freshman year
Happy, scared, young, full, and ready for whatever it is thats about to hit you.
You loose your bestfriend, and your virginity.
You gain a new clique, and a body count.

sophomore year
your freshman expertise kick in and you think youve got the feel for the highschool life.
You fail chemistry, and go to your first party.
you are now a ****
You think youre cooler than your ex
bestfriend because you have ten bucks saying that shes never had a boy see her underwear or that shes never been as drunk at you.

junior year
You spent your summer in therapy, in
and out of mental hospitals because your eating disorder became deadly, and all of the friends you partied with cut you off because your newest bestfriend convinced you to sleep with one of their exs.
You come back to school as dead as
you have ever been and you spend every lunch period in the art room painting your sorrows away and you spend every night at home doing the same only this time your wrist becomes the canvas.

seinor year**
Your down to one medication a day now and you have commited social suicide all summer by staying in to gaurd yourself from turning to drugs and alcohol again to hide the pain. Graduation is arround the corner and you realize you could finally be happy once this is all over.

What if                                                  My path
Led me                                            Into a circle
What if                                            My journey
Took me
                                          All arround
                  And arround           round and
                    And arround              round and

                                           And arround........

What if everything                          That ever
Happend                                      Was to show
                                      Me
                         How it's supposed
                                    To be.
So I
                                          
Could continue

Onward

To where I was going

It took me back

So I could get on the right track

My journey has taught me

How to love

How to love me

And I will love you again

My journey showed me how

How to sew your wounds

And turn your pain

Into a sunset of dimpled beauty

Into a clear blue sea of  extraordinary magic

From feeling forgotten to awareness of true

You're goning to feel my love

With all of me

You will feel my love

Its time for me to fix what has been broken
For far too long

I will kiss your wonds that I blindfully caused

I will make love to your flaws

I lay deep
Inside the Cenote
Eyes streatched out
Over earths cluttered sky
It was a collision of Life up there!
All arround me
And below me
My body now still
I let the bugs pass by
The fish swim calm
Through the water clear green
Arms streatched out
I move body through water
It swims and swirls arround me
And I float on!

I float away!
Watching sky turn into cave
My image of lightness
Pulls away!
I hold my breath and keep moving
I am sinking
I am rising
[my mind pictures deth and what it means to be free]

Splashing back towards the light
I thank Day I am Living
Watch the animals through trees
Hear this great Jungle Beat
Feel the fish swim arround
Look up
Look down
Keep breathing

I have a friend
Always here for me
Always arround me
A friend who protect me
A friend who help me
A friend who makes me eat ****
A friend who eat **** back
Oh ! Did I say a friend ?
I meant a **SISTER

When the fire is over
We'll turn on the lights
And run our finger through ashes

We'll gather arround
The last bright ember
Until it too leaves us for the night

We'll save what's not gone
We'll long for what is
And slowly we'll forget the last few thousands days

Oh! eyes that tilt towards the voice
They turn and roll to catch the toys
Oh! eyes the black two foal cuties
Attempt to jump to call beauties
The light the sounds the shadow patch
The shouts of laughter softer touch
Mother of three is still so free
To watch the babe's curious glee
Little Francis cling and hang
On George's hands to sing a song
The gentle breeze her sister Trees-
'a comes and plays a hide and seek.

Yea, I seen it...caught u red handed with a ***** you claim not to know.
Give up already on the deception...wrap up your show.
It's not this..It's not that. All sounds the same to me so **** whatever you tryin' to say.
Stomping arround town, pounding the ground with my heart on the bottom of your shoe.
Your fabrication is staring at me right in the face, but im lucky enough to see right through.
Once epic memories are now sullen.
I gotta go pick up my pieces before they start flyin.
As i look in your blank eyes you fill my mind with those beautiful lies.
Captivating! Stop captivating me.
Extraordinarily thoughtless you are
Remarkably narrow you will forever be.
But here's the thing you dont get to do it twice.
I won't let you get me. So don't bother to come back arround. Don't come back for me.
You will never get me back. Bet your bottom dollar it's a fact.
It took ages to find the pieces of my heart you left scattered and stuck to the ground.
On the way back I left an ocean of tears filled with the deep dephs of my fears
How about you go for swim. **** it I'll be honest...I sure hope you drown.





-Jennifer DeAngelo
Copyrighted 2016

The sound of sirens line the air arround your head and down your lungs
And all creation seems to dance arround somewhere between your ears
A thick fog starts to lay itself onto the shards that fate as flung
Across this floor that can't stay still, maybe into your eyes, you fear

We're in the light but we can't see that you might have been swept away
We went everywhere you could be but it looks like you're there to stay

Many vessels patrol the seas to catch your planks in nets of light
Behind railings we scream at you but you're just dancing on our waves
Every arm that reaches for you is just another one to fight
And you would rather ride the wave, keep waiting for the floor to cave

We're in the light but we can't see why you would cast yourself away
We looked everywhere you could be but it was too late anyway

The sea's now red ships still sail by but won't run out of noise to make
You kept your mouth shut in the waves but it looks like your mind did drown
And now only tremors remain, slowly fading out in your wake
And everyone slowly floats back home with a new tale to share in town

I knew that drinking was wrong. The Dad told it. The Mum told it. The Doctor told it.
******* everyone I knew told it. And still I gave it a try. To try to fix things up for me.
To try to fake love better than everyone arround did.
I walked miles with ***** on my veins. No one saw me and I saw no one.
I ignored their sins as long as they left me alone.
I kept their dreams alive as long as they didn't try to sell me any.
******* *******. They Dont know what their missing. Jailed in their ******* little pointless lifes.
I sit on the steps of the entry of an old apartment. I take my video camera out. Pretend it's a pistol.
And I sho(o)t them all. Later I will put the clips up to some classic Nocturne and I'll hang myself again in ***** and morphine.
Try to forget what Dad told. What Mum Told. What the Doctor told. Once Again.

Just one more time and I guess I'm done.

I run as much as I could from you, I knew you would come sooner or later you'd look for me , you did.
We try ,tried to stop but clocks kept on  ticking; time couldn't forget or forgive.
I said no. I am not going with you , but we danced... & I ran again but you came after me asking me to stay I kept on walking, pretend I didn't heard then you hold my hand , so I turn back again.
We went to take some fresh air , I needed to think and believe I wouldn't do it again...

In my messy head thoughts fighting my past feelings ,out of nowhere you swept me off my feet, carring me and spinning arround like a time machine. You put me down and said this words:  " I am right here , I came for you , and I am not going anywhere ´cuz here I am"
-I looked down feeling impassive - as if I were in a surreal world.
He took my face and said no tears allowed, tho i wasn't cryng .

We went away and forget the world then we revive dead past feelings and gave our souls some joy.
I was touching you , you said no . "Not like that , don't touch me like  this as if it were the last time because it won't be." I stare in silence and you took my body with love and pain .We are drawn to each other that's what fate was  trying to say.

Rolling one, the room was full with smoke and I saw the galaxy in a motel's roof , you held my hand and hold me tight but I wasn't there it was too late, the moon I couldn´t take .This song was playing in the middle of it  "you are everything I love , you are ,my deepest thought that's what you are , I am who loves you the most that's who I am , who will give his life for you that's who I am , I am here right next to you and i am waiting here until the end you can't imagine how much i've waited for you because you are what I love the most that's what you are"

Soul back into my body , nirvana was that moment I am sure. But I am sorry it was morning so I ran again away for good.

sometimes, i wish these words could hold you.
i wish they could wrap their consonents arround your shoulders,
and i wish their vowels could whisper secrets in your ear.

i wish that these words could make 700 miles seem like right next door.

i wish that these words could derail trains,
sink ships and clip the wings of even the mightiest birds.

what if, these words could stop you in your tracks,
send a chill down your spine,
and hum you the simplest lulaby.

what if these words could send your heart racing,
make your eyes well with tears,
and help your spirit soar.

well here it is:

as a good-hearted crazy boy as I am
I can be fixed only by a woman
on the last gear of speed
like a herd of mustangs in gallop
to the abyss or to eternity

a woman who dedicates me poems of hate
in which I'm the last provincial old man
the princess can fall in love with
but actually the joy is shaking whitin
any time she feels me arround

a woman dressed only in swords of Toledo
who can sing on a sword like Mariza
making me climb on the walls
like on the Chinese Wall on the moon

a woman that resists any melalcoholical drubbing
on rithmes of sirtaki with Zorba the Greek
with her heart blowned out of her mind
carelessly throwned like underwear through  the room

a long-time woman to lead my way
and night in sleep and life in death
and my god in all its demons of beauty
with the most innocent baby smile

a woman that on the last outpost of her ******
like a wild goddess will laugh and explode the night
as if as if ordering
the happiest end of the world

I dont expect you to understand him right away, it took me nearly 3years





He'll tell you his favorite color is blue, but it's not. It is orange. He loves orange.

And sometimes he'll mention little things about the world that he wants to change and most people just brush it away but don't. He wants to talk about it. He's passionate about it.

And when he holds your hand he will squeeze it every few minutes. He does it unknowingly but my god it is the best feeling .

And when you've just spent the night drinking together and you go for a coffee run the next morning, he'll tell you he doesn't want anything but get him strawberry milk. It's his favorite. He'll appreciate it.

When you fight he'll act like he doesn't care, but just give him space at first. He'll come arround. He always did.

And he gets jealous really easily, like when a boy comments on your picture or favorites one of your tweets but he won't say anything about it until you're in a fight weeks later.

And he hates wearing sunglasses when he's driving but he does anyways because the sun bothers him.

But when he changes the subject or talks over you, don't get mad. Sometimes he doesn't realize it. You will learn to love those little interruptions.

And when he doesn't call you back for hours it's probably because he's with his mom. He doesn't see her often and when he does he cherishes their time together.

And when you two have a movie night he will let you pick a movie and then he will pick one and he will always pick the outsiders. Every time.

He'll yawn and least twenty times before he finally gets off the phone with you at night.

And when he leaves you he's like a tornado that tears everything in your life up and into shreds, and you will be numb for days and weeks and months and it's been a year and I still get the feeling nostalgia when I see someone driving with sun glasses or  drinking strawberry milk.

from three jobs to no job
change s always for the best
sometimes things go backwards
wondering why or how come we got stuck without comes
rather than sit arround ***** find another way
things can be done more ways then one
i may not be right but im willing to fight
sometimes you choose silence over saying something
speak up or get left behind
sometimes you cant get in right away
but when you do ride that till the wheels fall off
findng a place figuring out your role
its not for anyone to say but find your true identity
be who you are become who you are destne to be
more days pass the more you should want it
its an ugly battle but in the end it should be the way you wanted it or better

I live for the love of the south country,my gently rolling downs



A glimpse of the sea through the pine trees, The sweet songs of the birds all arround



My heart belongs in the south country where I grew up as a child



Where I wandered the field and the forests and studied the things in the wild



My life is here in the south country, here I can sit and take note



I can then share my thoughts with my friends here and show them the words that I wrote



You can bury me here in the south country with a tree standing over my grave



I need no long drawn out service just a place that nature has made

Oh my love! Oh my Venus!
I wait for you all night.
My heart always revolving
Arround your thought
After I see you that day.

That day was very hard till I see you.
I left alone by everyone.
On the sky no moon to comfort me.
Looking at the dark sky
Make my heart even harder.

That was the time you appear
To my eyes. You shine so bright.
I amazed by your intriguing beauty.
Your mesmerizing beauty calms
The valcanoes happened in my mind.

I heard you are hot one. But,
That day you cool my heart.
I heard you rotate in opposite direction
But, that day you directed me to
Find the right path.
Although, you shrouded by the
Carbon dioxide and nitrogen,
You made inhale the oxigen freely
In the earth that day.

From that day, I am waiting for you
Under the dark sky.
Amidst the clouds you always hide.
I am waiting to the cloud get clearer.

I know I can't reach you. But,
My love! Let me love you from
This far at least.
I know I can't embrace you. But,
My love! Let me embrace you
Within my thoughts.
I Know I can't breath in you. But,
My love! Let me breath in your thoughts.

Oh my love! Oh my Venus!
Let me see the glimpse of you.
Let this nostalgia disappear
From my heart.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on

Why is it so hard to accept?
So hard to be?
So hard to live?

Why are you faded away with everything arround me?

My mind can’t keep up.
Everything is moving so slowly but so quickly.

Trying and trying.
I can’t keep trying.

Trying to find a solution but nothing is there.

What do I do?
How am I supposed to move on
when I can’t even live ?

My self is humbled
When I see light arround
When I hear birds sound
When fresh air persuade
Its time you rise and join
Hands with the bands
Who just do the will
Of almighty and fill
Obediance and pleasure
That makes this world
beautiful
Permanance is created
By chain of trancience.
Its the beam of light
That creats this drama
Sounds and shadows
With silence and shades
Flights and blights
Strings with words
That is god!
My self is humbled!

I am queen of moon
Decider of darker nights
Defender of fireflys in the moonlight
Fighter of wrong and right

He is ruler of fire and ice
Warmer of frozen nights
Giver of precise
Cooling the fire
But only if need be
Just enough to let her see

Watchers of moon, night, fire, ice
Manifesting in words
Triumphing in intellect
Wanters of the next
Without the moon there is still night
With no fire no need for ice

Together there is balance
Combination of galaxies
Creating moon
To live in night
Making fire
To melt ice

In the all arround
Whispers are in the air
Quiet words of precise
Humming whats wrong and right



-Jennifer DeAngelo
Copyright 2017

The last time I was sad
The sadness made me happy
I listened my heart
Then watched all my dreams
And all began to change...
The last time I have dreamed
My words remained suspended
I sang the melody inside
I cried then like a child...
The last time I have loved
There was no time arround me
The silence kept my dreams
The nights were long and blue
The moon embraced me in her kiss
And I received a wordless clue...



06.11.2012

Let's selebrate as we won,
Won't calm down until dawn!
Cause we might be gone.

Let's with a passion dance,
to chill it is our last chanse
to see the beauty's glance.

By euphoria we are blessed,
and by desire possesed.
As all of our feelings expressed.

Let'em hide among trees,
Play arround and kiss.
They don't care if somebody sees.

Come on over, my friends!
Let us unite our hands,
Dance and sing in the sands.

Remember, this is our last night.
So we should keep souls' flame alight.
Let in luck's name it shine bright.

You are not the only one left.
I know how you feel.
I can'ttake it back.
I can't say that's it,
but I know what lonely can be.

I've been lost before.
I am lost again.
I know what I can do and what I can't in the end.
I have lost a fight,
And I have lost a war.
i have lost myself before.

So don't think that I don't understand.
I may not always be your kind of man.
I feel it in the bone and I feel it in the dust.
Yes, I know, that the gears will rust...

But sometimes it's worth it
to fall down.
Sometimes it is wroth it to dance arround.
Sometimes it's worth it to lose yourself,
Because sometimes it's about somebody else.

Lost myself, I have.
Lose myself, I will.
Dance and bound is my soul and will.
Don't think that freedom comes free.
Don't think that a life cannot change you or me.

The walls around me fade
A sky so clear and blue
Air arround me smells of rain
Yet still I think of you
Nature is my hiding place
I'm free to be myself
Out in the open, I am safe
Safer than when I'm with you
Yes, you might be happy
But do you see my smile?
I can run and jump and sing
For freedom is what's mine
A place of peace and paradise
Cool winds blow through my hair
Oh how I love my perfect place
No, I don't want to share
Yet soon my daydream ends once more
The scene disappears
Prison walls, back in there place
And I am left in tears

I watch her while she is sleeping.
She smiles when she's dreaming.
I ponder what she's thinking.
She turns over..to feel if I'm still with her.
Beautiful, I won't leave you. I'm at your mercy forever.
She's got me wrapped arround her finger.
For her I will always linger.
It breaks my heart..she crys when I am leavin'.
Baby, I'll be right back..your the one who keeps me breathin'.
She always makes my day.
She's the reason I try in everyway.
I'm the luckiest mom in the world.
Because of my darling babygirl.*


-Jennifer DeAngelo
Copyrighted 2016

my life turns to escaping harmful reality
running from judgmental and disgusting society
yet im just spinning arround myself hopelessly

"They aren't real. They only exist in your fantasy."

Mum said, back then when I was still a little bun.

But, the I older I become, the more I know.

They are indeed real.
They live arround us.
They socialize with us.
They are here, stay with us.
Every single day.

Also,
One thing that you've never known before;
They live, inside us.

I built a wall of ice arround my heart.
So solid, so strong i was sure it wouldn't crumble.
Then sun king came along
Melting the ice with his warmth
Slowly but rapid
The fire breaks the ice
It couldn't even fight
The warm feels nice


-Jennifer DeAngelo
Copyright 2017

Again a year fades into thin memories,
Bittersweet we tend to look back on what we accomplished, what we longed for, or wether we have come closer to fulfilling a certain goal,
But not I,
As for me, this year passed like a single day, it was over before I began to realize what was happening arround me,
Softly, gently, decisively, the seasons passed together with all their glory,
First came the Springs dream; Delicate flowers blooming, the comforting warmth of the sun, awoke the sleeping earth from its cold slumber,
Then Summer; scorching heat accompanied by occasionally sweet cool breezes brush accros each field and meadow,
The colours of Autumn, the stormy wind blowing away the dying leafs of the trees, carrying rain and sometimes a cold along with it,
And now Winter is finally arriving, giving all a silver lining,
And sure enough, its harsh cold presence will pass too
Like a gentle breeze

~ Umi

Summer breeze

A sweet warm crawls arround the neck
The bright blue ocean
The shiny day
Never ending smile and laugh
The drinks rehydrate the body

Until a phone rings
Shaken the earth

It supposed to be shiny but now its thunder
It supposed to be the chickadee not the raven
A bright and vibrant color shall be the main colour, not the black with the sorrow
The tears with the screams
Hoping it would never happen

It was the breeze kept him happy
It's the breeze making him suffer.

Remember

I remember
When i was younger
Play arround with a smile that bigger
Than what it is now

I remember
That look in your eyes
Looking deep through mines
Your smile
Is sweeter than the taste of wine

I remember
Thinking that you'll be mine
Now it all turns it's back from mine
I know deep down
You'll never be mine

No matter how long i waited
No matter how hard i've tried
No matter what i do
No matter what i say
You'll always
See me not more than just
A rubble on the side of the road

I remember
Once, twice, three times
That feeling of lost
That feeling of heartbreak
Overflowing emotion
I know that it's the time to face the truth
I will never be with you

I was laying on the cold asphalt
The night was cutting through my skin
I begin to slowly feel it give way
Bend under my bodyweight
I hear it screaming and twisting
I doesn't want to do this
I try to look arround
Every movement just accelerates
I try to get upright
I cannot
I waddle like a fish on land
It swallows my arms
I scream and I try
It screams back
I am so tense I feel like my stomach will explode
I connot do anything
I pray to the sky to take me
If I push so hard I break my right arm
The pain shooting through me
I bite my terth in the black sticky mass
They begin to crumble
My body spasms
My eyes are gauging out of my head
My vocal chords snap under the load
My ears are ringing
My heartbeat feels like an earthquake
A fingernail rips of the flesh
I breath big chunks of road
It fills me from the inside
I spit blood
I suffocate
I ***** and scream and explosively gasp for air
I can feel my skull is about to crack
And then I just let myself fall

Slowly I sink through the darkness
No sounds reach my ears
No light reaces my eyes
I do not feel any pressure
I feel so light like I weigh nothing
I drift down the path for thousands of years
I do not remeber everything
The darkness is pulling me

I am sorry for giving up
It was too easy