When I was in Highschool the doctors diagnosed me as colorblind
I didn't believe them, of course.
Because how I see and what they think are different.
I can see the colors, they just don't understand.

Because I believed I can see it all,
The beautiful colors of her eyes as we watched the sunset
The different shades of her bright sunflower smile
Or how the crisp, yellow sunshine would land on my already-sweaty palms from holding her hand

Not one bit did I doubt myself
I was never wrong
That this is right.
But doctors are always right.

Because I failed to see
How her eyes lost their light whenever she looks at me
The deeper and darker hues of her smile as we walk together
And how I realized without the sun, my hands would be wet with tears and not sweat.

And how I failed to notice the most important thing,
Her feelings, just like the bright blue sky would turn into grey,
Grey that meant nothing.
Like her feelings for me are now nothing.

Find the person,
Who you never need to fill the silences with,
But who you always want to.
Find the person,
Whose stories you can listen to,
For hours,
And never tire.
Find the person,
Who fits you like a puzzle piece,
Who connects to you in ways you never thought possible.
And I think I've found that,
In you.

dear feet, I am sorry for dragging you around all this years
I am sorry that you never got the chance to feel the up and down motion known as a happy walk
dear legs, I am sorry for hurting you
I am sorry for leaving scars on your beautiful skin, I am sorry that I look at your marks of growth with disdain
dear hips, I am sorry for always squeezing you
I am sorry that when my pants are too small I still force you in
dear stomach, I am sorry for hating you
I am sorry for pinching and hiding you away
dear lungs, I am sorry for making your job harder
I am sorry to trying to poison you by standing too close to my uncle and his cigarettes
dear fingers, I am sorry for always scrubbing you too hard
I am sorry that I twist you all around when I am scare
dear hands, I am sorry for making you hurt me
I am sorry for making you scar my arms and legs
dear arms, I am sorry for pinching the skin on you
I am sorry for being disappointed in the fact that my bone isn't replacing the skin
dear shoulders, I am sorry for keeping a weight on you
I am sorry that you have never relaxed
dear face, I am sorry for covering you up
I am sorry for not loving the freckles that make me, me
dear lips, I am sorry for making you bleed
I am sorry that I bite you until you bleed
dear hair, I am sorry for chopping you off every time you begin to grow
I am sorry that you can't be long because I am scared of new things
dear body, I am sorry
I am sorry I don't love you but I am trying
I am trying to love you

do you ever mess up something super duper minor and no one else thinks it an issue and you see that but on the inside you just feel like collapsing and crying and folding into little pieces of human origami because god it would be wonderful to be anything but yourself?

the littlest things get to me
things like
when your forehead wrinkled
the gap in your teeth
I was never one to hold a grudge
but I became a monument
the hypocrite.
philosophy taught me nihilism
you were the meaning
every breath taken exhales
a cloud of smoke and
sulfur
deep in my chest is clawing
the feeling
of your key against your car
the burn in your carpet
I wish I could wish you
nothing but the best
but instead I wish
you'd cut out your own tongue
lock yourself away
and stop making threats
see on the inside
we won't miss you
empty threats
empty threats
hypocrite.