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  Jan 2017 Knocks
John-Paul Richard
I miss you,
But its not some superficial want for something you can do for me,
It's the want of you.

You, as a woman to lie with and love
You, as a friend to show me glimpses of above,
You, as a musician to sing to show the birds how to do so,
You, as a tutor to teach me new things I could never know,
You, as a caregiver to help me when I’m down,
You, as a date to take out to the town,
You, as a partner to support in your endeavors,
You, as a dreamer to never say never,

But of all these things listed, the one thing I miss that nothing can quell,
Is that most of all, I miss your smell.

All right it may be weird, to those who wont admit,
There’s nothing wrong with liking this, nothing to be acquit,
For to love a person, at least in my experiments,
Is not just about the person, but about them as an experience,
And each person's smell is a good summation,
Not infallible by any means, but provides significant information.

A smoker smells as such and a drinker will smell askew,
And those who wash give fragrances, and those who don’t--old stew,
But there is one smell that I crave most,
That is the smell of you.

Your smell is all I love of you, and what you do daily,
And what we'll change, wont change how I feel, love for you, insanely.
Knocks Jan 2017
sometimes i feel so broken,
i mean all the time
why did i leave you when i knew you were mine
we had it so good
we were so in love
our bodies went forward while my mind went above
i lost it and it left
and i had never felt so unkempt -
you were so beautiful and i was a mess.

i see you in my dreams i see you when i am awake
please ******* help me i can't stop this shake
that is caused by the memory of you
the memory of us - am i putting up too much fuss
over a time that was short
or am i just managing to distort
of how long we lasted
and what we were
i'm sorry i couldn't be as good as her

sometimes i feel so broken
i mean all the time
it was all my fault when i lost you -
you could've been mine
Knocks Dec 2016
i have found that being in love
is not a journey - it is a fight

e.knocks
Knocks Dec 2016
i had the universe in my hands
but i dropped it because you are my universe

do you understand?


e.knocks
Knocks Dec 2016
it's the winter
and my fingertips are cold
my eyes are tired
and my bones feel old

it's getting harder to stay
even though you are here
follow me close
i may disappear

i dream about you
all the time
i dream about you
are you mine?

drinking again
has opened my mind
i forget things
but i won't leave you behind

every sip of alcohol
that i take
burns my throat  
and i start to ache

i dream about you
when i drink
for you, my love,
i will not sink

e.knocks
Knocks Dec 2016
i always said that loving two people at once does not exist
until recently
as i have fallen
twice

e.knocks
Knocks Nov 2016
she
your sad eyes told a story that the words that came out of your mouth could never explain.
all you had in your life was the self-hatred and blame.
your eyes never looked ahead, and were always set on the ground.
your heart beat so quietly but your eyes spoke so loud.
and when you did try to reach out,
all you got was a stern look and someone walking away while their head shook.

your pale, scarred skin explained the self-inflicted,
rhythmic gashes on your body that mimicked the happiness you've always lacked.
and when your father found out about these marks on your skin,
all that you received was a meaningful smack.
you stayed up late and barely slept so the demons that came out at night would never attack.
and all the sleepless nights and frightful fights you had with yourself
caused you to become a major insomniac.

your shaky hands explained the uneasiness you've suffered through your whole life
while you nervously handled your father's rusty old knife.
you never took yourself as one who would be such a letdown.
but when you looked down at your hands,
all you could do was frown and let out a whimper.
you never spoke too loud and always had to whisper.
your hands shook everyday no matter what you had to do.
your knuckles poked out like nails on wood while being abused
by the hammer that repeatedly hit you.

and your bony knees shivered vigorously throughout the long, dark, winter of every year.
all that Christmas brought you was a joyless night full of tears.
your mother passed away 4 years ago to this day.
and all you could do was hide from your drunken father and pray and pray.
his safety mattered and so did yours,
but just being alive for him started to feel like a chore.

and oh god, your whole body was so pale and used.
your fragile bones could barely make it through all those rough hours and days,
and **** it, all those years since the beginning when your only
friend had disappeared.

e.knocks
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