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Hamies Mar 2020
if you would look close,
you would see the agony kept inside my chest
and dead butterflies killed by myself ages ago
you'd see the unspoken thoughts
repetitively playing like music in my ears
no one can hear
you'd recognize my shadows dancing on papers of unwritten poetry
kept inside my treasure of hope
you'd understand the scribbled words written on the walls of my heart secretly wanting to be noticed just by someone who looks close enough

but if you decide to look closer,
you'd see the pain running through my veins demanding be felt in every inch of my body
you'd see the little girl that lives inside me
still trying to be let free
you'd see the hatred trying to be restrained by the idea of destiny & that tomorrow will be better
and the whisper in the back of my head always telling me that it is not good enough yet
but after all,
you'd still think it's pathetically miserable
what a wreck i actually am
you'd never think i'm worth reading
never worth looking closer
and you'd put me next to all the unfulfilled stories remaining in the shelf of yours
and always kept in mind that some day
you may rummage in your old books
and find me again
i am sorry
My throat closes

Every single time

When I want to speak or let myself be heard, I close

I let others speak for me. In whistling tunes I found through the Tube or stories as told by those who live them

I find it is not my time to speak.

For only when I am utmost alone can I even utter a single sigh and still it displeases me of its occurrence

Perhaps voiceless to allow others the space they might need to be themselves. So why am I upset of it

Meek and meager
Never there when you need her
Your silence is louder than a train wreck.
Taylory Sep 2019
As I’m sitting here watching the deep red blood run down the tube into this white plastic container sitting in the floor letting me know that there was over 600 millimeters of blood in your lungs, I think about how much more could possible be left in there. How much more of the man that I know as my father diminishes away down a tube? I sit here in this uncomfortable hospital chair looking at you, staring at you. Memorizing your face and all your features because lord knows how much longer I’ll have you to myself. I stare at your hair and think of a color to describe it. Brown, dark blonde? Maybe a deep strawberry blonde? I can tell I got my hair from him and not my mother. It’s a mix of all three, and I can’t choose a favorite. From your hair to your closed eyes. Your eyes don’t have to be open for me to know the color blue that they have. If diamonds were blue then they would be your eyes. They have the most amazing and unique texture... Your hands I know all too well. I remember all the hugs I received from you, I was just barely okay before your hugs and then you made everything melt away. What I would do for one of your famous hugs right now.... I wish I could take away all of this pain, I really do. You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you like this and me not be able to do anything about it. You’re supposed to be the strongest man that I know. But right now they have tubes coming from almost every inch of your body. Each one reads something different about you. Heart is beating, check. Lungs are working, hardly but yes. Blood pressure is normal, not for long the way that plastic thing looks right now. They even have you on an oxygen tank. I don’t think I knew you snored, maybe it’s because of the tube hanging out of your lungs. Every time you inhale the air tight plastic thing holding your blood moves a little. Every time you move more of the red substance I know as my father trickles down the tube and drips into the white plastic thing holding almost a liter of you. The more your lungs emit blood into the plastic holder, the more I feel like you are sinking into the hospital bed. Honestly you look like it too.
This is my very first writing and I’m kinda sensitive to this subject..
Sabila Siddiqui Jul 2019
My healer,
the one who rubbed
ointment on my wounds,
calming and relieving the pain.
Who's presence was the epitome
of comfort and love.

Has now become the stealer,
of my happiness
and the exploiter,
of my kindness.
Sabila Siddiqui Jul 2019
There are days,
when she feels lost in the universe
that exists in her mind;
overthinking herself to oblivion.

There are days,
when she feels she is downing
in the depths of her thoughts.
Drowning in the sea of her emotions,
tears turning into high tides
destroying peace of mind.

Night bleeds into morning
Sun dissolves the moon

She wants to come out for a breath
and just breathe the light air.
Feel the lightness of it,
as it enters her lungs -  
the simplicity of it.

She is losing more of herself.
Carl Halling Jul 2019
I betrayed myself
During my younger days,
And opened myself up to shame,
I betrayed myself
During my younger days,
Over and over again,

And there are times
That knowing what I did
Is too much for me to stand,
And there are times
That knowing what I did
Is a source of the utmost pain,

I betrayed myself
During my younger days,
Repeatedly wrecked my dreams,
I betrayed myself
During my younger days,
Over and over again.
'Source of the Utmost Pain' was completed to my satisfaction on 26 March 2019, although it would not receive its title until early the following July, by which time the authentic unhappiness that inspired its creation had mercifully retreated into the background of my day to day existence.
EmVidar Mar 2019
I wanted to walk away
The fear that held me back
was unbearable.....
It left me confused
to who I was
and what I wanted.....
Questions
the uncertainty
left me chained to you....
Only through her kindness
and patience
I learned myself worth
and I was able to leave you
in the ruin
you would have made me


-em vidar
gabrielle Feb 2019
30
you wrecked me
i learnt
and i loved
Karli Z Feb 2019
people
                                                                                      destroyed




blowing
              forcing
                                                   striking



           water
                    deep
          deep


      lost
                                                                            wrecked





                                                                                                   unknown
               helpless


                                                   sailors.
M H John Jan 2019
You’ve sailed the deepest seas,
And have seen
the most exotic islands,
However,
The most violent waves
Have left you a shipwreck
The oceans not always kind
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