All I find myself wanting to do is take that metal blade to my wrist; dig it down deep, slide it quickly along... pull it away. Watch the rose colored droplets spring to the surface. Let my arm dangle at my side, watching with lazy, moist eyes as the red streams down my skin, standing out like a sun in the sky against my porcelain body.
All I'd like to do is take a lighter and flick the flame, watching the searing heat flicker above my bare stomach, licking lightly at the cold skin, warming it like a bonfire is in session. Slowly hold the lighter closer and closer, feeling the heat searing to my core and cutting through me. Agony will not win.
The best idea I've had in a while is letting myself be vulnerable. All of these feelings, all of these wants, have come rushing back to me in a blazing fire of desperation. **I want to hurt again.
triggering, i'm so very sorry.
