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Kasti Feb 2019
A heart's a heavy burden
my love falls into another's arms.
But must I always think of him?

I could forget,
I must forget,
I can't forget.

Clouding my mind like the skies on a winter day;
flooding my mind with colors that don't exist,
not to say I don't think of you at all,
as these colors really don't exist
but rather a thought exceeding the limit of my truly human emotions.

Friends,
but I want so much more.

To hold you in my arms at night,
to feel every inch of your warmth next to my body,
to run my fingers through your soft, light brown hair,
to stare deep into your wondrous, sky blue eyes,
would give me reason to die.

For you, my beautiful, give me life,
and I do not now how to express
these feelings in words, as they exceed my mind
an ultraviolet feeling, and infrared thought.

Nothing can be found from these feelings for you.
Nothing.

Open yourself to me, my love;
and I'll open myself to you, my true.
I wanted to publish something at least.
Kasti Mar 2019
worthwhile but hard to achieve;

                                              a thing that can never be accomplished.

            Falling,                              ­                                                  
              ­                                     Fa l l i ng                          F all ing
                      F a ll ing,
                                         Fallin,
           Failin g,               Failing,
               Fallin g,
                                Fal lin,
                                                            ­   Fallng,

                                                        ­ I fell.

Your finger drew my lips as fate killed us all.

                                                       how could have this worked if it was doomed from the start?

                                                      For­ you,
                                                      my dear
                                                            ­                                     i give my all,
i give my love.
                                                           ­                   my fate
                                  my heart.


                                                For you my dear,
                                                       my true,
                                                       my love,
                                                           ­ no.
                                                For I cannot love

                                                           You.
I can't remember when I wrote this
Kasti May 2019
and another
and another


no pain left to bear.
As I sit here,
and while you leave,

Painfully unaware.
Kasti Mar 2019
I'll hold your hand (even while the world watches) in my hand; feeling the warmth at our fingertips. Your eyes (being the deepest sea I've ever seen) make me forget the futility and uselessness of it all. I never thought I'd find a reason to go on (passively watching the tides of life crash by my feet) but your presence provides the reason to continue. I want to spend my life with you, clumsily dance days away, badly singing along to songs, and holding you as close as my heart is to me each night, maintaining the pleasant warmth and comfort between the two of us despite the frigid wind beating at our backs. I'll hold your hand [even as the world (as they would hate our happiness) watches]. As you, your company, give me the strength to tread on. If only I would simply allow my fingertips to graze yours.
Summer school gave too much time to think
Kasti Mar 2019
I am solemn.
It is quiet.
No signs of life or any noise floods my senses.
Deep, dark silence.

A light flickers on from the corner of the room,
a door slowly creaks open
or so it seems to be
it motions to be, as I beckon it's call.

Walking towards the door,
dread floods my heart.

My blood is on the floor,
as screams tear flesh apart.

No love, No joy, No peace
Nothing I've seen has shown such violence
and now, with no flowers nor bees,
Just deep, dark silence.
I don't know where you came from
Kasti Feb 2019
if fear were [fate]

          fate (were [fear])

                     [fate is fear] when drear is near

                                                    ->tears fall when we fall

                                                      and an end would call our intentions

                                                     ­                                            [fear is] near

                                                               ­                   when fear is drear

                                                          ­                                    [I] fear my life

                                                           ­                         [I] fear myself

                                                         ­              [I] fear our lives

                                                         [I] fear ourselves

but if [far is (near when fear is) drear and] tears are all that fall

                                                       then [fear is near (you) have no] fear

                                 (you) will succumb to all.
I wrote this when I was very tired.
Kasti Dec 2019
I think about you and it hurts
I don’t know why I don’t think often
I find that I enjoy distracting myself instead of facing head on what I’m feeling or thinking
And what’s been on my mind for such a long time
It’s been you.
I don’t know why, stuck up there you remain
I can’t get you out of my head and it stings
I miss talking with you, even if we only talked in groups
I miss hugging you, even if it was only in greeting
I miss when we kissed, even if you did it out of lust
I miss everything, just one more touch would be enough
Don’t forget about me, because I can’t forget about you.
-Somebody that you used to know
Kasti Mar 2019
As life and death while neither truly works

a fear of death and a fear of life fuels my flame

the things I do don’t particularly interest me anymore

I feel like I’m slipping away.

Silenced colors will eventually fade.

If I were to not fear death, would I be able to live?

If I were to not fear life, would I be able to die?

Neither living or dying

mere existing

what existence is this?

to dream of colors that don’t exist

is to say to not dream at all.

But colors that don’t exist envelop us in comfort

and worry falls to all.
Existentialism and love won't leave my mind
Kasti May 2019
Late night conversation about some things in life,
lose expectations, let things into the light.

Our late night conversation keeps me up at night,
I need salvation, avoid a lonely night.

Oh let me hold you.

Hold you in my arms,
my arms around your chest
As my heartbeat
is the only thing next to yours.

Late night conversations
about who you think you love.

Late night reservations
are for a different one.

it’s alright
it’s alright
it's alright
it's alright

slowly let go, I'm nowhere close to home
how was I supposed to know
that you only wanted me for tonight?
Kasti May 2019
I really do
Everything you do
will always turn me blue
you flutter your eyes at me
and regress to your lies
while all I see from here
is drugs, ***, and lies.

I hate you
I really do
but you plague my thoughts so
in love with the idea of you
never works out so
I'll take this **** feeling
bury it inside
and leave nothing left of it as all my hope dies.

I hate you
but it's not actually true
how can I hate what gives me strength
and pushes me straight through
you keep me up at night
while you sleep quietly
and nothing remains, silence drains
as I die violently.

But it never really mattered at all, I guess.
Kasti Mar 2019
My hands across your chest.
Down your stomach.
Grazing your every inch.

Listing off the things I love about you in my head:
Your smile, Your laugh, Your words, Your ,
                                    
                          ­                   [(stop)]

But it’s okay.

You've found another.

And they will never stay,
But my need for you will remain.

Just maybe, one day, this will definitely go away.
Get off of my mind
Kasti Mar 2019
I take everything for what it is and never try to change it.
I take everything for what it is and never try to change it.
I take everything for what it is and never try to change it.

      Just        keep      holding       my         hand,

                                                 In the coldest of nights,
and I’ll never try to change it.
Taking everything for what it is
will make me wanna change it
I forget that you won’t love me back.
But with everything for what it is,
I realize in the end
                                 it’s me,
                                              whose heart’s no longer intact.
Abstract reasoning (american boyfriend inspired)
Kasti Mar 2019
I think about you a lot.
You’re always on my mind.
It’s honestly troubling sometimes,
how much you cross through my mind.

Never checking both ways, left, right, left.
Never considering how I would feel.
You don't tread lightly when exploring
my undiscovered corners and thoughts.

But that’s okay, I love you too much to blame you.
It’s unhealthy, maybe, maybe not, I know that I want you.
I need you.

but I don't love you.

Please just kiss me one time,
I’ve been dying to know you.

Just kiss me once more,
I've been dying to know
if this is real life.

A whirlwind of thoughts sweeps through, taking houses and trees right out the ground
Crashing, flashing, with a bang and a spark, it’s like magic
The flood of your eyes has fully taken over
And you’re the only thing on my mind.
I don't know why I write
Kasti Jul 2020
The root of my root
bud of my bud
my love cannot compare
these feelings stay trapped, solely confined
I'm convinced they weren't there

I never loved your light blue eyes
nor thought of your short brown hair
the way you smiled
the way we laughed
those feelings were never there

I see you live your days on end
just loosely living life
destructive behavior won't work again
your actions only cause strife

Why do you do the things you do?
Do you not know how to act?
when you play with things only meant for two
one's heart won't be intact

When the sun sets and the rain starts to pour
I look back and realize
you never wanted anyone anymore
you took it back while it died

I swear I never felt for you
not ever more than a friend
and you, to me, the same, ditto
as it all comes to an end.
(first draft)
s(a
Kasti Mar 2019
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ol


itude
e.e.cummings? at least I tried
Kasti Mar 2019
quietly reserved, these 31 days back away
from the fray of the other 343
each with their own characteristics,
and mine being much more introverted
A frigid 31 days
A warm 31 days
A frigid but warm time
We go through it and take it for granted
But those 31 days
never go away
as they stay the same for me
I find my way
In 31 days
as my love awaits me
I find a day
of those 31 days
to treasure and cherish the most
the 21st day
most important to me
will always bring me back home.
DecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecemberDecember21st.
Kasti Mar 2020
If I write in prose, am I a poet?
I am now
Deal with it, because I cannot deal with you
I find it harder and harder to come up with new things to write
I find it harder and harder to focus on a singular topic
That isn't the one I lost
That isn't sadness
That isn't what's been said a million times better in a million different ways
at least I try, right?
trying is what eventually leads to something
This isn't even a poem anymore this is just me writing
Oh well.
One last night always ends the same way.
Kasti Jun 2020
I don't know who I am,
I think I know everything.
I don't know the people around me,
I think that they all agree.
I don't know where I'm going in my life,
for some reason I think that I do.
I don't know if I'll have a husband or wife,
for some reason I think that it will be you.
I don't know why I feel these emotions,
I think that I understand.
I don't know why I'm scared of the ocean,
I think that I can.
I don't know why I can't do anything,
I think that I'm special.
I don't know if I'll get a wedding ring,
I feel made of metal.

I miss being a child
and feeling the wind
fly in for a while,
as my fears would rescind.

I haven't talked to you in a while,
may I come in?
I need to see that smile,
how long has it been?

The last time I remember
feeling this way,
it was the 7th grade
and the skies were all gray.

I walked into my room,
you held me in your arms,
"I love you, I care,"
and my tears were all gone.
Kasti Jul 2020
A million different things to write, a million different ways to write them.
Who said that writing was easy?
I realize that if I really want to write more, I just have to start.
I am nervous,
Hopefully I just remember to pay attention to the smaller details.
It’s not that I was worried,
I was worried.
Impending doom of sharing with the people around you,
It just seemed like no one really cared.
Putting yourself out there is never too easy,
When I’m still in a rough state and I know I can be improved.
Death is something that we have to come to terms with at a point,
or at least, that’s how I try to live.
But hey,
I’m still learning i guess.
But that thought sounds stupid and dumb.
I must live everyday as if it were my last
Sometimes things just really aren’t meant to be.
I was mortified.
Loving like it was my last
I felt so stupid, like such an idiot.
Working like it was my last
Why'd I push myself so far?
Living like it was my last
Self-deprecating attitudes
It was fine. I’m okay. Everything’s okay, I just needed to breathe and relax a little.
show you’re not in full self-control
forgetting what his conscience was attempting to tell him
I started crying
I wanted to share it with you.
I still felt horrible.
A million thoughts flooded my head while my world came crashing to the floor
It’s not inherently a bad thing
It can become a bad thing
it'll probably all be okay though
Everyone in this town one day dies, and the seasons continue to change,
life’s cycle presses on.                     life’s cycle presses on.
life’s cycle presses on.
Kasti Mar 2019
blue as the sea,
Your hair
soft as a pillow,
Your laugh
music to all,
Your smile
lights up my eyes,
Your thoughts
clever and wondrous,
Your body
smooth and appealing,
Your lips
lush as a valley,
Your words
give me a home
give me your all
and I’ll give you mine.
Why do I like you so

— The End —