"phobias" poems
I’m tired of waking up in tears
Cause I can’t put to bed these phobias and fears
I’m new to this grief, I can’t explain
But I’m no stranger to, the heartache and the pain
The fire I began is burning me alive
But I know better than to leave and let it die
I’m a silhouette, asking every now and then
Is it over yet? Will I ever feel again?
I’m a silhouette, chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone
So I watch the summer stars to lead me home
I’m sick of the past I can’t erase
A jumble of footprints, and hasty steps I can’t retrace
The mountain of things I still regret
Is a vile reminder that I would rather just forget
No matter where I go
The fire I began is burning me alive
But I know better than to leave and let it die
I’m a silhouette, asking every now and then
Is it over yet? Will I ever smile again?
Cause I walk alone
No matter where I go
I’m a silhouette, asking every now and then
Now and then Is it over yet? Will I ever love again?
I’m a silhouette, chasing rainbows on my own
But the more I try to move on, the more I feel alone
So I watch the summer stars to lead me home
Mar 29, 2014
Mar 29, 2014 at 2:16 PM UTC
Pounding,
on your self-conscious mind.
Like rain,
you can’t even tell time.
Confused,
more than ever before.
Hiding,
you can’t take this anymore.
Fears! and phobias!
Lost and you don’t know which way to turn,
your body begins to burn.
Fears! and phobias!
Hopefully someday you’ll finally learn,
how to handle this burn.
Crying,
tearing yourself apart.
Dying,
is your innocent heart.
Afraid,
you don’t know what to do.
The truth is,
you have nothing to lose.
Fears! and phobias!
Lost and you don’t know which way to turn,
your body begins to burn.
Fears! and phobias!
Hopefully someday you’ll finally learn,
how to handle this burn.
Handle this burn,
someday you’ll finally learn,
how to handle this burn.
You’ll finally learn,
how to handle this burn.
Sep 22, 2011
Sep 22, 2011 at 3:05 PM UTC
─illustrations on the ceiling
i love the way
the sunlight ripples along his skin
with no complaints
"messiah" the shadow talks
"of course he is" i reply
and i resume to orchestrating my love
─little phobias
i wander aimlessly along his windows,
his eyes;
they are gates to afterlives unloved;
they are oceanic shrapnel
sky imprisoned infinities
a lapis point of view-
that i treasure
his heart is drenched
in my soul-
in a sweeter sickness-
in the liquid measure of my steps-
he mentions i'm contagious
i tell him he is my favorite way
to bleed
"september prodigy" the shadow babbles
"why?" i rasp
**"sun at long last
kisses away
all the ghosts
harvesting from
the heart of the moon"**
and i broke out into stars
─my serendipity
i love the raw
music of our conversations,
and how his voice
undresses me
and my monsters
so delicately
in fabrics of the dark
i love how his laugh
makes all the other planets
look dull;
how his smile
is the first step
to curing the blind
so the blind may know
what i know
"the symphony of seams"
i love how he is the shocking
philosophy
of turning suicide notes
into paper cranes
of picking fights with death
so i may remain
i love the phoenix tucked in his soul
how it defines-
the altitudes-
the limits-
our existence he describes to me
"reincarnation?" the shadow asks
"every morning he wonders" i answer
and the fever invests it's time in me
"what is he to you?" the shadow murmurs
"*besides broken flowers,
and ink blots shaped like rain
he is my favorite stairway to heaven.*"
Apr 25, 2017
Apr 25, 2017 at 10:32 PM UTC
*This is a poem for Rachel Corrie. I am not religious, and a far cry from spiritual, but I refuse to imagine Rachel Corrie insentient and six feet under, slowly amalgamating with the soil encasing her. Before her death, Rachel Corrie said “I still really want to dance around to Pat Benatar and have boyfriends and make comics for my co-workers. But I also want this to stop.” In the words of contemporary Palestinian poet Suheir Hammad “God has a better imagination than all of us combined” in either God's words or my own, I will not imagine in/on the same ground in/on which I maybe soon will be and more words from Suheir “What do I tell young people about non-violence when they can see for themselves how even orange bright and megaphone loud and cameras and US citizenship will not stop your ****** what do I tell young people/anyone even myself about “non-violence” when every single thing I've seen presenting itself/perhaps even masquerading as “non-violence” has been in my face and /rude/harsh/unavoidable and most of all, violent? I do not believe in God and humanity is pushing it's luck, but I believe in Rachel Corrie. This is for Rachel;*
I should study a she-wolf's prose
she wanted to write about death
but life would frequently
weasel and wheedle it's way in
there’s an overhanging image
a smaller
yet
infinitely larger
organism
continuously broached
by each word
I only want to study
a caterpillar’s motion
backward/forward /onward
across arms/legs
of this deer/dear
[her] surname/
[my] given name/
separated by [semi/totally] circular VOWels
***** blond hair
dirtied by dust /
rubble /
rhyme /reason/
whatever/ in compliance
with a rep/RESENT/ative democracy
several shades lighter
literally
figuratively
whiter
than she
need no permission
pat benatar
would/should croon
to your moves
every
boy and girl friend
i will/may/have/had
should be yours
entomo/insecto/[social] phobias
I never would’ve said so
I never
would’ve/
could’ve
told the caterpillar
to go
Nov 28, 2011
Nov 28, 2011 at 8:41 PM UTC
Using God,
as an excuse to
stab your Brother.
Praising men,
who preach pity
and create hate.
Using God,
as an excuse to shun
personal phobias.
Confession, can't save you know.
Like you said, he decides where we go.
Right?
I'll see you down here.
:)
Aug 7, 2012
Aug 7, 2012 at 4:45 PM UTC
it's the emptiness
it's the hatred that builds up in the creases of your
smile, of the laughter you hide your disgust with
it's the appointments you tear from your organizer
the holes in your stomach
the sunburn on your shoulders; the redness of your nose
it's your incurable phobias
your cut-up legs
your bleeding nose
your teary eyes
your itchy back
your raw skin
swollen lips
bare nails
unkept hair
ugly voice
tiredness
why the fuck'd you think spring would fix you?
May 5, 2015
May 5, 2015 at 1:35 AM UTC
*The darkness that shattered her world was left behind. Ashes to forget, memory lost in the wind of no rewind
She finally took the narrow path towards a new life. Today, she stands so tall and bright. No one can bring her down, solid as a rock. There's no turning back.*
Selfless, relentless to fear
Everything that mounts to heights of frights, she's the warrior. Inferior to nothing. Candors of cadence impossible to break. Her heart made of mettle steel, nothing can make her falter.
All phobias are mundane
Except for one. That's when she met him at edge of the unexpected.
He sits at the rooftop alone everynight. Smiling to himself as he gazed into burst of constellations brimming with life.
"Is this love at first sight?", she thought
Past of men that broke her,
made her who she is today.
But this boy with a smile that could break her Titanic's Ice,
made her vulnerable.
With a smile that could break
the ice in her temple.
*The power he illuminates
can set her eyes on fire.
Her fast beating heart is jumping out
Thoughts scribbling every night,
'This is going to be a mess,
I can't decide'
He closed his eyes, feeling the euphoria flowing inside.
The chimes and the chill of wind are all he can hear. He slowly touched
his chest and feel the bliss
As he opened his eyes,
a scintillating star in his sight.*
Their eyes didn't meet, yet,
He glances back without her knowing tilting his head to the left, as she watched him from her window.
He was falling and sinking into her ocean eyes. Each glance makes him drowned and drawn deeper to her.
Yesterday was a blur, tomorrow is a vivid life. Within her is starting to tear with fear. Prayers of hope she will win and take the climb. She wants to grab the chance and be happy for once in her life.
Both having the intent to speak.
Both prepared to make the first move
But bartered smiles was all it took
Heart's stolen, melting ice
They somehow knew this love will last..
Forever.
Mar 1, 2015
Mar 1, 2015 at 9:21 AM UTC
My friends adore this fearlessness that I’ve acquired
Or is this a facade that I’ve mastered?
I may not have any phobias of flight or height nor am I afraid of monsters and demons in the closet or under the bed.
I fear that I may disappoint or fear that I cannot protect my loved ones.
I fear what I’m capable of and or doing.
But I’m afraid to love; whole heartedly.
I’m afraid to share my deepest darkest secrets then have them used against me.
But my biggest fear of all....
I’m afraid of someone loving me and finding me beautiful.....
I’m afraid that one day the inevitability will come thanks to time and that, that “someone” will hate me and see what they once thought was beautiful is now hideous in their eyez.
The beauty that they once gazed upon in my soul has now become ugly and that frightens me the most.
Fearless? Nah, I’m only human, wishing I had less fear or the ability to fear less....
Sep 24, 2018
Sep 24, 2018 at 4:16 AM UTC
Polka dots
Little beads
Rain drops
Cloudy seeds
Pastel pink
Lipstick red
Take too many
Wind up dead
…….
Pills for mania, laughter – blue,
An inappropriate colour,
But what can ya do?
Pills for thyroid, goitre, shakes,
Bottle green like the bottom of lakes,
Pills for pain, black – red - pink,
Pills that can’t be mixed with drink,
Pills for anxiety, phobias, fears,
Fleshy coloured,
Like children’s ears,
Pills for dreaming, dozing, sleep,
Pure white
Like counted sheep.
Sep 5, 2013
Sep 5, 2013 at 3:15 PM UTC
i. arachnophobia; fear of spiders. more common in females than males, why at night you choke on the idea of her fingers on him, long and thin.
ii. ophidiophobia; fear of snakes, fear of being crushed alive by commitment, why in the mornings you never left your number, why you don’t call her back, why you regretted it later.
iii. acrophobia; fear of heights. why she stays out of circuses and away from people like you who would make her fall in love.
iv. agoraphobia; fear of situations where escape is difficult, fear of the plane that takes her away, fear of the open crowded space of your ribcage where paintings of her still constantly hang.
v. cynophobia; fear of dogs, fear of the graves where good noses could dig up the mistakes you have made, fear of a girl who made you want to get a puppy and settle down somewhere finally.
vi. astraphobia; fear of thunder and lightning, fear of being alone in a house that always sounded like both, the stormclouds of your histories always brewing behind flimsy doors. fear of finding her there and having her kiss you in the rain. fear she’d never come back to you again.
vii. trypanophobia; fear of injections, fear of drugs, fear of the doctor who looked into your heart and told you that your shaky hands and bad dreams were a sign that she’s crept into your sleep.
viii. social phobias; fear of social situations, fear of your father’s white knuckles on the wheel while he says, “no son of mine is a ***** like this,” fear of her mother’s judgement, fear of not being enough.
ix. pteromerhanophobia; fear of flying, fear of remembering how long it’s been since you actually felt alive, why you trembled whenever you held her tight, why one day she frightened you so bad that you left in the middle of the lonely night.
x. mysophobia; fear of germs. why you knew you’d only get her covered in dirt. why looking at yourself in the mirror always seems to hurt. why you will never be happy without being hers. out of this whole messed up world, she was the only thing pure.
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 7:58 PM UTC
In the darkness I live in,
There's a man so tall and thin,
And in the morning he goes hiding,
Though at night he screams I'm lying,
And in the night,
My thoughts break into silence,
A life remains,
Within the mist of phobias.
When the sun is up I find escape
From the demons in my head,
But as the sun sets here he's creeping
Through my mind as I am sleeping,
And in the night,
My thoughts break into silence,
A cry through rain,
I lost my mind in phobias.
If paranoia is my only friend,
Well I must fall with him again,
As he reminds me of my sorrow,
While I cry for a tomorrow,
I lost myself
In silence.
-Kathia Mariana Landeros
Nov 20, 2015
Nov 20, 2015 at 6:13 PM UTC
Jumps start the gun..today on the run.. but thats just my mind...body laggin behind..But im feelin entergetic so Im Just freestyling lines...leaned against the pines...Running these powderd lines...parked in a fire lane collecting fines..Exhilarated heart beats turn into mental treats...as for my body it just starts to feel weak...points of mind blowing utopia..erupt body pausing phobias...and when this brain begins to die down and stop...well the body compulses, foams, and rocks
Nov 9, 2011
Nov 9, 2011 at 9:25 AM UTC
Evil
Clinging
Monsters
They haunt you
They scare you
They want to take over your world
They come
Disguised
In
Teeny
Weeny
Packages
Looking harmless
Luring you into their trap
And then they drag you d
And then they make you f o
a w
l n
l
You can't escape
Their menacing grip
You know they're growing
A colony strong
Finding allies
They're out to crush
You
Sep 1, 2013
Sep 1, 2013 at 11:16 AM UTC
Halt our shallow breaths--
staccato fogs at the stoplights
Cling precarious in cold
like the frost on the stop signs.
The streetlights keep on winking
Winter's late but, now, it's sinking
into bones
clawing coats
shut. Clutching
wool to swollen throats
I swore I'd never stand here again
at December's ******* doorstep--
ring the bell every weekend.
I always circle back every year
when
I take the same old punches
and wince when I hit play-back.
Halt my raising glass
and analyze my afflictions:
28, alone and broke
so cop to addictions, now.
It's freezing--getting dressed
you've question marks in your brown eyes
It's hailing, breathing out
Carry my bags of old goodbyes
The walls just keep on shrinking
But the outside's gonna swallow me
Eaten whole
even bones.
Spit me out back on Mydland road
I know I'll wind up back here again.
at December's ******* deathbed
sleeping in every weekend
Held all chips, played hands, drank a year
then
I pulled my vacant pockets,
defrosted my losing bets
Mea culpa. So long. Stay friends.
*"Twenty-fucking-five to one,
my gambling days are done.
I bet on a horse called The Bottle of Smoke,
and my horse..."* (Finer/MacGowan)
Dec 22, 2013
Dec 22, 2013 at 11:45 PM UTC
They're all kinds of Phobias out there
It's here it's there it's everywhere
Some look around and feel they're being chased
But as it turns out, just isn't the case
Some are afraid of heights
So stay away from airplane flights
Some are afraid of the dark
So don't get caught in "Central Park"
Some are afraid of the number thirteen
So don't get caught in-between
Some have a fear of dying
So there's no use in crying
Some have a fear of cats
Or ***** old rats
Time to break out the baseball bats!
Aug 11, 2014
Aug 11, 2014 at 6:36 AM UTC
For this point and time being my life is good up in this moment
It’s showing and the hoes know it
so it’s hard to overthrow it
So I’m living like a rockstar but funny cuz I ain’t famous
And it’s funny, see the money then you start to see the changes
See my friends in different places
cuz we walk in different paces
And we trapped up in the struggle hoping one day we can make it
And I’m scared to loose em to death cuz we outta luck
But I’m really afraid to grow apart cuz we outta touch.....
**** where’d the time go
Looking at me in this mirror, realizing I’m getting old
But yet I’m still young and I’m happy within my placement
But with all the **** I’ve done what happens if I never make it
Afraid to drop a seed, I’ll raise him, I ain’t bluffing
But how can he look up to me if I don’t amount to nothing
I’m taking a second to sit and think about my fears
Will I lead to my own destruction or continue on my years
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 5:49 AM UTC
See you everyday
haven't seen myself (in quite a spell)
my brain is
an abandoned building, a dry well
I traced your phone call
to some viral spiral
I'm connected to you
in a spider-like way
--webs, phobias and decay
the essence of life is
reproduction and mortality
see you everyday
in shivering downloaded depravity
your starry smiles
your synthetic ciphers
and I'm all alone again
this body is a safe house
this fear, a panic room
but the enemy within
is always right under my skin
Nov 9, 2021
Nov 9, 2021 at 10:51 AM UTC
I am sorry mum
for everything,
For who I am,
For what i've done.
I am sorry mum,
For everything,
For what im not,
What I havent done.
I am sorry mum,
For staying away,
For being with friends,
For being far away.
I am sorry mum,
That I am ugly,
For what I wear,
For the state of my hair.
I am sorry mum,
That my opinions are wrong,
That I spoke without asking,
For the things that I know.
I am sorry mum,
That you think I dont care,
That I have upset the family,
That they never wanted me there.
I am sorry mum,
That you couldnt love me,
That I wasnt normal,
That other people like me.
I am sorry mum,
That I have expressed things,
That I have dropped things,
Caused a mess in your home.
I am sorry mum
That I wanted to study,
That I liked being outside,
And that I looked untidy.
I am sorry mum,
That Im an embarrassment,
Have caused so much shame,
And that I cause you pain.
I am sorry mum,
That im always a disappointment,
Showed you my photos of Africa,
I know now that I shouldnt.
I am sorry mum,
That I didnt have the right friends,
That I didnt wear enough make-up,
That I read about Science, not fame.
I am sorry mum,
For being vegetarian,
For picking out bits of meat,
In front of everyone.
I am sorry mum,
For when I didnt know what i'd done,
And you had to stand on my foot,
Or pinch me hard on my arm.
I am sorry mum,
For going walking,
For not doing house work instead,
Or finding something else to be done.
I am sorry mum,
For my work with charities,
For my love for Africa,
For feeling there so free.
I am sorry mum,
For having weird phobias,
And letting you down,
By mentioning it to others.
I am sorry mum,
That I struggle with Maths,
For being dyscalculaic,
I know this is bad.
I am sorry mum
For causing you sickness,
And for not being there,
I know it looks like I dont care.
I am sorry mum
For upsetting others,
Being the cause of all problems,
And hurting my brother.
I am sorry mum,
For my choice of work,
For the places i've been to,
For not always putting you first.
I am sorry mum,
That I made you so angry,
You had to hit me in the face,
And I made you go to bed unhappy.
I am sorry mum,
That I was quiet in school,
That Claire was my best friend,
That we were both quiet in school.
I am sorry mum,
That I chose Scotland,
For moving far away,
It cannot be forgiven.
I am sorry mum,
For my musical instruments,
I know I dont play them well,
That I gave you a headache instead.
I am sorry mum,
That I played the violin,
At my brothers wedding,
For you- ruining everything.
I am sorry mum,
That i;ve never been good enough,
That I always let you down,
I am just never good enough.
I am sorry mum,
For speaking about family,
For letting you down again,
And the family.
I am sorry mum
That I struggled so much,
You had to put chilli in my mouth,
As I couldnt do my homework.
I am sorry mum,
That I went "home"
That I let the **** happen,
That I spoiled your "name".
I am sorry mum,
That I do not love you,
I have cursed myself and tried,
But I cannot love you.
But I still hear your voice,
And it tortures me still,
And the thought of your anger,
Still gives me chills.
I am so sorry mum,
That I am a failure,
But I am no longer "Emma"...
...I am "Nomkhumbulwa"....
Jan 6, 2019
Jan 6, 2019 at 8:24 PM UTC
She is trapped in her head filled with dreams and nightmares.
Sometimes she falls into a deep despair.
A life of happiness is what she craves;
Before she’s dug beneath her grave.
What was once a reality is now in the pass;
Yet it still suffocates her like a thick toxic gas.
She screams out in silence for her Utopia.
Hoping to escape all her phobias
Her dreams held so much potential.
But her nightmares were more confrontational
If only she knew what she was capable of
Maybe she would be able to fly up above
Up above all her nightmares
And conqueror all her fears
But instead she’s drowning
Drowning in tears.
Jul 17, 2015
Jul 17, 2015 at 5:18 PM UTC
it's so late out there
when I am sitting on the roof
sky cries over my head
and this rain makes me feel like a fool.
I wish that you were real
we'd run all night long
and this tear of sky
would be happy tears of seeing us together.
but you live in my dreams
this black rose that I still keep
was given in a moment
that felt so real even it was a trick.
It's a night out there
this night seems it lasts forever
where are you, where?
when I am looking for you
this moon is touching my tears
that came from my sadness
every day I get more fear
that changes in phobias and leaves me full of loneliness.
I will wait for you forever if I have to
I will hit this loneliness and all my fears
my dreams will come true one day
and this rain will be not sad but happy tears.
Jul 21, 2021
Jul 21, 2021 at 2:30 PM UTC
"What do you fear?"
"The thought of never fearing"
"That doesn't make any sense though"
"Allow me to explain:"
Fear itself is an immense power
One that prevents us from rising, gives us bounds
Without it, Man would fall into chaos
And in the spree of delirious glee, he would get lost
If Man had no fear, he wouldn't care for rules
Only then would the smart ones be called fools
Be content with what you've got, don't try to take
What isn't yours, a potentially fatal mistake
Man is jealous of those who have
What he doesn't and this'll just make him mad
Without any fear, he'd challenge someone
And pretty soon the world would be bursting, full of guns
Rifles raised and triggers pulled
Blood spatters and bodies mauled
But without any restriction, Government or rules
Fear would disappear and guns would be our tools
So be thankful you have capacity to fear
Because without it you'd draw the world quite near
The end of its life, so forever and again
Be grateful the fear isn't in your hand but your brain
Sep 7, 2016
Sep 7, 2016 at 1:21 AM UTC
Poets singing the same chorus pain torture, feeling hollow. vessels turned into shadows pen masters forever followed by sorrow.
Let us lighten your shoulders plant seeds of bliss in fields of decaying peace. Aid you in finding feelings you seek for and realise your dreams.
Diminish your fears till your phobias flee in tears.
Pull your words from the depth of blindness and silence to top and enlighten the sightless.
Let us make love be the signature of life in poems.
Brushes will smile when painting with glowing hearts.
Feb 20, 2015
Feb 20, 2015 at 7:34 AM UTC
Sometimes You talk.
Sometimes I listen.
You need ***
and I need company.
We use each other equally.
A relationship
of scheduled appointments
convenience
and need
is all that we are.
You and Me.
You need someone to touch.
I need to feel you there.
Anything to make us forget
life isn't fair.
An agreement.
A compromise.
"Just stay here tonight."
A mutual understanding.
A give and take thing.
But we don't talk about it.
We pretend
that I really like you
and you like me.
Yet we both know the truth
that matter of fact...
We're only a meeting of minds.
We still store our hearts in the phobias
we hide.
May 11, 2010
May 11, 2010 at 6:36 AM UTC
marry someone who lets you have a bite of their brownie ,
even when you said you weren’t hungry .
marry someone who laughs at the same things you do .
marry someone who kisses your nose on a cold day .
marry someone who you can watch disney movies with .
marry someone who is proud of you whether you earn $5 a week or $5,000 a week .
marry someone who you can tell everything to . marry someone who isn’t afraid or embarrassed to hold your hand in
public .
marry someone who you can spend the day in Ikea with without feeling stressed .
marry someone who wraps you up inside their coat in the winter .
marry someone who accepts your fears and phobias .
marry someone who gives you butterflies every time you hear their key in the door .
marry someone who you don’t always have to shave your legs for .
marry someone who accepts you all day every day , even when you don’t look or feel your best .
marry someone who puts three sugars in your tea , despite telling them
“ just the two ” .
marry someone who doesn’t judge you when you eat your body weight in cookies .
marry someone who doesn’t make you want to check your phone, because you know they will reply .
marry someone who waits with you to get on the train .
marry someone who understands that you need to be alone sometimes .
marry someone who gets on well with your parents and isn’t uptight about family events .
marry someone who calms you down when you get mad about stupid stuff , and never tells you it’s “ only stupid stuff ” .
marry someone who makes you want to be a better person .
marry someone who makes you laugh .
marry someone who you love .
marry your soulmate , your lover ,
your best friend .
Dec 23, 2013
Dec 23, 2013 at 3:17 PM UTC
*One warm day in May
It started raining Orangutans
Which in itself would be deranged
If it wasn't so very strange
They puddled up in the street
Which made walking slippery
Don't go out without galoshes on
Stay inside and hide if you have monkey phobias
Cause they're coming down rather hard
In the trees and in the yards
You can hear a certain jungle beat
To Orangutan pitter patter under feet
If you have a boat to row
It might be good to set sail now
It just so happens one day in May
It started raining Orangutans
Which in itself would be deranged
If it wasn't so very strange*
Feb 11, 2015
Feb 11, 2015 at 7:51 AM UTC