"aspergers" poems
People think they know me
Do you know about
My abuse, friendships, life
ED, cutting, Aspergers
Depression and anxiety?
No, don't you dare judge me
You don't know my story
Sep 2, 2014
Sep 2, 2014 at 10:40 AM UTC
Pick a cause, any cause, and slap your receipt on your bumper.
Everyone is doing it.
Everyone needs something to be passionate about.
What's your disease?
Not a one of us has it but **** if we don't act like it.
Walk it off.
Blame federal taxes.
Blame the government.
Why not your cause?
Why not your ailment?
Cus' you know Johnny is going to die if we don't do something,
and Susie's just runnin' outta time.
Buy a teddy bear to show you give a ****
Donate that extra quarter.
It all piles up somewhere.
But who, I mean who ever bothered to cure anything?
A million lab coats are workin' on your answer.
Just give em' a sec,
this stuff takes time.
In the mean time throw another buck in like your the only one.
Like this is the only problem left.
Like Santa only cares about breast cancer
or the church only cares about Alzheimers.
It's got one of their own you know.
Uncle Jim's got cancer of the liver,
where's his save the children fund?
Timmy's got cerebral palsy.
Sara's got Aspergers.
Randy has the Typhoid.
Pick a brand any brand and show you give a ****
Like the only one who gives a **** about the only thing that matters.
Forget them, what about me?
What about my issue?
What about my family?
Does the take a penny leave a penny in the seven eleven make you feel important?
Good.
Look here, buy this pin. 10% goes to Katrina victims
Feb 3, 2011
Feb 3, 2011 at 8:49 PM UTC
Rational choice is up
to
existential
tingling
emotional chaos;
Assumptions
made upon
old
patterns
droning
the titilating
madam's
major day --
on general.
Aspergers Exclusive
Beautiful Mind
Aug 23, 2015
Aug 23, 2015 at 3:15 PM UTC
Back in my teenage college years
I was told about “Autistic kids”
Who lived in worlds of their own,
Seeing things through weird and wonderful specs
In social isolation,
Frightening in its completeness.
At sixty six I since have learned about many
Of their “traits”:
Their obsessions, inflexible routines and
Panic
At all change.
Their inability to read
Emotions or social cues
Or innuendos
Or irony.
I have worked with those with Aspergers,
Colleagues, friends and clients –
Indeed with people all over
The Autistic Spectrum.
And the main thing I have learned
In all these years
Is that in my own way…
I am one of them.
Paul Butters
© PB 1\10\2018.
Oct 1, 2018
Oct 1, 2018 at 9:11 AM UTC
Living in a world of grey
Though only black and white
Are the colors that I see
Whether day or night
I just really can't believe
That what You see is true
And how can you tell me
That i should feel like you
Seeing flowers trees and birds
And plays, and sad, sad movies
Does not invoke such thoughts you see
And you can't show them to me
My world is perfect, pristine and white
You nought but trespass here
What audacity you have
To say my world is weird
My heart is great and deep and wide
More empty than the night
I rather think you cluttered
Sure you have your feelings right?
Through depths of sorrow can I waltz
Like floating on the breeze
Your happines is much too loud
And unplesant for me
I still can't figure how you get
So angry and upset
Over things that others do
When still you've never met
Please instruct me, teach me
Oh great, wise, philosopher
Just how it is I need
Your feelings that occur
You say I'm broken, strange, messed up
You say you can help
I say if you are that good at it
Then you should help yourself
Your social customs, curticies
You do them without purpose
You cling so tightly hold them close
I gladly call them worthless
I'm not so cold and callused
As though it prolly seems
I'm really still working on
Which response you need
I may not cry when someone falls
Whether you or I
But I can promise I'll be the first
To help your tears to dry
Friend and family and acquaintance
All mean the same to me
I'll gladly help you when you need
With no return or fee
Eating breathing sometimes bleeding
Still less man than machine
Dont be so surprised when I
Respond mechanically
Living in a world of grey
Though only black and white
Are the colors that I see
There's only wrong or right
Aug 24, 2016
Aug 24, 2016 at 7:14 PM UTC
His lips smile
We laugh for hours
He has dimples and
Beautiful blue eyes.
I feel like he is shy
Quiet
He seems ashamed
For a second
Then he tells me timidly
He has aspergers.
I smile,
My fingers gingerly curled
My nails resting on his beard.
I take a deep breath
I offer to help him
He wants to kiss me
He is afraid
He doesn't know how.
I close my eyes
Shy
Take his face in my hands
Press my closed mouth
Against his
As his lower lip trembles.
It's over.
We hug.
Then we laugh
He says
"Now that I have practiced, let's do it again."
He kisses me.
I had a lovely time.
We laughed
We kissed
For hours.
Dec 6, 2012
Dec 6, 2012 at 3:59 AM UTC
I'm a hung dumpster! Alcohol flask bucket
Sacked into the trash can of grocery store monopoly the end of all produce and of production
Collapse
Coronary killer vegetables
Rotting in the stomach
Begotten sons of Aspergers eating asparagus
the symptoms of collectivism and social surplus. colliding and,
The end of evolve.
The cities you see are the collecting cells pooling to cesspit trudging on tracheing breath.
Collapsing lungs with no space left
The cornucopia is over. It fell down with its mortar and grout lain to crust into soil. Traipsed through toil torture and insolence.
The Crimea fell next comes bombs next comes Obamba. Capitulation with motor skills
Feigning docility and anti-hostility mortar round bills.
Mountains from Jerusalem cricket ant hills
I am your friend though we owe the same blood
I am no different yet I give nothing up
I claim all the land just as you do
You take and you take and I lose and lose
Corruption and solitude
Killing people only gets you less friends
We are mirror yet very mad at it
.
My time will be up only but once.
This is the one time I'm not scared of death
But the glimmer in her eyes laughs me through it.
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 12:09 AM UTC
certain touches go through me like knifes and I can't look you in the eyes but I'm just like you I bleed red and my eyes are blue I just see the world In a different view but that doesn't mean I can't feel too epathy is different for me I feel it and I know it but I don't know how to show it I am like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole but blending in is good for my soul the sounds of life make me cringe that is when I become unhinged can't filter out vioces choose my own choices I wish there was a way to show people I still care and even if you don't see me in a crowd I am still there
Jun 6, 2015
Jun 6, 2015 at 1:54 PM UTC
she doesn't like her eggs like that!
she steals the spatula from dad's hand and slices open the yolk dad had preserved
I hear my name being called from inside the kitchen every three and a half minutes
briana don't forget
briana you have to do this
take us to the airport tomorrow morning
we have to leave by 8:30 am
dad what do I do about my car
take it back he says
and he yells at me
and that's how I know I am home
so I disappear into my room to light up a joint I've been saving
he gets a question right on jeopardy
two commercial breaks later he tells me a story
about bejing
and that's how he knew the answer to that question
and I said okay
and he said isn't that weird that I can remember that
and I looked away and thought
no, because you have aspergers
honey, don't forget to take your digestive supplement
okay mom
ok
Oct 26, 2012
Oct 26, 2012 at 8:51 PM UTC
I wonder where it comes from
humility?
punishment?
some karmic balance?
I wonder where it will go
will it take you far?
so much potential
on the keys
I wonder where this fortune of talent comes from
despair?
loneliness?
aspergers?
Why does my experience of these states
not bring forth equal brilliance from me?
So I'm wondering where it comes from
and why I'm not there
those sad songs played in minor keys
Aug 9, 2011
Aug 9, 2011 at 7:05 AM UTC
I get told to get ******
I get told to shut up
Nobody understands
And for me that's tough
I asked a girl why she didn't like me
It was because of my mouth
It flapped here and there and everywhere
East, West, North and South
I asked if she knew why
She kept saying because it doesn't close
I said I knew me better then
In reaction she proposed
That she knew me best
And that I knew me not at all
DOES IT NOT REGISTER I HAVE ASPERGERS
AND I'D RATHER TALK THAN NOT AT ALL??
I spend so much time quiet
You have no ******* idea
I get bullied ***** so take that
And shove it up your rear
You only hear me when it all comes out
I'm more silent than you think!
So why don't you shut up, hypocrite
Because I'm on the brink
The edge of a land I rather dread
And if you went you would too
You're so ******* stupid sometimes
So I hope I'm getting through
You manipulate words so ******* well
But haven't a clue how to read
The signs that someone doesn't care what you think
So please, leave, and at high speed!
I don't want your judgement
Keep it to your ******* self
So that perhaps we'll both be happy
AND QUIT ******** TO EVERYONE ELSE!
Jun 30, 2016
Jun 30, 2016 at 6:56 AM UTC
this party sux.
the boy who invited me was my first boyfriend
in ninth grade and i still want to make-out on his parents water bed.
i shuffle out into the cold air, carbon-dioxide puffs visible as i exhale.
i make my way to the apartment complex where i used to *** cigarettes from Jeff
- floor 3, room 57, shaggy, enjoys Jose Gonzalez tunage.
laying on my favorite bench,
with my hair falling over the sides to the sidewalk covered in gum
that now looks as black as the cement roads,
i take a visual photograph
~ aesthetical phenomenon.
i save this stargaze.jpg into my file entitled,
‘show me something memorable when i get Aspergers’.
inside i hear shrill cheering and glasses clinking. it must be midnight, already.
a tingle of relief runs down my spine. i’d rather spend my first few minutes of the New Year focused on the one thing i put above most.
the universe and i have developed
interpersonal secrets, theories, stories, feelings, et cetera.
he knows everything about me. i know nothing of him.
Jul 28, 2014
Jul 28, 2014 at 8:37 PM UTC
a book of a certain size, some prefer content and romance.
having moved things around the cat finds contentment near the
books on mental health.
she said it is especially nice for children. i think everybody, yet do not reply.
the cat has aspergers,
the dog is black. the
case is finally
diagnosed. she is
married again.
the dvds are in alpha
betical order tidy.
to get out again you must press the big button. most people forget until all the pushing
fails. is this helpful? probably for some it is , while others pay 30p for printing.
sbm
Jan 29, 2017
Jan 29, 2017 at 1:20 AM UTC
I was once told my life was too easy
That I never ever had it hard
That all my life all I had was the best
To say otherwise meant I was a ******
I rounded on that person,
Told them that they clearly didn't know me
And that it disappoints me
To know they know not the full story
My father was in the army for most of my life
Ever since I was a kid I'd walk onto the back porch
See him doing push-ups no matter the weather
Then I'd walk out again and he'd be gone
Teased at school for stupid things
Getting angry, sad and sorrowful
Woe is me, woe is me,
**** you all I'm so **** angry
Diagnosed with Aspergers at the age of eight
Repetition and confusion lead me on to where I am today
Changed me, made me the man who's gonna pay
The man I hate, but it's too late, my chance is gone, flown away!
I cut myself up like I had the right
To lay down, give up and rest in my coffin and die
I felt bad about the world, angry and hurt
I did what I did because I thought I deserved!
With a mind like mine so ****** up inside
I screamed up at the stars and with these tears I cried
Watering the ground, at least I done something good
With this soul full of sins and hiding in a black hood
Here to reap, yeah it's reaping time
Murderous thoughts and a mind ready to commit crime
To **** a ***** make him suffer, make him feel my pain
Leave him in a ditch, throw away my weapons and get away
Wipe the blood off my blade
Look around and burn down what I made
Created
Without knowing how to create
That one kid, stacking blocks in the corner
Thinking he's a builder, superior in every way
Then one day
He smashes it all up because his anger never fades
It stays
So yeah I got something to say
Open and close case face facts and admit
That my entire life, I've been wading through a pile of ****
So don't you dare ever tell me I haven't had it hard
Quote and quote
Think otherwise and that makes you a ******
Jun 6, 2016
Jun 6, 2016 at 1:24 AM UTC
What did I ever do to you?
What was so wrong of me?
Why do you do this to me?
What gives you the right?
Tell me please,
Do you think I asked for this?
Is this some kind of sick joke?
I don't find it very funny,
Tell me please,
Tell me please,
Oh, please tell me,
So what if I have,
PTSD,
Depression,
Autism,
Tourettes,
ADHD,
Dyslexia,
Anxiety,
Aspergers,
Addiction?
What’s it to you?
Am I hurting you?
Nov 28, 2018
Nov 28, 2018 at 7:04 AM UTC
Through Time and Space
I'll keep the same face
In an ice storm
In the desert heat
I love sweet jam
Oh what a treat
The same dull expression
It's plain to see
That this human life
Is not thrilling to me
I do my duty at work
And spend hours at the gym
I hit golf ***** on the range
And pray for forgiveness of sins
I purchased a book about
Abraham Lincoln
And the Coming of the Civil War
Welcome to earth
It's kind of a bore?
I don't want to be touched
By another human being
Some say that is a symptom
Of Aspergers it seems
These people
Seem clueless
To the dangerous economic
Situation our country is in
Politicians on the television
Say the same slogans
Again and again
The dwindling middle class
In this country
Cannot win
So what is this life about
I do not know
Seems like one big movie
Just watching a show
Looks like I found some work
That's good for me
Just want to do my duty
And so in the world
Of time and space
I hope to feel
Heavenly grace
My shoulder a permanent
Burden to bare
Picture me
On the driving range
Hitting golf *****
Without a care
Flowing water
Is what I want to become
Don't worry about being loved
Become love
And that way
Life is more fun
Aug 31, 2015
Aug 31, 2015 at 11:45 AM UTC
Sensitivity of hearing
Cutlery and plates smashed in the metal sink
Neighbours rumbling loud and low
Cat calling 3 blocks away
Mind calculating and attempting to calm cat and sink
Loud is the nerve endings, like antenna of feelings
Why then super sensitive to sound, clicks, ticks
driving me to hold my ears closed.
Its outside .. sound is not inside I say to the wave.
The monster can grab and grip and whirl a tee spoon fall
ting, ting ,ting , and turn high frequency on.. to push fingers
to ear holes.
Consider me.
I hear the cat call.
I am connected to the noise of all.
The city world is low rumble and loud for my ears and fingers.
You can hear it also, but you can ignore it too.
Consider me - I hear it all of the time.
I can hear the dust falling, thats loud enough.
Aspergers - love and be kind.
Aug 16, 2019
Aug 16, 2019 at 6:21 PM UTC