If my pen leaves the paper I will die.
If my pen leaves the paper I will die.
If my pen leaves the paper I will die.

In an ugly world
Full of ****
You were made of ****
And beautiful.


--Eleanor

I had a thought
A deep little thought
Some intruiging thought
The most beautiful thought

but then I forgot...

i had the universe in my hands
but i dropped it because you are my universe

do you understand?


e.knocks

Surrounded by people yet oh, so alone
It took me a month, 12 days and three hours to notice the hole
in my stomach from when you told me I deserved it.
Why is your voice, then, the one thing I wish yelled it?
The sorry sound of apologies I'll never hear,
the ones I make up just to rid of that shatter I feel in my spine everytime
I remember what you said to me April first before the line went dead,
Hell bent on apologies I fabricate and decorate with words my peers love,
to reinstate a relationship I all but deconstructed on my own,
so why am I alone?
Every mistake, I would blame everything you'd take, and I would give more.

I still have a bruise on my knees from the night I hit the floor.
I'd give until I had nothing left,
I have nothing left.

I'm a thief. Good at deceiving,
convincing everyone around who cares
I'm in a good place.
God, am I happy.
Convincing them I'm losing weight by eating clean and not because I lose my ******* appetite every time I remember you never missed me,
I don't sleep.

Why did it take a month to feel this hole consume me?
I'm empty

For me,
Being next to you feels like home.
Safe. Finally.
For you, I'm just a rest stop.

When will things change?
Don't get me wrong- I love a good tragedy, greedily eat words off pages that depict horrors beyond my own imagination.
I'd be the first one to laugh in a shooting, clap as the plane goes down.
Watch as another monster wearing a skin or religion becomes all that wardrobe is known for;
It's easy to see horror as comedy because of the gross recreations we see on TV, media paints a picture of a society where kids are shot in alleyways; where politics are like sport, one side needs to go home with an empty net
For what cause or reason?
Unknown and unspoken the general consensus is to agree with like minded individuals.
Because if that guy says that he's a terrorist right? If person A is afraid of person B than A is clearly the racist one, right?
Or am I missing the point, is this all misconducted, these stories make Shakespearean plays seem realistic.
If a kid can be shot because he speaks another tongue does the radical suicide of two star crossed lovers really seem that insane?

Stop being a gossip girl
You little
Ugh

Your words spread everywhere
Like a winter cold

I heard you where leaving my school
Nope
A rumor you spread to give yourself attention

Seriously
Stop acting like little Ms.Perfect

How the heck do you even have friends?

You don't have to convince me you're perfect.
Oh, please - I already know that.
Unique? An understatement, you
Are a diamond in a field of weeds.
Roses are red, violets are blue, but you make me feel
Every color.

Beauty, thy name is you.
Everyone knows it but you.
A simple smile and infectious laugh is all it takes to
Unveil your true inner beauty.
Though, you may just think I have cooties.
I know that you may think I'm silly or dumb, but
**** it - maybe it's part of my "charm."
Underneath this sarcastic wall, you'll find my heart in a
Locker.

Banter – it’s the best part of our conversations.
Even the insults and digs and salt. You’re
A fountain of charm; your beauty effortlessly
Ubiquitous.
Take it from me, there aren’t many people like
You.

Talking to you is like cracking a safe, I don’t know
How to do it. I’d spend years and
Years before I worked up the skill and charm to crack you.

******. That what you are;
A hot ball of fire, divine and intriguing,
My hands very well could get burned, but
Everything would be worth it if I got to hold you.

Is what I’m saying silly?
Sure, but that’s why you like it.

Jazz. That’s what you are;
Eclectic and musical, soft and
Seductive; sweet-sounding and beautiful,
So effortlessly easy to listen to.

The next time you miss him,
or want to take him back,
look down at the scars on your arm,
and remember that he will always be a part of
who you are

What do you miss more?
Gaslighting so strong you shook yourself to sleep and let exhaustion run so deeply in your veins you're tired a whole year later?
Or the nights he kept you awake just to argue and bring to attention every flaw you've ever had and how you were so unlovable he'd be the only person to ever tolerate you?

Next time you miss him,
Look down at the scars on your arm
And remind yourself
you don't need to be tolerated
you are art