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Alyssa Underwood Jun 2016
O darkest night, what are you for?
Sometimes to wrestle, sometimes to rest
But always to cling to Jesus more

Though senses are dulled, desires awaken
Aching grows stronger, inhibitions are taken
Less seeing, less hearing, more hunger, more longing
Answers are dimming while questions are thronging

More drilling, more filling
The canyons of my soul
More boring, more pouring
Himself into the hole
More stretching, more catching
Away my gasping breath
More tearing, more sharing
In the union of His death
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them *******, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."  
~ Philippians 3:7-14

~~~
Bella Jul 2018
Sometimes I get stuck in this state of Darkness
where my eyes can see
but it's like my head is just pitch black
and I almost wish I couldn't see anything,
like I wish I could just curl myself into a ball so tightly that I disappear from space for a while

sometimes I get stuck in this space
and I feel like my tears and my thoughts
are climbing up my esophagus and clogging my throat
blocking my airway
suffocating me from the inside

maybe I never told you I was depressed because who wants to relive that moment
that choking hazard moment of cotton ***** in my throat

maybe I never told you I was depressed because there are no words I can use to describe it that don't transform themselves into their meanings
that don't take over my mind
crawl through my head like little worms
eating away at my brain
my thoughts
my skin

have you ever thought of a traumatic experience and then felt those events happening again
felt the dark hole of life-threatening-trauma attack your mind
Shiver through your body
like it was a demon you let in through a memory-
through a word

maybe I didn't tell you I was depressed
because I wasn't strong enough
my depression fills me to the brim
fills my head and my chest
my arms and my fingers
I can feel it moving through my body
I can feel it expanding and engulfing everything inside of me
every last vein, nerve, *****, and tissue
how can you expect me to have the energy to fight
how can you expect me to have the energy to pick up the phone
to open my mouth
how can you expect me to have energy-to have the courage to utter the words of how I feel
I feel so worthless
in those moments I feel like there's this black whole inside me and it's consuming everything
it's taking everything but my skin
and it disgusts me

can you imagine the feeling,
having something so utterly repulsive on your skin you had to scrape it off immediately
It felt like you needed to be cleansed
like you needed a shower
take that feeling
now imagine it being under your skin
imagine, every muscle ***** vein nerve every cell in your body underneath your epidermis disgusts you
imagine all you wanted to do was to
GET
IT
OFF
and you can't
no matter how hard you try
you can't scrape it off
you can't claw It off

imagine you're scared of spiders
now imagine you're covered in spiders
and someone's holding down your arms
so you can't get them off
imagine them walking on your skin
in your mouth
crawling on your open eyes
in your ears
you're cringing at your own skin
You can feel them going down your throat
Their disgusting tickle in your stomach
in every crevice of your body
their tunneling under your skin
and you can't get them off
what are you supposed to do
but cry
My best friend's mom who doesn't believe in depression asked why I never told her I was depressed...
Alyssa Underwood Jan 2017
"But who do you say that I am?"  ~ Jesus Christ
Luke 9:20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeKgfUGtcI0
Tanay Sengupta Sep 2018
How do I dream?
When all I have is fear
Like water running down the stream,
I am bleeding into tears.

What do I say?
When there is nothing left
My soul has been taken away,
And I can't even apprehend anyone for this theft.

Why should I run?
When there is nowhere left to go
In the beginning, it was just fun,
Now I don't know who is my friend and who is my foe.

Where does it go and where does it end?
If you know then send me an echo, my friend.




















Tanay Sengupta, Copyright © 2018.
All Rights Reserved
When life takes a turn,
Melancholy rises and memories burn.

Happy Reading!
aaron Nov 2018
I remember talking about past relationships with some friends. I made the passing comment that my longest relationships were also my worst.

One friend had said something along the lines of how it was my fault because I didn't leave or fix the relationship. I was at a loss of words then. Now, I have questions for him.

Have you ever been with someone that easily manipulated your emotions and thoughts to make it seem like a loving relationship? That whenever something bad happened between you two, it was your fault? Have you ever been so "in love" that you ignored the pain? You ignored the cheating? The mental and emotional abuse? The time that they almost ******* punched you in the face during school while holding your hand then told you they loved you? The time they ******* ***** you? Staying quiet because you believed it was your fault and things would get better?

If you said no to that... Then don't say a ******* thing about how it's my fault. Don't say a ******* thing.
I hope you see this.
All I am asking you for
is a hint to your metaphors,
What's written on the papers you tore,
'Cause I always seem to want more
All of them, even neithers and nors.

Another thing I want to enquire,
If you're in a place that's oh so dire,
and need a shrink who's free to hire,
Any work I have, meh, I will retire!
To spur you on, all humour & satire.

If you give me but a glimpse into your world,
Cross my heart I'll show you mine unfurled.
I'm neck-deep into this person, she already knows how i feel. It's been 4 months since my confession, and i still couldn't find a way to get over her. She's found someone and i hope she'll always be happy, so here's a piece to always remember her by. To R. You're the only girl i've ever loved with all my heart, and know that you'll always have a special place in there.
Daniel Dec 2018
Ever since I was a kid,
The answer was deeply hid -

Am I unique?
Or am I just a part of something big?
Gemma May 2018
My councillor told me to put my hand up more in class
Since I usually know the answers to the questions but I'd rather relax
cause people don't judge you until you bring your existence to their attention ,
    I tried to explain this to her but she just got the wrong impression .
  I know if I went back to one of those sessions I'd probably start *******'
As she made it out like my problems and all were completely ridden .
But identifying the disorder didn't drive any of it away
I'm too busy not thinking about tommorow, caught up in yesterday,
Life's a game
That I'd rather not play
Because my predicaments are that I'm gonna lose ,
So I'll hide away
Not here to stay
My hand will not rise , I'll fall silent and leave the room .
I keep feeling like I'm sombody else,
every time I reflect on myself.
I know I stay true to my inner being,
but I'm always
compelled to be a better me.
While never losing
what I've learned before,
I keep it similar to what ones adore.
Is this what I want and even more?
Or is it a facade I tend to abhor?
Am I completly there?
Am I even me?
That's what people think
it's not what I see.
I've loved
and lived
this life gone by,
but now i have the need to actually try.
To become the way,
I knew that I would,
while staying true,
to doing good.
I create my day
and tend to say,
that I live life,
in most interesting ways.
Staying spontaneous,
keeping unique.
By realizing that,
I'm merely one of the meek.
Is there any life I'd rather seek?
Or is my existence completely freak?
Am I all that one's made out to be?
Or am I blind to what others see?
No reason to care,
for they matter not.
For most lose themselves,
their true self forgot...
ryn Oct 2014
Are we fated to dance to the same tune alone in our separate universes?
Is it true that we must silently keep to our preordained curses?

Are we destined to swoon at the beauty of the moon at differing time slots?
Why were we given invisible ink to connect our lives' dots?

Must it be that our lives revolve around the whims of the sun?
Isn't it ludicrous that we won't see the intricate webs we've spun?

Was it the plan that we exist only in our minds and hearts?
Why do we have to tolerate starting when the other's ending and end at the other's starts?

Has it been written that we can only afford to infinitely chase each others heartbeats?
Was it foretold that we're trapped in a singular notion that never really fits?

Is the game set as such that we can never emerge as winners?
How is it that the ocean was made out of our tears that flowed from rivers?

Why is it that with our entirety we believe but do not know?
What's the reason for the path made clear but we're too afraid to go?

What does it entail to possess the very least but yet you covet it the most?
How do you pride yourself in something but not allowed to boast?

Why do we frantically scramble to piece together jagged shards?
Can't we just play this blasted deck of lousy cards?

Is it destiny or cruelty to have found then lost?
Why does it seem absurd that we have all its takes but can't afford the cost?

Is it the thoughts that **** or the emotions that debilitate?
Is it the challenges we take on or the curveballs we anticipate?

Why bother when sheer folly is all it seems to be?
Why tarry when the heart is free and the mind is ready?

Is it ridiculous to have found myself still very bothered?
Is it wrong to question fate that had always bound us tethered?

Why is the good always bad and the bad becomes worse?
Is it true that the harder we fight, the deeper we immerse?

Has life turned to be but sad little rhetorics?
Are we but performers on stages coerced into theatrics?

Is it time for me to surface this one-man submarine?
Will it be so that if I do, my journey would then begin...?
A host of rhetorical questions from my older writes...

"Surface this one-man submarine"  isn't mine... It's Brandon Boyd's.
Taken off Incubus' " Love Hurts"
Gerudo Dec 2012
i have a question for you,
and i do not mean to pry -
why is it you hide from me,
just to go and cry?

"then i have one for you,
if you do not mind -
why do you stay inside your head?
what do you hope to find?"

you must answer my question first,
and then i'll answer yours -
why do you go and cry
behind those open doors?

"i do not wish for you to hear
all of my misery,
so i run and hide beyond those doors
so that you do not see."

then why leave them open?
if you do not want me to see,
then would it not be best to close that door,
so we'd see neither depression nor glee?

"that is a separate question,
so now you'll answer mine."
because inside my head,
everything stays in line.

i do not have to worry
about hatred or deceit -
i know when they are there,
and when i'll face defeat.

although i don't control it,
my mind belongs to me.
even if i share it,
it is my reality.

"oh. wow.
well, i guess that makes sense.
it's just... weird.
i mean, no offense..."

so, now it's your turn.
"what? no it's not."
yes. it is.
did you think that i forgot?

"i'll have to tell you later.
i really need to go."
but then you never tell me,
and now i'll never know

but i can still guess why,
and you'll probably never quit -
you want someone to hear you,
so they'll come and ask about your story.
and then,
maybe,
they'll get to hear it.
muhdzaim Jul 2018
"Who fault is this?"
Nobody knows, nobody wanted to come out,
Too silent to hear a ***** sound,
Yes, the offender is too powerful,
and make us "zip" our mouth.
Forced us to point our finger to poor people,
and make us felt guilty.
This weakness kept hunt us down
and "dance" with us until we die.

Boy or girl, you can cry
but how long?
"How long can I endure ?"
I still do not know the answer.
While we "make" the world more worst,
we still lose deep in our mind.
Afraid to come out, afraid to speak out loud,
afraid to fight back and keep "lie" with our mouth.

"When we can stand together?"
"When the cry will stop?"
"When the dream become true?"
Today I stand on my own feet to fight back, tomorrow I am happy,
Today I stop the cry to make a great move and say "no" loudly,
Today I come out as a real person, no faker, no more "questions".
Yes, today I can change the "questions" to reality.
No more questions guys. It's okay you can cry even you're a boy because you're human too. But when the "questions" can change to reality? So let's be brave to come out, say "no", fight back, stop the cry because that's the only ways to change the world to a better place because we deserve to be happy and make our dream come true.
ryn Sep 2014
What's my worth?
Am I worth a second glance?
Till present, from birth
Am I deserving of chance?

What's my value?
Am I worth time spent?
What did I do?
Did I squander the life lent?

What are my virtues?
Do they even shine through?
Do I put them to good use?
Or useless like a pair less shoe?

What defines me?
Is it the words that write?
Or work I do diligently?
Could it be my punches in a fight?

What have I done?
Take your time to think
Did I do it with a loaded gun?
Must've done something; must've missed the link

What am I good for?
Important work or menial labour
Could have I done more?
Achieved alone or together

Do I think differently?
Indulge in fairytale notions
Is it sheer folly?
To believe in magic potions

Am I just silly?
Do I dream too much?
Accept reality
Am I capable of such?

Do I shirk what I carry?
Should I have said no?
Did I delay and tarry?
Have I nothing to show?

Am I wrong to feel?
Is it foolish to want?
When it all is real
Now bearing the brunt

Do I wear you weary?
With my endless stupor
Why can't I bury?
Before we expire

Why do I wallow?
Wading through eye puddles
Should I just burrow?
Deep into these riddles

Why do I falter?
Why can't I heal and rise?
Why do I break and shatter?
How do I stop my eyes?

What is this dense forest?
Must everything be obscure?
Can I not be honest?
Can I not be insecure?

Could I be any more random?
Asking as they come to mind
Have I compromised my decorum?
Have I been blind?

Should I delve even deeper?
May I go on and ask?
Am I worthy of an answer?
Or should I just don my mask?

Gargantuan was my crime
Thick was its girth
Absolution this time?
Of it am I worth?
Ciel Noir Oct 2018
Do they wonder
Do they feel
Do they ******
Do they steal
Do they whisper
Do they sing
Do they have eyes
Do they have wings

Are they golden
Are they grey
If they know us
Can they say
Would they understand our questions
Will the search be neverending?
Thugger Jan 22
I like the rainy days
Did you like those too ?

I was enchanted by a full moon
Did it enchant you too?

I felt small looking at stars
Did they make you feel small too?

I felt sad
Did you have that feeling too?

I took you for granted
Did you take for granted too?

So many questions I have for you
But all I have is the memory of you

So many questions I have
But all I have is this fading memory of you

So many questions
But all I have is a faded memory of you

So many
What I would give to ask them all to you
Somethings you don't get to ask
kivel Oct 2018
i love you
with welling emotions that pour over my cup
i dont question these feelings
niether do they waver to another persons

but i question wether it will be returned
this feeling towards you
i also doubt you'll be happy
with the future that's in our presence
i dont know wether we'll die together
or be torn apart by faith
i love you the most

but is it enough to bend worlds
it's for you dummy
veritas Aug 2018
red stains, fading, cracked, scented

     if i kissed your prints, would they kiss me back?

sighs, thoughts, spaces between prints

     spaces between words, between parted lips and floating thoughts the world! is so crowded with space but yours is the one i want to fill .

     but where are the lines? lines of loss, lines of lawns, lines of ink and rips and more stains and letters, in the hands and on the pavement

where are the lines?

why won't you go there?

why do you hover in these foul, indomitable spaces? why do you seek that which you should not?

     if the shadow of lines slinks in your quiet expression, then why are you still here?

     if the echo of your soft face lingers in my hands, if the whisper of your breath and the heat of your skin still singes my own, then why do you disappear?

lovely wraith, lovely memory of a thing that once was, why do you sit so alone?

because i am coming to your space, and if you can see me, of shadow and fog, then i will meet you there,

     on a line of our own.

>because it's a death premeditated and i can see it unfolding,

     sharp wounding painful

and the discourse in the sky is telling me so, yet why do i keep walking west?
lots of questions (this isn't a poem of answers. don't look for one).
September Rose Dec 2018
When will the darkness consume me
Am I a sinner or a purger
Do I make haste for pain or for pleasure,
What is the difference?
The night owls scream like sirens from the river rapids
Do I fear the damaged or do I pull them closer to harm me so I dont have to do it myself.
Will I stare in horror
At the beasts above my bed
Or in melancholy relief.
What answers would the monsters in the closet give
If they could speak
I would ask them where they dwell away,
Are they from ****?
Ide like to know weather to reflect or pray in my final moments
Do demons know if there's life after death?
Do the demons know they are real enough to tell me,
So I dont have to keep asking myself.
Can I be my own worst enemy
If I beleive in fate?
How can I ruin my future if it's predetermined.
When I pretend to sleep through the night does my brain think I'm well rested?
Or can it see the dark rings under my eyes as well.
Who am I to name myself while I beleive nothing is real.
Who are we to hope for something more when we already have it all.
Do I make my own thoughts?
Or do they come from somewhere else.
Who do I ask for.
Who do I expect to answer.
Do I hope to find the answer in myself?
Or do I enjoy making my heart suffer.
noren Nov 2018
The posers won't cease
to nag you
And the answers
will not be forthcoming.

Let the endless questions
catch your conscience
and let the answers
remain elusive.

It is in these whirlwinds of thoughts
that you will finally realise
the necessity to forget the unknown future
and the futility to remember the harboured past.
JAC Jul 2018
It's okay to
question love
sometimes

you can't
find answers
without questions

and solutions
don't start
without answers.
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