It’s splashing on some eyeliner
Make yourself look decent
It’s throwing on a crop top
When it's 20 degrees outside
It’s sitting in the driveway
You have 2 hours until he comes
It’s freezing your *** off
Because a skirt looked better
It’s listening to cars go by
And wondering which one will be his
It’s knowing he'll never wait in the dark for you
It’s getting in his car
And hearing “you look hot”
it's never understanding why he won't take you to his place
Am I not worthy of your bed?
Are you embarrassed?
It’s wanting to have a conversation
But he's only interested in what color your underwear is
It’s wanting to hold his hand
I just want to hold your hand
It’s having to tell yourself
You don’t mean a thing to him
When he bites your neck
It’s suppressing your tears
When he dives into you
It’s knowing one another
But not being able to look at each other
​For those who don’t know what 2am hangouts are like
It’s constantly telling yourself you deserve better
Why won’t I get better?

i know we haven’t talked
i know it’s been a while
i know that it’s kinda my fault
but i still miss you
i miss your fast talking and crazy stories
i miss your dyed hair and red arms
i really, really miss you
i miss our hangouts before class
i miss our planned birthday parties
i miss our ranting about how mean our friends were
i really, really, really miss you
i miss your old car with the cupcake sticker
i miss your loft bed and starbursts from math class
but most of all
i miss us

- a.g.

Siri. Type this:

More memories. Less Facebook moments.

Let’s go back to concerts filled with lighters — warm seas of flame,

instead of stadiums filled with phones and waves of blue light that keeps us from sleeping at night.

Our phones, it looks like we’re all telling one big ghost story around the campfire — our faces lit up from underneath in the dark.

It’s like a part of our bodies, a mollusk’s shell,

That we won’t outgrow until it’s torn from us and we’re eaten, still fresh.

It’s like we call it Facetime because that’s what we need, but don’t have.

Since when is being viral a good thing?

Viral means an infectious disease.

Viral Viral Viral.

I feel like I need a ****** just to surf the web.

I honestly can’t have a conversation with a person

without toying at my phone anymore.

We post our beautiful stories on snapchat,

the colorful blurred days of our lives,

and let it slip away into the ether.

Your stories are still interesting even after 24 hours.

Seeing that red notification, knowing I’m special, I’m wanted, I’m special.

when it turns out to be another Farmville invite.

Talk about crutches. Nitze called religion a crutch but at least religion helps people walk. Phones make people run into things.

I wonder if the New Messiah will have a social media account.

We are so close to just hooking up our phones to traveling robot vehicles and navigating our world from our home.

The future’s hangouts will be phones arranged in a circle

on a table,

all on Facetime,

as we take shots,

in our rooms alone.

Jerry smiles because he isn’t wearing pants

but no one can tell.

Our phones only show what’s on top.

Please share this poem, by the way.


For videos of my reading my poems, visit https://mateilatte.wordpress.com/content/poetry/

And only when every prison
in the police state has
an art gallery
only when hip hop
sounds like a revolutionary
sermon
only when Congress disbands
itself for lack of moral conduct
only when condoms
are jammed tightly
into high school backpacks
only when free speech
isn’t subject to search
and seizure
only when housing projects
get gated fences
only when college
athletes use pi
to find the circumference
of a basketball in their spare time
only when food pantries
exist in old NRA hangouts
only when Monsanto scrubs clean
every black cloud
only when Noah comes back
and transports
two of everything to
a protest movement
only when a protest
movement morphs
into a diversity celebration
and only when the U.S. government
writes a 5,000,000 page
apology for every ****,
******, and Bill O’Reilly
sentence uttered

will I even consider having
a picnic.

If the world were to end today,
I’d probably say to myself.
wow, looks like I only have 24 hours left in this world huh?
I’d spend the 1st half by grabbing my family members, give them the tightest hug I can give, and tell them that I love them, and thank them for everything. I’d probably apologize too.
And I’d probably start to shake, like a child craving for sugar.
All jittery, shaking from the thought, that I will only have 24 hours to figure out,
how to muster up the courage to tell you the things I’ve been wanting to say.
I’ve already done the math, and I’d be spending 2/3rds of my remaining time here, just getting to your house a midst the traffic.
and 3/4ths trying to bring you to the nearest mountain for us to watch the sunset, as the world crumbled away beneath us.

If the world were to end today.
I would grab my heart, whisper all the things I love about you,
seal it and then bury it into the depths of your existence.
In the hopes that when God is digging through the mine cave of your heart, he'll find it, and then open it like a time capsule, filled with all the things that we enjoyed, like cheese, long walks, spontaneous hangouts, and like our memories.
That when God opens it,
He’ll see a yellow sticky note, requesting Him to read it to you.
attached to a letter written in orange ink that I wrote specially for you.


If the world were to end today,
I’d like to get lost, In the spirals found in your eyes.
Your eyes is the number 1 thing in my list of favorite things.
Because they remind me of space, and galaxies that I would never ever get the chance to explore, knitted together by constellations that spell out your name.

And dear,
Our kiss will be like 2 galaxies colliding against each other,
Giving birth to a new galaxy.

But you know what, that got me thinking.
And I remember that when the big bang happened, or when a super nova happens.
That wasn't really the end of everything.
They all seem to signify a brand new start.
So I guess
The idea of the world ending, wouldn't bother me as much anymore.
Cause with us fading away,
Our molecules, atoms whatever we're composed of, will eventually find it's back to us.
And when that happens,
I'd be like a brand new star.
Because I know that i'd be able to see you again.
Like God saying again, "Let there be light." And there was light.

And for me that's like God saying again "Let there be you." And again there was you.

Traversing in between that few sweet hangouts
One to another in greater distance
Inside the empty universe

Having shedded ocean of tears
For Keep the moist of life
What life may feel

Staring stagnated beyond horizon
Earnestly towards a vision which can not be seen
For knowing the ingredients of life

The eye has being :

Exhaustede

I slept last night
With no thoughts on my mind
Because its the easiest method to sleep
But as i dreamt of castles,
Of suburbs, of theaters
Of other relationships
(Of other people)
It brought this revelation
That WHAT if.

What if:
We were next to each other
When we woke up
My face would turn red like a tomato
And i would just start laughing
Because of the realization that
I'm with the person I love

What if:
We would talk for hours on an end
And fill up the memories on iPhones
And our minds with talks of gossip
Talks of science, talks of hangouts
Your friends would envy it so much
They would become angry at us

What if:
We were together in the school
Holding hands and the people knowing
That we are together
It would be so **** amazing
For me, knowing I did it
I ventured into unknown and came back
Victorious

What if:
We walked home everyday
Sat together on the bus
Those little things which people say
Have no significance will never fathom
The signficance the little things have
Because little things make something big

I truly cannot fathom the beauty
The joy, the love
That I would feel from someone
Who isn't a family member
But someone else, who genuinely loves me
For what I am
I will be so proud to say
"I did it! I braved through!"

If only this were true.

DON'T:

wear a young person's clothes,
hair styles, glasses
use their writing styles, lingo,
be like the masses

don't go to their hangouts,
or places trendy
they may be "happening"
but they're also quite spendy

don't wear flashy jewels
gaudy lures to attract
because though you're attractive
you may just lack tact

for if you're over sixty
or look like you are
you'll seem SO much older
in that muscle car!

DO:

make folk laugh
and wear a wide smile
get out in the sun
walk that extra mile!

keep your clothing modest
with a classic air
whatever you do
stay away from BIG HAIR!

write like your age
you have wisdom and grace
you can KNOW their slang
but also use taste

as most of you know
though you FEEL young
your body IS aging
your heart and your lungs

so take it easy, it isn't a sin
to walk a bit slower
you'll be no has-been!

most of all, folks,
be those young people's GOAL

ADORN YOUR GREY HEAD
WITH GEMS OF THE SOUL**


soulsurvivor
(C) 6/3/2015

icarus breathes in
and he's afraid to move on.

the walls of (con)crete surround him; they have all his life
but he's carved out a place of his own, now,
and he looks forward to taking his small steps
small independent steps like
staying out until sunrise
and smoking cigarettes in his room while
scribbling his stupid stories

(but he knows the sandcastle walls he's built around himself
are teetering with the ebb and flow;
he wishes that he could collect his friends and put them in his own little world
where they don't have to leave him and move on, too.
to make barbie and ken dolls from his loved ones
where they don't exist outside the hangouts and parties
and they don't have faces until he looks at them.
he wants to wrap his life in plastic and submerge it in molasses
so he can keep up with the movement.
but time fires his life like clay, exposing cracks and pores he neglects)

icarus hiccups
(the wax drips on his back and wings turn to wicker)
but he refuses to pay mind to the burning heat
or the climbing speed of his descent

icarus breathes out
and he won't let go of his wings
but he knows the sea will rise to meet him;
he won't blame daedalus with his dying breath

fore you guys start reading this, I would like to give you a brief overview of what it’s about. First of all,  I think it’s extremely unhealthy and can only lead to bad things even when you’re in the happiest of relationships. A week ago, I received a very detailed message in the page’s inbox, the first words were “My Confession”. It was from a man who wanted to share his mental weight with someone, anyone. So I started reading it, and it made me tear up after each line. This is about a man (who wishes to remain anonymous), a man who spied on his girlfriend because of his insecurities and trust issues, but the way it ends is just brutal. I’ve edited a few parts out, parts that were a little too much to handle. Believe me, editing this entire piece wasn’t easy, but the guy wanted it published, he wanted to world to see the dark side of relationships, and so here it is. I hope you guys have an easier time reading it than I did while editing it. It’s going to be in his own words, exactly how he sent it (with a few parts cut out because of certain restrictions).

My Confession: I spied on my girlfriend for a month, she’s my ex now

Hey “A” and “Z”, I’ve been an avid fan of yours for over two years now. I just LOVE the way you talk about relationships and how pure they are, it kind of burns my heart sometimes because I never received that purity, all I got was trauma and hatred out of love. I don’t know you guys personally but I love your work and I know you guys help people out too while keeping things anonymous. I would like to send in my confession, confession of spying on my girlfriend for a month. This wasn’t easy, writing all of this down just reminded me of what I went through, but I badly want to share it with someone. I actually want the world to know that relationships aren’t all “happy and nice”, some relationships are straight up brutal! While I gave it my all, it just wasn’t enough, and I had to find the truth through different means, means I’m not proud of today but I’m at a better place knowing that I’m not being made a fool of anymore.

Her name was *. We met through work, she used to work in the same place as I. We started off being very normal friends. Slowly but surely, our conversations started becoming meaningful, they went from being “just about work” to “about life”. This is where she started showing me her weak side, and it was pretty weak. I believe that when a woman shows you her vulnerabilities, she wants you to be in her life. And after a few months, I started having feelings for her, they just kind of developed on their own. I started noticing the increase in the number of calls, messages, hangouts etc. It was all happening so naturally and I was falling deeper in love with her. At this point, I was still too afraid to ask her out because we had a good friendship going and I didn’t want to ruin it. But this had its toll on me, I started getting possessive about her, it started bothering me. She used to have this other friend at work, he was better looking than I was, and I’d always been pretty insecure about my looks, so I started creating a distance from her and thought she’d be better off without me (yeah, I’m pretty pessimistic about myself).

After a few days, she noticed the change in the way I talk to her and she started complaining. That’s when she showed me the first sign of “having feelings” for me. That’s when I realised that I stand a chance and I shouldn’t be afraid. So, after a lot of hours of overthinking, I asked her out. To my surprise, she said yes instantly! I was over the roof! I can’t even describe the feeling in words, I just can’t. I was euphoric, I hadn’t felt such happiness before in my life. To be accepted by someone you have feelings for is a huge feeling, more than words can describe. So we started going out. Our entire office knew about our relationship, even the “good looking guy” (keep him in mind, he is important to this). We were crazy together! Exactly how you guys describe “good and healthy relationships” in your articles and page, we were exactly like that. We used to read your articles together and tell each other how happy we are and how many good qualities match.

Things were going pretty good for us. We used to have our usual fights and arguments, but they were pretty simple and used to sort of fix themselves. It was heaven for me, I’m not kidding, heaven. It was surreal. Even after 7 months of dating, we never got bored of each other. Things were just awesome. Except for one thing, she had a habit of using her phone a lot, even when we were hanging out, she used her phone 90% of the time in intervals. I used to complain about it from time to time but it never used to work. Technology these days, it can work both ways, for both good and evil. With apps like Snapchat, Whatsapp etc. you can basically do anything with anyone without the world knowing about it, it’s that scary.



I slowly started getting paranoid when I noticed that she’s online on Whatsapp even after we are done talking and we’ve said our “goodnights” and “I love yous”. Her “Last Seen” was off so I never knew when she was actually sleeping. I never discussed this with her but I spoke to a friend about it. He said it’s nothing. He said that it’s probably a bug that shows the wrong status of being online. And I wanted to believe that, so I trusted in that statement and let it go. But deep down, my paranoia was still growing more every day. But believe me, I tried fighting it as much as I could. I even started getting “busy” tones more often when I called her. She used to tell me she was talking to her brother (who lived in another state). And I used to try to believe her.

One day, it happened. We were out for dinner and she had gone to the bathroom, this time she didn’t take her phone with her (she always used to take it with her). My heart started racing because I badly wanted to have a look inside that phone, I wanted to see if something was being hidden from me, If I was being lied to. But I also didn’t want to be more paranoid, so I tried fighting myself. But after a few seconds, I justified it in my head. I told myself that I’m probably not going to find anything, and then I’m probably going to be mad at myself for looking and it’ll all go smoothly. It didn’t go that way. I opened her phone up (it didn’t have a passcode on it), and I went straight to Whatsapp. I found a very long and intimate conversation she was having with the same good looking guy from the office. It went on and on, in great detail. They used to meet up, she used to go over to his place (while I was told that she’s going over to a friend’s house). It was all there, right in my hands, a year’s worth of relationship down the drain. A year’s worth of feelings down the drain. It was bad, my hands were shaking and I couldn’t feel anything for a few minutes. But I wanted to catch her cheating, so I got a grip of myself, held my tears and put the phone back.

And that’s when I started “spying” on her. I used to be very aware of what she was saying, of where she’s going etc. I was heartbroken but I tried my best to be the same in front of her, to not show any sign of sorrow or regret but it was killing me inside to not push her out of my life. It was disgusting. One fine day, she told me she was going to her “friend’s” house. And I actually followed her in a friend’s car. I followed her all the way to the house. It was the same house, the house I was hoping it not to be. The guy’s house, the good looking guy. After ten minutes of waiting outside, I went and knocked at the door. It was him, with a very weird smile on his face, as he looked at me in a state of shock. I forced myself inside (at this point I wasn’t even feeling normal anymore, I was filled with rage) and saw her in his bedroom. I just stood there, looking at her in silence, the tears started flowing right out in front of her and I left, without saying a word. I instantly blocked her from every possible means of communication. She tried contacting my friends, but none of them let her get near me.

It’s been five months since that incident, and I still have a lot of questions that I need answers to, but I just don’t want to spend another minute with her, I just don’t want to waste another feeling on her. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love again, but I surely won’t let anyone play me for a fool again. So, for everyone who’s reading this, please don’t let your feelings go to someone who doesn’t deserve them. Please don’t get cheated on. And for those who have similar experiences, you’re not alone.

Thank you guys for reading this, I would be very happy if you posted this on your website, I really want to know what people have to say about this. Thank you.

Talk to me

If you guys have anything to say to him, please let him know in the comments below, he is going to read them all. As always, stay blessed and keep the love alive.

Grade 8
The quiet boy from across the room
once a stranger now a friendly face
all it took was one message
talking 24/7 felt great
he was easy to trust and talk to

Grade 9
The closer we got the more I realized
I didn't want to be just friends
and neither did he
and so it all began
the hangouts
watching movies
walking to starbucks
and I knee i had fallen for
the blonde haired blue eyed boy

Grade 10
Where'd it all go?
we were once upon a time
great together
now walks in the hall
passing by eachother and no glances
all there is now are cute texts
and pictures that last
a lifetime of regret

You call my name
in the throes of passion
could it be you have learned
It's me you want?
You lay bare your soul
For me to see the emptiness
You want that bond
That only seems to exist round me
In the hour that you take
Your final and last breath
You call for me and I am gone.

Find me in the wilderness
As I walk around the earth
Haunt our favorite hangouts
You might find me sitting
Under our tree waiting
or in the middle of the bridge
watching life pass round me
And through me.
Life goes on.

Walk with me in the afterlife
like you never did alive
May death Lower your inhibition
once you conquer death
There is nothing more to fear
So love me more than you thought
and honor my memory.

Young depression is,—
not feeling like I can move out of bed,
but I’ve got constant moving thoughts in my head.

It’s paranoia,—
of all those scenarios you paint out in your head,
bleeding out emotions that every tastes red.

It’s cold hanging feet,—
of the next step I’m so afraid to take,
bent out on my concerns and feeling out of shape.

It’s a sharp knife,—
thinking about how many cuts it takes to ****,
hurting yourself every day to see if you still feel.

It’s a smile,—
you show off a happiness they want to see,
a slave to the traumas that won’t let you be free.

It’s crawling in your skin,—
so reluctant to walk any further,
living up to life’s hype of jumping over another hurdle.

It’s feeling insecure,—
amongst the familiar faces in the crowd,
hangouts with friends but feeling like no-one is around.

It’s feeling lost,—
in a world full of so many others,
avoiding to be grey in a world of so many colours.

It’s all that I once was.

I opened the back door toward the two o’clock sun
The day was winding down; the trees were blowing in the wind:
Long row of school buses: waiting for dismissal

I wish that he was here with me: Each and every day
Hangouts video chat is good and it’s bad: why must I rate them call?
Sometimes, I just don’t get this build in operator at all

I can feel your presence; I could sense your pain
A mile across the ocean: until we link up again

What do we have beside the modern gadgets: lots of emptiness?
Within our heart we search for the right song:  a soothing melody
of love and relaxation. Inner peace we gladly seek
Happiness will follow: before I cry myself to sleep

These same brown eyes will smile again in the morning
Just for you to see, just like all my thoughts
Some, naughty and some nice

I am so filled with happiness: I am so enticed by lust
I shall slowly close my Samsung I pad: and think of
Love in paradise of summer 2016,

Kissing lips; the best taste to have,
Next to chocolate and coffee,
Close few friends; for Saturday hangouts,
Binge watching series when I'm all alone,
Reading a good book, anxious for the next chapter,
A long awaited Friday to kick back from work,
Bonus points if we're knocking off early that day,
Instagram memes, and poetry related posts,
A few brave selfies to show off a fresh cut,
Avoiding "I like your cut g" reactions. Perfect.

The smell of brand new clothes with the tag on,
Socks and sandals in the comfort at home,
The sun coming out of a blanket of clouds. Shinning.

A good or ***** joke to have you ear from ear smiling,
Loud music in my ears with bass, and good lyrics
Picking through playlists to a sombre mood and worship,
Pretty flowers amongst the random walks to nowhere,
A brand new journal, and ballpoint pen to match,
Especially the ones with good grip, and black ink,
Holiday trips to new places, people, and food,
Afternoon naps, sleeping in days, and up late gaming,
Anime lovers sharing folders of content watched. Great.

Bible devotions leaving questions and encouragement,
Sunday meals, filling me up with good food,
Seeing cute kids; making you yearn to have your own,
Somebody complimenting or saying thank you for your effort,
And having poetry, stories, art and expression to channel every
emotion and thought out into physical. Creativity is beauty!

Twenty seven of my top reasons to appreciate being alive.

It's fascinating how
something so simple
and small
can bring up a box full of memories.
A photograph,
driving past a location,
revisiting old hangouts.
This was the place that I grew up.
It's fixed up from what it used to be.
Skipping school-
having only being caught twice.
Running out to the parking lot and squealing off like
a bandit.
The old arcade,
blowing dollar bills
left and right.
Winning worthless prizes.
Singing every song
we ever knew
to the steering wheel.
Having plans to get out here and have our big dreams come true.
Having my first kiss
by the train tracks.
The school is now closed.
The Mall and arcade were shut down.
The same old song are played on the radio.
The train station now terminated.
Weeds and dandelions grown of the rails.
The faces are all still the same.
Memories can't be erased
or replaced.
I miss that town.
I miss the people.
I believe I miss the one place I promised I'd never return.
I want to stay.
It's too hard to leave.
It's time to say Goodbye.
Because nothing will ever change.

as i was laying in bed watching a movie tonight
i got lost in the thoughts of a girl in my mind
we used to hangout at school about a year ago
we had lunches and after school hangouts
watched movies and drank with our friends

then one day she stopped replying to my texts
i wasn't sure why
it made me upset
then she avoided me at school
all i wanted to know is why she just left
so one day i walked up and said
"what did i do? just tell me that"
she said "there is no reason, im sorry goodbye"
and she fled

now sometimes late at nights i think about that
i think that people leave and they feel no regret
but my only regret is that i didn't act on my feelings when i had the chance
i liked this girl because of everything she said
everything we did
everywhere we went
sometimes id go over just to go for a walk with her and her pets
and since she left there hasn't been a day that went by that she hasn't run through my head

I haven't texted her in a long time
but I'm worried if i do she wont answer
she'll just laugh
i miss her a lot and im not sure how to act

im scared of the feeling of wanting someone around
when my ex left it crushed me
but now that i stopped thinking of her for a second it opened my eyes
made me realize that i can be happy by myself
and one day i will be happy with somebody else

I slept last night
With no thoughts on my mind
Because its the easiest method to sleep
But as i dreamt of castles,
Of suburbs, of theaters
Of other relationships
(Of other people)
It brought this revelation
That WHAT if.

What if:
We were next to each other
When we woke up
My face would turn red like a tomato
And i would just start laughing
Because of the realization that
I'm with the person I love

What if:
We would talk for hours on an end
And fill up the memories on iPhones
And our minds with talks of gossip
Talks of science, talks of hangouts
Your friends would envy it so much
They would become angry at us

What if:
We were together in the school
Holding hands and the people knowing
That we are together
It would be so amazing
For me, knowing I did it
I ventured into unknown and came back
Victorious

What if:
We walked home everyday
Sat together on the bus
Those little things which people say
Have no significance will never fathom
The signficance the little things have
Because little things make something big

I truly cannot fathom the beauty
The joy, the love
That I would feel from someone
Who isn't a family member
But someone else, who genuinely loves me
For what I am
I will be so proud to say
"I did it! I braved through!"

Who is a real man?
A man with a hard rock body,
Can hold his liquor without puking,
Has many ****** encounters,
Lots of money,
Wins many fights,
Muscular with ten packs.
No!
A real man  seeks knowledge for himself and his family's betterness,
He is focused,
Stays away from glitz and glamour.
He is gentle but firm,
Does not holler to get his point,
Is not a punk.
He is a family man,
Makes time for his family,
Brings up his children to be upright human beings.
Keeps his promises,
He is trustworthy,
Does not break deals,
Pays his debts,
Is upfront and honest.
Respects all women,
Doesn't leer with lust at women,
Stays faithful to his wife,
Treats women with respect.
Keeps his house in order,
He does chores around the house,
Helps with dishes,laundry and ironing,
Cooks sometimes.
Pays his bills on time
Handles his own money,
Doesn't go looking for hangouts,
Or depend on his wife or parents.
Works his tail to earn a decent income,
Budgets his money and saves,
Gives to charity and good causes.
Does not whine or complain,
Solves his own problems,
In my opinion that's a real man.

I met Solomon today.

We met at Ecclesiastes.

And while having lunch with him,
I asked him to tell me how it feels to be dead.

And he said

"Death is a permanent sleep".

I know that already.

"It's all darkness," he further said,  

"Darkness, darkness all the way.
Silence, silence forevermore "

That sounds freaky.

"Yes, and even more in this case,

You'll not receive credit alert again".

"???"

"Yes, and even this your big phone-sef,
Some ******* will claim it,
and be pressing it anyhow.

No more emails too,
No Facebook nor WhatsApp messages.
No phone calls nor text messages.


And then, those pictures you took while eating
Ice-cream and fooling around at Shoprite and Coldstone,

You won't be able to post them again.

You will not know what comments you got,  
Nor what silly emojis were dropped on them.
No one will tell you how fat you look
Nor how much flesh you no longer have,
Your frown will be but nothing to see,
Your smile  too will have no meaning.

No birthday parties, and no more hangouts,
No teasing, no laughing, no funning about

No Christmas rice and chicken stew.
No clothes, no makeup, no shàkara.

You won't even hear when your friends laugh
Nor laugh at the cries of your so called foes.

No football match to watch or argue about
No Betnaija, no updates.


Your girlfriend too will find new love.
You'll no longer get her meechà-meechà
No love, no hugs, no kisses too.
No groaning, no moaning, no mènè-mènè

No sunlight nor moonlight play,
No Nepa light nor candle light

Darkness, darkness all the way
Silence, silence forevermore

You won't receive newsletters too,  
Nor read newspapers in your grave.

No need for hope from promises made
and no more pain from those letdowns

Like something that never existed,
You'll be gone forevermore.

Gone into the dark,
Dark, dark silence.

So live life more, as much as you can,
Eat well, sleep more, work out, dream.
Cause no trouble, curse no one.
Be your self and have more fun,
Take less work and live just right.
Let  good deeds be  your footprints"

Our trembling lips touched for the first time
It was a euphoric feeling
Finally!
We had each other
Though it lasted for a minute, felt infinite.
Our fingers entwined and stuck
Our hips practically meshed
And my hair tangled all over your face.
After so many years forbidden
We had a moment.

We meet from a mutual friend
I admired your humor and you were amazed at my honesty.
You had eyes for her while I yearned her to give you a chance.
You both fell for each other in the track and field area.
You two were twins.
The way you two dressed, to same taste of music seemed perfect.
But the stories you told me were much opposite of this perfect picture painted.
In our hangouts, she never seemed to acknowledge, but only scold you.
She complained constantly and would only embrace you when others looked.
You on the other hand, would constantly praise her.
You loved her very much and would only want you.

A fight happened suddenly.
You wanted company and I played Halo with you.
I can tell you were aching while we both knew she was out, not having a care of the world.
As she told me, she wanted to be free and wanted you no more.
Religiously checking your phone, a heavy breath left your lungs every second slipped out.
I bombarded you with consistent jokes and gossip to calm your throbbing mind.
Slowly but surely, a hint of a smirk appeared.
Though you were suffering, a bit of joy climbed out.

Months go by, our friendship was getting tougher.
If I had to go do laundry, you would help me fold.
If you were hungry and didn't know what to cook, I go over to cook you the only thing I knew how to make.
Out of nowhere, she comes back, wanting forgiveness.
Hesitation and worry is written all over you.
Both ask for advice, my only answer is "Go with your gut".
This time around, both of you are walking on thin ice.
I see less of you now and she her more.
She's anxious he will never forgive her.
In our talks together, I worry this once perfect couple will be no more.
Ultimatums ****.

Another year passes and I have yet to find someone.
At war once again, together yet apart, you seek me again.
The one day of the year, Valentine's day rolls up.
She calls me as I come home from errands how she will be no more with him.
She's done.
My heart breaks as I know this will inflame his love for her.
As I head home, I receive a text from you.
"Are you home yet?"
Thinking he's received the news and wants to hang out,
"What should I bring over?"
He laughs, "Check your mailbox"
A big red hearted box with a red rose.
"Aw that's so sweet, thank you."
"It means more", is what you said.

Weeks go by.
Upcoming trips and video games occupy our daily tasks.
On one occasion, we gather for a party at the beach at night.
I fell badly playing volleyball and I couldn't walk.
You straight up SWOOP me like I'm a **** Disney princess.
You carry me to your car, teasing my way of belittling how heavy and chubby I am.
"I don't care for any of that"
As you carry me, I grapple your thin shirt and feel your arms pulsing.
"Not a wince of pain carrying a elephant" I thought.
I never noticed how much we had changed through out our years of knowing each other.
I am blushing so hard I believed the heat from my face would catch my hair on fire.
One day, things changed.
We're on the couch watching Iron Man
My house is filled with thunderous laughing.
I tease you for being so charming to everyone you meet.
A flush of red bares all over and suddenly you swoop me up and carry me to my bedroom.
My legs hanging off my bed and ask what's wrong.
Your delicate hands firming and dancing around your trembling face and hair.
"How do you...Don't you know..."
Why is my face flushing, my lips shaking and my legs weakening.
"It's always been you" falls out of your lips.
Till this day, I know you meant to say it in your mind.
Grappling the bed frame, I stand up.
We grow closer and you grab my waist.
Finally....
I stop you from pursuing anymore than we truly want to.
The setback in your eyes come.
You leave without saying a word.

Years go by, fights enabled.
She accuses me of trying to break you two.
Our friendship is fully turned to ash.
He's not fully into her anymore, even with years behind them.
Distant is not even close to what we are now.
You go off to the army, while I try to grow my life without you.
Relationships come and go.
From a distance, you seemed happy again, with her again.
At least so it seems.
I later find out you've gotten married.
And now she's expecting.
How life has been different to both of us.
Out of the blue, you came to me in a dream.
It was like the old days, but without anyone to shadow us.
It was just us two.
Just as I had a wistful dream about you one night,
I check my phone to see you want to add me on IG.
The crazy coincidence.
I wonder what you thought of when you saw my profile.
Do you want to see how our lives differ?
Do you wonder if I have someone?
Do you ever think of that day?
Do you miss me?
But I wonder do you ever think of me?
I just wonder if you ever think what could of been.
All I know is, we both longed for each other, truly and deeply.
In this universe
At this time
We were meant for each other but was painfully
the wrong time....

Have you ever feel so empty and heavy at the same time?
It amazes you when you see the rainbows but imagining what the world would be like in black & white
You laugh with your friends during hangouts but your eyes were tired from midnight cries
Time flies but you still miss, those memories stuck in a bliss

Theres always that friend
You make before you know you have to go
You don't talk to for forever
And boom
You get blindsided by this feeling
This feeling of loss
You've become so used to going
That you never stop
To realize you miss those people
You knew for a month
You want to connect again
But you don't know how
They haven't been active on Hangouts for months
You find them on Facebook and hope its them
You send them a message and hope they see
You just want to reconnect
I'm only human you see
Even if it was a month or 2
I still felt something for you
I thank you for getting me into poetry
No matter how horrible I am
Because it turns out
Thats how I found you
Now I write this
Not planned or even coherent
Just so happy I found you

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IRRESPECTIVE OF ECHO

SAMUEL DAVID <believingvirtue@gmail.com>
Tue, Oct 20, 2020, 2:47 AM
to drmikemurdock

Hi in the existing pursuits,  beyond the reigning of induction

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Al;tering in the sonship to eternity column…’

Triumphing in the  echo of  surmantable.



Your  conquering  absurd,



Samuel Churchill Omale

Wrist  Of Eternity Rejoining

www.hellopoetry.com/SPEAR­­_LEGACY

+2348131914240

The second to last time I seen you, you invited me up for a movie,
I felt excited, my eyes were widened, hadn't had one on one with you in quite a while
I wanted to see what was going on, what you'd been putting on
But of course I left my phone on.
You see Pete, the reason I couldn't repeat our past hangouts was because I was too busy trying to get my paper published and my last chance bangouts
I got up from your couch because you had tide I had to get a stain out
I wasn't all that worried, me and you, we mixed like some good curry
I remember the time we were in India and DC, Everytime you gave me an excuse for me to be me
It's not easy remembering the movie, maybe because my phone was buzzing and I was so moody
I left early
A girl I was with at the time wanted hang, sue me
But I am truly sorry I left at the 20 minute mark, if I could go back in time I would put my *** in park

Id ask every question, just as an escuse to pause the movie every second
I'd change the language, and we'd try paint the scenes on the screen
I'd ask you to play it again,
Because I had no idea that at 2 hours and 22minutes the movie and you would end

The last time I saw you, your body was black and blue
The cop sat there and asked me if I could identify you
I really told her no
I didn't believe it, I held up this investigation for a weekend because I couldn't see how it could be that you left me and everyone else
And I know you didn't for yourself
But I miss you for myself
You still weigh on me, it's killing my health
I don't have many words left
I'm bargaining with God, Mohammed, and the Devil trying to forget your death