They say it makes the heart grow fonder'
It does indeed, i say,
For when you're not around for me,
It's hard to get through the day.

I wonder who you're talking to,
I feel so envious,
They get to hear your sweet voice dear,
Those people on your bus.

I ponder how i'll carry on,
Without your loving arms,
And yearn so very achingly,
To have your wonderous charms.

I miss you darling, every day,
But you fail to understand,
How delicate this abscence has left me,
My life is in your hands.

ABSENCE, hear thou my protestation
    Against thy strength,
    Distance, and length;
Do what thou canst for alteration:
  For hearts of truest mettle         
  Absence doth join, and Time doth settle*


While she sits in her chair
vaguely following the conversation
she also drifts away in time and inclination
to care for the important things we discuss
in many ways she is beyond those cares
her decision has been made
and we but sound and fury
isee she is now more complete
and composed than of recent days
for her there is hope in the path she takes

i cannot begrudge her the choice she has made
as she said her age and medical disposition
means she is already walking that road.

but as daughters do I peer forward even now
and feel the lack of her grace in daily events
Even today as we make plans, her abscence
whilst still being here is a vast gap of darkness
that we all avoid with plattitudes and brightness

In our private hearts we do rail against the
happenstance injustice that befalls the matriarch
we struggle with the alteration to the long march home
we come together to watch as we fall apart in small
and large measures...

In our minds we pledge the best,
in our hearts we pray for speed
We know she has forever etched
herself into our bones and being
but we quietly sorrow at her growing
absence...apart from her memories
and leavingd


 *His mind hath found
    Affection’s ground
Beyond time, place, and all mortality.         
  To hearts that cannot vary
  Absence is present.

The cloak of darkness washes out the color,
So the browns and greens and grays can blend together,
Dull the gleam and vibrancy,
Shapes are now all that remain,
Silhouettes of the features of this forest.
A fractured perception of life,
A pretense believed I'd rather be withheld,
For despite lacking a central palette,
Perfection still lies in wait of the next light,
The next rise of the Chariot of Apollo.

This body once active is now motionless
As pale as a ghost, your soul is no longer the host
Your eyes are closed, and your all dressed and posed.

If in one moment I could convey to you
An eternity of my love's affirmation,
if I could plant everblooming flowers
in the places you have lied, fields of wildflowers
formed in the shape of your prone body.

Though far and wide lovers may stray
across the vast horizon running,
trying to catch the day;
our hearts are carrier pigeons
always flying back home to roost with each other.

Why run, I say, saunter,
glide like an eagle,
though you fear you may stumble.
I will send my kiss waltzing to you,
So my lips might dance and twirl with yours.

Venus glowing in the night sky
is still there, though unseen during the day.
So too my love remains
in the depth of night it is a golden sun,
in the glare of day it is a silver moon.

From burning dreams, and nightmares,
flames frozen in the clock face of the mind,
Outside your head is the warmth I carry,
through your open eyes
I project this warmth, as my body in abscence.

When we lie together, let us not speak,
I will listen only to your breathing.
All words will dry up, and we will communicate
only with our bodies. Our minds will bend
towards the singular goal, of pleasing each other.

The silence of a gun never ment the cease of a war
Silence of words never ment the tongue was at war
Dining with the demons that had U good

Mistaken your silence for absence
Your retreat for your cowardness
Over reaction for your madness
Retract and the soul was lost amidst other lost souls
You're angry and i mistook it for weakness.

That tremble on your lips was worth the put down of your mouth
But the flow in your eyes told tales that your tongue failed to set forth.

A flow of pain crossing down the beautiful valley and mountain of ur cheeks
It felt solely silent as the minds flew..

It felt solely as absence grew
Memories that never was
That you never knew
Showed your back on my facet
Never to retrace the lost step
Back to the unpleading heart.

Silence............abscence of sound,
abscence of meaning.
Why is there no response to questions asked?
Why is love dammed up like a great river
held back from flowing freely?
Tamed to the point of numbing ennui.
No rush of waters, crash of waves against rocks,
no quiet eddies straying to the frothing currents.
Only slow monotonous treading of a relationship,
left to dwindle into dying embers of a once
warm and inviting glow between two lovers.
Gone astray, grown away,  to separate lives.
Caring enough to maintain, not enough to transcend.
Living in parallel worlds, never intertwining.
Absence of sound, meaning, feeling.
Unable to bear life without meaning, joy, anger, and love.
Pondering the mechanisms, catalysts, for change.

I bend my head
the bend of a ******
I lift my eyes and gravel the world
with my schztophrenic eyes
I touch your lips
with the fingers of a ******
then walk by you like a geisha
Im am my own schizophrenia

I palpitate in your breathe
I move in smile
I love in torture
and you are so beautiful to me

brake bonds between thy and your cresent lips
that are edged with the words of the sun
and the laughter it brings to the children
of our days
the youth of our minds
the subtle grandfathers and grandmothers in our
pre pubescent hearts


do you lag when you walk
up to the temple of my gestures
the columns are thick and victorian
a high ceiling
and a low waisted mistress
living in the water under your footsteps
drenched in white
consumed in a black hue
she is the abscence of light
do you understand
yes and proceed foward


I allow you with so much of me
to come into me
and I condem you with little
chase you with haste
and depart on my fruitfull alliances
with that and poverty of dependence
I mutually give my self to the wrectched
creatures of the dark
I print my name with my nails
into my own sarcaphogus
built by the highest of your kind



your bodies eat away at my mental felsh




might I explain
be so selfish to put words into a matter
that was done in complete selflessness
yet I am to be crowned the empress exigency


I stare in the mirror so pretty
so graceful
yes
I am the empress of
exigency

maybe we met and I , I forgot.

I am unashamedly Ashley. At least that's what "hellopoetry" calls me. Tumblr calls me "vesperoflove", but if you really knew me you'd drop off the glitz and just call me "Ash".

And here we are sitting on the subway and something about you makes me want to open up. Maybe it's the way you smile or the wrinkles you get when you are trying not to. But I look into your eyes and you hold my gaze, and I like that. You aren't staring at me like I am worthless piece of trash nor have you look at me like I am a piece of ***, you are just looking into my eyes. I am flattered by the attention, I might stumble over words, and your interest might even cause me to blush. You ask to sit by me and I wave you in, and that's where this new chapter begins.

"Hi." I say working up the nerve to meet your gaze,and I blush, I am the abscence of your color and I stare down at my legs and as you rearrange yours to accommodate the length of your logs extensions of your long trunk, I note the contrast in appreciation.

And I get distracted by this, but you are asking me questions about my life and I try and dredge up silver lining in monotony of years.

    What have I done exciting?
    What do I hope to accomplish?
    Where do I see myself in the next five years?
    What do I want?
And that is only the tip of the Iceberg you have thrown in my lap.

Coming off as an host of a talk radio show, I ponder these illuminating thoughts.

And your probably not the first person to ask me these things, but right now its like I have never been truly asked.

I don't know why I haven't asked these things of myself.

But cargo doesn't ask or question. And maybe that's how I have been living my life.

Merely reacting to things that have happened in the past and in the present.

I would like to blame it on my poverty mindset. On the way I grew up. But then when does my accountability start.When do I get to make choices for me, and be held responsible.

At the age 18 when I can rent ****, buy stick de cancer?

What age do we become our own person, driven by our own desires?

But you aren't worried of the questions I haven't begun to ask and I like that.
I lean in closer hoping to gauge you reaction in your eyes.
I am known and you see me not as I am but what I could be and all the things I have yet to achieve do not mar your rose color glasses.

I find joy in the kindness of strangers and reprieve.

The yellow of the sunrise,
Shines through your window, dear,
And lights up all your body,
I move to hold you near.

We stroke eachother gently,
I smell your sun bleached hair,
Your fingers trace my collarbones,
We catch eachothers stare.

Intensity comes flooding back,
As last nights love is recalled,
Your mouth claims every inch of me,
I'm once again enthralled.

You make me feel so innocent,
When we are making love,
I learn from you and follow you,
We fit just like a glove.

I watch the clock and pray to god,
That you will claim me soon,
I ache for you in such a way,
Our love reflects the moon,

For though some cannot see our love,
Its there as we both know,
But abscence and the sky at night,
Makes my heart swell and flow.

he left again
in the early morning

sunlight touches
silver through
the heavy blinds

i clean the dishes from
the kitchen table

new shadows settle
restless bruises against
the curve of my hand

We were dining on the rat trap, pulled back ready to snap.
A fresh cedar frame, the print was red (the outlines) and blue (the silouhette of a rat). Its imperfection was off centered, the copper painted iron spring held the candle with smooth hands. Our dinner flickered with the shadows.
Stuffed in a darker corner under a table which held the masters tools. I said hi to my friends who only scurried faster with the sounds of my throat. That night I forgot how to talk.
Peanut butter under a wedge of white cheese, a fly made his last moves on that goo like a butter knife poorly spreading butter, we were eating fine this evening.
I was busy avoiding your gaze which haunted me the first day you wouldnt look at me.
Now it was all I could see, at least imagine.
I took a small chunck with a small dip and a small leg. They say hungers the best seasoning, I wasnt very hungry.
You got tired of my abscence, as you stood I finally wasnt busy anymore.
I told you not to move. I forgot I forgot I couldnt talk.
You took one step.

The master wont be cleaning up rats tonight.

Love is not a lightning storm,
But a delicate, brittle flower on the crest of a far away mount.
It must have it's moments in the free sunlight
And also in the shadow of the understanding and low hanging cloud.
From time to time it must be whispered to
About it's once and future beauty
And about how a lonesome drought can be a blessing.
But most of all
It must know that when it's first petal falls,
Will that moment fail to show an abscence of my eternal love.
And all I ask is that you let your rain run down from that mountain
And upon me.
So that I might feel your pain,
Delight in your delights,
And suffer in your sorrows.
Because I am the mountain on which you grow.
And I am the wind that will never blow cold.

I miss you
I feel your absence
My body is a empty shell without you
And I suppose it no longer matters
That my body arches in my bed
Imagining you and I tangled in the sheets
My heart shattered by your abscence
My world missing its life
Wishing you were back
Needing you
Crying in my bed
Seeing how lonely life truly is
So now who will kiss me
And walk me home
And make me proud of who I am
Who will look at me with passion
And tickle me to make sure I'm okay
I miss your eyes
And staring into them
And running my hand over your scar
For who will kiss my boo boos
And cuddle with me when I'm sad or sick
Who will I give my play-doh hearts to
Who do I turn to now that your gone
Because no one can compare to you
No one is made for me like you.

Yell at the indignity of abscence and cringe in the shadows
All is lost upon the alters of discovery
We still cant feel a thing
The breaths are taken too far
We are too relaxed
Hair is too long
Eyes have too much light

The seldom perfect night is leaning towards reaccurance
And pulled over the eyes of the ones who can really see

We hallucinate and devote it to realism
We observe real truth and put it on the brain backburner
To be torn up and chewed into creative gold

28.6 years in the hole for innocence
Freedom for unending criminality
This is just throw up and dying fish

Dead air with angel wings
Blue hair and red eyes
Make everybit your suffering
Sleep when you're dead
Dream about *real life

Lying in bed at night
Eyes wide open
Seeing nothing
Or so we think.

The amazing thing about the dark
Is that there is an abscence of light
And so light cannot tell you what you do
Or do not see.

Reach your hand out into the blackness
Imagine you can go on forever
There could be a pixie flying past you
Or a meadow just a stroll away

Without light, we are more free to see
See the things we want, our fantasies
The dark is a wonderful thing
Because it is nothing, and everything

Lying in bed at night
Eyes wide shut
Seeing everything
Now we believe

The shaking tears roll down my round cheeks
Hot and heavy are my laboured breath
It feels like a punch in the gut
The abscence of life
Why am I crying so hard for a man I barely even remember?
It's no matter now
I'm all spent up
And he is soon to be just another bag of bones anyway
Into a crowned pit he goes
Only to be forgotten

Seeing things out of focus
Distorted views
Shadows on shadows
On walls that don't exist
Outside
The confines of the mind.
Tunnel vision
Through open fields
Blind to the wonders
That surround ones self
Happiness is
You're only lost
If others pave your road for you
Sounds of life
The echoes of death
Collections of thoughts
Meanings morphing
Changing
Losing and growing
Through individuals
Molding and defining
Based on the past
Events those of which
Are not shared
Where does the shallow end
How far do we go
Before something
Becomes more than skin deep
Walking backwards
Eyes closed
Turning around
Only to see
If the destination
Has been reached
Not knowing
What
The destination is
Scenic routes
No entry point
Mental landscapes
Lost in a shroud
Of doubt
Scent of rain with clear
skies
Life
Incomplete works of art
Eyes closed
Mind open for business
Musings
A collection of lost puzzle pieces
Dillusional
Abstract
Shapeless
Incoherent prose
The glass is either half empty
Or half full
Depending on the contents
Striving for more
Is the nature of everything.
Stagnant pools of empty thoughts
Time wasted
Following refractions of light
The abscence of light
Seeing only what others want
The future
Holds
What I chose to hand it

exspression sometimes the binary conclusion,
the concave mass of what my eyes have seen or have yet to see or what they used to see
the abscence of your body between the sheets lying next to me,
leaves me memories and faint reminders of scent carried by air
decaying leaves on the wind,
tommy hillfiger perfume,
smoke all and any kinds of smoke,
the smell of oil paints and the taste of latex,
****,
plastic,
floor tiles,
stardust,  
a shot of ***** you took and held in your mouth just to spit it down my throat.
blue smoke rings,
burnt holes in every piece of fabric i own
down the  alley
later down the alley

Breaking apart at the ****** of a knife.
The knife strikes, it crumbles.
Freedom being chipped away at snail's pace.
Weeks of abscence have weakened the reserve of the fervent heart.
Slower,slower, still slower.
Thinking became insipid today.
Wishy- washy daydreams,
Now a bat, in the caves of twilight.
Hiding.
Waiting to emerge from boredom's darkness.
Into the days of emeralds and opals.
Gilded edges,golden sky.
Nouveau riche November.
(c) Livvi

11:24pm, not 11:11
because I just realized how much I love you,
How much I think of you,
How much you
And your abscence
Have taken so much of me.
If you knew what that meant you would come back to life and actually kiss me.

I dissapear in the cold night,
The stars can't light my inner darkness.
I drift apart,
Like the ocean
But I never return.

I break apart, tearing myself up,
Surrounded by abscence,
Filled with emptiness.

I've never known better,
And I know I will not.
So, just let me rot
And let me
Be just a shout into the void.

I have an apparition in mind
a spirit that wanders endlessly
he is luminous and beautiful

amongst a thousand ghosts
he shines a little brighter
he is like a star, unconsumed

i am the spectre he does not see
my eyes as deathlights blue
as i touch him he fades away

i try to speak his name
but no sound expells
from these shuddering lips

only ancient halitosis pours
from my heart of black sand
hidden from the moon's mockery

i exalt to a sickened limbo
i will become bitter and deranged
if you do not kiss me soon

i am the poltergeist inside
tearing at my own heartstrings
in the abscence of you
weaving precious dreams

You got what you asked for
You and I don´t talk anymore
I graced you with my abscence
While they laughed at my expense

I don't know why love ends
I can't answer their questions
I'm waiting for this hurt to ease
I just want my feelings in peace

Time goes by, rumours fly
Soon we'll be old news
You catch my eye, you pass me by
It was nice to know you

You got what you asked for
You fell in love and you found a cure
You were never the same again
You still owe me compassion

I don't want to know what they say
Nothing like gossip to fill a rainy day
You always liked your friends cold
I bet you say it´s all my fault

Time goes by, rumours fly
Soon we'll be old news
You catch my eye, you pass me by
It was nice to know you

Frozen
That's the best I can do
To describe it
This feeling
Mid sentence
Mid thought
I'll come to a standstill
The words I'm certain
I was about to say
Now MIA
Their abscence
Acutely felt
Tiny waves of panic
Ripple thru my brain
Where have they gone
And what will I do
Without them
Or this
Or that
A feeling of being
Tantalizing close
To some sort of epiphany
Only to find myself suddenly
Somehow transported
Extraordinary rendition
To this fugue state
How did I get here
A refuge
From my own thought process
Frantically searching for
Familiarity
A willow wisp of words
That left me stranded
Here
Alone
Speechless
I will not accept defeat
For the words
My tongue cannot reach
I will find them
And they will move
Cognitive dissidents
Poetry is
A daring escape
A window onto my mind
An act of Self defenestration

I have named the brightest star in the sky,for my heart will tell no lie,I have named it for i know it's existence is forever and will continue it's purpose,fade away will it never,so I named it as a reminder that my heart will always stay true,even though your abscence is forever,I always will be loving you.

I’ve dreamt about you so much,
I’ve dreamt about your touch,
I’ve dreamt about your eyes,
I’ve dreamt about your smile,

I’ve dreamt about you so often,
I think you’re becoming a phantom,
You’re losing your reality,
You’re becoming much more of a fantasy,

Maybe I’ve been thinking,
That I’m living this dream,
When in fact I’ve been living,
Your abscence,

And it’s time I wake up,
From this nightmare

I gavel a wooden grave
,For my infancy set my
Golden sun over the fields
Of repetitive sirens milling
In my head and tipping
Scales of a blinded saint.

Order , order be proclaimed
Innocence is to be adjourned
And sent to preliminary trials
where I constantly seem
To look up at minerals
Smiling at flashing lights
With a chain of mediocrity
Like a noose around my neck
Declaring the plausibilty
Of my golden thread!!

Every tick and tock
I break away to
Dabble in the dark arts
Of marketing humanity
And turning my eyes
Into shop windows
...-Display cases to sell
My soul to the masses.

Order! I strike down in an attempt
To order myself to order!!
Confess your sins upon the Lord!!
My hand burns strikingly
Into charcoal on the light
Word of a guiding shepard.

Order lies with honour, my
Leash prevents me from
Tassled pillows and applause
And eradicates the whispers
Of order in my infernal mind

Guilty as charged ,to life
With abscence of parole
And good it be
If searching for love
Naked cuffs be
Then maybe this life
Is not for me

Draw your verdict on
The tangy taste of my hide
As you pleasure yourself
At the sight of my downfall
Into an endless abbys of
Doing wrong things in
search of the monogamous
Right

My name is insignificant
I sit on your bus
Not too far forward
Not too far back
I am awash in the middle
Every day you pass me by
But am I really anything to you
If I were gone, would you
Care?

My name is gray
I am the least of the colors
In the background
You take a picture
Was I there?
Do you even care?

My name is abscence
I creep around the holes of those lost
Maybe they’ll come back tomorrow
Maybe never
Maybe they’re the ones you hope will come back
Maybe theyre the ones you hope never will
I am unwelcome, nonetheless

My name is transparent
Every time someone looks at me
I smile, thinking they’re looking at me
When they actually mean it for the person behind me
I do this every time someone looks
Never realizing no one ever notices me

My name is invisible
Am I here?
You don’t know
Could you see me, if I was?
You think not
No matter where I am
No matter where I go
I am always
Invisible

My name is nothing
I am not here
I am not there
I cannot be anywhere
Yet I am everywhere
I fill the crevice of your heart
I creep around dark corners
I dodge behind trees
Not like you’d notice me
I am nothing, after all

My name is let down
And you don’t want me around
I want to be with you
Don’t you see
But you won’t ever let me be there
I want to ask
“Who can I be?
Who can I be
So you will love me?”
But you can’t answer that
Until I answer for myself

“Who am I?”

If I was a ship
sent far out to sea
would anyone notice
the abscence of me?
I sit all alone
with my shadow and pen
and long to go home
back to hiding again.
If I was a ship
set to sail without end
would you be my anchor?
sweet fairweather friend.