"seatbelt" poems
i love you this morning
it's a come home safe morning
fog on the road
& no seatbelt kind of morning
the sun is over easy
& nothing's on fire
there's punctuation
where i don't want it
and extra love
in the glovebox of my car
been thinking about being honest
how these poems are all me
but they tell the story
how someone else
might believe it happened
within reasonable doubt
no copy & pasted love letters
no 'who ever says hello first gets my attention for the day'
try a little tenderness
in my ears and today
there are instruments
in the back of my head
i think you love me
because i'm sunburned
felt it in a 'come hell or high water' kinda way, that 'touched from far away' kinda way that 'if i touch this piano one more time one of us is going to break' kinda way
and i drove over 17 bridges yesterday and today i'll do it again
and i think nobody gets
what that means except maybe you
i just tell them i love the scenery
that somebody must've made
these trees blush just for me
you know how i love
to change the subject
i bet they'd love the view
i bet you would too
and all these metaphors
for other things are beside the point
this is a metaphor
for why i don't wear my seatbelt
a metaphor for why whiskey
knows me better than you
could ever try to
all the buildings seemed to sag yesterday and all the stars
are doing that cliche thing
where they talk
quiet jet noise
& some lumbering giant
made everything shake
not those hand metaphors
not another one of those
& keep the sea to yourself
i think it was a train
it's sound hugged the embankment
for a moment
and then trailed off into nowhere
and that's kind of like me
how there's a town called 'rescue'
close to my home &
it's no coincidence
that i've never been there
Sep 28, 2014
Sep 28, 2014 at 5:53 PM UTC
My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder causes me severe anxiety.
It's hard. To have it my way. It's hard. I overthink it. The images of the little things replay in my mind.
I can't seem to hide.
Why do I have this fear? Just make it all disappear. It's not reasonable yet it feels so intense.
I feel tense. I am not satisfied with my presence. I feel uncomfortable.
Why am I not content with my surroundings.
My disorder involves both obsessions and compulsions that take up lot of time and get in the way of important activities that I value.
So many mistakes that I need to fix.
So hard to perfect everything.
The line I drew isn't straight, I have to start all over.
I need to wash my hands again. It's been 5 minutes since I haven't.
Don't bite the Kit Kat, break off each stick and eat it.
The clothes in my closet should be hung up and organized by color.
My picture frame isn't hung up in the middle of the wall.
My food should not be mixed with the side dishes or I refuse to eat.
My apps aren't on the right page of my phone.
Twitter should be under social and instagram should be under photography and if it's not, it's wrong, it's all wrong!
I need to wash my hands again it's been 10 minutes since I haven't.
The tv volume should only be an even number or a multiple of five.
Why is my seatbelt twisted?
My mind is twisted.
All these errors are persistent.
So hard to resist it.
I am not leaving my house until my phone is 100%, 97% and I can't stand it (will not do. )
Mother tells me it'll be alright after i take my pills...I agree to as long as the pills are sorted by color
May 15, 2015
May 15, 2015 at 7:11 PM UTC
right now there are eleven empty containers of alcohol in my bedroom,
but it's fine, i'm fine.
i've been telling myself for more than a year
that i wasn't going to write anymore sad ****** poems about you,
but here we are.
most days i'm sure i don't miss you,
but then i listen to the wrong song,
and before i know it -
i'm screaming along to band of horses in the dark,
stalking your twitter favorites,
and somehow,
i've managed to get snot on my forehead.
yeah, nostalgia is an *******
but not all the memories sting.
there was that one time we went to the movies
and i slipped on some ice and fell flat on my ***
i just sat there while you took a picture.
but i'm glad we could laugh about it.
i'm glad we were comfortable.
in my head, we still are.
in my head, we're oversized-goodwill-sweater comfortable.
we aren't as comfortable in real life
but i'm glad we still laugh.
this is the part where i don't bring up the time you told me
my laughter could cure your sadness,
because i'm pretty sure i already put that in another poem,
and it makes me really ******* sad.
did i ever tell you i used to play guitar and piano?
i loved them, but i never tried very hard.
i wanted to be good without having to practice.
i wanted to be good without having to practice.
i wanna meet the girl you write about
so i can ask her how she manages not to love you back.
because i've tried everything & i am so tired.
i forgot this wasn't supposed to be a sad poem.
i'm not good at happy anyway,
i never have been.
but in your absence i've learned a lot about softness.
so if i ever find myself back in your passenger seat,
i won't correct you when you sing the wrong lyrics,
i won't ask why when you take the long way home.
i won't ask you why you don't have your seatbelt on,
i'll just say a silent prayer
and watch for signs that you might be about to swerve.
right now there are eleven empty containers of alcohol in my bedroom,
and i didn't find you at the bottom of a single one.
- m.f.
Jun 19, 2015
Jun 19, 2015 at 11:54 PM UTC
You said you couldn't keep waiting
For me to say I love you too
But id say it to you everyday
In ways you never even knew
It poured over the umbrella
That I held for you in the rain
Caught in the way I kissed your bruises
Just to take the pain away
Baked in the cake I made you,
When you got the biggest slice
And then you told me you loved it
How I baked it for you twice,
It was buckled in the seatbelt
I always told you to put on
And in the ways I would miss you
Every time that you were gone
I might not have said those 4 words
In the old standard way
But I'd learnt to speak much louder
Than anything that you can say
So if you're really tired of waiting
For those four words to leave my throat,
All I can say is that it's cold outside
So don't forget your coat.
Oct 2, 2015
Oct 2, 2015 at 8:37 AM UTC
for you, we bundle into the car,
the littlest
(half my brother and twice my nuisance)
and the middlest
(14 going on favorite)
the bitterest
(only girl and pen-in-hand)
and the biggestest
(20 years
of bombastic nonsense)
30 minutes and four cornfields later
he'll start.
"i have to ***
"there's a bottle up there, dad."
"dad, i have to ***
"dad."
"dad."
"dad."
and he's going to *** in that ******* bottle
which will inevitably stay in the car for the remaining 8 and a half hours,
sloshing and yellow
too dangerously close to the color of something
you would actually drink.
the two youngest
will get into some sort of argument
some sort of argument that i will intervene in.
"shut up!" he'll say.
"chill out!" i'll shout.
"you chill out!"
and my father and my stepmother
will eye from the front seat
until one of them turns around
("relax, madeline!" sharply).
and then the oldest
like clockwork
will act like he knows more than he does about something
(my father will just chuckle, but i'll begin, "bullsh-" i'll begin, but my stepmother will hiss,
"madeline!" as if i've killed somebody
even though the 8-year-old curses even worse than i do).
he'll make a face at me
and i'll make a face at him.
the littlest will
inevitably
stomp on my seatbelt about 30 times a second
which i will not be able to stand,
and we'll get into an argument which will turn into me
versus
the whole car
(afterwards, much stewing,
and resentfully cranking my ipod up as loud as it will go).
9 hours and 12 thousand cliff-faces later
we'll get there.
we'll make it.
we'll only be
a little worse for the wear.
we will be swept up by our twelve billion aunts
our nine billion uncles
and our three billion cousins,
like we always are.
someday something will be missing.
first it was your back,
and the postponement,
and eventual cancellation of our trip.
then it was your surgeries
(why weren't they working?)
and then it was a series of words i don't understand
stage
inoperable
3
cancerous mass
lung
malignant
radiation
therapy chemo
you may crumple in
on that blackness inside you,
that's eating you alive
one lung at a time,
pushing,
on your back,
until you can't even stand.
the fabric of our family
is plucked by this
disease.
this is my poem, my plea
for you
and for us,
that you not pull into the blackness,
and that you fight the tumors and the tests
and that you win.
Jul 31, 2012
Jul 31, 2012 at 10:42 AM UTC
Speaking of how
these Ladies of the Night
must hate Daylight Savings Time
since the sun doesn’t set until nine, and
the cloying summer scent of honeysuckle
drowns the smell of their knock-off Gucci Guilty.
Except there’s that one A.M. Pro
who works the whole stretch in front of
The Towing and Recovery Museum
from 7 something till lunch.
She’s tried to keep a low profile, but
is hoping to meet that one lonesome soul
who needs to get blown
at ten o’clock in the ******* morning.
Sometimes I wave at her when I drive by,
wishing her the best,
whatever that may look like...
The fasten seatbelt warning light is flashing on my dashboard but
I’m buckled in, rest assured.
That’s probably important, but
it’s like what Don Q whispered to Sancho through the Spanish gloom:
“I need you.”
Feb 12, 2016
Feb 12, 2016 at 2:29 PM UTC
I was once on a plane leaving New York (thank god) to Houston (thank you)
I watched a coptic bishop and a strange man from another religion be forced to sit next to each other, due to the over population of traveling plane.
I was amazed to see them get along
They spoke soft, hard, and with an occasional chuckle
The entire flight was quite nice
As I spoke to soon
The plane hopped on the humid pavement
And we all were at a standstill
The two men of religion unbuckled their seat belts and stood up
They hugged
Then took each others seatbelt and started strangling each other
Both with smiles
They looked at me, and I smiled back
Dec 6, 2012
Dec 6, 2012 at 12:40 AM UTC
our coolest babysitter lit a long joint and drove us to church
in her well worn '87 oldsmobile with chipped gold paint
a drooping side mirror and a tape player
that smelled like stale london gin mothballs
and a sunset butterfly heart at the same time
it had a deep ocean green calcite mandala
dancing from the windshield mirror
and a steal-your-face tattooed on the back glass
she used to blare brit-pop trying
to make the speakers bleed
that day when they finally oozed she swerved us
left through the other lane and sunday morning fog
to cut a jagged path through thick woods and into an oak tree
with a soundtrack of slow motion oasis and screeching tires
i clammored to the backseat to block the window
glass from your beautiful angelic blonde head as
dew sprayed into the vacancy from the ditch and
when i pulled the seatbelt spiderweb out of your mouth
and lifted you out of the car i was standing
barefoot in a cluster of bright red sumac next to
an ant hill pile of twisted steaming metal
and you were dripping blood from your eye and knees
asking me if we'd be late for sunday school
but you were awake and trying to smile so
we followed the powerlines back to the main road
holding hands dizzy and sweating
worried no one would ever find us
limping while the springtime songbirds
held their tongues for us but
when the hot ringing in my ears finally stopped
the sirens grew loud and close and the
birds too began their wet lipped eulogy
sometimes i think about
missing church that day
when the weather's bad
on nights like last night
sometimes i remember
our babysitter when
the fog rolls in over
the road in the morning
i wonder if she still
gets high on the
good stuff while
she drives or
if she's just
a treehugger
Aug 23, 2015
Aug 23, 2015 at 9:09 AM UTC
The tarmac rushes beneath my feet,
But my body is sitting still,
Pulled back by the seatbelt so tight,
The journey feels so unreal.
Speeding cars and motorbikes,
The smell of fumes and city lights,
My home is getting closer,
I can feel it. I can feel it.
I miss the house I called a home,
I miss the friends I call my own,
I miss the place I used to see,
Of happy lives, a family,
And now my heart feels heavy.
I feel just a little homesick, tonight.
Catch a coach from the airport,
I’m tired of waiting around,
Suitcase in my left hand,
The sound of the engine’s so loud.
Vehicles will pass on by,
Lost in the dark and the city lights,
My home is even closer,
I can see it. I can see it.
I miss the house I called a home,
I miss the friends I call my own,
I miss the place I used to see,
Of happy lives, a family,
And now my heart feels heavy.
I feel just a little homesick, tonight.
Smiling faces will guide me,
The signs on the road will guide me,
The hope of going home will guide me,
To cure my homesickness, tonight.
Jun 21, 2013
Jun 21, 2013 at 2:54 AM UTC
It's something in the chemicals, it makes the "miss you's" come out when you're drunk. Really, we're all liquor store kisses --- things you can't tell your parents. My drink is a little too strong, making my lungs feel like their filled with wasps. I'm a mess, is that what you call it? When someone says "don't cry" but you cry harder. Everyone's talking all they want around me, but I'm not listening. Lies, lies, lies. But, the lies are only good when you're telling them. I need help, aka a wedding for all the things I've lost in my eighteen year old life. The morning vomits evening colors from hearing your name. Like I'm vomiting-out all the broken promises you ever made to me. Your eyes reminded me of the prettiest diamonds, what did mine remind you of? Loose change? I need to do laundry, but I'm too lazy. I'm living in a wastebasket of flashbacks. I'm driving home tonight, alone, not sobber. I won't grip my steering wheel tightly, I won't wear my seatbelt, I won't use my breaks. I'll remember the amount-less number of drinks I've drank, slightly. But, they were no mistakes. I'm good at pretending my life is in order, but clearly it's not. This isn't who I want to be anymore, I hate the remembrance of you. I think getting drunk will help, but that only makes the remembrance worse, and I keep thinking about our first kisses --- and how they tasted --- how they drained the color out of every living thing --- how ladybugs decided to make their homes in the palms of our hands --- how it wasn't hard to forget that we have an unbearable amount of seconds left on this planet.
(k.m.m)
Jan 31, 2015
Jan 31, 2015 at 11:46 AM UTC
I love roller coasters.
I love the old rickety ones that jar my spine and push me into my little sister and i can feel our ribcages collide with the
click-click-click as they slowly build suspense and propel me towards the sun.
my last boyfriend hated them. He felt that his stomach couldn’t stand up to the drop of gravity so he ran at the sight of the climb up to reason and fled the line when i unbuckled my seatbelt.
i love waiting in line for a **** good thrill, and i count down the minutes until the spill of my scream echoes into the hairspray of the woman in front of me as she holds the hand of her cut-offs husband.
i guess you aren’t one to pine for the wooden tracks of thrill, either. but last night i lay in bed, on my side, trying to memorize the planes of your face, trying to calculate the angle of your nose as it leans slightly to your right, you tell me it’s crooked, i tell you it is lovely. it is the finest architecture this side of eiffel tower and you run your hands from the top of my collarbone, down the valley of my waist to the top of my hip, and you tell me you wish you had a tiny car to run along the line.
most of all i love the fall.
Jul 11, 2014
Jul 11, 2014 at 12:00 AM UTC
Can we just play ***** you and i?
I mean give me looks across the table, that you are disgusted with me, for taking my ******* off and dropping them in your crotch. I mean like you talk to another girl and glance at me, as if to say 'fuck you bitch', knowing you will **** me; Later.
Let's play ***** come on, i will welcome you in to my house, in stockings and leather, and push you against the wall; grab your hand and bend it back whilst i bite your neck. Push my knee between yours, and hold your chest in my hand whilst i make you watch me unbuckle you. Let me drag you on the floor, whilst you try to get up and say 'not here'.
Why can't we play *****
I don't want no ******* bedroom. I want the doorway, i want the hall, i want the kitchen counter, i want the living room floor and the shower. I want the couch, where i will straddle you and make you watch me as i undress myself for you, slowly, pulling, my, stocking down, so my knee is between your legs and i lean over you, so my ****** points out to your mouth, and i can hear you breathing, and every time you move towards me, i pull away.
Why can't we just play *****
Why can't you get me mad, and we argue so bad that i want to smash my fist in to your skull til you bleed all over my kitchen floor, brains on the washer...then pick me up, throw me on the bed, slap my face about, slap open my legs and grab my throat and the other hand on my chest as you push deep into me? Hear me gasp, watch my pupils widen, groan at you, watch as you come close to my ear, and say, 'this is what i ******* wanted'.
Why can't we?
Why can't we be deviants?
Why can't we go play in the forest?
Why can't we do like animals do?
Why can't we make two barebacked beasts in the moonlight?
Why can't we play *****
I touch your leg as you drive, playing the piano up and down your thigh, biting my lip, running my fingers up and down your thigh, nails pushing deeper, up and down, up and down, until you pull the car over, slam the brakes on, pull off your seatbelt and grab me, push the seat back, as i smile a secret smile as you breathe deeply in my ear as you pull off my wet knickers, and begin to take me on a journey through the stars.
Why can't we play *****
Shut your eyes. Shut your mouth. Shut everything, the, **** up. Listen to the beat of my heart, as it quickens and i place your hand over my chest, and i look in your eyes. Stop you talking about me, about what i am like, and who i am, and what it should be, and this and ******* that.
I don't want no tv before bed, i don't want no book, i don't want no midnight stargazing.
**** that **** **** me.
I want to play ***** with you.
Apr 12, 2013
Apr 12, 2013 at 4:58 PM UTC
He didn’t grow up in a good home.
He didn’t have a supportive mother.
He didn’t have a father worth speaking of.
He didn’t know how to read or write.
He didn’t know that 2+2=4.
He didn’t have any friends.
He didn’t know that such wonderful things existed.
He didn’t play or run outside.
He didn’t have the permission to.
He didn’t graduate high school.
But he didn’t drop out.
That night, he didn’t stop drinking.
That night, he didn’t use his head.
That night, he didn’t care.
That night, he didn’t put on his seatbelt.
He didn’t see the car coming.
He didn’t hear the crunch of the metal.
He didn’t hear the screech of the tires.
He didn’t wake up.
Nov 17, 2018
Nov 17, 2018 at 11:31 AM UTC
You nod towards
the mustang.
A yellow ball in your hands.
I smile and slip a bat from my softball bag.
I climb into the drivers seat,
sticking my tongue out at you.
You laugh and climb in.
I drive to the track and field combination
with the seatbelt alarm chiming the whole way.
I shift into park and climb out.
I swirl the bat around
waiting for you to set up your pitching stance.
You throw the ball and I line drive it by your face.
You dive left and up.
The ball smacks into your glove.
I round second and you start running after me.
I step off third and your arms trap me
as you spin around
bringing me down
on top of you.
We burst with laughter.
I miss these days.
Feb 10, 2014
Feb 10, 2014 at 10:44 AM UTC
Suddenly, I understand it all.
Yet the world is a mystery and I am lost in it.
Ages are a time and emotion.
13 is mid afternoon. Lagging and energetic.
15 is the morning sun. Rising groggy and regretful.
17? 17 is the night.
17 is the span between 11-1.
When you aren't wild yet but things are certainly different.
17 is the city lights and no seatbelt.
17 is the teenage cliché,
shadowed by the unknown of what is to come.
17 is crying in the hallways and stargazing on the lawn.
17 is having a bottle of ***** under the bed,
but being too scared to drink it.
17 is Ribs and loneliness,
As you watch the night slip away and the knowledge hits you that you now have to wait for morning.
17 is the unknown.
17 is taking risks.
Not because you are brave,
but because you don't have anything left to give.
17 is to be lost,
but to be okay with that.
17 is slowly coming down from the high of growing up,
Reflecting on all you have lived,
As you patiently wait for your life to begin.
Jan 14, 2019
Jan 14, 2019 at 6:44 PM UTC
Stretched across me.
Tight against my chest and settled at my lap.
I t t a k e s m e a w a y.
Surrounds me, over my shoulders,
Pushing me back,
against your chest.
I take a d-e-e-p breath........
1,2,3,
Hold me tight,
Help me feel free.
Compressing my heart, it beats, against, yours.
And i want to collapse,
crash hard,
so i can feel you pull me to safety,
I want bruises to remind me I am yours.
Arms across my chest, and around my lap,
You can't see my tears, as they fall in exhalation,
Of feeling your skin, against mine.
Tightly we bond, meshed together,
I push harder, you hold me closer,
I push faster, you hold me tighter,
I stop hard, you encompass me.
And,
If i should have ever, ever, ever,
crash and burn,
I know that you would be, there.
My safety net.
My synchronised heartbeat.
My safety belt.
My seatbelt.
My, You.
Hold me closer, never let me go.
Hold me tighter, and i will feel free.
Hold me, just hold me,
and never let me,
go.
Oct 3, 2013
Oct 3, 2013 at 6:23 PM UTC
I could write an entire poem
about the way it felt like a million honeybees buzzing around my insides when you'd grab my arm as I walked past you
and how it felt like each and every one of them stung me when you stopped noticing when I walked past you
or about how I felt like I could talk to you forever when we sat in that coffee shop for the first time
and how I learned that there's no such thing as forever when I found out that it would also be the last time
And I could write a billion stanza's
about how I can understand Darwin's theory of evolution, and why you should never fight the current if you're drowning, and why the moon seems like it's following you on car rides
but could never understand why you loved that girl for 2 years when she stole every bit of your innocence and everything that made you whole
And I could probably make a long list
of different words that describe how you look on a Monday morning
like tired
and sheepish
and unamused with the slow pace of traffic
Or write a novel
on why you stopped wearing your seatbelt the day your mother stopped wearing her wedding ring
But I suppose
that all I'd really be trying to say
is that I miss you
and that I still feel the stingers of the honeybees stuck in my skin.
Jun 21, 2014
Jun 21, 2014 at 8:02 PM UTC
I fell in love with the meaning of Janus
Bing! Gone!
I'm a fuzz
Transient ~
I know that I feel...
ZWOOPDEBOOP
DAN DAN DAHHH!
Waaaza!
What am I feeling. Doing?
Looking for comfort
Distract me
Heal me??
I can't sleep
I have long beautiful nails
Bourgeois!
He touched my feet.
I don't know.
I like cuddling people.
Just for fun...
Well, it's probably not fun,
The veil of ignorance
C
R
A
S
H
E
D
Is anyone actually happy and content?
I think we're all broken and sorrowful,
Enjoying the little moments.
Maybe it's where the stars are at.
I'm scared. Terrified.
The only seat that does not have a seatbelt in this coach is mine, the drivers,... I'm not sure what that says about how they value their employees.
Oct 9, 2014
Oct 9, 2014 at 8:34 PM UTC
I always daydream about dying,
That one day I'll die in some bad way.
I yearn for death,
All because I'm tired of living.
Part of me thinking it'd be some heartbreaking movie
Or a depressing book that messes with your mind
Where nobody cares,
Nobody comes to see me in the hospital,
And nobody tries to save me;
Part of me thinking it'd be some heartbreaking movie
Or a depressing book that messes with your mind
Where people care,
People do come to see me in the hospital,
And people do try to save me...
I daydream I'll die from cancer,
That one day I'll be told I have stage 3 or 4 something.
Cancer runs in my family.
So, it's messed up but I often find myself pleading that I'll finally be diagnosed with it.
All because I want everything to end...
I daydream I'll die from a school shooter,
That one day someone walks in with a gun and I'm the only one or one of the kids that dies.
We've had threats at our school a few years ago.
I wanted to go to school for that fairly good chance that something happened.
All because I want everything to end...
I daydream I'll die from a tragic car accident,
That one day the car crashes and I'm the only one who dies or is seriously injured.
I was in a car accident about 3 months ago.
If that man hit us 2 seconds later then he would've flipped the car,
And I didn't have my seatbelt on.
I would've been dead or in critical condition as my mother told me along with the officer who thought I had it on.
I never wear my seatbelt for that reason,
All because I want everything to end...
I daydream I'll die from a murderer or robber,
That one day I'll come home and be the first one to arrive just like usual and someone else whose identity is unknown.
Our trailer was broken into a few years ago.
Oh, how I wished whoever was there was still hiding somewhere,
I searched in my closet and under my bed hopeful I'd find someone and when I did they'd **** me.
All because I want everything to end...
I always daydream about dying,
That one day I'll die in some bad way.
I yearn for death,
All because I'm tired of living...
Oct 2, 2018
Oct 2, 2018 at 12:00 PM UTC
you should’ve never unpacked your bags,
because it gave me this expectation that you were in this for the long run. i’m still running. i have swallowed so much blood that tastes like your regret from biting down my tongue to cage it behind my teeth from screaming about you to a world that wants my blood for ink.
i am more than a number, but 24 makes me feel better than 26, so i sit in jeans that leave red marks on my hips and make it hard to breathe, but see it’s two inches and
i am more than a number, but i know every test score i ever got and still remember fourth grade and question three and crying because suddenly my mistakes had weight and i couldn’t fix things by saying sorry and
i am more than a number, but i was always the middle child, always the not-quite one, not the best friend to anyone, just a girl with kind eyes and jeans that are a little bit too tight and
i am more than a number but to you i am seventeen, ten and three. and lets be clear; it’s the three that haunts me, because *** doesn’t matter and ‘girlfriend’ is just a label, but i wish i was the first girl you truly loved, and sometimes i still wish i was the last, but with you i fear i’ll forever be just another number.
i drove over 17 bridges the other day and next week i'll do it again and i think nobody gets what that means except maybe you.
i just tell them i love the scenery, that somebody must've made these trees blush just for me.
you know how i love to change the subject?
i bet they'd love the view. i bet you would too.
and all these metaphors for other things are beside the point.
this is a metaphor for why i don't wear my seatbelt, a metaphor for why whiskey knows me better than you could ever try to.
all the buildings seemed to sag yesterday and all the stars are doing that cliche thing where they talk quiet jet noise and some lumbering giant made everything shake.
not those hand metaphors, not another one of those & keep the sea to yourself,
i think it was a train, it's sound hugged the embankment for a moment and then trailed off into nowhere,
and that's kind of like me
how there's a town called 'rescue' close to my home and it's no coincidence that i've never been there.
i’m just flatlining now and hoping that you can look at the next girl the way i looked at you.
Oct 6, 2014
Oct 6, 2014 at 9:54 PM UTC
There are no ways to safeword out of this life.
I know, I’ve tried them all.
Elephant, apple, Alaska, amen.
Tried screaming anything into the pillow my face is pushed down into,
Whiskey, tango, foxtrot, stop
Exhausted my vocabulary against the blanket my fists are balled into fists against,
Anything to make the beatings stop
But they just
Keep
Coming.
In **** having a safeword is like wearing a seatbelt.
There are rules about having one
And the ones who choose to do without
Are taking risks.
We are born without lifejackets, without seatbelts and safecut scissors
Without breakaway glass or rubberized mats
Without any way to make the world slow down
Let us catch our breath,
And jump back in.
There are no hard limits in the real world.
So we bite into our gags and wait for the session to end.
Elephant, apple, Alaska, amen.
Nov 2, 2013
Nov 2, 2013 at 1:02 AM UTC
the rain used to be my favorite
the sky was crying with us
until I got swallowed up by it
my bones crushing with each trick
no seatbelt
thought I wasn’t going to live
I was ready to say goodbye to this world
but when the car finally stopped I was still alive
I started screaming why
I could smell blood and soil
I thought it was finally by time to say goodbye
police, ambulance, and a helicopter arrive
“mam have you been drinking or are you on any drugs”
glass in my hair
I felt like there was no air
it was getting hard to breathe
my whole body was broken
mostly my heart
they should’ve left me to die
- sorry about the car
Dec 2, 2017
Dec 2, 2017 at 11:22 PM UTC
back in the driver's seat
for the first time in
a long while
cabin doors shut
all clear for takeoff
fasten your seatbelt
ladies and gents
it feels good to
feel good again
Jun 3, 2013
Jun 3, 2013 at 11:33 AM UTC
You owned that second
when I could do
nothing
You ruled the world
as the road shrank
in my eyes
You Oh Allah
were my seatbelt
which held
You were the airbag
that loved me
in a flash
You were all and above
when I slid
as nothing
You whispered hush
and steel noise and glass
complied
You oh Allah
took no life there
nor let me
You control the heavens
earth and in-between
and You decide
Can I ever repay
You for a blink
of lasting life?
Apr 7, 2016
Apr 7, 2016 at 11:35 AM UTC