her stare her voice so sweet

last year i remembered we talked we poured our hearts out

i was a great friend to you but all you did in the end was walk away

because i truly loved you at the time i didnt make my move when we hung out

well i moved on i said good bye to you i no longer do but those memorys made me who i am today

one day we can be friends again whenever but right now you dont want to even try so whats the point

now i walk the line of the nice guys who failed but this war does not involve you it didn't have to end with silence one day i want answers to finally to learn the ways of a crazy year gone wrong

raggid sharp points
cutting skin and flesh
graising what you once held
soft nimble fingers, which now tightly grip my neck
life leaving my eyes as i see the passion burn in yours
heart racing
your silohette leaving distant memorys of which i wont live to remember
your hands look so much bigger in fists
but i guess it just goes to show
everything is bigger in texas

I can't get so bogged down
Like i do now
So often its
Boring to be found and
Lost at the same time
Finding time to lie in
My bed, or a coffin
Whatever works
For better or worse

Plans I don't make
Can't really change
Or fall through at all
Funny enough
My whole things been
Mauled and I'm standing here
Coughing and blocking out
More ideas

Pretentious melody's play in my head
But I can't slip into
Real world explanations
The sky can only be one of two colors
A sentiment tied to
One or the other
Or I'm left wondering why
It has to be

I'm still sick of every friendship I make
Its hard to examine the memorys
What I take, and what i leave behind
Trivial, and i wish i had a bit more
Control

I don't care about my future
Irregardless people will still be
And treat me the same
Way, and I'll still be pining for
The same things
Guarded and
Mostly friendless

Are like the light of long gone stars
Still shining in our sky
Seen by us
Much like the story's our constellations tell
Our memory changes
Every time we remember
Minute alterations are made
Changing without heed
Of the original iteration

Pictures are like windows into someone else's memory
Maybe that's why in this day in age we are obsessed with the best quality and quantity of photos because we never want to forget the best times in our life

memory's  of a time  shared, now lost
looking at the moon and wondering what went wrong.

why did it end so suddenly.
reaching out to a fading smile.
A sea between. eyes of blue.
I stand alone  and whisper a name.
the rain softly falls, through the night.
maybe if  I light a candle he will return.









jan 2nd 2016
bye LN

I can't hold this in i have to let this go,
the feelin inside stays, wit me an grows an grows,
can I live with a lie .an not live the truth
do i pay with distance memorys,
the sin that was never mine to begin ,
the past were i tryed to leave it ,
but name huge past forever not lost
" SO **** U GRANDFATHER ,
for R past so sweetly given ,
people like me make your life have some given an meanin ,
put thanks u won't get from me, all i can say is this ,
"******* U **** AN ****** DIE "

It’s

Not a token drawn around the neck, but

A

Jewel upon the finger that will forever dream

Sad

Memorys branded into the very tissues; a

Thing

Made to torment the mind until the day comes

When

Our earthly mother calls us.

The

Fruits of our nature dry a bond that's

Only

Broken by the lord himself. My cries, the

Sounds

of Hades in the pounding of my death

Are

scarabs that peel the skin away in

Footsteps

Treading across my soul, leaving scars

Of

Which I may never again love.

The

Thorns grow in craters of damages

One

Has, with no way back; leave

You

Without the means to help and cannot

Love

without something in return.

Walking

out will not chase me

away

fate is a cruel mistress
whose icy hand churns our stomachs
and poisons our minds at the flick of a finger
and whisper words of sadness and of dark memorys
that blacken the brightest lights
and in a language only she knows
she speaks,
an untimely end for us all

more of a rap:

I find my mind start to wonder in places it shouldn't be,
i see messed up things someone normal wouldn't see.

But what can you expect living in a broken home?
You know something wrong when you feel safer alone.

I feel like one day i'll walk in to see bodys all over the floor,
i'll have a gun in my hand covered in blood, guts and gore.

But i won't know what happened,
won't know that it was me.

i'd call the cops,
thinking someone else is guilty.

My mind starts twitchen,
memorys glitchen.

Feelin need to ****,
because im enjoying the thrill.

i know it's bad, but it satisfies my needs,
i'm just hopin that the cops don't have any leads.

i grew up a victim of paranoia and depression,
now im standing tall making all my confessions.

This song ain't a rhyme it's a warning,
because im gonna be a killer by the morning.

You can count your steps one at a time
I'll keep track
Stack up the unforgivable memorys
Forget all the things I said
It doesn't matter anymore

I locked your heart outside in the
snow
For the wolves to feast on
For them to turn the snow red

King for queen
It doesn't matter because in the end
We'll all be dead
But I'll be the one digging your grave

This is the darkness that never ends
The unforgivable memorys that lay stacked on your grave

Something in me crys for you
But you don't answer
Now the wolves are hungry and I've locked myself out

It's been a long time naturally,
That'll I'll cry myself to sleep,
Soothingly,
Exhaust the brain until thinking isn't able,
Wash your cheeks dry with the memorys,
Pain doesn't go away Exspecially on cloudy,
Days,
This void radiates out of my chest,
You filled it so well...
Collate the broken shells of life...
I hate being human.

experience one moment that can create the ver forgetables
begin the memorys that escape the ordinary and outstep the extrodinary
soak it all in
In hopes to never feel it again
make it matter for the morning isnt neccesarily near

weak willed, i listen to the collision of manic thoughts that resurface like a neverending disease whenever you are mentioned.*

blue..*

the whirl of memorys start, and in the mass hysteria of mental chaos i feel my fingers slip over the keys to write to you. of what is not important. simply a few meaningless words will set me up above the clouds in a serene distant state. the promise of that momentary bliss is enough to keep my reasonable side hidden away... she'll come out later, and when she comes so will the negative ideas. the "why did i say thats", and "what is he thinkings" all of which will riot through the clouds ripping them apart until i fall and smash back into newly cold reality.

of course by then the conversation will have ended and i wont know what you think of the crazed words i somehow managed to smash into thoughts that sounded like sentences at the time, but now look like the disasterous scribbled rought draft of a 5th grade report over an unknown topic.

so with the last of my resolve i hold down the backspace key until all of the mangled writing is gone. you of course have no knowledge of this inner turmoil because i never hit enter.. i tell myself thats for the best but im not sure if i believe that, then again if you lie to yourself long enough you can believe anything. so why not, it's only survival..

Marks fade,
Memorys stay,
Hearts stop,
Tears fall,
He finally looks and disappears within his shame.

i looked deep inside my head.
i looked for all the memorys that made me wish i was dead.
the ones i chopped up and burned because i dread. the main ones that **** with my head.
i knew right there and then that a memory is all it was
theirs no if, then's, and because. its over. so why the fuzz.
So i let it go and the pain went away i became more confident this way. i stop running away from myself..so when i opened Pandora's box the demons came out but i think that's what its all about!

I have alot of things to remember
One of them was with you
You allways made me happy
I loved it when we went to the fair in september
And when we swam in the pool
I remember when we though obout you as a granny
There where times we would fight but it was allways cool
I loved the way you looked in those black tights
I miss being with you
I love these memorys of you
But I need to forget them soon

lay on the  
                                     shadow
   black
                    grass
rise up and rekindle all the memorys that  
                       hath
    been
                           harassed
listen to the  
                sorrowful
          howling
                                     wail
for all those who  
             contiue
   to  
                            fail

the red cresent moon rising  
               high
and  
                               bleeding
the limp, dead body's cast a warning  
        to
                             be
   heeding
one shattered soul takes in the
             blood
  and  
                          flesh
her blood stained hands still  
                                 crimson
         and
fresh

the only thing more dead is the hole  
                     bored
                in
      her
                                           head
to be her you must know what it is when a soul's dead
       to
be
                           truly
              alone

to out live all the blood  
          stained
                                      ties
to                    home
a black cloak and veil cover the  
    ghastly
                                                 skin
she's a being that  
           shouldn't
   have
                                                 been
always wearing an unseen mask
           no
one
                     was
                able
                                       to
       ask

what tragedy had been  
     in
                     her
past

no one could ever have guessed how long her  
                    pain
                                          could
         last
a past the world never gave her a chance
                      to
       forget

as if the world feels her  
                             death
  filled
                regret

bearing the cruel curse she  
         had  
been
                        given
in a way she is  
                always
      living
like a poisin dart embedded in the  
                                  soul
          domain
slowly eating away till the
            body
                                          only
                 remains

can't count all the blood lined roads  
       of
                    her
              war

the deaths fall down onto an unmarked score
                a
   girl
            forever
                         sixteen

to her life is  
       cold,
hard
                                        and
                   mean
her chance was taken away
        never
                      to
                be
   **returned

i cant stop to say hello with a mirrored glow reflecting in your eyes
i need to foget those things that make my memorys painfully harsh
lm new and will move like i am
born with a collection of who i was
but i dont know who i am
i was a boy strength no part hope just filling me

our eyes meet
thousands of memorys
yet we don't know each other

so i finally found someone now i worry if its gonna be short lived

short lived as success of some people who achieve their dreams to be ripped away

I be god ****** if i am ******* over again  i promise if its for someone else i

will  let karma  smack them in the face   cut  my heart up heck carve all you

please  i have many scars with various dark dark memorys  and good ones this happens well  war path  will consume ones heart and one will fail

because i did nothing to deserve it

i be god ****** if somone comes in and takes my life from me

Walks we may never remember
As our souls pass on
But some things
Can never be forgot,
The way we connect
When our arms interlock
The way I always recognized you
Even when we knew each other not
Centuries may pass
And memorys will fade
But these feelings
They shall not

I'm holding my self together piece by piece but the love of god will never sieze my mind is lost in bad memorys that never seem to go away but when the pain subsides thats when I get my pride and gods decency and protection   guide me in truth and away from fright and leads me into the light

all of our memorys all of our feelings all of us faded away with the sound of those words ending it, i felt like my heart walked away with you, i quikly realised the mistake i've done as you got further and further away from me, your smile i'll miss it oh so much your eyes and the way you look at me the touch of your hands the racing of my heart when you walk by, the butterflies in my stomache when you talk to me.. gosh i love you it torments me but i do, i love you, what good will it bring if i deny it? none.. i've never been a faithfull person but i found myself devoted to you but i can't continue to be like this, it has been along run but it has to end...it HAS to.. it will! i promise!

My love u gone and i missing everyday no call no letter just the memorys i stored in side of my heart time gones ny and I cant believe you gone my tears i cry is only a few more of them can roll dwn my face i love u so much the moment i say u can be replace the time we spent cant be explain. I wish u was here to stop my heart from aching. U must fill my present. For it heavy. I wish i would relive the moment when. Act the way i did. call me.. Please call for u need me and i need u my heart is heavy thinking bout you it like i can reach your soul come back to me.

what does it feel like ,

when we slip into oblivion,

does it hurt?

does it pain?

does it feel the same ,as falling into a dreamless sleep ,

or are there any memorys to keep?

is there a god above ,

or is there a white dove,

am I a flying angle too

or am I you

I guess ill know now

maybe there will be a cow…………….


-gaurangi

This was my life's work.
It's all I had going for me.
A head in a hand basket.
A knuckle-rust sandwich.
Stored neatly in a corner
Reserved for mice and maggots
Wrapped in used aluminum foil
Just as I left it
on that cold and only day
Far away from grey skies and blue turtle tails.
Most days I could barely concentrate.
Too much pressure.
Too many distractions
...and though I realized this was to be
The last stand of my memorys
I couldn't help but feel as if more than time was being wasted.



Apologize.
It's the way my brain works.
Nothing gets done.
I fall in love
with the thought of impermanence
until the cold realization
it's my own illusion
whispering away on the wind
no one else's...
...so I fail again.

This beginning leans
towards the end
No indication
an anti-****** of sorts
and if there's a God in heaven,
if I haven't wasted all this life struggling against the weight of damnation in vain...
I will be redeemed in it's eccentricity


I've courted eccentricity
a blind lover
eager for the afterglow.
Expectations I've hoarded are staggering
They turn me into an eager handyman of souls.
An eccentric nature I've absorbed
Yet loathsome to me.  
Craving acceptance
but ****** the man who can figure me out.
It hurts so much to know I've missed you.
The signal resignation
I've been forced to grant normalcy.