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Mateuš Conrad Jun 2016
preliminary explanation

before i really begin the project i have a few scatterings
of thought that made me do this, without real planning,
a different sort of impromptu that poetry's good at,
less Dionysian spur-of-the-moment with an already
completed poem entwined to a perfect ensō,
as quick as the decapitation of Mary Boleyn with the
executioner fooling her which side the swing would
be cast by taking of his hard-soled-shoes -
i mean this in an Apollonian sense - i know, sharp contrasts
at first, but the need to fuse them - i said these are
preliminary explanations, the rest will not be as haphazardly
composed, after all, i see the triangle i'm interested it
but drawing a triangle without Pythagorean explanation
i'm just writing Δ - i'll unravel what my project is
about, just give me this opportunity to blah blah for a
while like someone from an existential novel;
what beckoned me was the dichotomy of styles,
i mean, **** me, you can read poetry while in an awkward
yoga position, you can read it standing up, sitting down,
eating or whatever you want - obviously on the throne
of thrones taking a **** is preferred - the point being
what's called serious literature is so condensed for
economic reasons, font small, never-ending paragraphs,
you need an easy-chair and a bottle of cognac to get
through a chapter sometimes - or at least freshly mowed
grass in a park in summer - it's really uncomfortable because
of that, and the fact that poets hardly wish upon you
to be myopic - just look at the spacing on the page,
constantly refreshing, open-plan condos, eye-to-eye -
but it's not about that... the different styles of writing,
prose and the novel, the historical essay / encyclopedia
or a work of philosophy - what style of writing can
be best evolutionary and undermine each? only poetry.
poetry is a ballerina mandible entity, plastic skeletons,
but that's beside the point, when journalism writes history
so vehemently... the study of history writes it nonchalantly,
it's the truth, journalism is bombastic, sensationalist
every but what courting history involves -
a journalist will write about the death of a 100 people
more vehemently than a historian writing about the Holocaust...
or am i missing something? i never understood this dichotomy
of prose - it's most apparent between journalism and history...
as far as i am concerned, the most pleasurable style of
prose is involved in the history of philosophy, or learning per se,
but i'll now reveal to you the project at hand -
it's a collage... the parameters?

the subject of the collage

it weighs 1614 grams, or 3 lb. and 8 7/8ths oz.,
it's a single volume edition, published by Pimlico,
it's slightly larger than an A5 format,
3/4 inches more in length, and ~1 centimetre in
width more, it has a depth of 1 and 3/4 inches in depth,
a bicep iron-pumping session with it in bed -
i was lying with this behemoth of a book
in bed soothing out a semi-delirium state
listening to Ola Gjeilo's *northern lights

and flicking through the appendix, and i started thinking,
no would read this giant fully, would they?
the reason it's a one volume edition is because
the only place you'd read such an edition would
be in a library, at a desk, and you'd be taking snippets
out from it, quotes, authentic references points
for an essay, esp. if you were a history student,
such books aren't exactly built for leisure, as my arms
could testify... after the appendix i started flicking
through as to what point of interest would spur me
onto this audacious (and perhaps auspicious)
act of renegading against writing a novel (in the moment,
in the moment, i can't imagine myself rereading plot-lines
after a day or two, adding to it - that's a collage too,
but of a different kind - and no, i won't be plagiarising
as such, after all i'll be citing parallel, but utilising
poetry as the driving revision dynamic compared
to the chronologically stale prose of history) - i'll be
extracting key points that are already referenced and not
using the style of the author - the book in question?
Europe: a history by Norman Davies prof. emeritus
at U.C.L. - the point of entry that made me mad enough
to condense this 1335 page book (excluding the index)?

point of incision

Voltaire (or the man suspected of Guy Fawkes-likes spreading
of volatility in others) -
un polonais - c'est un charmeur; deux polonais - une
bagarre; trois polonais, eh bien, c'est la question polonaise

(one pole - a charmer, two poles - a brawl, three poles -
the polish question) - mind you, the subtler and gentler
precursor of the Jewish question, because the Frenchman
mused, and not a German, or a Russian brute...
and i can testify, two Polish immigrants in a pub,
one senior, the other minor, one with 22 years under
his belt of the integration purpose, one with 12 years,
the minor says to the senior about how Poles bring
the village life to cities, brutish drunkards and what not,
it was almost a brawl, prior to the senior was charming
a Lithuanian girl, before the minor's emphasis on
such a choice of conversation turned into idiotic Lithuanian
nostalgia about the disintegration of the Polish-Lithuanian
commonwealth, primarily due to the Polish nobility.

10,000 b.c.

looking that far back i don't know why you even
bother to celebrate the weekend -
i mean, 10,000 years back Denmark was
still attached to Sweden,
England was attached to France,
and there was a weird looking Aquatic landmass
that would become a myth of Atlantis
in the Chronicles of Norwich,
speedy ******* Gonzales with the equivalent
of south america detaching itself from Africa...
mind you, i'm sure the Carpathian ranges are
mountains. they're noted here are hills or uplands,
by categorising them as such i'm surprised
the majority of Carpathian elevations as scolded
bald rocky faced, a hill i imagine to have some
vegetation on it, not mountain goats with rock and roof
for a blacksmith in a population of one hundred...
at this point Darwinism really becomes a disorientating
pinpoint of whatever history takes your fancy,
Europe - mother of Minos, lord of Crete,
progenitrix / ******* and the leather curtains
of Zeus's harem (jealous? no, just the sarcasm
dominates the immortal museum of attachable
****** to suit the perfect elephant **** of depth
the gods sided with, by choice, excusing the Suez
duct tightening of a prostate gland... to ease the pain
upon ******* rather than *******); mentioned by Homer
the Blind tooth-fairy, the Europe and the bull,
Europoeus and the swan, same father of wisdom to mind,
on the shores of Loch Lomond -
attributes a lover to the bull, Moschus of Syracuse,
who said earring Plato cured him of where the ****
should not enter even if it shines a welcome
in the disguise of Dionysius... revisionists bound to Pompeii
named Titian, Rembrandt, Rubens Veronese
and Claude Lorrain revived the bulging bull's *******
and her mm hmm mm, too gracious my kind, hehee...
Phonecians from Tyre and Io - so too the Sibyl of ****** -
and unlike the great river civilisations of the Nile,
the Ganges, soon to be the Danubian civilisations
and gorged-out-eyes-that-once-sore-colour-but-lost-sight-of-
colours-­after-seeing-the-murk-of-the-Thames...
soon the seas overcame civilisations of the rivers,
as Cadmus, brother of the thus stated harlot said:
i bring you orbe pererrato - hieroglyphics of the cage,
but not an owl or a hawk inside it -
so let's perfect speaking to an encoding by first
rummaging into learning how to procure the perfect
forms of counting - i say left, you say I, i say right
you say II, left right left right, what do you say?
VI. bravo! the Hellenic world just crossed the Aegean
and civilisation bore twins within the cult of a lunar-mother,
Islam of Romulus and Remus, a she-wolf
a canine of the night - according to another -
tremulae sinuantur flamine vestes - or so the myth goes -
a cherished phantom of what became the fabled story
of sole Odysseus with his ears open and the remnant
sailor's ears waxed shut - as if the bankers of this world,
revelling in culprit universal fancy than nonetheless
bred the particular oddities - lest we forget,
the once bountiful call of the sirens to the oceanic
is but a fraction of what today's sirens claim to be song,
a fraction of it remains in this world, the onomatopoeia
of the once maddening song, the crude *******
arrangement of vowels bound to the jealous god's
déjà vu of the compounding second H.

from myth to perpetuating a modern sentiment

you can jump from 10,000 b.c. to the Munich Crisis
of 1938 - 9 with a snap of the fingers,
imitating quantum phenomenons like gesticulating
a game of mime with Chinese whispers necessary,
if Europe is a nymph, Naples her azure eyes,
Warsaw her heart, Sebastopol and Azoff,
Petersburg, Mitau, Odessa - these the thorns
in her feet - Paris the head, London the starched collar,
and Rome - the sepulchre
.
or... die handbuch der europaischen geschichte
notably from Charlemagne (the Illiterate)
to the Greek colonels (as apart from Constantine to
Thomas More in eight volumes, via Cambridge mid
1930s)... these and some other books of urgency
e.g. Eugene Weber's H. A. L. Fisher's, Sr. Walter Ralegh,
Jacob Bronowski... elsewhere excavated noun-obscurities
like gattopardo and konarmya had their
circas extended like shelved vegetables in modern
supermarket isles, for one reason or another...
prado, sonata sovkino also... some also mention
Thomas Carlyle (i'd make it sound like carried-away isle,
but never mind); so in this intro much theory,
how to sound politically correct, verifiable to suit
a coercion for a status quo... Europe as a modern idea,
replacing Imperum Romanun came Christendom,
ugly Venetian Pirates at Constantinople,
Barbarossa making it in pickled herring juice
in a barrel to Jerusalem... once called the pinkish-***-fluff
of Saxony, now called the pickled cucumber,
drowning in his armour in some river or Brosphorus...
alchemists, Luther and Copernicus were invited on
the same occasion as the bow-tie was invented,
apparently it was a marriage made for the Noir cinema,
beats me - hence the new concept of Europe,
reviving the idea of Imperium Romanun
meant, somehow including Judea in the Euro
championship of footie gladiator ***** whipped
narcissists, rejecting the already banished Carthage
(Libya / Tunisia by Cato's standards) and encouraging
the Huns, the Goths and the even more distant Slavs and
Vikings to accept not so much the crucifix as
the revised spine of the serpent but as the geometry of
human limbs, well, not so much that, but forgetting
Norse myths of the one-eyed and the runic alphabet
and settling for ah be'h c'eh d'ah.
dissident frenche stink abbe, charles castel de st pierre
(1658 - 1743) aand this work projet d'une paix perpetuelle
(1713) versus Питер Великий who just said:
never mind the city, the Winter Palace... i have aborted
fetus pickles in my bedroom, lava lamps i call them.
the last remaining reference to Christianity?
Nietzsche was late, the public was certain,
it was the Treaty of Utrecht, 1713, with public reference
to the republica christiana / commonwealth was last made.
to Edmund Burke: well, i too wish no exile
upon any European on his continent of birth,
but invigorate a Muslim to give birth on it
and you invigorate an exile nonetheless:
Ezra expatriate Pound / sorry, if born in eastern
europe a ***** Romanian immigrant, pristine
expatriate in western Europe, fascist radio has
my tongue and *****, so let's play a game:
Russian roulette for the Chinese cos there's
a billion of them, and no one would really mind
a missing Chow Mein... chu shoo'ah shaolin moo'n'kah!
or a cappuccino whenever you'd like to watch
classic Italian pornographic cinema with dubbing
with nuns involved... Willaim Blake and his
stark naked prophesy, pope pius II (treatise 1458)
even though Transylvania, Tharce and Hungary
shared the same phonetic encoding with diacritical
distinctions like any Frenchman, German,
or Pole at the Siege of Vienna (1683)
to counter the antagonising Ottoman - i swear historians
do this one purpose, juggle dates and head-of-state figures
prior to entering a chronology - they must first try out
a ******* carousel before playing with the toy-train...
broadcasting to a defeated Germany public, T. S. Eliot
(1945) ****** import to into Western Germany
and talk of the failing moral fabric, China laughing
after the ***** intricacies of warfare of trade,
what was once wool we wished to be silk...
instead of silk we received vegetarian wool, namely
hemp, and Amsterdam is to blame... nuke 'em!
that's how it sounds, how a historian approaches
writing a history from the annals, from circa and
circumstance and actual history, foremost the abbreviations,
the fishing hook standards, the parameters,
the limits, and then the mathematics of history,
one thing culminating into another... contra Lenin
N. S. Trubetskoy, P. N. Savitsky, G. Vernadsky
Russian at the perks of the Urals - steppe Tartar shamans
or salon pranced pretty **** boys? where to put
the intoxicant and where to put the mascara... hmm,
god knows, or by 21st calculations, a meteor;
they say the history of nations is a history of women,
then at least the history of individuation
and of men who succumb to its proliferation
is astoundingly misogynistic.
Seton-Watson, among the the tombstones too reminded
of remarkable esteem and accomplishment
with only one gravedigger to claim as father...
as many death ears as on two giraffe skeletons
stood Guizot, men of many letter and few fortunes,
or v. v., incubators of cousin ***** and none the kippah
before the arrogant saintly diminished to
a justly cause of recession, ha ha,
by nature's grace, and with true advent of her progression
as guard-worthy pre- to each pro-
and suggested courteous of the ****** fibre,
oh hey, the advent of masqueraded woofing,
a Venetian high-brow, and jealousy out of a forgotten
spirit of adventure that once was bound
to hunting and foraging... forever lost to write  history of
a king dubbed Louis the XIV...
crucibles and distastes for the state to be pleased,
once removed from Paris, forever to Angevin womb
accustomed once more, at Versailles released -
as cake be sown so too the aristocratic swan necks
for worth of mock and scorn - and the dampening rain
rattle the blood-thirst of the St. Bartholomew's Day
slaughter, to date, the rebirth of Burgundy,
of Anjou, and with the dead king presiding, to be
of no worth in judging himself a king before god or pauper...
saluer Antoine Quentin Fouquier-Tinville!
that i might too in stead rattle a few bones prior to burial
with the jaw that will laugh and chatter least
had it been to my kingly-stead a birth so lowly.
then at least in satisfactory temperament i procure a
judgement of the noble like of a *****
for an hour's worth of pistons and jarring tongues...
as if from a nobleman then indeed as if from a *****,
for who sold Europe and said: Arabia, if not the
Frenchman, the Englishman, the Spaniard?
the former colonial conquests served you not enough?
i imagine the reinstatement of Israel like
the Frankish states under Philippe-August...
precursors to a cathedral dubbed Urban the 2nd's..
there were only Norwegian motives in the Ukraine
and the black sea... Israel to me is like plagiarism
of the Frankish states of the middle-east, with Europe
slightly... oom'pah loom'pah mongolian harmonica.
some said Rudyard Kipling poems,
some said Mr. Kipling's afternoon tea cakes -
whichever made it first on Coronation St.
some also say the Teutonic barbecues -
it was a matter of example to feed them hog
and cannibalise the peasants for ourselves,
a Prussian standard worth an army standard of
rigour - Ave Maria - letztre abendessen nahrung -
mein besitzen, wenn in die Aden, i'd be the last
talking carcass...
gottes ist der orient!
gottes ist der okzident!
nord - und sudliches gelande
ruht im frieden seiner hande.

germany's lebensraum, inferiority and classification,
inferior slavs and jews, genetics and why my
hatred of Darwinism is persistent, you need
an explanatory noting to make it auto-suggestive
for Queen & Country? diseased elements,
Jewish Bolshevism, Polish patriotism,
Soviets, Teutons, the grand alliances of 1918
or 1945? Wilsonian testimony of national self-determi
A gentle zephyr
But,
No grass stirs,
No green,
No sun,
but yet I'm warm.
No movement but
the beat of my heart.
Yet I'm alone in
The bed of roses,
And field of peonies.
No clouds to break the
Illusions of peace.
Its all just a
Hallucination of tranquillity
Or phenomenons of the heart.
I have such a fear of finding another like myself, and such a desire to find one! I am so utterly lonely, but I also have such a fear that my isolation be broken through, and I no longer be the head and ruler of my universe.
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2018
and what is the only variant of classical
music, heard on a radio?

    well... there's the fama radio night
sessions - with not adverts
   radiofama.com.pl -

it might be your take on what the french
tell the english, i.e.: euro-trash...

but no adverts...

                          and there is no reason
to concede to reviving punk,
hippy music didn't see a revival,
why should punk?

   a variant of classical music radio,
akin to bbc 2, or classic fm...

       that "oddity" of a morphed bbc 4
internet coverage, akin to lionel nation...
and what i mean by that,
is not h. d. thompson's gonzo...

          the allure of the, un-scripted...
and all of this is raw, flesh,
language at a smithfield
                   or a billingsgate...

talk-radio as the logical conlusion
of exposing your child to classical music...
it's genius -
   reverting back to classical music
once you're older, and don't play
an instrument?
                      what's the point?

dr steve turley bashing out a medieval
mash-up on the guitar...
            and that's "not" even
inspiration for a rock star status...
i like his smugness -
    it's... zesty, lime-like:
             certainty of the twinkling
of the eye that consists of:
    a remaining - intact, i.e., sane.

bbc radio 4?
      what, with zee archers nonsense?
this radio novella
that keeps propping itself up
like a bad take on eastenders without
the kray brothers?
          
                  talk-radio is all about
a non-existent "script":
       the flamboyance of spontaneity...
with the crux, being?
                
                                     ensō -

the only aspect of ζεν, a ταoιστ might
respect.

      p.s.
                  do i believe in u.f.o.  s?
(****, acronyms and the plural article
attached to them, mind boggling)
     no... but i've seen one, so the belief impetus
is, kind'ah missing in me...
             i've transcended speculation,
a question-worthiness on the matter...
since the question no longer manifests
      itself in the narration impetus?
the impetus for narrative, is narration per se;
and how lovely, it is to see
a noumenon...
      when the world of phenomenons
reads like this:

  the times newspaper, saturday, july 21,
2018,
               OVER 70,000 CHILDREN
PUT ON PILLS FOR DEPRESSION...

great headline...
     alas, a chemistry degree (3rd)
from edinburgh uni.,
     am i chemo-phobic?
                 i should ask myself that
same question, when i next
brush my teeth, apply shampoo to
my cranium,
   or wash my hands.

apart from genitals -
   i'm having this sensation of a tongue
contra mind "dysphoria"...
                 it's not exactly a limb...
it's not like an amputee with
a ghost limb...
                         more like:
                   a mind, a body,
   a soul... and then the wriggly worm,
raised up on high in novels...
and then groveling in areas
where rabbis didn't take to revision
with a pair of scissors...
   buttermouth from the oral ***.
winter sakuras Apr 2019
If I stood very still; lightly on the soles
of my feet
head tipped back, eyes drinking in the stars
cheekbones swimming
in splashes of silver moonlight
the milky way would continue to sway,
and the universe might swirl
to swallow me whole.

Even after perishing,
I would strain to let every fragment of light know
that I have already experienced
that intense feeling of overwhelming loss,
the sense of being swallowed whole by a greater entity

that I have already experienced those phenomenons
in the daily life of a small, insignificant
human being
one of 7.7 billion on this earth

being swallowed by the fast paced conventions
of society,
being sunken further in the soles of my shoes
by the heavy weight of expectations
and burdens implemented by others' judgement,

being cast to the shadows
as an outcast
from the group of uniform peers, moving in unison
marching to a rhythm found in their interior systems,
one that I lack

being utterly alone and drained of light,
laying like a corpse on my suffocating bed in the stillness
of the dark night,

so, there you go.
After all of that mess that I am supposed to call my life,
you surely can't be surprised
by my indifference to being swallowed by the universe
as melting stars run down my cheeks
like the tears of my soul,
as it begins to sob
throughout the night.
04/04/19
jenny Oct 2016
Unbelievable phenomenons tend to exist.
Is this what they meant by serendipity?
Identical glancing eyes reconnected
like thunder and lightning finally
Colliding at the perfect moment,
But the storm was only beginning.
Water droplets from this rain run
down my bare skin in the interior
of my mentality.
An exchange of silent gazes revealed
your sunshine
And brightened my spectrum.
Born to a winter season my thoughts have permanently obstained from chilly insatiable climates that wear on the mind
My thoughts can be only taken to places of warm phenomenons such as a summer day in California
Thoughts taken to places of yesterdays and those of future days like a memory keepsake
Mirage scenes from a dream accompanied by music takes me to days of a dreamy beautiful beach saunter in summer
Enjoying a nice cruise down a winding mountain thoroughfare with the breeze blowing through my hair
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2017
i don't think i wrote something incoherent... i mean, i could be accussed of having written something incoherent... but the way i look at it, i didn't exactly write a discourse... platonism - theatrical notation of philosophy, theatre as such... became abhorred way-back before platonistic abhorrence of poetry became established in the koranic text... so no... i don't think i wrote something incoherent, i might be guilty of writing it in a berserk-like frenzy... but it's not incoherent... it's simply said in a language, that's says θ = φ, ε = η, o = ω, ξ = χ, so you see... all the aesthetics dwindles... because i wrote this without it being reminiscent of a beautiful conversation under the moon in some exotic place... or a conversation you might have in a supermarket when buying a pint of milk... that's why the above stated greek letters are actually the same... and they exist as "chiral" if you decide to take into consideration aesthetic orthodoxy with origins in making literacy a monopoly... nothing contained in here is incoherent... the only "incoherency" of this piece is that: you wouldn't really talk to someone about it, when buying groceries, or having a nostalgic conversation with a friend... it's ad abstractum... that thing that's also not bound to any parliament or church.

some people really do aspire to be quenched
by the phenomenon status...
   to be the slang first said,
   to be the last, doctrine fed,
          i admire these people, well, admire,
like i'd admire king Solomon -
who prayed to be bewstowed by wisdom,
and what came of his prayer?
              a weak heart, and a walrus status
with a harem...
        i hold my **** like king David holds the lyre...
call it what you want...
              but you see a shagged out beauty like
Dakota Skye, and you just have to bash out
the tennis *****...
                   it comes naturally:
will i get a crown for celibacy, or should i wait
for prostate cancer...
          is there anyone in the vicinity to help me out?
not really...
i can't fanticise about either of my neighbours...
   ****-wits attest to the tried path of protestantism's
freedom-libido...
            but what i'm curious about more perverse
than that... perosnal hygiene isn't really the question
being asked...
                  yes, take a ****, partake in the double-quickie...
it almost feels like ******* and taking a ****
is a *******'s worth of v.i.p. pass when
they say shalom, you ease out the **** and
*******... hence the ******* perfume to boot...
   why do it in the shower?
       why get comfy and do it in an armchair?
   lucky me... i need no *****...
and doubly-lucky me: i read enough marquis de sade...
   oh no, he's not repetitive in his book *******
,
he's lost the ability to lullaby you to sleep
strapped to a chair in a sadist's disneyland by now...
       but hell: i see no need to glorify these assertions,
i'm just gagging for the moment my
peers will find it boring doing what they do,
when they reach middle-age and have forgotten
******* per se, as a driving factor for
imagination, or how one thrives on keeping
imagination alive by jerking off...
            it becomes a story of: not really looking
for my dream girl... just give me anything that moves
and i'll be content...
                 when was the last time you
picked up a bisexual thai girl in a park off a bench,
took her home, played her some jazz, and later
****** her in the garden by the moonlight?
       what finally convinced her?
in her own words: i've never seen so many books...
   well yeah, that's modesty creeping up on me.
    and unless you're not using the medicine:
what?! you gonna start imagining ******* your mother?
    the point is that Kant can never become a
populist philosopher... he made his life so: that
he never encountered the weitgheist of Napoleon
at Juna... Kant wasn't the antithesis of Marxism...
      you can't take Kant to a movie premier in Leicester Sq....
   you can take Kant to the pulpit...
   sure thing, you can take Hegel, as you do,
to get people mobilised...
       that's why i prefer Kant in that he gave me something
to work on... as much as i admire
                  the people subjected to creating phenomenons of
themselves... so that people can be cloned and bleached
and be told the marching orders: these days musicians
are the kings... poets are the paupers...
   i identify with neither...
                       i mean, just the one word he invented,
if you want to ask me about a priori and a posteriori
atypical things people regurgitate about Kant,
i'm not your man...
                      if i can salute to the pig through of everything
and nothing,
                       i'll make a statue from oyster shells instead...
it's enough that i told you what Kant wrote
that 0 = negation...
                               but given what i'm trying to
really say is the people who give us individuality...
it doesn't matter whether you live in a democracy or
an autocracy...
   the matter is simpler, because only one word has
any meaning right now: to congregate at the altar of
the noumenon...
                               res per se... that the latin translation...
   i don't know how best to poeticise the blurry line
between psychiatry and philosophy, given that most
    psychiatrists would put philosophers in bird cages
and asked them to howl like wolves rather than
tweet like budgies...
                            all i can say about a priori
and a posteriori though?
                                              outside of time and space,
a bit like: beyond good and evil...
    a priori i denote by the right-wing word pure...
   and a posteriori by the      ditto           word impure...
    ethnical alliance of words, you know how the 20th century
story goes...
                      a priori: a blank canvas...
          a posteriori: the painting...
                          i'm not going to stutter on the word
knowledge any time soon...
                                        i see no fascination with knowledge,
i know the world is more transit and fleeting
if i sentence my emotional whole to doubt,
than if i sentence it to denial...
                      to a rigidness... that i sentence it to a permanence,
an illusion, of growing old and having all the lovelies
at my biding, in a political cartwheel...
                           either knowledge diminishes doubt,
or it embraces denial... but the wavering of thought can't
be detached from thinking...
                     with thought being ascribed denial rather than
doubt... it soon morphs into delusion...
                 can you really sport that sort of blonde quiff and
speak about red buttons?
    it's not even Friday and i'm sorta waiting for a mob
boxing match in Washington... easy kicks...
     it's Klitschko vs. Tyson on the cards,
   if i'm not feeling it... then all the past electorate weeks
have been a waste... all the protests signifying a jack-in-a-box...
who escaped it as nothing but purple puff...
and rarely, rarely... do you see people asking
for riches in terms of the words they use...
     vocab materialism is a bit like actual materialism...
a gold-plated toilet seat is about as sought-after as a word
    without being systematically used to banish synonyms...
the horrid affair of english intellectualism...
   the presupposed moral authority...
                            i mean, they moralise *******,
you go to a brothel... they strap a pair of dove wings to prostitutes
and call you a ****...
                          and there's you doing the opposite
of what should attract *******...
       i mean: you pay an extra ten quid to ****** mollest her
oyster of a *******...
                   that has to be some sort of Gethsemane *******...
oh please lord: when will it end?! (enter herr cackle,
the self-righteous faun, dressed as a magpie)...
        never knew that a kiss meant so much
when you didn't put 1 with 2 to make it a *******
and asked the devil to debate: what did i wrong here?
ah, that bit... jumped in the bath and soaked myself
in cold water while she remained, bed bound and *******...
    god: those tickling *****!
                    i could do it 20 times a day and i'd still feel
goosebumps all over them...
                     it's like that talk of the ghost-limb
when people get gangrene / frostbite amputations...
    well, that's what i call a case of "castrato" -
             i'm getting the impressions i lost them to
serve the Catholic church... shame the pharaohs of egypt
never asked the eunuchs how to sing...
   real shame that... a right ol' spot of bother...
   they were the harem toys when the pharaoh couldn't keep up,
i say: there's a limit... the ***** count sometimes
doesn't compete with the libido...
after a while it dilutes and you're shooting blanks...
   but you have a harem of 3000 ladies, king Solomon...
how will you keep them harem bound?
   king Solomon also said: i need 300 pristine virgins
to be castrated... that's 3 to 10 ratio... but since i'm the king
i need my lineage...
and remember that crazy cat lady?
                          she kept 30 cats and those 30 cats just said:
the lady's o.k.... all these 29 cuddly ***** are bothering my
beauty sleep! dogs can sniff each other up... cats?
primo solipsists... they need their personal space...
            the "crazy" cat lady wasn't crazy, the 30 cats became
demented... last time i heard tigers weren't responsible for
wilderbeast stampedes...
                 solipsists... well: "solipsists"... bound to the strict
natural dictum of their species...
              don't you think tigers would love to
roam like hyenas or wolves, or laze like lions?
                        i was really talking about Kant through
this Dionysian frenzy, wasn't i?
                     how when not to look toward
imitating a noumenon or forging out a route toward
such a circumstance?
                            even Heidegger move away from
this ultimate pinpoint...
                                Heidegger claimed that his dasein
made very little of a constancy of the Cartesian thing,
meaning that he couldn't stand-still...
         that somehow being was greather than stasis...
which already create
            the Kantian parallel predating Heidegger himself...
   the suffix of dasein (sein) is what's considered thought...
         it's a prophetic circumstance of seeing a there,
necessarily a future time... and hence him being branded
**** eternal... when in fact that can't be the case...
            nonetheless Kant moved away from Descartes
and said: res per se...
                          and not res cogitans...
he did so, as is apparent in his critique by isolating
                       the precursor: "i think" as an ambiguous fact...
  ambiguous in a sense of: providng the encapsulating
  mechanics for what is best attested as the populist vocab
calls it: eccentricity of "i am" - that which attracts
         the reversal of "i think" being an ambiguous fact,
and more of a chance to demand a circus, of not being
quiet adept at making "i think" an amiguous fact...
and beside the circus of the "madman", having qualms
   as to why adrenaline took over the argument for
and purpose of there being thought involved.
        -  oh honey... i'll mind-******* and eat your
refrigerator out, and by the end we'll be singing sweet ol'
Alabama wishing for a single summer by a lake
frolicking like two butterflies... if this **** can ever come to
an end   -
             Kant didn't, in the cursor that's i am, posit as
a necessary ambiguity... (the res and res per se
were already established) -
                   hence Heidegger had to come...
and make thinking the ambiguity... and that ambiguity did
come, in the form of the ad abstracto there;
                         thinking fizzled out (as Heidegger himself
concluded: we're still not thinking) -
            it's not that we're not thinking, it's that not being "there"
      dictates to us the subsequently not being -
         i.e. that's the borderline distinction -
          by actually being "there" we wouldn't be thinking anyway...
no one thought in Auschwitz...
                            there was no thought encompassed in that hell...
it was dogmatism on one side, versus natural intuition on
the other...  the one side being nurtured by political dogma:
the latter half being bound to an unforgiving nature
                  of man's testmanet outside of all fears of the natural,
and elemental torture...
   as man is prone: with the fewer number of natural
tragedies... he's bound to reach for the godhead and speak
with a tongue, like the sound of Xerxes ordering the Hellespont
to be whipped still..
                  and i know this will have very or only little
appeal in the anglophone world...
                       i'm not at all bothered by it...
what's obstructing the anglophone sphere is this basic need
to pray at the altar of pragmatism...
    you can't make language complicated enough these days...
   philosophy isn't recognised as something beyond
the simple arithmetic of: i can make my speech coherent...
   or... i can write a, b, c, d, e... like Kant says of mathematical
language: 1 + 1 = 2... but then you come to university
level mathematics... and it's no longer 1 + 1 = 2 to be concerned
with... that's what philosophy testifies... a complexity beyond
learning a foreign language, so you can live in Paris,
          and buy groceries, or raise a family... so:
   even language these days can't be deemed worthy of
complication... which, mind you, on my behalf
would make me throw a punch in your face... and your attempt
at complication language a mere ugh... and me then
applauding you toward the current simplicity of the world
affairs... or at least to the psychiatric parlour...
    because... last time i heard... only anti-psychiatrists
bothered to read philosophy books... actual psychiatirsts
either read pharmacology booktlets for the poor...
    and those sofa-session monologues stemming from Freud
of rich under-****** or over-zelous in dreaming rich kids.
Mateuš Conrad May 2016
φιλια-   -λoγια... when compounding words as necessarily categorised prefix and suffix: the vowels tango arguing which ought to peck the peacock of being protruding... that's not the same as the english quasi-German flirt with hyphenated compounds, e.g.: hard-working.

when phenomenons appear, there are still
anomalies, another way to say it is
with a Kantian lexicon, phenomena are
all-sweeping, placebo feelings of inclusion
and a plateau of comparative entitlements
aided by the simile of the chicken-strut
(obedient head nodding, like fans of head-banging
music, unlike the geese brigade of the *******),
cluck cluck, cluck cluck, clock in clock out,
i.e.: with phenomenon there's a unit,
a self-knowing "parasite" given the plateau of
an occurrence that's deviating from pyramids -
the Platonic idea of geometry applied to
politics and economics - this parasite is
a protesting unit, hardly recognisable by
the phenomenon of prosperity (e.g.),
know to itself, a mongrel of solipsism and
the idea of a noumenon... noumenon invoked
exclusively is a thing-in-itself, the existential
cry for the existence of the *other
, something unknown
to us, and / or hardly worth knowing, given
the cinema of phenomena marring the existence
of such creatures with the success rate
of the applicability of phenomena... a noumenon
is an abstracted unitary pivot of solipsism,
it's likely to find its way into psychology's lexicon
as the ego: after all psychology loves to undermine
the affirmative onomatopoeia that are chameleon
(cha cha cha? cha melon? why not ca or ka? anyway,
you see, too many particular protruding extensions,
too many third limbs, too many traffic stoppages
in this language) skin worthy to tattoo onto himself...
noumenon are individuals invited to critique
phenomena from their comfortable status as solipsists,
the de-affirmative units (ego) of not thinking and
thinking that such and such phenomenon is worth
applause / inquiry / critique / negation;
noumenon is a measure of solipsism, a centimetre on
a ruler, given that the ruler is knowledge,
and the centimetre is an instance, recurrence,
the unexpected moment - or eureka
(hyphen, prolong the sentence, don't slip into
what ; and , emphasise, an indication for a change of
subject, or digression) - it's about putting the self
into a noumenon and thought acting as an omni-
surgical instrument to inspect it, a Swiss army knife
if you prefer... opening a can of sardines...
ego always prompts thought to be, a consistent verb,
always disengaging from nouns, retracting a noun
capacity, inverted as the usurper of nouns:
sign... oh sorry, slang language.
it's still bothersome, to practice the logic of possessing
a soul (psychology), yet denying it,
it's a self-defeating logic, to presume the study of soul,
the existence of, to later switch to the existence of
thought, and subsequent behavioural studies
whereby thought (the culprit) is the only justification
for odd behaviour... should i establish the non-existence
of a soul in man i wouldn't continue the study of
a non-existence of, that's firmly established,
but going down the hanging garden of Babylon replacing
the study of a soul (non-existent apparently, including
Nina Simone and Ella Fitzgerald) with the study of
thought and its many prompts seems strange...
why not establish a subject matter about how one
person ***** over another and ask: is there love in this
shanty town that's earth? φιλιαλoγια?
love of logic? or the logic concerning love?
well, it's hardly found on the crux, i was looking at it
with a microscope, a telescope, i got nothing
but a splinter in my eye and my tongue nailed
to an ice cube - true onomatopoeic resemblance,
not of meow or coo coo, bah o' woo L   ghh
(but of words) - deep-throat that ****, gagging of
an open mouth. i was prompted by the idea that
we're all getting richer... mm... with the shy economisation
of the arts as suggested by youth? i 'hink we won't
be anywhere worse-off in this society as we might
be better off in Congo... unless of course i write these
poems without youthful energy secure in
retirement, and pretend that gambling doesn't exist...
come to think of it, i'm more of a gambler than an artist.
David Bojay Jan 2022
a great crusade in search of truth
seeking to understand myself
whatever's left i guess
the reason behind my existence
imagine reaching a goal in which we thought was what we sought
but after a certain time it proves to be illusive and delusionary
**** me
we've added more to our difficulties than we have to our solutions
but once something is solved, new problems arise
original revelations
a life uncluttered opens the doors to the inner self
vast ambitions
sounds of birth/sounds of death
(if i ever want to understand the invisible)
i must be able to find it in the visible
theology is just a mere abstraction of natural phenomenons
religion is testing the possibility of community through our relationships
philosophies based upon nature... the changing seasons
great consequences, advanced causes
the highest level is reality
the certainty of your own demise
the complicated network of truths
Amanda Jan 2014
In
three
simple,
mundane
words.

- in the same way the most beautiful phrase ‘I love you’ is jigsawed together-

I can do the impossible;
coalesce and meld every little thing;
your little laugh and phenomenons beyond our outstretched fingertips .

That is life will
mercifully or regretfully go on.
Originally by Robert Frost.
The original poem is beautiful.

I hope *crosses fingers* that I have done some degree of justice to his little piece of writing.
It is rather fun to make your own rendition on something such as this.
After all, everyone has a tiny tune to sing.  
x
David Bojay Sep 2021
the realm of illusion
not much more illusory than in the physical world
extreme unreliability
impression by the unseen seer
changing forms
glamour
an object seen as it were from all sides at once
the inside as if the outside
inadequate language
frequent reversal
astral light
139
as 931 and so on
capable masters
great hurry and carelessness
all possible forms of illusion
how do i deal with phenomenons like this
few words are needed
death is easier to face than to try and wrap my head around (life)
it's not about seeing correctly, but translating what is being seen
trying to carry my consciousness without it breaking
from physical to astral... and back
possibility of recollections could partially be lost or distorted in the blank interval
experiencing between breaths
the root of this moment to the next
the inevitable now
spirits unfortunately dormant
we'll soon build up the courage
The things i can't control
I need a firm grasp
But i keep slipping up
What do i do to counteract these phenomenons?
It's like the Bermuda Triangle, i have no idea.
My ignorant side still wants to find out
Not a shock.
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2016
if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

and a decent poem this could have been, but then two
distractions came -
       one of less concern than the other:

a. a program on u.f.o. sightings,
         not so much the subject matter,
but the journalistic ridicule of what was later
    translated into a "sensible" branch
of phenomenology - the branch filled with
awe and fear - unlike the branch that deals
with: 'oh, there's but a simple explanation
behind it all',
               the hardship of seemingly
good intentions in making others believe
something tends to end with a crucifixion in
one way or another - the lesser crucifixion?
evidently stigmatism -
                      perhaps a more unfathomable
experience - no hand in the cookie jar
but nonetheless the hand being caned -
later, much much later the talk of
ostracising ostriches - ducking for cover
   when a less mainstream scientists comes
along and takes out equipment to
understand certain phenomena -
          perhaps without the layman's blinking
incomprehensibility - but at least
         not journalistic poking fun off -
     or how the ostriches always talk about
the faculty of imagination overpowering
the senses - casually phrased: you must have
been imagining things... well... **** me!
why did they invent hallucinogenic drugs
given that imagination can suddenly invoke
a hallucination so potent?

b. first it started with your face,
                 then it started with a mirror
and a face in it in some nightclub bathroom -
some look terrible in mirrors
       the movement disguises the many
apparently or non-apparent imperfections -
that trick of morality that beauty (is but
a short lived tyranny) needs to almost
nervously twitch for the participant in
a brief spell of Narcissism,
  so they take the photo, call it a selfie and
say: if i look good in a selfie, the image
in the mirror doesn't matter...
                           they actually look better in
the mirror than in the selfie -
   but then i decided i had enough of the culture,
only a day before, started to look more and
more at my shadow - maybe the
shape of the nearly skin head made me curious,
so i said to myself: tomorrow night,
   when you're sober, go out and make an
album of photographs.
              hence the distraction b... putting the album
together... from colour, to b & w aesthetic,
   fiddling with enough exposure and contrast
to get the shapes out (not a brilliant camera) -
but apart from my anti-selfie i
took two photographs of modern relics -
    they having dismantled them...
                 *phoneboxes
!
  i remember walking home with a few beers
when it started raining... good thing that
      one of them had the top glass window
smashed and it wasn't there...
              a great bar it turns out...
yep, a beer or two in a phonebox and
the nostalgia of having pockets filled with coins -
   and that ramous number oh eight-hundred
    R E V E R S E        0800 7 3 8 3 7 7 3
(just like the American say it) - on the other line
a person would hear the automated message:
someone is calling you from... would you like
to pay for the call?
             relics, truly... or minibars when it rains
or cubicles to **** in... why not? anyone using it
for anything else?
                  and so it was today,
after watching the vice presidential discussion
i picked the quietest moment in the night
3:30 a.m., the quietest moment in the night -
30 minutes out, started counting the number of
steps it would take for a concrete shadow
under a streetlamp would fizzle out and become
less and less visible, until another streetlamp
gave back a full-bodied concrete form,
the less blurry and fizzling out after ~34 steps...
it takes about 34 steps for the shadow to fizzle
out when looking at it when created by
a passed streetlamp, as said, another streetlamp
replenishes the lost density of the shadow.

which brings me onto... overpriced books.
        now, stopping drinking could help me buy socks,
or a new pair of shoes...
  but...
                              i haven't picked up a book
recently that would grab my attention...
                 and the last time i wrote poetry while
also reading a book, not since the time of Ezra's Cantos,
and that's donkey's years away, it would seem.
     but by chance i came across one...
the most expensive book i ever bought was in
Edinburgh, £28.50 and in brackets
             [cheapest online £60.30 inc. shipment]...
but the book i'm going to reference seemingly
fell from the sky... Ponderings II - VI:
Black Notebooks 1931 - 1938
by Heidegger -
which stands at £30.10 from a second-party
retailer on Amazon... otherwise it's £50.00!
i am mad enough to buy this book, hence the strict
regime of alternative drinking nights...
           but that's beside the point...
i don't care to compliment the translation,
       this is the first insight into Heidegger stripped
bare from what i consider to be the hardest books
to read - the devilishness of youth -
2 ****** years and a few good books and much
poetry in between enabled i finished that
   monstrosity that is being and time -
but these ponderings? a complete and utter
revelation! well... it's no good looking at it
if you haven't read the magnum opus -
        i can say enough in that he does treat
aphorisms with a slight disdain, or rather as stepping
stones to create an alternative narrative,
    aphorism that have a different impact in a sense
that they are not isolated to just one isolated incident,
     i guess it's phenomenological in a sense
that phenomenons weave a narrative whether in
a cause and effect scenario, alternatively
        either cause, or effect; i thought i write this
poem before writing something less lucid when
relaxing with the whiskey during the end of the shift...
   and all because what's revealed from this
is how to answer the above question -
      if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around
to hear it, does it make a sound?
    if you look up all the Anglophone answers to
the question, you end up reaching the escape
route into buddhism, pop culture jokes
          and a general impracticality of it all
being related to perception and that horrid word
reality.
                i don't like this approach at all -
the easiest escape route is to approach buddhism -
that's the standard practice in English societies,
to escape into buddhism and chime jar jar jam and
joe who was later known of om -
     the book in question (ponderings ii - vi)
shows the skeleton of what is otherwise an Alcatraz
of prose in that systematic height of composition,
and that's how the concept of dasein enters
like a behemoth - in these ponderings dasein
is stripped to the bare essential of: being & there -
that's how i saw that ****** question answered -
it's not really a question of perception
    but a question of concern - and i have started
to really adore how the Germans always manage
to provide a higher tier of logic than the English,
the de facto argument of logic is:
   if i use words, i am logical -
   which doesn't not mean i categorising further
and suggesting i'm also rational,
          because that's beside the point -
illogical expression is something incomprehensible
for a logical person: sign language -
        but that's not to say something illogical
is irrational -
                    what i am suggesting is
that by using words i am logical -
            i can also be irrational, but nonetheless logical,
in the same way as i can be rational
    using the same starting point -
                                but in saying that i can be irrational
cannot mean that i'm illogical -
       because i am still using the basic blueprint: words.
this is the avenue where this £30.10 priced book
on Amazon leaves you wandering -
              but not on its own...
   as already stated...                   and i never
thought i'd be able to say it: reading philosophy
in English has suddenly become comprehensible
and rather enjoyable to me...
         by the looks of it... this will be the only
book on philosophy in English in my library
(the history of western philosophy doesn't count),
given that all the rest of them are in Polish...
      well... with the exception of Nietzsche,
he's pompous enough to be read in English,
         reflections from Scotland,
        on the faded and ever more fading former
Empire.
Sourodeep Jul 2015
I have seen lot of magic
performers doing various tricks
spectators gaping in awe
illusions subtle and raw.
The one trick which is so old
towards which many have now turned cold
is how he placed three spinning ***** in space
distinct sized spheres running a circular race
all separated by different mile values
coming close and going away in peculiar ways,
can one day among them have such an accord
get lined up in one definite chord,
the smallest can cast such a shadow
so accurate even the brightest has to bow.
Splendid heavenly display of perfection
puts these earthly phenomenons to rest
the supreme magician at his very best.
This can only happen because of God !
and we might never able to solve this mystery
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2017
not to mention the notes,
    who the hell enthrones a sadist
on what's a hyperventilating compass
......... and .
                 .
                 .
                 .
                 .
                 .
                 .
                 .
                 .               and .     .     .
                                        .     .     .
                                        .     .     . -
what's called conceptualisation, or
   the timessu doku* no. 8860, dubbed:
finding the first 5...
     fractions 9 / 9  and then 81...
it's an eye-sore, maybe it should be encapsulated
by .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .
    but i left it it at
.  .  .  .  .  6  7  .  .
.  7  .  8  .  9  4  3  6
.  .  6  .  3  .  8  .  .
1  .  .  .  9  .  5  6  7
6  5  9  4  7  1  2  8  3               rectangles and squares problem
3  2  7  6  5  8  1  9  4                 (imitating a drunk
7  .  3  .  6  .  9  4  .                   watching the television with only
4  6  .  9  8  .  x  .  2                  one eye open to stop the carousel;
.  9  2  .  4  .  6  7  .                              ­  i.e. dajjal watching dajjal)

   that x in there? that's important, i think i can't
solve no. 8860 (i.e. finding the first 5)
because of it...
    and it's on paper, rather than on a digital
format, and that's hard to correct / revise /
solve...
                not to mention the ***** working its
purpose...  
                but such is the joy of being able to do something
that doesn't require crosswords...
  can't do them to save my life...
             i knew a guy once that could
do samurai su doku...
            i have to be content with this tier...
getting an eye-check...
          it's the spacing and 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
   arranged into a

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9      2      3      8      7      4     3      5     1       (e.g.)

so working from that, it's just as much as
knowing for to spell... it's optically infuririating
to have to compensate on something, somewhere...
some people just see clear spacing
and can do these puzzles quickly...
   it feels hard to attack humanism with science,
the whole thing is hard to figure out,
let alone no. 8860 (finding the 1st 5)...

unless you can compensate listening to the offspring's
debut album, no hero and black magic...
  but it really is a problem of spacing...

     i used the punctuation mark of a dot to emphasise
the digital canvas / pixel accuracy dynamic...
    
               how do you start to conjure these puzzles
into completion? should i put a ruler to the computer screen?
      but that x in the "spelling" of no. 8860
         undid me... just lost the heart to complete...
took me too long to insert anything after that...
and i didn't have a second copy, there was
only one 29th of feb. 2017 coming my way...
  
the best i could do is to write a poem counter
to what the theory states... i.e. not all poems
are written for a need of abandon... most of the time
it's a crossword, or as this case proves: a su doku.

           if poems are ever abandoned, it's to stress a concern
for tomorrow,
                     i really can't imagine myself passing
off a clean paragraph that composes a book,
that a book is composed of,
               i can't really imagine a better form
of punctuation than poetry,
           poetry to me is symbiotic with punctuation,
as in: you might just get to write another
poem / colon the next day...

              or like now... i hate that all these columns
of culture are pristine... then you get to read
the biographic sketch that gave such and such a book
to arise on in no man's land...
   like the koran and aisha...

         ******, i partied when there was no party,
i was found singing on a windowsill when no one else
was singing but a sparrow in the night,
the most beautiful thing i ever managed to see
was an insomniac crow, flying while the skies of
england were overcast... a kestrel on my fence,
a robin with a full orange bust fidgeting queer...
and yes, those parkinson sparrows...
   i looked at more birds than might allow me a stipend
to reach the age of 50... and have a saturday newspaper
magazine column actually giving a ****...

   i do not that ignition wasn't the debute album,
but given the sales, it was treated as such...

             i like the fact that poetry entertains sloppy...
   *****, raw, ***...
                    i could never rewrite or revise or edit
this *******, i'd loße my nerve...
                                     i *******... squiggly lines
and random patterns to antithesis phenomenons
that keep repeating themselves...
             i can't believe that writers spend 3 years
on a book, to then give it to critical hyenas...
this carcasss is heading straight down route s. beckett's
watt and j. joyce's finnegans wake,
and ezra pound's cantos...
             this bit of me is not heading for
a bestseller status... is down route per se...
                   because that's what i care, about...
that i am imitating darwinism's natural selection...
well... let's call it a ponce's selection
  and more snobs than screaming beatlemania fans;
or what the concept of persisting royalty does
to you...
            you half **** a refined talk of a    p h via t h
into thy, thigh         or veering into     thesp
                       ian,               or the said much more quickly:
finicky ***** of phonetic arithmetic.
Reign Aug 2020
12
12 well my love what can I say about 12
In astrology there are 12 signs in the zodiac
Though the 5th and tenth are my favorite
When you add 10 and 5 you get 15 minus your favorite number 3 we get 12
That’s not all about 12
Jacob has 12 sons in the Bible
Jesus had 12 disciples
Moses led his people out of Egypt and twelve tribes were started
Let’s not forget In English, twelve is the largest number that has just one syllable.
While time is precious and we hold so dear the analog clock has only 12 faces to depend on
12 my dear has been the number of miracles
Phenomenons and amazement In all of mankind.
But with all of that, the greatest 12 that will go down in history is today’s 12. The twelve years I got to enjoy being married to you, the twelve years of memories we share the twelve years of me getting on your nerves and the 12 years of you not having it any other way and neither would I love neither would I
Happy 12!
Happy 12
Madeleine Toerne Aug 2014
Idiosyncrasies.
Convincing oneself that two very uncorrelated happenings,
phenomenons, even, are correlated.
See, like the dry skin around my mouth appeared the day we met.
It lasted throughout the summer and is clearing up, now.
Now that we are all clear.

Or, perhaps, there's been a mind-fog face-fog correlation sans
romantic relationship.
In that case, I've been blind.
Blind as a bat.
I mis-read, mistook, misinterpreted my own dry skin.

It's almost like,
at least it can be compared to the time when I went to the Urgent Care because there was a rash on my back and the doctor said it was shingles.
In some of the same breaths he also mentioned that usually only old people get it.
And, he said, he said people who are stressed, too.
And I said, "but I'm not stressed."

And then I thought, am I?
Bryce Perry Feb 2015
The red gated community
sits idle, w/an unhindered title
The creatures are spectators of the seasonal phenomenons,
Leaves expend their death-green souls

Their corpses cringing w/the bitter
wind exhausting its skeleton breath over
the landscape.
Nameless May 2014
And it's almost sad
That the messy
Scribbled handwriting
On the back of a crumpled old napkin
That tries so hard to convey you
Through only the most diverse
Array of adjectives
Will never be able to make a reader
Really see the storm in you eyes
Or taste the apple flavored Chapstick
Covering the lips that you use to
Do things like both kiss me,
And tear me to pieces.

It's indescribably lonely
Being the only person
In an infinite amount of space
That will ever understand the unparalleled purity of the little phenomenons that are you,

But at the same time,
If anyone else were ever able to experience
These things as well,
I'd never breathe again.
Star BG May 2017
Wisdoms inner guidance says...

Either you move in the heart with harmony,
or out of heart in chaos.

Either you bond with Mother Gia secure,
or you live with dearth unstable.

Either you find your true essence of love,
or live an existence in misery.  

Either you connect with the riches in oneness,
or become poor inside other peoples shadow.

Either you move in a higher vibration of love,
or are consumed with violence and you leave with a tarnished soul.

Either you move with grand phenomenons everyday,
or think negatively like nothing is a miracle and suffer.

Wisdoms inner guidance says....
Its time to evolve and align inside love,
to create heaven on Earth.

StarBG © 2017
Star BG Apr 2017
Wisdoms inner guidance says...

Either you move in the heart with harmony,
or out of heart in chaos.

Either you bond with Mother Gia secure,
or you live with dearth unstable.

Either you find your true essence of love,
or live an existence in misery.  

Either you connect with the riches in oneness,
or become poor inside other peoples shadow.

Either you move in a higher vibration of love,
or are consumed with violence and disappear into the afterlife with karma.

Either you move with grand phenomenons everyday,
or think negatively like nothing is a miracle and suffer.

Wisdoms inner guidance says....
Its time to evolve and align inside love,
and create heaven on Earth.

StarBG © 2017
wisdom, guidance, oneness, love, harmony, heaven, Earth
Vincent JFA Mar 2017
I think it was that moment
between the look and the kiss
that triggered the highlight reel
of a thousand seconds
broken up between some years,
filtered through a kaleidoscope,
vaguely narrating familiar tales of one
of the world's strangest phenomenons
by language of wet mouths,
pools of dead stars swallowing our irises,
and the sensations left behind from
the brushing of hands so subtle,
you could never tell whether it really happened,
or if it was just the anticipation;
and I guess the best excuse I got
for why I can't remember any of it,
is because I never really forgot about it.
Sometimes I find that my love for video games makes its way into my poetry one way or another. I had written this a little over a year ago, reflecting on a moment I had with an old flame the night before I penned it.

Ihadurca/Ihadulca Il Imella is the main antagonist of the 1999 PlayStation game, Evil Zone, an all-time favorite of mine to this day. Episode 9 in her story-arc was titled "Memory is Like a Kaleidoscope", and it was always something that stuck with me as I grew up. Some years back, I started to really grasp on what it meant to me; how memories sometimes have this way of shifting every time you reflect on them as time passes.

You sometimes remember one detail, maybe forget another, but the feeling of the moment is always there, it just presents itself differently while essentially staying unchanged at its core. Much like how a kaleidoscope, as different as every shape is each time you peek in and turn or shake it, still uses the same beads and gems to make the shapes you see.

And well, that's kind of what it was like sharing that tender moment with that old flame last year, like observing a kaleidoscope of all the moments from six years ago, up to that night.
Unpolished Ink May 2020
A rare and rather precious bloom

The shining light in a darkened room

Someone special

Now and then

Gets closest to a perfect ten

The rest of us live in their shade

They never last

All flowers fade

Phenomenons are born not made
Diaz Feb 2016
walking through the woods or canyons
seeing leaves, trees, rocks, and
animals in all directions
i love all the beauties and powers of nature
its so nice
i love the natural world
all the mysterious phenomenons are simply breathtaking
adept Jul 2019
the metaphor for the phenomenons of the world
who we come to for advice, guidance, wisdom
i can’t find my way
i have no faith
but i’m searching
life is hard. we r all trying
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2020
.if you want the fresh impromptu, you might as well skip this unpublished draft, i'm even starting to think about leaking my hellopoetry.com password... but given my suspension... FOR 8 MONTHS because of some soccer mum not having encountered something akin to a harlequin novel... i'll leave it at that: •••••••••••••••••, here's to some depeche mode... last time i checked, even africans have the same inside of their hands "whitened"... there is no racial difference to be allowed to read into chiromancy... i met one ***-, tomikuni... he also inquired about reading my hands... we're all pale, governed by the thumb, when asked, or not asked, to hold "something".

and what is the only variant of classical
music, heard on a radio?

    well... there's the fama radio night
sessions - with not adverts
   radiofama.com.pl -

it might be your take on what the french
tell the english, i.e.: euro-trash...

but no adverts...

                          and there is no reason
to concede to reviving punk,
hippy music didn't see a revival,
why should punk?

   a variant of classical music radio,
akin to bbc 2, or classic fm...

       that "oddity" of a morphed bbc 4
internet coverage, akin to lionel nation...
and what i mean by that,
is not h. d. thompson's gonzo...

          the allure of the, un-scripted...
and all of this is raw, flesh,
language at a smithfield
                   or a billingsgate...

talk-radio as the logical conlusion
of exposing your child to classical music...
it's genius -
   reverting back to classical music
once you're older, and don't play
an instrument?
                      what's the point?

dr steve turley bashing out a medieval
mash-up on the guitar...
            and that's "not" even
inspiration for a rock star status...
i like his smugness -
    it's... zesty, lime-like:
             certainty of the twinkling
of the eye that consists of:
    a remaining - intact, i.e., sane.

bbc radio 4?
      what, with zee archers nonsense?
this radio novella
that keeps propping itself up
like a bad take on eastenders without
the kray brothers?
          
                  talk-radio is all about
a non-existent "script":
       the flamboyance of spontaneity...
with the crux, being?
                
                                     ensō -

the only aspect of ζεν, a ταoιστ might
respect.

      p.s.
                  do i believe in u.f.o.  s?
(****, acronyms and the plural article
attached to them, mind boggling)
     no... but i've seen one, so the belief impetus
is, kind'ah missing in me...
             i've transcended speculation,
a question-worthiness on the matter...
since the question no longer manifests
      itself in the narration impetus?
the impetus for narrative, is narration per se;
and how lovely, it is to see
a noumenon...
      when the world of phenomenons
reads like this:

  the times newspaper, saturday, july 21,
2018,
               OVER 70,000 CHILDREN
PUT ON PILLS FOR DEPRESSION...

great headline...
     alas, a chemistry degree (3rd)
from edinburgh uni.,
     am i chemo-phobic?
                 i should ask myself that
same question, when i next
brush my teeth, apply shampoo to
my cranium,
   or wash my hands.
__________
as any drunk might,
   now i know why my parents decided
to leave Poland...
   Chernobyll...
           when you hear the facts...
about a single gram of Uranium, U-236,
2.34 x 10 to the power of seven, years
being the "half-life" or...
****, i should have read over my
chemistry notes from Edinburgh...
before the particle fizzles out...

                 i was lucky...
i am to born again with the age bracket
of 33... which means i only received
a Cain tattoo on my right shoulder-blade...
birth-mark,
apparently i suffered greatly as a child,
hernia and all...
            i had the birth-mark removed,
i'm pretty sure i was a donor,
my flesh became donated to
   some scientific lab and studied...
here's my Shylock pound...

given what's currently happening in my
home city...
with the slow decay, the ever more increasing
number of cancer victims, middle-aged....
they're talking about the sort of cancer
that... moves, visibly, under your skin...
people are freaking out...

     it's not a joke,
   the soviets wanted to hush hush the whole
affair...
                   3.2 of whatever scale...
was hushed... but the reality was
aquivalent to 400 x-rays in a spell of a minute...
i was under the impression that i was
the child of economic migrants...
   eh eh...
               i don't think that's actually the whole
picture...
   come on! if people were hot and bothered
in Minsk... Belarus...
           this wasn't a ******* tornado...
tornados come and go... we're talking
500 years of after-effects...
               even my great-grandmother
remembers how the trees in the local park
were affected... streaks of autumn trees...
among streaks of actual spring green
phosphorescent trees illuminated
by street lamps...
          like the current phosphorescent green
oaks in england...

   they fled... and took me with them...
who gives a **** whether i came to england
without speaking the language...
hiding in toilets at my primary school...
but then... one day...
after self-teaching myself the language,
studious, labour of the mind,
books and books...
i was the teacher's pet...
             i remember this one time...
st. augustine's, near barkingside...
i was the only kid doing long arithmetic...
while the "natives" decided to
stage a: lord of the flies sort of coup
against the replacement teacher...
and what happened when our...
  ****... ms. mcguire! can't believe i still
remember her name...
  i wasn't happy that the children
were scolded,
  i did my work, they didn't,
and i managed to do whatever i wanted
while they had to catch-up
on what i already did...

         for whatever childhood i had,
i still remember it fondly...
    my father being unable to teach me how
to swim in the english channel,
me teaching myself to swim out of sheer
will and determination: competition...
i know people brag about:
how smart they were so early on:
                             yadda yadda bull... ****!

now i am here to take out my investment
in this language,
   to... peacock and strut...
        as i am also glad to not brag about
being a polyglot or a... eh... somewhat polymath...
either this... or a slump in depression
and suicide thinking:
   as always... i don't get out of bed
and think of one impossible thing,
   i get out of bed to overcome one suicidal thought...
not all suicidal thinking is the end game,
some of it relieves you in having
integrating a kick-up your **** to get out of bed!

so... the picture...
well like any past-time of any: happily to be drunk...
walking is one,
the other...
       i wanted to experience a hamsa...
     i was going to do the whole hand,
but i figured: spare some of that ink
for what you're going to write on your grandfather's
80th birthday card...
poor ******...
     he still remembers getting sweets from
two SS-men in black,
  sweets that would stick his hands together...
he still remembers how his uncle
laid in a patch of green, shot dead,
how the russian soldiers would rather prefer
to sleep in the barns with the goats
on hay rather than in beds,
how most of them were teenagers...
and how my grandmother's ultimate insult
to him was: that he was a skurwysyn:
  *******...
     well... he does have 3 other brothers...
half-brothers...
                         eh... clown needs to juggle?
however bad he was...
we did go fishing together...
    but now that he's demented...
and has a dementia routine...
                    it's hard to tell what it feels
in this, transition period of the perils of
us, the mortal men...
                  i could never associated mortality
with any sort of morality,
other than it being dictated by one's
own ambition: to keep as many people
from my private life as possible.
           so when my jewish neighbor
recently converted to islam drops by and
comments about my barber skills:
you and my son look like you've just been
released from auschwitz birkenau...
we laugh...
            and how it suits me... beard and all...
monk...
      cool cool...
   i'm still studying the qabbalah...
                    christianity became... too poverty
stricken for me, in terms of points of reference...
although not circumcised...
why would i be?
                          that extra bit of skin is
for me to not be ashamed of jerking off once
in a while...
   pije... pali... konia wali.

            and this is where the: right hand doesn't
know what the left hand is doing...
regarding chiromancy...

              tzayach's...
i tattooed over chokhmah,
                chesed and netzach....
for the love of god...
there's no     girdle of venus on either
of my hands...
  either hand looks like there's
a letter imprinted on them: M...
                i had a "fwend" in high school
once... god, what is it with the muslims...
either they want to **** you,
or convert you!
    started his own muslim chiromancy...
talked **** about how there's
the number 72 on my hands...
the number of names of the goat-blood
                               allah god...

no... i'm pretty ******* sure that's an M...
anyway...

p.s.
and then you look up those words ref.
chiromancy...
                 as ever, better to bewilder yourself
with what's in front of you,
in your posession than to *******
yourself around the zodiac brothel of
          ... well... even the zodiac killer
is more fascinating than all this: "constellations
talk"... yeah, and a paragraph of
marquis de sade's writing is more
of a hard-on than some harlequin novel!

i tattooed over the words:
    chokhmah...     in the sefirot tree:
wisdom... yah...
            chesed...        ditto:
    love... el...
               netzach...             ditto:
victory... adonoy tzevaot...
   2, 4, 7... those are the allocated numbers
to the sefirot tree...
   whether or not gematria is your thing...
because i'm the type of, "guy",
that likes the maxim: i'll meet you half-way,
now you meet me, half-way...

how could any muslim,
think i could convert,
  to the brat ******* son of christianity,
who keeps nagging,
and nagging, and punching and screaming...
if, that is, monotheism is a noble cause...
why would i look toward
the evolutionary direction...
no past, only forward,
how much of darwinism is about:
forward...
   all our ancestors were idiots...
ah... but what will those,
who will inherit what we... floundered think,
of us?
         not much, by the looks of things...
what have i done?
   to love wisdom,
is to find victory...
   the will, will come from itself,
and the power, vested in it,
i don't need to look for the "logos"
via the christian deity...
   i merely look at the genesis of the idea...
Heraclitus...
            and that's it...
and why do i do "stupid" things when drinking...
like pretending to tattoo my hand?
i do not possess the luxury of dreaming...
rarely... i do, but mostly:
it's the abyss that entertains me...
so i have to do something stupid
within the framework of a "today",
that i might sharpen my memory for
a "tomorrow"...

       i have nothing to learn from
the christians...
                  i might as well turn to paganism
if, and only if,
my... deposed fascination with
judaism diminishes...
                    i don't even care whether
i'm a jew or not, a yew: paraphrasing
the prefix from yiddish...
those people, were citizens of Paul-on-a-leash...
land...
                this is the best i can offer...
i'm not... **** like the ******* caduceus
of protruding veins wrapping
the ******* intact?

****... here's a chimera for you:
**** of a Hermes, heart of a...
     head of a...
                  feet of a...
and a tail of a dobberman-albino-monkey:
when it was still aesthetically pleasing
to trim the ears and cut off the tail
of that particular dog breed!
   and... i'm still drinking...
                      what have you...
bitter, inconsistent, whatever you like...
i'll just trap this in the internet index,
open a newspaper from sunday,
that big one, format,
                   the old school way of reading
an english newspaper:
   having once tried folding a page
on the tube (underground)...
              never mind, thank god i still have
my *******...
i don't look like a ******* loser
all of the time jerking off
without having one...
         yeah: i'm pretty sure the kippah
has something to do with:
the imitation game, of medieval monk's
donning the tonsure haircut.

p.p.s. em... revision, it was actually U-235...
and the core of a nuclear power-plant...
being exposed...
   like 40 ******* Hiroshima explosions
in one hour, non-verbatim...
but Chernobyl was a ghost town
without the sort of tourism manifesto
of Zionists...
who would have to revisit
the grave of their ancestry...
                  no "big" deal though...
m'eh, just a little glitch...
no children in Frankfurt being told
to not play outdoors...
just a glitch...
                the holocaust is forever
the major no. 1 human disaster...
pre-planned...

     say... why study jurisprudence,
when not having studied the thesaurus
helps, i mean:
isn't all of the jursprudent concept
based upon access to a thesaurus,
aren't all nouns: "suspect",
readied for the synonym spaghetti
counsil? no? my bad?

  oh, oh... good to know! really great,
great to know: who the ****
is peddling this sort of *******!
weasels.
even your own shadows will
not forgive you...
mark my word...
whether angels, demons,
your own shadows will not forgive
you...
you'll be dancing the *******
1518 dancing plague:
whether you like it or not!

      let's take a summary:
what looks worse,
Chernobyl or, Auschwitz?
how many tourists visit Auschwitz,
how many tourists visit Chernobyl?
hmm...
    tough number to crack open
for comparison...
          this is the one time i will
craft a crux for / of moral relativism...
who was gagging for it,
and... who wasn't... when it happened:
"out of the blue"?
        let's just say:
Chernobyl wasn't premeditated...
Auschwitz, was...
           now i did start learning
about the qabbalah for a reason:
the holocaust wasn't the worst horror
of the 20th century,
the 20th century prime tattoo of historical
events: wasn't Auschwitz...
       and i will, continue,
to learn qabbalah, denoucning my "christianity",
for this, sole, reason...
the yews, jews, yids,
aren't the only people alive in this world,
i'm not going to buy into this
solipsistic narrative complex...
esp. when i will, forthrightly:
denounce who was crucified...
      i'm done... with the unearthing of
the nag hammadi library in 1945,
complimented by the josephus ben matthias
historian...
             how jesus, "son of god"
played chinese whispers in the gosepl of
st. thomas...
   n'ah... n'ah mate... i'm done...
            find yourself a ******* imam
or a rabbi: my mind is made up!
ich will tanz diese tango...
              egal du wie es, oder nicht!
sorry... whether deutsche or not,
west saxon grammar translates itself:
*** essex bound.
And there I was sitting in the dark,
All my thoughts were parked,
I couldn't move none of my ideas or emotions,
Too busy looking at life, boasting,
Then another shade of darkness,
Covered my eyes,
As I sunk deep into the underground skies,
Im a motionless body,
Yelling but nobody, can hear me scream,
I thought to myself, this must be a dream,
But it wasn't a dream
Then a supreme being, approached me with a deep voice,
And offered me a golden choice,
A faceless apparition, that said I had many ambitions,
Once I gave in, my soul caved in, and then a heart felt a blazed,
I was scared at first, what I thought was seconds, was hours in a hearse,
Spiritually purified by this being,
Then after that I started seeing,
Things that the civil eye can't beam, or even dream of,
Tears started runnin' from above, my eye lids as well as my sweat glands,
It took me twenty years to realize, this awakening that was happening,
Seraphims, the right hands of gods, purified my soul against the odds,
My soul was on fire but it felt good but the flames didn't hurt nor burn,
It was the cleansing of my sins, I placed the broken ashes in my mental urn,
When I explained to the pastors, they were quick to ridicule with laughter,
Some preacher aye, can't even explain spiritual phenomenons these days,
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2017
pray to god, you don't have the ambition of being an artist, under the wing or the roof, of a father who's a professional in either carpentry, roofing or any other industrial trade: your supposed "work" will be greatly unappreciated, or even ridiculed, esp. in an age when en masse piracy of artistic expression is not scolded, whipped, invited to a sojourn in an iron maiden, or straight off the word go: pay you ******* pleb, you ******* philistine - take to admiring a brick wall, than a ******* rembrandt instead; now choke on those giggles.

what could be worse than a transition from
the i.r.a. to islamic state terrorism?
i really feel, nay, i really pity the english,
for being such, absolute contemptible *****
to have managed to transition from
one type of terrorism to another,
oh so quickly, and stealthily -
   personally i prefer to drop a skiving
venomous tongue into the affairs of today
& tomorrow than a bomb -
at least it has the decency & potential
to cushion the more serious blows...
      well i know that some people are bad
at counting, or the basic arithmetic,
   but the continual ignorance of diacritical
"arithmetic" makes the ****** greeks look
overladden peacocks donning jewels...
come on! it's basic arithmetic,
  if you can't do the heimlich on the umlaut
on ö into a grapheme œ - or the same
with the æ in the case of ä...
   just count, count for ****'s sake!
     pattern become paa qui -
        and *** becomes poot -
        i admit that other diacritical marks
do not have this simple interpretation -
you know what, forget it,
don't learn linguistics -
    just learn the diacritical idiosyncrasies...
i mean: how can a language remain lost
within a people, who sometimes manage
to utter the words: how do you say that?
   or: i'm not even going to pronounce that...
fine! give me a woodpecker's worth
of an onomatopoeia, or just the dumber:
                     coo coo qi chew!
i can't believe i'm saying this as an acquirer
of a language, that no native has or had
managed to spot...
          and only english, with its lack of
diacritical indicators has managed to fathom
the perfect zoo of accents,
               they even crafted the zoo of accents
into a pseudo indian caste system...
  oh **** me, it's there, just spend a day on
a construction site...

so what will it be? a scolding tongue,
         a damning tongue, or the next bomb?
my offer: take it or leave it,
         or pick up the next body parts...
i've simply had enough of this ignorance,
if the greeks are applying diacritical marks,
so should you! mind you: clear syllable incisions
in words, would do miracles to the phenomenon
of dyslexia, given that i find dyslexia
being an exclusive anglophone phenomenon...
and what do you do phenomenons?
  you turn them into kantian noumenons,
or boxes, or the *per se
or: res per se,
  my... that ticks off both the revision of
pre-existentialism: phenomenology -
  and combats the cartesian model of
  the res cogitans...
**** it, i'll be the first to announce it:
res per se has just replaced the cartesian
        res cogitans...
   oh yeah: here's to thinking being replaced
by a slingshot, with being, being a strain,
       a cushioning pre-release boiling point;
hence the combination of res per se
  and res vanus - i'm empty up to a point,
then, out of nowhere, something akin to this,
happens.
      
- and yes, i don't like my parents,
   i stopped calling my father by his initial,
and instead started calling him sixtus IV -
patron saint of the sistine chapel -
yep, i don't like with my parents -
i live with my patrons -
     we disagree on a lot of things:
primarily my drinking habits, and my
drunken sudoku carousels -
           but when we don't disagree i make
the dinner...
             and when we do i simply jest at:
i'm done with this catholic mea culpa
*******... done, no post-scriptum to add;

- and yes, that just goes to show
why all of current art reaching the masses
is absolute drivel...
   a bit like eating a mouthful of cinnamon
followed by a dollop of humus
         then snorting a line of pepper.
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2019
excruciating deficits in enjoying a Dickensian plot:
former title...

returning from a former Soviet satellite state:
i'm a little bit timid, about a "freedom" of speech,
armed with the experience
of dating a Russian girl...
gotye?
  i really don't mind...
Polish radio 1... or is it 2?
great shows: some wild affair
in Warsaw, a blues get together:
reminding people of
the band breakout...

.isn't the statement, akin to: i think... categorized as, delusional, under the fathom of empiricism? thought isn't exactly a sense, yet... hollowed-out man ought to know: that any doubt regarding man's existence-crux of "soul" is a denial of the existence-crux of thought...

or something of the like:
grand, bacchic...
a gargantuan "yawn"
of a whale,
    and in this:
     a sea that sends
its perpetuated invitation...
like an ostrich:
                 with a reply...

i believe that
cinema made most sense,
from the passing of
b & w...
via technicolor...

over-saturation,
that was ideal...
i forget the modern
c.g.i.,
and the 1970s
true grit style of cinema...

the lollipop-styled
technicolor movies...

frank o'hara's:
to the film industry in crisis...
well... current year?
2019:
there really isn't
a crisis as a crisis
that is disguised
as synonymous with
momentum...
and "crisis" is momentum...

mind you...
didn't knausgård
call the Swedes:
cultural cyclopses?
well... after watching
black lake:
a t.v. drama...
well...
it's not exactly
a Dickensian tale,
is it?
there's an anti-******
and all...
but...
this show swayed
an English audience:
to appreciate it?

unless creaking doors
and angles of horror:
the non-existent
third party
is an idea for horror
in, Sveeden...
well... what do i know?

it is bothersome:
thought...
notably in the scenario
of it being
counter-empirical...
yet so attached
toward an
ontological "expectation":

yet thought is a non-sense...
isn't it?
i hoped to entertain
"thinking" for the sole
purpose of defining thought...

it is a non-sense...
and yet...
people describe thinking
as some either:
audible or...
   akin to a hallucination:
when that gaping yawn
of the void opens...
and images pour in:
when thinking
retracts, and thought takes
toward attaching itself
to an anchor...

cogito ergo sum
can't exactly be an ontological
statement...
proofs...
    hmm...

                who's to disprove me?
i found that fascinating
how an English argument
lies along the veins of:
Descartes didn't prove
he existed / exists...
ah...
            the space-temporal...
the immediacy of transcendence...
the time-spatial...

thought cannot be a sense,
in that...
   the circus of ideas
that allocate a thinking-crux
toward a convened
attest...
            
          the senses cannot entertain
half of what thought
entertains...
thought: isn't exactly
empiricism, grounded, is it?

i think therefore i am:
an ontological statement...
          god, and thought:
and all the other phenomenons
of:
what circumstances
a naked Adam...
as much awe-riddled
in Eden,
as in the catacombs of the Vatican...

a presence of:
the something prior...

hardly a cliche...
again:
how much of thinking:
does not precipitate into being?

i think
becomes an antithesis of
i see, i hear...
and i am: what i eat...
much of what i think
is worth being recycled
material...

capitulation...
a capitulation of:
   a fiddling with a recurrence...

banging my head
against a brick wall and
still the maxim will not crumble
to dust...

    i think: is a non-sense statement...
and how did it,
or ever will translate
into the ontological focus
that begins with: i am...
i will never know...

freedom of speech:
i much prefer the sentiment:
airing my thought...
i'd much prefer
to be able to air my thoughts
than be given the liberty
to speak...

i can't do anything with
a "freedom" to speak...
i'm the sort
that found Kierkegaard
the most appealing
philosopher,
i like cooking:
i would be great at
cooking in the army...
who fight who and who's
who?

no... i don't like
the freedom of speech...
not because i want to gag
someone...
it's because:
people ought to be able
to be given a second
chance to think,
akin to the interlude
of thought: via the instance
of being able to blink...

yes, i am revolving around
the description of:
being timid...

           yes,
i am alienated in coming from
beneath the Iron Curtain:
a grandfather i remembered,
spending summer holidays
with,
cycling... not being riddled
by dementia..

such idle concerns fiddle
with the current speakers...
such... gimmicks...

   life, once achieved,
having no consolidation
worth is...
                      i wake up and
spend about an hour:
wanting to die...

perhaps i'm faking
truance in being
intimidated by a perusing
******: third party...
the "other"?
yes... yes: i am...

but this is bothersome in
that it is not a verification
of bravery...

          i can still remember
who taught me to tie
my first set of shoelaces...
my great-grandmother...
who figured out:
imagine ribbons...
and i tied my shoelaces
like ribbons...

          hardly a life worth
the importance of being
elaborated into writing words...
akin to:
will Jonah ever be
deemed a patriarch...
the magnetic prospect
of congregation?

i feel it claustrophobic
to constantly agree...

john glubb: and the fate
of empires...
250 years...
except that the Soviet empire...
lasted from 1922
through to 1991...

i am the black dog of
Warsaw:
i am free, but not in the sense
that Locke would deem
me free...

what "i am" has to
predicate what is:
a constraint of "i think"...

i'm sorry, was i wrongly
interjecting from Scandinavian
paradiso?

freedom of speech:
grand idea...

              if i don't push this
written debauch into
the sphere of the prying eyes
of the other:
i will preserve my self,
by entombing myself
in... what could hardly
be deemed as worthy
of representing a mirror...

i have Beckett's watt
under my belt,
i don't know what
an liberal arts college
education looks likes...

and...
            daddy issues...
****'s sake...
i put on two pairs of
socks on my grandfather's
feet
prior to him being whizzed
off to hospital
with a nosebleed...

whatever medium i'm
writing it...
i can't relate with anyone...
daddy issues...
surrogate fathers
and mothers...

         an uncle with a throat
ulcer and a fear of
pancreatic cancer...

here's to me being pristine
in being the sponge
for ideological
grounding of a worthy
infantry scoop of brains...

  yes... this is quiet a bollocking...
Warsaw central still feels
like Mongolia to me,
and, there i was...
native...
speaking the tongue...
Warsaw central
was as appealing to me
as Mongolia...
i'll walk into east London...              
pass a mosque...
drink a beer
and, upon being asked:

Disneyland?!
Berry Blue Aug 2019
Walking above and below stars
So concerned with the constellations.
A life so night you dream awake and sleep to dream of the next day.
This next day tells the tale of a generation moved by art & agape.
Oh tell me what it feels like to be ordinary and world changing.
These ambient bodies build stairs to heavens gates and get 76% on chemistry exams.
These dream filled bodies break through barriers.
They jump over moons and order dairy free off kid menus.
What it might feel like to be ordinary and face the world.
 What it might feel like to both doubt and claim the world.
To touch the elements and not create disasters but phenomenons.
Today these minds are as free as the stars above and below.
Walk on them in clean white sneakers
Jump to them in ***** white sneakers.
Francesca Aug 2019
You kept me high in the clouds while dreaming of you
But ever since you left in silence, known shadows are coming to me
I don’t blame you for the hurricane taking hostage my head
But you should know phenomenons were gone long ago when you were not there

Why sharing your hiking mountains if you were meant to leave
Why flowing against your wind and changed your direction towards mine
Nature demands the leaves to follow winds
Our destinations are no different than the clothes trees wear in warmer seasonal times
Instead, time passed and what has grown from crossing paths
Formed the phenomenon less expected, thrilling, promising
with a touch of electric arms, sensations of warm
but no colour in its core
As if one will never know the true intention of its form

I must be hard blind to still see the colour in it
You see, the silence in your ears made no difference in me
Too late to realise disastrous consequences were left in the phenomenon peak  
Hard to undo, heart tried to avoid its touch in full
Fictional franklin tree flowers, but no feelings, were formed during the strike
Timid in appearance but they came to excite me, haunt me
Deep down I doubted flowers, but no feelings, were mutual
if they might grow forward
They grew indeed, but less in you than me

Walk straight and target other surroundings instead
Approaching will be worthless
Realisation of true intentions came to me in the aftermath
Stronger the area got when something hard hits that much
Impressive the short time it took to strength
Flowers and feelings are gone for good, so as denial
and so as my illusion with you.
Fun draft
Lye Feb 2019
It’s kind of funny
How that when humans or animals die,
It’s an ugly, tragic thing
But stars
The little bright dots
Sprinkled over the night sky
When they die
It is one of the most beautiful
Astonishing
Phenomenons of the sky
So,
When you think about it,
Why
Does death
Have to be such a horrible thing?
Just think about it.

— The End —