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luci Jan 2018
Poor Little Rich Kids
    Let’s admit it, the criminal justice system in the United States is not the best. Recently, there have cases where justice was not served. There are cases that prove that, we Americans tend to be more lenient towards the person getting prosecuted if they are of a certain gender and race. Though we don’t want to admit it, ignorance is and always will be bliss.
    Ethan couch, a white nineteen year old male from Texas who drove home drunk and killed four people in a collision and ****** injured two. Though he did get indicted on four counts of intoxication manslaughter and two counts intoxication assault, it’s the fact that it wasn’t the judge’s first option. The first thing he did was put the boy on probation which he violated when a video of him playing beer pong was posted on the internet. His attorney argued “affluenza”, in other words, Ethan Couch was ‘too rich’ for his own good.
    People v. Turner, a criminal case that was filed to convict Brock Allen Turner of three counts of felony ****** assault. The white male student athlete at Stanford University sexually assaulted an intoxicated twenty-two year old. Allen was indicted for five charges: two for ****, two for felony ****** assault, and one for attempted ****. After DNA results came in, two of the five charges were dropped. Judge Persky sentenced Allen to six months of confinement at the county jail in Santa Clara but after three months, Allen was let out because of his “good behavior.” Even after the Stanford star swimmer was convicted, the only pictures that were available to the public were pictures of him smiling, wearing medals, and in his suit and tie. This case was the epitome of white privilege.
    Of course, there are people who would argue that being a rich white male has nothing to do with “living the good life.” That these people who commit heinous crimes are just regular people who live regular lives. While that isn’t true, as long as white privilege is not acknowledged, we will always have criminals walking away free.
luci Jan 2018
Assisted suicide?
Physician Assisted Suicide is the process of a doctor providing the necessary sleeping pills/lethal dose to allow a terminally ill patient to perform the life ending act. In the United States, all but four states have made physician assisted suicide (PAS) illegal.When in a situation a terminally ill patient is in, they should have the right to commit a physician-assisted suicide.
In 1994, the state of Oregon enabled the Death With Dignity Act (DWDA). With 51% voting in favor of the act, it gives terminally ill patients access to PAS. Attorney General John Ashcroft challenged the act by saying it was not “real” and that allowing doctors to do perform that, violates the Controlled Substances Act (CSA). CSA protects the regulation of doctors from performing unauthorized distributions of drugs and drug abuse. If doctors are able to assist suicides, through Ashcroft’s claim, they would be using drugs as an abuse. In the Supreme Court, petitioner Paul D. Clement argued in the case about the violation of CSA, with 6-3, “we conclude the rule is not authorized by the CSA, and we affirm the judgment of the Court of Appeals” (Gonzales V Oregon).
Patients of irreversible illnesses often develop disorders that go underdiagnosed causing them to live a life that isn’t happy for them or their family members. According to Dr. Fine of the Office of Clinical Ethics, terminally ill patients usually get depressed when dealing with intense suffering. When the patient is depressed, they may not respond to treatment as expected. If the patient is not responding to treatment well, the doctor may up the dosage of medication or consider adding antidepressants, causing the patient to be reliant on medication for the rest of their life.
Patients who receive a terminal diagnosis usually experience high levels of anxiety.  According to Dr. Fine, anxiety can cause problems such as, agitation, insomnia, restlessness, sweating, tachycardia, hyperventilation, panic disorder, worry, or tension. Sleep deprivation plays a huge part in the anxiety the patients feel. The patient’s sleep is often interrupted many nights and several times to get their blood pressure checked, blood withdrawals, checkings of veins, etc. Because these medical requirements can not be withheld, many doctors may feel the need to heavily sedate the patient to make them feel lucid during the day time.
Studies have shown that patients of terminal illnesses fear that they’d burden their families. The patients feel, “grief and fear not only for their own future but also for their families’ future” (Johnson), researchers say. The feelings of being in the way can cause emotional, physical, social, and financial problems. In  doctors Johnson, Nolan, and Sulmasy’s research, they found that feelings of burden are most likely to affect emotional symptoms, quality of life, and patient satisfaction. Wanting to feel like they aren’t a burden to their families and society was most important to patients seen by the doctors. The research the doctors conducted found that out of a list of 28 qualities, the wish to not be a physical or emotional burden on family, 93% of respondents said that this was very or extremely important to them. The doctors made three categories of experiences that were related to “self-perceived burden” (Johnson). The first one being “concerns for other” (Johnson), then “implications for self” (Johnson), and last being “minimizing the burden” (Johnson). Feeling like a burden can cause “empathic concern engendered from the impact on others of one’s illness and care needs, resulting in guilt, distress, feelings of responsibility, and diminished sense of self” (Johnson).
To let a patient commit an assisted suicide means, they’re freed from pain. To force someone who knows that their time's coming to an end quickly when they do not wish to be in pain anymore should be a crime. In Epidemics, Book 1, it states, “practice two things in your dealings with disease: either help or do not harm the patient”, by allowing the patient to continue their life is harming them, all physically, mentally, and spiritually. Doctors take an oath, the Hippocratic Oath when practicing medicine. In the oath, there is a phrase that says “Also I will, according to my ability and judgment, prescribe a regimen for the health of the sick; but I will utterly reject harm and mischief”, if the patient has considered an assisted suicide, they’ve been in too much pain and wish for it to end. Refusing them the help causes them more physical and emotional pain; physical being the illness itself and emotional being the feeling of being a burden.
Patients with terminal illnesses have the right to commit assisted suicides because it allows them to end their life from something no drug would be able to fix. With the illness being irreversible, dragging it out will cause both suffering and financial problems. Terminally ill patients have the right to die with dignity. Dying by choice will let their loved ones know that they are ready and have accepted their fate, easing weight off their families shoulders. Having the ability to die will portray the patients as human beings who want to make one last decision before going rather than people who are laying in a hospital bed waiting to die. A patient knows that the doctor’s job is to relieve pain, with a doctor refusing their wish, only cause distrust in their relationship. Letting assisted suicide would allow their families to begin healing. By refusing the patient their right to die, forces them to live a poor quality of life no one would ever wish upon anybody. It is in everyone’s interest to let them go. Doctors have a responsibility to make the patient happy and to relieve them of any kind of pain, letting them go is relieving them of the pain they wish to no longer feel. PAS gives them the ability to go happily and contently.
luci Oct 2015
Sophomore year.
Spring break.
Why can’t I stop?
Just stop it, ******* it!
You’re being pathetic.

Ding Ding
It’s a text.
“Hey! You free tonight?”
I didn’t think he’d text me.
I can’t.
It’d be wrong.
“Totally. What’d you have in mind?”
Oh no.
What’d I just do?
“I could pick you up around 10 and maybe just chill?”
Why so late?
“Yeah. Can’t wait!”


What do I wear?
What do I wear?

Put on eyeliner.
Put on mascara.
Put on lipstick.


Where is he?

Just wait.

Should be here anytime now.

Just a couple more minutes.

Give him some more time.
I can’t expect him to be here right away.

Is he coming?

Did he forget?

It was a joke.

Ding Ding
It’s a text.
“Hey, I’m here.”
Open my window.
Crawl out.
A nail  was sticking out.
Blood is dripping down my leg.
It's okay.
He's here.
He's here.

What am I doing?
"Hey, you look nice."
He thinks I look nice.
We drive.
And drive.
And drive.
Where are we?
It’s dark.
So dark.
I hear crickets.
And his breathing.
His breathing.
His breathing.
His breathing.

What is this?
A shed.
“Sit down.”
Where do I sit?
It’s so dark.
I can’t see.
Where are we?
Where am I?
Where am I?

His hand is on my thigh.
What’s he doing?
“You’re so beautiful.”
He can’t see me.
I can’t see him.
It’s so dark.
His hand is higher now.
I should’ve worn pants.
He’s taking off my underwear
My package bought *******.
What’s he doing?
What’s he doing?
What’s he doing!
Do I like it?
Is he happy?
I want him to be happy.
Just let him do it.

His breathing.
His breathing.
My breathing.

It’s gone.
My underwear.

Oh my god.
Just sit here.
It’s okay.
He’s here.
He’s not going to hurt me.
He can’t.
He won’t.
It’s okay.

He’s unzipping.
What’s he unzipping?
I can’t see.
His hands on my *******.
I don’t know what to feel.
What do I feel?
What should I feel?
What does he feel?

His hands on my bare legs.
I flinch.
“It’s okay.”
It’s okay.

It hurts.
It hurts.
It hurts.
Stop please.
Please stop.
I can’t take it.
I can’t take it.
I want to be happy.
I just want to be happy.
I want him to be happy.
Just be happy.
Be happy.
Is he happy?

luci Dec 2014
It’s splashing on some eyeliner
Make yourself look decent
It’s throwing on a crop top
When it's 20 degrees outside
It’s sitting in the driveway
You have 2 hours until he comes
It’s freezing your *** off
Because a skirt looked better
It’s listening to cars go by
And wondering which one will be his
It’s knowing he'll never wait in the dark for you
It’s getting in his car
And hearing “you look hot”
it's never understanding why he won't take you to his place
Am I not worthy of your bed?
Are you embarrassed?
It’s wanting to have a conversation
But he's only interested in what color your underwear is
It’s wanting to hold his hand
I just want to hold your hand
It’s having to tell yourself
You don’t mean a thing to him
When he bites your neck
It’s suppressing your tears
When he dives into you
It’s knowing one another
But not being able to look at each other
​For those who don’t know what 2am hangouts are like
It’s constantly telling yourself you deserve better
Why won’t I get better?
luci Sep 2014
when we were little
we all had ambition
we all saw potential in us
we all knew what we wanted
what happened
what happened to
*** is gross
what happened to
drugs are bad
what happened to
believing in ourselves
what happened to
waking up with smiles
what happened to
making promises we promise not to break
"we all grew up"
they say
we didn't grow up
we all just became sad
and knew no other way
we all got lost at some point
we all misunderstood what it meant to grow up
what happened to
telling mommy and daddy we'll make them proud
luci Sep 2014
I find it funny how
just a few words
just a few actions
can break us all in ways
we never knew was possible
can change us all in ways we
never knew was possible

and yeah
people tell us over and over
again that it's going to get
better but when
when is it going to get better
and what if it never does
what if you constantly do things
to hurt yourself
what if you constantly get with that
one guy who you know will break you
sooner or later but you don't care
because you are willing to do anything
to feel anything but your
******* sadness
because you cant take it anymore
you can't spend another
night alone crying
another night asking yourself if it's all ******* worth it
if life is worth the hurt
and those nights
you've spent debating if
everything would just
stop hurting if you just took
your life away

just one shot to the head
just one small leap off a chair
and on to the rope
so simple
so easy

I find it funny how
humans are capable of
such cruelty
how humans can cause such discomfort
to another without giving a ****
how you're smiling while my
soul is rotting away
luci Sep 2014
BOY #1
his eyes were as blue
as the deepest sea
his touch
his voice
as beautiful as Beethoven's symphony 5
the things he said could make any girl
believe that he loved them
only thing is
he didn't give a ******* ****
about me

BOY #2
his hair was as puffy and soft
as a baby bunny's fur
his words touched me in ways
only hands should be able to
his lips fixed wounds I thought
only doctors can fix
a moment with him was never dull
the stories he told me made
me want him more
"i had to jump the wooden gate
the cops were after me"
I couldn't help but smile
I gave you me
and you gave me you
but did you give yourself
to me like how I gave myself
to you

BOY #3
the height of Mt Rushmore
the style of Skateboarder's new model
your jokes were funny
but the way you treated me
after you got what you wanted wasn't
we laid in your bed and you held my hand
I rested my head on your shoulders
I trusted you
but I wasn't anything important to you

BOY #4
dark as night
like a child
you were different
I wasn't attracted to you
but you liked me
so I let you give yourself to me
and before I knew it
you told your mama I was "a mistake"
we were the talk of the school

BOY #5
his hair was as puffy and soft
as a baby bunny's fur
his words touched me in ways
only hands should be able to
his lips fixed wounds
I thought only doctors can fix
and by now you would assume I
would've learned already
but this boy like no other
this boy excites me
I cant help but want his attention
****** allure maybe
whatever it is
I need him

(not done)
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