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emmaline Apr 2017
he spoke so gently with his eyes looking forward
he fought so loyally and valiantly,
holding dark secrets in his pockets and letting trespasses against him roll off his skin -
he never let them sink in

the words he had to speak stung in his throat as he forced them out
his voice broke saying the words out loud,
because the truth could not evade him when it became sound

-----the thing is that he just----
He hears what you mean when you speak and he hears the specific words you choose to say.
He sees you as you are and he sees what what you see in yourself.
He loves people through a kinder version of their own eyes.

He showed me what it meant to be loved, and to love myself.
He taught me that love is worth more than value itself.
He wrote his wordless ardor on my soul,
and filled my bones with a gentle glow.

----the thing is you're irrevocably in his blood---
i love the way he loved you and i love the way you loved him
i envied the unconditional trust, the unconventional loyalty, the unequivocal bond, and the unrestricted devotion to your kinship
i was so addicted to the taste of his warmth
i was so saturated with the trespasses i invited through my pores
i was so blind to the irreplaceable moments that came with existence and i just

I just can't fathom the reality that you're gone--that you're gone and he had to not only say the words but also hear them.
I'm situated in angst of the pain he has to carry.
But he taught me that love is worth more than value itself, and it's better to have loved and have lost than to never have loved at all.

But the thing is, anyway, he saw both of us through kinder versions of our own eyes.
He loved us and loves us the same every single day.
He showed us magic on earth and he continues to fill my bitter heart with gladness.
I'm so glad to have had the pleasure of knowing you both, separately and inseparably.
emmaline Feb 2017
Death has a name and He plays a game with me every day
Tick tock the time on the clock is just a minute closer for the clock to stop ticking
Death, my old friend you're just mocking me
Running His finger around the clock and He
Spilling precious seconds of bliss instantaneously like they weren't irreplaceably valuable
Dragging out months of misery full of tragedies that aren't in any way malleable
Death my old friend why don't you just give me a hand
So your time-keeping can end and I can just be as I am
emmaline Dec 2016
Trying to write when your heart's not in it is like
Trying to breathe when your lungs aren't in it

Not only pointless, but also impossible.

Therefore, writer's block is a form of asthma.
emmaline Jun 2016
I want to interconnect my soul to running water and rain and thunder
I want to feel electric shock waves of relief every time there is lightening
I want to crave sunlight on my skin after I take off the dark cloak of night that wraps around my body when the day breaks
I want to become weightless so I can take a nap on a leaf on a branch of a tree and find a home with the place that always knows how things go
I want to build a leaf house and forget about the world that kicked me out
I want to have a never ending love affair with those little ***** of rain leaking from the sky
That could be recycled dinosaur dragon sweat or the tears of Jesus and I want to revel in the possibility that the world can bring me
Away from the world that left me out
emmaline May 2016
I fell in love with you because you were cautious with me. You were cautious with my heart. You were nervous and aware of every little thing you did or said; you were careful with me. I fell in love with you because you were my friend. You made me laugh. I started to feel safe and comfortable being around you because of how easily we got along, how simple it was being with you, and how happy I was in your presence. I fell in love with you because you listened to me. You looked at me and never averted your gaze. You soaked in every little thing I had to say. You made me begin to realize my ideas meant something. You became the ears for every idea that I felt able to share. You gave me the ability to share myself. I fell in love with you because you shared yourself with me, too. I fell in love with you because you were way more cautious with my heart than you were with yours. You were vulnerable with me; you let me in so quickly and so deeply. If you had any walls, then I never saw them. You made me feel like I didn't need walls either. I fell in love with you because of your interests, because of your intelligence, and because of your dreams and aspirations. I fell in love with you because of your kindheartedness, nobility, and because of your unfailing honesty. I fell in love with you because of your perseverance and your patience when I became hard to please. I fell in love with you because you saw me at my worst and still made me feel beautiful. I fell in love with you because you learned my deepest, darkest secrets and insecurities and still saw me as a whole person. I fell in love with you because you shared yourself with me and I was able to love you as a whole person, too. I fall in love with you every day. I fall in love with your smile and your laugh, just like I did the first night I met you. I fall in love with the words that you say and the respectful touches that you give me when I need them the most. I love you. I love the arches in your brows when you focus; I love the curves of your smile when you're intrigued; I love the way your hands fold over mine when you walk with me. I love the sound of your voice that feels like home; I love the sky blue color of your eyes that hold my gaze; I love the words that you say that make me feel safe. I love the way you love me and hold me accountable for being who I am. I love the way you encourage me and uplift me in every way that you can. I love who you are and I always will. I fell in love with you then, I love you now, and I will always fall in love with you every single day.
I'm really bad at writing when I'm actually happy so I tried to just go with it without really being poetic. This is a love letter to my bae.
emmaline May 2016
looking at an upside down picture of you
it would probably hurt you if you knew that i thought about it
i thought about looking at you from upside down
i thought about ending my life and taking a seat in the ground
it would probably hurt you if you knew
that i thought about it
i wish i could end the pain in my heart because i know it pains yours too
i wish i could smile in my eyes like yours do
i've memorized your face when you look at me
and yet i feel like i will never see what you see
i don't know how to cover the holes in my soul that bleed
i don't know if i'll ever do anything
but i'm pretty sure it'd hurt you
if you knew i thought about it
i thought about the life we would have if i could get there
i thought about the times we have had when times were better
i thought about the way things might end
if i can't figure where you and i can begin
i thought about it
emmaline May 2016
I fell in love with the boy who thought he couldn't feel because he felt everything at once
I fell in love with the boy who was my home even though he was lost
I fell in love with the boy who taught me that love didn't come at a cost

I fell in love with the boy who broke my heart so many times I stopped keeping count
I fell in love with the boy who taught me love wasn't a thing to be found
I fell in love with the boy who made silence my favorite sound
I fell in love with the boy whose lies left a permanent taste in my mouth

With him time and place didn't mean anything
All I noticed was when the phone didn't ring
All these words to say, they were so heavy and silencing
He made me feel colors and
Like I couldn't be compared to others
But really he was just manipulating my emotions
Ruining my ability to trust without so many precautions
Drowning me in empty perceptual oceans
I thought I couldn't bring myself to get over it
But I did and

That's the end.
This is a poem that I started writing over a year ago about an on & off relationship that lasted many years. I just finished it because I got over it and am at peace with the way things ended and how I've moved on.
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