I’m on this ship,
A ship for one,
Out at sea,
It’s beautiful yet nerve wracking,
I search and I see where I’m going to be
Optimism is key,
“No. Bad. Thoughts.”
I tell myself, almost constantly,
But it’s just out of my reach...

This anchor is attached to my heart
There it lived.
Then, ripped from my chest,
Leaving my body, weak, pained, dragged,
Into the dark gradient ocean
It lowers, as I twist, wind, and fight,
above sea.

Though, I find myself tired,
At times.
It wins.
It keeps me still.
Can I stay here?
It’s nice in theory...

Sometimes I’m triumphant.
Sometimes I win.
I am above the darkness,
There’s the veil,
I am no longer down there,
I see and hear signs of
Happiness.

So
Close.
Up, I must bring my heart.
Sew up my chest,
Wipe my tears,
More than once,
This cycle is done.
Look ahead,
Go. Forward.
And don’t look back.
But never forget.

I'm feeling quixotic
I'm definitely all there
But I also feel like I'm not

Always felt neurotic
On the verge of breaking down
Seems like I'm utterly toxic

If you see me being manic
You don't have to be scared
I'm the one who will panic

Try you hardest to look past
I'll work even harder still
To make sure you'll forget this outcast

Who am I?
What am I?
Why am I here?
To grace this earth,

My existence feels useless,
Hang my head in the noose,

I am everything and nothing,
All at once yet not at all,
I teeter on the brink of madness,
Waiting to witness my fall,

I am a waterfall of sorrow,
Endlessly flowing,
Through my blood,
Sweat,
Tears,
and *****,

Recycling emotions,
In this vessel,
Hollow with feeling,

Feeling alone,
Yet alone I am not,

Universe embrace me,
Place me in your thoughts.

dear anxiety, when will you leave me?
all my thoughts have gone wary
even my vision's kinda blurry
hear me out and save me hurry

dear anxiety, why are you here?
creeping me out so sheer
you won't get another tear
is anyone ever near?

dear anxiety, what do you want?
still in my dreams you do your haunt
tell it to me and i shall grant
even so, no one hears my rant

dear anxiety, who must i call?
though in the end it's me who will fall
surely you have taken its toll
when will they see it all?

dear anxiety, how are you?
so good at keeping me blue
remind me that this reality is true
those who see it are only few

unfinished


i don’t feel inspired anymore
it’s all just ******* nothing
fading into my heart
i have left everything unfinished
so i sit
forever uneasy
and forever hungry.

I now have “The Day it felt over” picture.
It’s unreal.
I am currently in shock or maybe denial, at this point.
It was sad yesterday, but this,
I don’t know this is real?
I guess... your attitude seems to have changed.
But you say I’ve changed too,
I guess you didn’t like the better me.
Well, I like the better you.
Go do what you need to do,
I’m supporting you from afar.
If you need me, I’m here.
I miss you already.
Thank you for everything.
I love you, I always will.

as i exhale, it seems almost as if my lungs shake,
making the breath that leaves me feel uncertain and foreign.
you'd think that since i've breathed like this for as long as i can remember that it'd become a home for me
but it's still not me,
something inside me tells me that something is wrong,
that the uneasiness of my breathe isn't normal.
i stared into nothing as i breathed like this,
my limbs would sometimes go numb and the world would move in slow motion,
sometimes my head would stop running thoughts
,and as much as i should,
i liked it.
i liked feeling nothing, the uneasiness of my breathe would somehow comfort me.
i could forget for 5 seconds and sometimes that was enough.

I am not the princess.
I've had a pea under my mattress for a while now,
But you've found no concern in that.
In fact, it's slowly been duplicated.
At first, only by a few,
Then dozens.
Now there are hundreds of them,
Unconstrained by the confines of the bed.
But so long as there are peas,
You will argue them to fit.
So long as there are peas,
I will lie, uneasy,
Though I am no princess.