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Bianca J Cortez Sep 2015
I went back to feel what it was like to be me.
I went back to know I had no reason to feel guilty.
I went back to quench my betrayal.
I went back to make peace with my being.

Now, I am unsure.
I am blessed to have been given this body;
This body that can move with grace,
Touch those she loves with praise,
And move swiftly without stumbling.

Then why am I trembling?

I fell in love.
Not just with one person.
I fell in love with the life I used to have.
And still, I couldn't get myself to stay there.

Was it fear?
Was it a sense of obligation or duty?
Did I really come back to resent those I'd wasted so much time on?

I have so many questions... and so few answers.

Why do we make it so complicated for ourselves when it doesn't have to be... Why did I change, when I loved the person I was? I don't want to mirror my past but I don't like what I see staring back at me either.

I just want to be me.
Why can't the voices in my head leave me alone?
Bianca J Cortez Nov 2014
But love in every way was beautiful
As the wind softly waved past my ears
And as he smiled at me without thought
As the waves beckoned me to come
And the flowers awakened inspiration

But hate inspired conspiracies
As the thick dust flew by my face
And as she shoved me buried in sorrow
As the heartache threatened to slip away
And the thorns dug even deeper

But beauty was perpetually good
As babies learn to listen to allure
And Disney stories lured us in
As horror no longer exists
And euphoria is in - and within all.

But accountability is ours
As our planet is frightful
And we have let our family starve
As we have watched repeatedly
And done nothing
Let your voices be heard! As long as you remain silent, you are an accomplice to all the wrongdoings committed in the world.
Bianca J Cortez Oct 2014
I have sorrow for those lost at sea
Courage for those I deem worthy to protect
Love for those who have hurt me
Yet somehow I feel a stirring in my thighs

A sensation that screams with good intentions
All of them gone wrong in a single sentiment
One of unworthyness and hatred
A feeling that cancels out all the good

Appreciation becomes a tool
Manipulation second nature
Love starts hurting with eyes
That have seen true hardships

Uncomprehension from others
Break through your dignified skin
Your ways of leaning in and whispering
All your fantasies are no longer

Strangling hands around your neck
Missing all the shooting stars
Of whom saviour seemed so far away
You recognized a pattern

You fell so far
You hadn't wanted to turn back
Throw yourself back in the waters of pleasure
Releave yourself with ****** intent

Have you realized how Satan has called you?
How you have been fulfilling his favours?
How abstruction has found its way into your life?
Have you realized you have let it?
And when you cry, cry for all the love spared for later. And when you're mad, be mad for all those who've let themselves fall too far. So that when you'll be gone, you will have nothing to regret.
What is it with this generation of lost souls? Do you ever just sit and think, where did we lose the part that made us whole?
Somewhere along the way, hating love and loving hate became the forefront of everything we say.

Somehow it became the generation of kids who probably won't realize they're adults until, one day, they look in the mirror and see that they're 45, still in the same pair of designer jeans and expensive shoes they could barely even afford. And the only reason they bought them was to post a picture on instagram just to get false sense of validation from people they barely even know.

We lost sight of the importance of being an advocate of self.
When we have money, that's our only weath.
What about wealth in mind, body, spirit?
This generation would rather snort lines for an out of body experience.
How sad.
The generation that will laugh watching others cry, just to fit in.
What, exactly, are you trying to fit into?
What is it really, that prevents you from being in-tune?
Why the moon isn't as interesting as that little corner of doom in a messy room, while you have no desire to bloom.

I want so badly for this generation to be better, together.
To treat one another like sister and brother -
It's time for everyone to blow their cover.
Take off the mask, they're no longer needed.
Be the future, because we are. Become what you want to be seeded.
It's okay to cry or to ask for help. Put your pride aside, go inside to find that real wealth.
I challenge you to be better.
Look yourself In the mirror and surrender.
I wish you love and peace through all of your endeavors.

- L.G.
Bianca J Cortez Oct 2014
I am resilient.
I am strong.
I will defeat my devils.
And I will overcome my gravest fears...
Because I love you, all of you.
You are worth it.

And I will fight till the end of the Earth to let you know that.
Bianca J Cortez Oct 2014
An arrow through my mind,
Athousand through my heart,
It makes no difference,
If I know you'll still love me at the very end.
Pain means nothing in the face of love.
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