Hello Poetry
Submit your work and get some sparkles! Create free account
"convalescence" poems
From out the dragging vastness of the sea, Wave-fettered, bound in sinuous, seaweed strands, He toils toward the rounding beach, and stands One moment, white and dripping, silently, Cut like a cameo in lazuli, Then falls, betrayed by shifting shells, and lands Prone in the jeering water, and his hands Clutch for support where no support can be. So up, and down, and forward, inch by inch, He gains upon the shore, where poppies glow And sandflies dance their little lives away. The ******* waves ****** and tighter clinch The weeds about him, but the land-winds blow, And in the sky there blooms the sun of May.
0
4.7k
Convalescence
I don't want to go a gentle journey, from convoluted to convalescence. I quit drinking again; found love in the psych ward. She's my broken-winged angel. So much pain behind that sweet smile. She's drinking again, and I can't fix her. It hurts, like an arrow through the stomach. I have a rabbit that comes to my yard. She lies in the same spot every day. So much so, that she has worn down a place for herself--the surrounding grass grows around her. She feels safe. I feed her spinach, and my brother sings her show tunes. That's what we get for having a drama teacher for a father. Thanks, Dad. It's been an unseasonably cold April. I feel sorry for Harvey; That's her name, thanks again Dad. I talk to her softly. "Hi, baby--what are you doing? Do you want to come in?" She doesn't answer.  I'm sober. I want to take care of her... Both of them... My two little bunnies. It's cold, and the wind is blowing hard, beneath a mean grey sky.
0
May 1, 2022
May 1, 2022 at 6:11 PM UTC
Two Bunnies Beneath a Cold Grey Sky
I was not sick and needed no convalescence no rebirth or panning view of bloodscape the black gasp of dawn it offered never drew no sickness no hospital beds or starched sheets no goodbye rain or last shot of whiskey it unended when the sickness of the mind rolled in with its fingers shaped like a gun and a trash bag for my jewel *give me no sickness* I begged and robbers there were three beat me down and left me like a headless buck
0
Sep 11, 2017
Sep 11, 2017 at 3:55 PM UTC
no sickness
The surgeons listened to jaunty be bop while they cut through his cranium. A metal plate was inserted, dissecting memories and thoughts, causing confusion between his now and then. He left hospital with a funny taste in his mouth which he could not name or shake. During the period of convalescence his children tried to cheer him up by attaching fridge magnets to his head. a cow, a banana, the Tower of London, a badge reminding them to Give Blood. One fridge magnet secured in place a drawing, reminding him of childhood pictures which were seventy five percent blue sky and twenty five percent thick bands of green grass and all the family stood outside where sunflowers were bigger than houses.
0
Dec 29, 2012
Dec 29, 2012 at 1:04 PM UTC
His head, the magnets
Fear of wounds from the past A broken man unearthed once again Fear of unending convalescence Stemmed from the spine of circumstance Lingering pain of mistakes made in youth Physical nightmares Please forgive me, my corporeal self My judgement was clouded And now I am the better man That I should have been back then People say I'm lucky that I still breathe A part of me died that day They should of left me there, beneath the trees
0
Dec 8, 2022
Dec 8, 2022 at 11:43 AM UTC
Spine
I don't want to go a gentle journey, from convoluted to convalescence. I quit drinking again; found love in the psych ward. She's my broken-winged angel. So much pain behind that sweet smile. She's drinking again, and I can't fix her. It hurts, like an arrow through the stomach. I have a rabbit that comes to my yard. She lies in the same spot every day. So much so, that she has worn down a place for herself--the surrounding grass grows around her. She feels safe. I feed her spinach, and my brother sings her show tunes. That's what we get for having a drama teacher for a father. Thanks, Dad. It's been an unseasonably cold April. I feel sorry for Harvey; That's her name, thanks again Dad. I talk to her softly. "Hi, baby--what are you doing? Do you want to come in?" She doesn't answer. I'm sober. I want to take care of her... Both of them... My two little bunnies. It's cold, and the wind is blowing hard, beneath a mean grey sky.
0
Aug 25, 2024
Aug 25, 2024 at 3:34 PM UTC
Two Bunnies Beneath a Cold Grey Sky
From the time we are born, we are flawed, both through nurture and through nature are we damaged, but there is something so beautiful, so fatalistic about that, and since we are inclined to failure, the only way we can travel is forward. Sometimes we move only a few steps at a time, and more often than not, we measure improvement by leaps and bounds, both are progress, both are important. We like to think we are rational, but statistically speaking, we trust in our instinct more often than not, even if it is beyond its depth, we are not rational creatures, striving for excess is not logical, for time is money, and survival is logical, but we want more, gathering approval is not efficient, in many respects animals are much more optimal. The thing that sets us apart, the most important thing to note, is love, love is not logical, love is not efficient, but we value it anyway, and so in the end, we are not what we think we are, we are not animals, we are illogical, we are inefficient, and we are healing, healing from the day we are born, born with a frail disposition, we are human, and we are slowly mending.
0
Jan 17, 2014
Jan 17, 2014 at 6:12 AM UTC
Convalescence
Everyone learns that convalescence turns to evanescence when reheated bubbles rise into effervescence. Conflicts turn with ease from shame to blame and wrap back around afflicting and constricting the veins. Tension to dissension when your worst thoughts slide by the side taking every abide on their pretentious and demented path to divide. This lesson on entropy is no radical notion. But rather a fanatical description of raw emotion. The most important connections we build in this life will be tested redundant with an abundance of strife. Perfection is impossible, we must only continue to row. Our reflection is the garden that we inevitably grow. It begins at one moment by sowing a single seed. Reach out to someone feeling lonesome because truly we are all in need. Or try again with heart in hand and if you fear for wasted time... *I love you. I forgive you.* These few words don't need to rhyme.
0
Dec 21, 2014
Dec 21, 2014 at 2:08 AM UTC
No Need To Rhyme
Everyone talks about passion as if they know her. But passion is my closest friend. Passion is the fire that burns behind her eyes, the cigarette perishing between her lips. Passion is the way my mouth feels against her chest, the breathy moan as my fingers grab her hips Everyone says she is intense, but all I can think is how much there’s left to learn Because passion knows what it feels like to burn out. She lights fires in dangerous places and has more scorch marks than she has friends Shes so calm and gentle yet never condescends Passion is convalescence, her voice heals more than it bites She holds my hand in the day time and holds me tighter in the nights. Passion is pulling her closer at 1am because she smells like hope. And nobody talks about hope as if they know her. Passion is manipulated, overlooked and exploited Everyone talks about passion as if they know her. But nobody talks about passion as if they deserve her.
0
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:53 AM UTC
Passion
my loves, the many accumulated mn- eumonic responses play'd on future women. ideas based on the poiv- rottes of idealized affectation past. cesspools emptied by the horse-tanks with stelth in the night, but the- re couldn't be much stealth for a target reeking of **** and convalescence. sadness and that odor would hang heavy in the first cold rains of winter. transplanting thoughts, always transplanted emotions of subjugation. she was waiting for someone, this now past but once future poivrotte. feet to be knock'd from under, body to find lulling embrace. mind the levitat- ing affect. mind, the missing portion of our feint'd love. and   - I was always empty and     both sad and happy with a third-class train ride, at mon poivrottes' expense of mentality. we could used to lay together talk- king in adult tones through our child mouths. remembering to poc- ket fruit to retain our breakfast from freezing. speaking no truer words than those utter'd while embraced. words from the mou- ths of us children. truer words never could be counterfeit, never could be spoken without loss of conscience. Cezanne-dreams of color, Impressionist subconscious, j'adore mon poivrottes. feasting of mo- vement and staining all around with the strong cafe au lait. follow'd aper- itif, following digestifs, following back to lie. to flow words from our child mo- uths, we would walk paths through the woods in the Autumn twilight. the trees were sculptures having their leaves stripped bare. walking alongside, we walk'd ourselves down the same separate path.
0
Feb 17, 2013
Feb 17, 2013 at 4:54 PM UTC
021713
my loves, the many accumulated mn- eumonic responses play'd on future women. ideas based on the poiv- rottes of idealized affectation past. cesspools emptied by the horse-tanks with stelth in the night, but the- re couldn't be much stealth for a target reeking of **** and convalescence. sadness and that odor would hang heavy in the first cold rains of winter. transplanting thoughts, always transplanted emotions of subjugation. she was waiting for someone, this now past but once future poivrotte. feet to be knock'd from under, body to find lulling embrace. mind the levitat- ing affect. mind, the missing portion of our feint'd love. and   - I was always empty and     both sad and happy with a third-class train ride, at mon poivrottes' expense of mentality. we could used to lay together talk- king in adult tones through our child mouths. remembering to poc- ket fruit to retain our breakfast from freezing. speaking no truer words than those utter'd while embraced. words from the mou- ths of us children. truer words never could be counterfeit, never could be spoken without loss of conscience. Cezanne-dreams of color, Impressionist subconscious, j'adore mon poivrottes. feasting of mo- vement and staining all around with the strong cafe au lait. follow'd aper- itif, following digestifs, following back to lie. to flow words from our child mo- uths, we would walk paths through the woods in the Autumn twilight. the trees were sculptures having their leaves stripped bare. walking alongside, we walk'd ourselves down the same separate path.
Continue reading...
46
"And he created out of one man every nation of men, to dwell upon the entire surface of the earth, and he decreed the appointed times and set limits of the dwelling of man." (Acts 17: 26) (New World Translation Study Edition) When I look in the mirror, a doughty warrior, an oracle, an Olympian gazes back at me. The caramel-tinge of my skin tells of the colored pedigree from whence I came. Every ebony-tendril that bursts from my epidermis is as impregnable as the Sacred Lotus. The history of my Mind's Sky has been tried by the Ancient African Sun of my ancestors. It is my hope, that I have passed the trials decreed by the ordinances of the Moon & Sun. Moreover, the Arbiter of Fates, Jah, dawns upon our fleshly vessel at each twilight, assaying our entities. (Isaiah 60: 19, 20) (New World Translation Study Edition) So many intrepid souls have compassed me about. The Chalice of my Heart burgeons with esprit d' amour. The meaning of life is ne' er about intellect, is ne' er about achievement, is in part, about creativity; wholly, about Love. (John 13: 34, 35) (New World Translation Study Edition) For this reason, strength cascades upon me every moment as I witness the brilliance, the resilience of my beneficent matriarch, Stacy Amanda Foulke. In life, I have learned that being a person of color in America is not only a wonderful privilege, but a responsibility. Why? The afflictions brought upon this skin only make it glisten brighter after convalescence. Our people have suffered inordinately so, but this is conducive to cultivating surpassing empathy. Therefore, I believe that history, as begotten through the colored legacy, shall be one of ultimate victory. If and only if, we unfetter ourselves from the onerous burdens of the past, then Monarchical Wings shall burgeon from our Astral Chrysalis. "For though the tribulation is momentary and light, it works out for us a glory that is of more and more surpassing weight and is everlasting." (1st Corinthians 4: 17) (New World Translation Study Edition) Se' lah.
0
Feb 12, 2021
Feb 12, 2021 at 6:54 PM UTC
The Culture of Beginnings (Originally penned on Wednesday, April 15th, 2020)
"And he created out of one man every nation of men, to dwell upon the entire surface of the earth, and he decreed the appointed times and set limits of the dwelling of man." (Acts 17: 26) (New World Translation Study Edition) When I look in the mirror, a doughty warrior, an oracle, an Olympian gazes back at me. The caramel-tinge of my skin tells of the colored pedigree from whence I came. Every ebony-tendril that bursts from my epidermis is as impregnable as the Sacred Lotus. The history of my Mind's Sky has been tried by the Ancient African Sun of my ancestors. It is my hope, that I have passed the trials decreed by the ordinances of the Moon & Sun. Moreover, the Arbiter of Fates, Jah, dawns upon our fleshly vessel at each twilight, assaying our entities. (Isaiah 60: 19, 20) (New World Translation Study Edition) So many intrepid souls have compassed me about. The Chalice of my Heart burgeons with esprit d' amour. The meaning of life is ne' er about intellect, is ne' er about achievement, is in part, about creativity; wholly, about Love. (John 13: 34, 35) (New World Translation Study Edition) For this reason, strength cascades upon me every moment as I witness the brilliance, the resilience of my beneficent matriarch, Stacy Amanda Foulke. In life, I have learned that being a person of color in America is not only a wonderful privilege, but a responsibility. Why? The afflictions brought upon this skin only make it glisten brighter after convalescence. Our people have suffered inordinately so, but this is conducive to cultivating surpassing empathy. Therefore, I believe that history, as begotten through the colored legacy, shall be one of ultimate victory. If and only if, we unfetter ourselves from the onerous burdens of the past, then Monarchical Wings shall burgeon from our Astral Chrysalis. "For though the tribulation is momentary and light, it works out for us a glory that is of more and more surpassing weight and is everlasting." (1st Corinthians 4: 17) (New World Translation Study Edition) Se' lah.
Continue reading...
6
Encircling...I dare the Full-- pluck eyes from their nooks, mind from its niche. I, incumbent of all lines drawn and crossed...wear the metaphoric face of All Things. My redundant farewell is a galactic backlog....as memory asks: may I be excused from these tables? By light's celerity, light all the more... One in One, and out of One in One-- foreknowledge to Knowledge. Encircling...I dare the Full--emissary to mine own circle, with news so pressing I stumble into deaths cut to new forms of life. I waver my convalescence, discharge myself from the throes of creation... a gladdened prophecy...self-fulfilled. Encircling...I dare the Full.
0
Jun 10, 2012
Jun 10, 2012 at 2:21 AM UTC
Encircling, I Dare the Full
Love ain’t for the faint of heart Cause it wrecks your soul and leaves you scarred Let breath unfold underneath the charred remains of your patience Soulmate remains nameless In place a name wrought with memories of sacred Until one day they express that you ain’t **** Writhing in pain and your days thin to ways you can stay numb In waves the hate sung False anger with your fate strung on threads of late night drinking Endless hours of thinking about how it all went wrong You second guess your first kiss with palms balled up in fists Straining to remain calm it just doesn’t fit Voids draw you into the abyss Your heart skips Stops Mind is in manic shifts of agony and dissonance The lights gone Darkness sits with faces drawn in prisms Explains the end and the beginning are just lessons all much weather The wounds fester and rip at your intestines Sheer dread and suddenly convalescence The scars you bear now filled with poise and wisdom Knowledge and room to expand your own decisions Each grain a possibility to new depths Lovely, really The way life tends to find ways to keep you sun-kissed under cloudy skies
0
Jun 29, 2015
Jun 29, 2015 at 2:29 PM UTC
Paths: Love[Life]
This convalescence eases on slowly, Coy acuteness craves the longing contentment!! No resentment, as I walk high heel to booted lace!!! Creditor, to whom Didst thou pay thine debt? Or is thy debt still owed? Curiosity is crowched beneathe the delinquency of fendid demagogues!! Mortar of temples and synagogues, You chief cornerstone!!! You guru with no home, Curvature of decadence delineates your demeaning haste, Open up taste the taste, and heed thy view!!! A must programmed to turn muteable, A mourner for me and you. Omniscient angels raistheth me above the mountains peaks, Where the strange instruments are observable, And lovers are loveable, As your kin she will be to be more than distraction!!!!
0
May 13, 2015
May 13, 2015 at 6:13 PM UTC
Seren'ata(serenade in greek dialect)
The world is now a medley Contradictions, paradoxes, and catch-22s Values and morals broken by Tolerance And this is incidentally overly-permissive her secret is... The very infrastructure The basis of normalcy is not just broken down But warped altogether Shabby Spackle cracks reveal CHANGE Ephemeral periods to lick wounds That are, indeed, a fallacy And the dogs howl for convalescence Imagine the point of no return, where light can only remain an idea for the overwhelming pitch black veil enveloping you Faces distant blur as shadows creep contemptuously Through a place only light should know The gateway to the soul has been breached! Defaced, sold. With a guaranteed price tag! Because...? Silence
0
Jun 30, 2014
Jun 30, 2014 at 11:31 PM UTC
Her Secret
Oh, such a natural state the still mind is. A blissful feeling nurtures the heart of His. The world is seen through majestic eyes. Happiness is, while the clock-time dies. Every moment of now needs the full and acute attention your being can allow, or you live not in this dimension. The virtue of being lies below the surface of disconnect. An insight so freeing, one must merely take the time to reflect. What is this joyful state of living? Where one finds their heart alive, in a natural state of forgiving; In which the human soul does thrive. An unconscious society has plagued our purity. We act with impropriety, and live in obscurity. Yet, there are the few that have embraced intense awareness, who will now renew, and bring to life, the act of fairness. So humanity may live with peace; so the world may be fully reborn, so our own soul can find release; so the robe of unity will be worn. Every one of nature's spirits are bound from the inside out. The full power of wholeness can astound, past the edge of doubt. Oh, how stillness lies beneath the rubble of the mind. And to our surprise, we see, yet are completely blind. But hope still reigns in the magic of my essence, for bliss remains, as we start the convalescence. As the fervor of the embracing band into the promise of one, I smile as the world is racing towards a change that has long begun. So with my fellow earthlings, I plead: Live fully in every short moment's now, for without each second's eternal leave, how can we cherish if we disavow?
0
Dec 13, 2010
Dec 13, 2010 at 5:11 PM UTC
Our Natural State of Being.
Oh, such a natural state the still mind is. A blissful feeling nurtures the heart of His. The world is seen through majestic eyes. Happiness is, while the clock-time dies. Every moment of now needs the full and acute attention your being can allow, or you live not in this dimension. The virtue of being lies below the surface of disconnect. An insight so freeing, one must merely take the time to reflect. What is this joyful state of living? Where one finds their heart alive, in a natural state of forgiving; In which the human soul does thrive. An unconscious society has plagued our purity. We act with impropriety, and live in obscurity. Yet, there are the few that have embraced intense awareness, who will now renew, and bring to life, the act of fairness. So humanity may live with peace; so the world may be fully reborn, so our own soul can find release; so the robe of unity will be worn. Every one of nature's spirits are bound from the inside out. The full power of wholeness can astound, past the edge of doubt. Oh, how stillness lies beneath the rubble of the mind. And to our surprise, we see, yet are completely blind. But hope still reigns in the magic of my essence, for bliss remains, as we start the convalescence. As the fervor of the embracing band into the promise of one, I smile as the world is racing towards a change that has long begun. So with my fellow earthlings, I plead: Live fully in every short moment's now, for without each second's eternal leave, how can we cherish if we disavow?
Continue reading...
52
blind bliss the empty contour of yesterday turns on itself jets to oblivion paper streams celebrate the century’s end thus piled at the foot of the terminal a mound of teeth and convalescence in search of illness.
0
Oct 21, 2018
Oct 21, 2018 at 8:08 AM UTC
the day they dug into the earth a pit to fill with butter
God, I wish I were in Colorado Driving down a dusty rural highway, Beholding colossal mountains Emerging from the horizon, And feeling the sunlight around me Gradually turn into snow. There, the air befuddles the mind, Diverting thoughts, Altering time. The mountains form a fortress, Serving as a refuge to lonely travelers; A sanctuary of serenity; A place where spirits soar with the eagles, Dance in the crisp, motherly breeze, And meditate in the dense forest. Tension dissipates, Gratification is gained, And convalescence commences. God, I wish I were in Colorado.
0
Apr 16, 2016
Apr 16, 2016 at 8:01 PM UTC
I Wish I Were In Colorado
Here comes the sun. The puddles have dried from underneath my eyes, And the storm-clouds evaporated from my mind. In earnest, I call for jubilation! Convalescence at last! But then I remember. My fitful feelings are simply on furlough. This is only the eye of the storm. Knowing this, I brace myself, Hoping of mitigating my inert emotions. In haste, I foist my harrowing memories, Banishing them to far-away corners of the mind. I defend my self-esteem, Behind impregnable walls and menacing guards. A shelter to ignite hope. Inside, I feel valiant. For once, I am strong. Alas, it’s all to no avail. My attempts quelling the insurrection will prove useless. The enemy attacks from the inside. And so with a sigh, I’ll wave my white flag. My fortress will crumble. Hope will no longer burn. The storm will engulf me once more.
0
Apr 10, 2016
Apr 10, 2016 at 4:06 PM UTC
The Eye Of The Storm
I had to hear the sound of the zip on that dress I asked her back to mine for cold coffee and cigarettes She said she doesn't smoke but she'd have one to impress and she isn't one for coffee So sorry, I digress Before she sat down all these lines coalesced with secrets and lies, I try to confess she catalysed a crystal convalescence her garnet eyes sparking wildfires in my chest my lungs are so tight they could rival her dress Stung in the heart for kicking the nest took a shot in the dark Again, I digress A small crowded room - as small rooms tend to be but for everyone there, she was all I could see the picture of perfection, framed perfectly in a dress designed to buckle my knees Crowded c'rod'd quickly becomes we and I was trying to get her on my settee Is it a metaphor if I meant it literally? Excuse me, once more it seems I digress I just had to get her out of that dress mess up her make up make her hair a mess kiss her when she wakes up and watch her get dressed to undress her again exalted by the scent bask in the sound of the zip on that dress while I sip on cold coffee and smoke cigarettes
0
Apr 19, 2019
Apr 19, 2019 at 9:33 PM UTC
DigRession
what a waste of my energy, I urge my ability utilize the sun light opening the lewd claims echo hollow lanes fastening ribbons accessories: posions, frog, silence renders colors of hatred convalescence heart beat Looking around police search light swarming bees flew done to the beast Sea Bearing Crest domesticates blue throat push pull **** grow push pull killed growth
0
Jun 11, 2014
Jun 11, 2014 at 3:18 PM UTC
Untitled
Particulate disintegrate berate and inflate the absence of sense or packed, harden, racked, garden. I see clearly when my eyes arise through the atmosphere's tears' arrangement of derangement of eminent containment in hell-house entertainment. Luck, **** and **** have in common, many things limited to their convalescence in my head for lack of a better working word. I can't write right now.
0
Mar 1, 2014
Mar 1, 2014 at 10:08 AM UTC
Youth Tool Tacked Through
my friend made a fort of her bed with tapestries and lights and the five of us converged into a mass condensed to a point of peace and convalescence time did not exist under that sheet with pin ****** of light laid gently on top the hours were not ours we hugged and shifted and peeled away the inner layers of an almost rotten onion tears and eyes filled with a sad knowing that we murmured but did not explain always drawn closer in there was no point of critical mass no crevice small enough to ignore no words too true to be withheld i spent twenty two hours there growing one with the mattress pads and wind chimes clanging as the heat hissed gently and found that silence that we always said we wanted just a moment of silence in which i was able to be
0
Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 1:23 PM UTC
Untitled
Convalescence, How are you? Better, But I've been saying it Since the beginning. Are the whispers inside true, That maybe I can finally start to believe it? What did it take, Some may innocently wonder. Patience. With every single breath I make. I've been half trying to ignore the improvement, Fearing one moments notice will Surely steal it all back. "No," I whisper alone, "I want to be better." The other half Astonished, I try to be proud for the little things now, So really I should feel Amazing. I swear I do very much venerate all of my achievements, It was the only way, That I could continue to survive. Unequivocally honestly, I'm afraid. Scared of it all going wrong again. Waiting to feel the terror of all the endless times I've tried, Getting thrown right back in my face again. Because isn't that what's been destined to happen From the very start? I've been having an almost Two month long rest, A complete break of everything. It was only meant to last a month, but after that month had been and gone, It started to actually feel A little better, brighter, Less dark. I'll admit it, I'm guilty, Guilty of getting comfortable with how it started to feel. I didn't want it ripped away from me, Please. I know once it's gone it will be hard as Hell to get back, I've already been through all that, I am still. I want to get back to pushing myself. (Like this) I never wanted to stop, But I had to listen, My body was screaming at me, for me To stop. And this evidence is telling me why I had to listen. It seems you can't beat your body, Ever, but especially not when it's fighting for you and against you. And the symptoms yelled Please stop, please be still, Like they wanted me to sleep all day, But still it will take half-a-year for there to be any difference. But I waited. I didn't get any choices. So now, I'm sorry It just terrifies me that trying, When I finally let it be, Might tear me back down, to where I used to be. I'm not foolish enough to expect this is the end. Surely when I try again my symptoms will join in too. They only started to improve The more I tried to rest. Yes, eventually - After a lot of effort I got here, But you have no idea how I tried. How I limited my actions, So in a month maybe it won't be so hard. Now I'm here, I'm worried my efforts will send me back. Wasted. Don't make me go, I don't want to be useless anymore, I'm still bad but so much better, Please don't Stop me, Hurt me, Trip me, Trap me, Lose me to my own body. Not anymore. I'm still here Fighting.
0
Nov 20, 2018
Nov 20, 2018 at 5:06 PM UTC
My Strive To Someday Withstand
Convalescence, How are you? Better, But I've been saying it Since the beginning. Are the whispers inside true, That maybe I can finally start to believe it? What did it take, Some may innocently wonder. Patience. With every single breath I make. I've been half trying to ignore the improvement, Fearing one moments notice will Surely steal it all back. "No," I whisper alone, "I want to be better." The other half Astonished, I try to be proud for the little things now, So really I should feel Amazing. I swear I do very much venerate all of my achievements, It was the only way, That I could continue to survive. Unequivocally honestly, I'm afraid. Scared of it all going wrong again. Waiting to feel the terror of all the endless times I've tried, Getting thrown right back in my face again. Because isn't that what's been destined to happen From the very start? I've been having an almost Two month long rest, A complete break of everything. It was only meant to last a month, but after that month had been and gone, It started to actually feel A little better, brighter, Less dark. I'll admit it, I'm guilty, Guilty of getting comfortable with how it started to feel. I didn't want it ripped away from me, Please. I know once it's gone it will be hard as Hell to get back, I've already been through all that, I am still. I want to get back to pushing myself. (Like this) I never wanted to stop, But I had to listen, My body was screaming at me, for me To stop. And this evidence is telling me why I had to listen. It seems you can't beat your body, Ever, but especially not when it's fighting for you and against you. And the symptoms yelled Please stop, please be still, Like they wanted me to sleep all day, But still it will take half-a-year for there to be any difference. But I waited. I didn't get any choices. So now, I'm sorry It just terrifies me that trying, When I finally let it be, Might tear me back down, to where I used to be. I'm not foolish enough to expect this is the end. Surely when I try again my symptoms will join in too. They only started to improve The more I tried to rest. Yes, eventually - After a lot of effort I got here, But you have no idea how I tried. How I limited my actions, So in a month maybe it won't be so hard. Now I'm here, I'm worried my efforts will send me back. Wasted. Don't make me go, I don't want to be useless anymore, I'm still bad but so much better, Please don't Stop me, Hurt me, Trip me, Trap me, Lose me to my own body. Not anymore. I'm still here Fighting.
Continue reading...
86