tears and blood. Oh, but that's hysterics and hyperbole; art has a tendency of making its worshippers melodramatic...no? The blood is only tomato sauce and the tears... well, what are tears but water and salt? After all, dramatizing the mundane is just one awkward shade of artistic temperament. Visualizing life through a heavy silk screen. The art major sighs and stirs. The spaghetti is redder and redder as she cooks. Just as her paintings bleed more blood as she dangles a brush over them - the teary-eyed watercolours. The art major has decided that drawing out extremities of colour might transform her own life into a pop of a Warhol painting. The art major sighs and stirs. She thinks, tries to think in technicolour. Today's thought-pencilled thesis concludes (like a brush stroke of uncertain finality) that love is the red of tomato soup cans. Anger is the boil, passion is the gulp, danger, caution, warning, the hot breaths, fleeting warmths, the burn and sweet and tang. She looks down at the scarlet of Warhol's soup cans, blooming in worn out cotton on her chest. It might as well be blood, she thinks. It is, it is, it is. Blood red love - tomato soup cans. Sun sets in slits through kitchen window blinds and she is still alone. The art major sighs and stirs. The spaghetti is ready.
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67
rain dripping through the slats above landing, each time, somewhere new. my feet were bare. you always tell me I should wear shoes, sometimes you offer me yours, but I like the way the mud feels between my toes - by now I think you know. thick smoke lingering everywhere broken by raindrops, brought together by wind - dancing away to some far, distant land we gaze through the squares in front of our faces, watch while cars speed by in the unrelenting rain. pizza? pizza’s always good, you know, when I was in Italy... ....the sentence trails off you know. and we step fearlessly into the unrelenting rain make our way inside and like always you're sure my feet are warm your pizza is on the floor and my laughter is coming like the rain falling outside. the look you give me makes me laugh harder until there are tears running from the corner of my eyes and my cheeks are warm and happy. that’s when I know, as I finally calm and wipe the tears from my cheeks, that there is no place in the world I would rather be than here - giggling at pizza in the floor.
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Oct 4, 2011
Oct 4, 2011 at 2:33 PM UTC
pizza?
I sit upon a park bench mentally piecing together a utopia You steal along silently to sit upon my throne of wooden slats and cement I quickly turn and look at you and say inwardly, "your tree is not my tree with squirrels that scamper about, but a table top or a chopping block even tooth picks lined in a row." I bend to feed the pigeons; a saintly feeling fills my soul, to be abruptly taken from me, by your sudden pounding feet; a turbulence of wings that nearly touch my eye I finally begin to rest in reverie, a peaceful rest of blue and white You even steal this rest and talk about muggers in parks I hide my ears between my hands to stop your thieving voice I suddenly SHOUT at you but you leave suddenly as you came FOR YOU STEEL AWAY YOURSELF FROM ME               to take from you                                YOUR STEALING BLAME!!!
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Aug 30, 2014
Aug 30, 2014 at 11:19 PM UTC
Thief and destroyer and the invaded loftiness
The girl in the black bathing suit swims through my dreams; her orange eyes warn me that summer is coming. An inescapable swelter of air threads itself through the slats of picket fences, crisping insects and terrifying an army of black birds bivouacked in the trees. I hear the soft explosion of hibiscus, red petals as bright as belly wounds, and the heartbeat of the dog panting, stupefied by the heat of a relentless star. Up and down the street, abandoned children call out from the bottom of empty swimming pools. I slouch in an aluminum chair, trying to get black-out drunk on warm gin and tonics. The tidy rectangle of grass around me ignites in a legion of slender flames. I remember the dark room and my father’s deathbed, his whispered, final words: dying is thirsty work. I strip to my underwear and fantasize about ice. I pray for the neighborhood sprinklers to spring to life.
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Apr 24, 2017
Apr 24, 2017 at 12:40 PM UTC
Another Forecast
satin slats plumped slick sepal pearls Elysium entreats welcoming warm
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Mar 14, 2017
Mar 14, 2017 at 11:55 PM UTC
do come inside
The green combusts, the cherry sclerotized mask dances above the invisible paper carapace. Stuffed full with Rotten skunk innards and burning, tongues of heat sweat away its crystalline hairs. Aren is hunched and crooked, all teeth and lungs, under the mixed halogens of suburban porchlight, being bathed in bluescale waves from the strobe of the neighbor's telescreen. Ropes of smog pour from the slats between his picket fence ivories and get frayed. I drink the filth, choking down the viscera of the vermin. It doesn't seem to get easier. Stumbling inside, my feet detach and I throw myself on the door until I've locked out the sickly tide pool light of dawn, and I'm rolling toward his bedroom. Jolting and sputtering, and grasping at the hands of the clock, listening for the steady metronome to count me through. And then numbness. I know the feeling, and next come the pins, digging into my fingertips and the pads of my toes, and then I'm all body and silent prayers. And I'm whispering sick thoughts to Aren - *"Those adrenaline demons will do me in, and if only I could relax, and my dear mother used to have a stalker, and I almost got run down by a car on the highway when I was five, and asthmatics are five times as likely to have a generalized anxiety disorder."* The adrenaline demons gather my tendons in pincushion palms, tugging at the strings, panicked arthritis and my fingers are twitching and curling backwards while I glare on with shallow breaths and cataracts. The organs moan in the cavern of my body, with thick wet air pouring from the opening. I'm standing now, a fetishized devil doll, shaking out the pins and the needles and the sick splinters of glass and the long holy skewers and I'm breathing again and I sit and I breathe.
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Nov 1, 2013
Nov 1, 2013 at 3:05 PM UTC
4 AM / Under a Porchlight Moon
The green combusts, the cherry sclerotized mask dances above the invisible paper carapace. Stuffed full with Rotten skunk innards and burning, tongues of heat sweat away its crystalline hairs. Aren is hunched and crooked, all teeth and lungs, under the mixed halogens of suburban porchlight, being bathed in bluescale waves from the strobe of the neighbor's telescreen. Ropes of smog pour from the slats between his picket fence ivories and get frayed. I drink the filth, choking down the viscera of the vermin. It doesn't seem to get easier. Stumbling inside, my feet detach and I throw myself on the door until I've locked out the sickly tide pool light of dawn, and I'm rolling toward his bedroom. Jolting and sputtering, and grasping at the hands of the clock, listening for the steady metronome to count me through. And then numbness. I know the feeling, and next come the pins, digging into my fingertips and the pads of my toes, and then I'm all body and silent prayers. And I'm whispering sick thoughts to Aren - *"Those adrenaline demons will do me in, and if only I could relax, and my dear mother used to have a stalker, and I almost got run down by a car on the highway when I was five, and asthmatics are five times as likely to have a generalized anxiety disorder."* The adrenaline demons gather my tendons in pincushion palms, tugging at the strings, panicked arthritis and my fingers are twitching and curling backwards while I glare on with shallow breaths and cataracts. The organs moan in the cavern of my body, with thick wet air pouring from the opening. I'm standing now, a fetishized devil doll, shaking out the pins and the needles and the sick splinters of glass and the long holy skewers and I'm breathing again and I sit and I breathe.
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49
Dawn stretches and yawns in yellow, poking fingers through vertical blind slats; into my horizontal eyes. Startling like an ice cube slipping down spine, painful and exhilarating at the same time and maybe I’m not ready to shove myself out. Let me be metamorphic for awhile, lie back in this brightness and soak it in; let me radiate warm throughout the morning, cheerfully light at noon and erode to dust in the night so that it all may cycle again like moon chasing sun, serpent slurping tail or a dog whirling circles in the dirt. I want to swirl, right here in comfortable cotton, nighttime peace and the wreath that early Dawn weaves into me. Let me be centered in the centrifuge: the stone in the storm.
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Sep 10, 2010
Sep 10, 2010 at 2:36 AM UTC
Pebble Round
Through tight slits in wooden slats I catch the three-legged wind chime Which hangs by a thread from An overhung roof, by the gutter. The owl - whom keeps watch, Double sided, double gazing At the goings on in the garden and Mirrored happenings on the wall - Sits quietly at the centre of his universe With knotted thoughts so intertwined For years he has neglected Or perhaps forgotten how to Play the jingle resting on the breeze. The legs which dangle from the Moon with noisy knees have Lost their tone or dulled to make Their silent stand against my wanting ears - A fitting punishment. The only steps to stifle my regret are Toward the watching eyes to Shake the clapper; Summoning a tempest to end an age Of silence from the much too long Forsaken keeper of the chime.
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Jun 27, 2015
Jun 27, 2015 at 5:03 PM UTC
The Silent Treatment
Streetlights illuminate early morning fog as night passed it's song down river to the open sea. As the curtain lifted in this center of town, those who are curious peer through broken slats to catch his eyes fixated on possibilities never realized. Within this thick aired and desperate theater of the round, he was a tall man even lying on the ground.
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Sep 17, 2013
Sep 17, 2013 at 2:40 PM UTC
A Deeper Shade of Blue
Ha ha doesn't do it. Ha ha can't be it. Nothing like Nihilism Enlists the whole lament. Slack relief in disbelief mine of God I just figured No halo finished Time Next line no using phones please and no cursing please think that's going to **** off the young, when all they read How mellow Now trees? So you think getting pregnant tired driving 40 on the night they drove old Dixie down it couldn't rain enough for me I wanted to see their Wagonwheel slats stuck up to their humps in dreams. It's easy to get a palm trimming. actually think they read anywhere can write some One. At least I have a ************* palm yes I'm lying in bed now get some sleep it's who they all say you're ******* my recording girl you took my only lighter. Because what God touts God Routs and tryouts buy shouts yet still Doubts if She is really out. Ha ha! Nihilists won't expound.
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Nov 25, 2014
Nov 25, 2014 at 6:28 AM UTC
Nihilism Can Sack Relief
DO you know how the dream looms? how if summer misses one of us the two of us miss summer- Summer when the lungs of the earth take a long breath for the change to low contralto singing mornings when the green corn leaves first break through the black loam- And another long breath for the silver soprano melody of the moon songs in the light nights when the earth is lighter than a feather, the iron mountains lighter than a goose down- So I shall look for you in the light nights then, in the laughter of slats of silver under a hill hickory. In the listening tops of the hickories, in the wind motions of the hickory shingle leaves, in the imitations of slow sea water on the shingle silver in the wind- I shall look for you.
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1.7k
Silver Wind
I sip on scotch and sit here and secretly, I hope you'll appear. At first, you'll glance through the crack in the door frame, I'll look like the intellectual you were missing all this time. You'll wonder why you ever left and how it was that you thought you could do without me. I'll feel the burning of one eye upon me, so as to keep your furtiveness, your surprise, but then a second reveals itself, and then your cosmic third. The desk lamp will shadow your outline when I slowly, intuitively, glance over my shoulder somewhat unexpectedly, to you. My eyes will pry, if only rhetorically, "Who's there?" and you'll slowly, almost shyly, though we were never shy with one another, creak the door open to unveil your then-lit body. Your radiant figure will send vibrations through the wooden floor slats into my feet and I'll begin to feverishly dance, right then and there, as if bitten by the largest of tarantulas. I'll stare in disbelief thinking that maybe it's the alcohol which has created this image of you, or maybe, in fact, I'm devastatingly sleep-ridden, and so against my heart's common sense I'll rub my eyes to clear the vision. You, who haven't shown up night after night, through all of my writing and pondering and talking-to-self and drinking and questioning and driving and aimlessly-staring and searching and forgetting and trying-to-understand and resenting and hating and loving and forgiving and grinding and howling and loving and missing, but this one night, this blue moon event, I guess you could call it that though it's already passed, after consuming too much, you'll appear. Then I realize, I am here and you are nowhere. Always I think I hear sounds similar to returning footsteps barely audible over the taps on my keyboard, but it's never you. And so, I continue on, peeking over shoulder, awaiting my cliché, as I sit here and sip scotch after scotch.
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Oct 20, 2012
Oct 20, 2012 at 1:49 AM UTC
Ghosted on Scotch
I sip on scotch and sit here and secretly, I hope you'll appear. At first, you'll glance through the crack in the door frame, I'll look like the intellectual you were missing all this time. You'll wonder why you ever left and how it was that you thought you could do without me. I'll feel the burning of one eye upon me, so as to keep your furtiveness, your surprise, but then a second reveals itself, and then your cosmic third. The desk lamp will shadow your outline when I slowly, intuitively, glance over my shoulder somewhat unexpectedly, to you. My eyes will pry, if only rhetorically, "Who's there?" and you'll slowly, almost shyly, though we were never shy with one another, creak the door open to unveil your then-lit body. Your radiant figure will send vibrations through the wooden floor slats into my feet and I'll begin to feverishly dance, right then and there, as if bitten by the largest of tarantulas. I'll stare in disbelief thinking that maybe it's the alcohol which has created this image of you, or maybe, in fact, I'm devastatingly sleep-ridden, and so against my heart's common sense I'll rub my eyes to clear the vision. You, who haven't shown up night after night, through all of my writing and pondering and talking-to-self and drinking and questioning and driving and aimlessly-staring and searching and forgetting and trying-to-understand and resenting and hating and loving and forgiving and grinding and howling and loving and missing, but this one night, this blue moon event, I guess you could call it that though it's already passed, after consuming too much, you'll appear. Then I realize, I am here and you are nowhere. Always I think I hear sounds similar to returning footsteps barely audible over the taps on my keyboard, but it's never you. And so, I continue on, peeking over shoulder, awaiting my cliché, as I sit here and sip scotch after scotch.
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54
I found your black tie Between the warped slats Of the dresser drawers And a curled Photo Of you in Blackheath Smiling A hopeful day Head filled with the universe Limitless But that was you A dreamer they said And all around you Harder types Their spades clanging With symphonious legerity For the few bob They drank on Friday. You left that place And moved home To the frozen sod Of your birth And still you smiled Your fists knurled Around a shovel Splitting turf for the fire. And all around you Harder types With reins and whips They only sought to protect you From the pain of wanting What you could never have. But still I loved your stories You made me believe That the cawl and grog Was pheasant and port And everyday an adventure A bud on its axil You made me Into you A dreamer A sybarite And all around me Harder types Eyes stuck to their shoes So they can watch their step And charge me to Watch mine
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Jan 17, 2010
Jan 17, 2010 at 1:42 PM UTC
The photo
The wall came first then ivy grew. Him wrought from stone, her suckling dew between the crevices and cracks of broken brick and tattered slats. All separated were their lives, yet intertwined to hypnotize all but a masons’ knowing eyes— a wall of green, the best disguise. A hundred years could pass and see that verdant slab so beautifully. Yet time ticks on; reveals what’s true— when he does crumble, she will too.
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Feb 25, 2018
Feb 25, 2018 at 7:43 PM UTC
Adventures in Envy and Unrequited Love
Her backbone is a long stretch of American western highway I trace my fingers eastbound/westbound across the slats of her ribs pressed against the skin ready to pop She left southside Midlothian Virginia as soon as she was old enough to make her own bad decisions sick of being looked at eyes grading like the big fat red D's stamped on her math homework She left by foot bus plain train that grey jetta with the scratch down the passenger side from where she parked too close to that ugly Subaru she left me but she needed to breathe some air that wasn't stale with mediocre pretension and the frat house odor of stale beer and sawdust so run wild fly free may your lips utter cliches without fear of derision go make your life an incredible story beautiful ugly hard to look at can't look away make your life a story and I'll record it
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Nov 14, 2013
Nov 14, 2013 at 9:25 AM UTC
So go, Make your Life a Story
Morning was sudden-made as an onwardness of hills, Meant for donning crusade in chainmail glistenings, The sun visored in misty slats of cold steel, To glimmer fusty through the godded grove, A holy sepulchre, earthly-dim to its rafters of oak, Where the forest-fall of sunlight shed its rosework, And a red-breasted bird, its song-flight of dappled gleam, And in the meadow, where colorful whorled the tale of Saladin, Wayside flowers shook beneath the destriers' cloth caparisons, A sunny fullness of vales for the crusaders' forest-heartened lungs, And when this furthering of sights was sunken from, Still an onwardness of hills to Jaffa like steppingstones.
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Apr 16, 2023
Apr 16, 2023 at 10:11 PM UTC
Lion of the Hills
Guys. Girl by the milk machine (I’d milk her machine) Fat stripes draped over trim curves— Slats of blue, white, blue, white Quietly surrendered to slender, silent Black at middle-thigh; And *I – **** [*Yeah dude her *** is big— If you’re* into that]
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Jan 6, 2012
Jan 6, 2012 at 2:11 AM UTC
In the dining hall
I met an old woman on Leander Avenue who told me, “Don’t breathe or the earth will swallow you whole.” I stayed very still and didn’t move. A butterfly could have landed on my nose but I sneezed so I may never know for sure. After that I remembered that my generation doesn’t have to follow their elders, so I walked to the corner store. I bought three candy bars that I would never eat and tied my shoelaces on the front porch. My neighbor watches old films. He calls them Lumières, and sometimes invites me over. I watch the hand-cranked film flicker black and white over his screen. A troupe of acrobats flip about and wave the French flag, large women kneel and scrub endless linens in the still river, the gardener punishes the mischeivious boy. I smile every time they look at the camera. The slats in the blinds yawn widely and seeing them, the melatonin strikes. Flowing, forcing, endocrinal. The wind whispers Greek words in my ear. Helios, zoetrope, khaos. The trees outside of my window spell out foreign letters. They only make sense one at a time. I can’t spell a word but I speak and realize I can still make a sound. I fall asleep. I never wake but dream of exquisite lavender pillows doused in holy water from the lips of a spouting statue. A Carnevale clown waves at me in the corner and takes off mask after mask. Confetti rains softly from his eyelashes and he quietly laughs into his palm. I want to hold your hand but remember that I am just a raindrop streaking down your car window in a mountain spring storm. I open my eyes.
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Jun 12, 2011
Jun 12, 2011 at 6:05 PM UTC
Afternoon Nap
I met an old woman on Leander Avenue who told me, “Don’t breathe or the earth will swallow you whole.” I stayed very still and didn’t move. A butterfly could have landed on my nose but I sneezed so I may never know for sure. After that I remembered that my generation doesn’t have to follow their elders, so I walked to the corner store. I bought three candy bars that I would never eat and tied my shoelaces on the front porch. My neighbor watches old films. He calls them Lumières, and sometimes invites me over. I watch the hand-cranked film flicker black and white over his screen. A troupe of acrobats flip about and wave the French flag, large women kneel and scrub endless linens in the still river, the gardener punishes the mischeivious boy. I smile every time they look at the camera. The slats in the blinds yawn widely and seeing them, the melatonin strikes. Flowing, forcing, endocrinal. The wind whispers Greek words in my ear. Helios, zoetrope, khaos. The trees outside of my window spell out foreign letters. They only make sense one at a time. I can’t spell a word but I speak and realize I can still make a sound. I fall asleep. I never wake but dream of exquisite lavender pillows doused in holy water from the lips of a spouting statue. A Carnevale clown waves at me in the corner and takes off mask after mask. Confetti rains softly from his eyelashes and he quietly laughs into his palm. I want to hold your hand but remember that I am just a raindrop streaking down your car window in a mountain spring storm. I open my eyes.
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42
How old I was I can’t remember well. But too old for a vivid remembrance, of pain for me, and death for you. Whiteness of fur spoke of purity, blood painted whiteness, Red-- rusted beatings you bore, Whimpering, wriggling your body tied on that rope, hanging on that “santol” tree, bearing witness, wounding your skin, In agony, you were wrestling with metals, they folded, they bowed, clasped to your neck, the rust. Hide! said my Mama. Don’t look, she added. Hide I did and look I did. In-between those bamboo slats, I saw: the whiteness of your body; blood painted the whiteness, red, like the rust. Sweating. On that bamboo stick I held, I gripped my hands also brown, like the lining on your neck. Tears unshed, sealing my lips. Like boiling water, trapped on that *** that these brutes had prepared scalding your skin, Dogs fed on dog, these brutes were singing in worship of “Tanduay”, a bottle,  their god. Drumbeats wanting, but laugh,  and laugh they did. Like a good master they called you, Azucena, an innocent girl. Voice lilting, luring you to your death, Azucena... not the provincial bus, that will transport you to your grave, Azucena... not the white “liliums” that abound the heaven, or your grave. But a name, a noun, to feed their protruding stomachs, stinking, to wash their rotten soul, perhaps. Azucena, Asocena, But that’s not your name.
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Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 11:23 PM UTC
A Song of Grief to a Dead Dog of My Childhood