Sitting on the floor because I don't like the fall
I only gave the illusion I was up, but it's here I've been after all
I try to trick myself into thinking I feel grand
It was my confusion, it was my plan
But it didn't work, hell the truth is I can't even stand
The true is I'll always be ******
But I do try to enjoy just a few comforts
Amongest all the hurts
A fresh cup of coffee, the smell of bacon
On the stove top frying and making
A cuddle with my dog, by the way her name is Pig.
I loved the movie "Babe" and "That'll do pig"
I have a twisted mind which is quiet an accomplishment
Considering the world wanted it shattered not bent
But I don't want your hand I'm quite content
On the floor here where I sit
For if I stand to tall
There will inevitably be that nasty fall
And just one more time and I may not be able to come back at all

The past holds many secrets,
That maintain control of me.
The shame and regrets,
Are the only ones I see.

I am lost in what was,
Instead of what will be.
Dark and twisted memories,
Keep their hold on me.

Dreams of other times,
Haunt my days and nights.
Do others see my burden,
My internal daily plight.

I try to focus on today,
And seal away this pain.
It's frozen in my mind,
And will always leave a stain.

Today is a new day,
With new pasts to create.
I choose to focus on this moment,
And determine my own fate.

The piercing cold has frozen my hold.
As my breath mists in the wind, I lose my mind in my sin.
Why did I walk through the pitch black portal?
Why did I sell my innocence for a price that wasn't priceless?
I look into the mirror, my face is what I see.
Yet my eyes hold a darkness, how is this me?
So I turn in horror, step out for some air.
But from me escapes screams of unfiltered anguish 'til my voice is like a bear.
Why did I walk?
Why did I sell?
Let the cold take me.
It's warmer than my hell.

This pain is so unbearable,
I'm writing on my skin.
My whole arm feels numb,
I didn't think it'd get this bad again.
I'm painting with my wrist,
In only the color red.
Because each deep little thought,
Can only come out unsaid.

My mind is so twisted,
I'm mixing lies with facts.
I'm not sure who to trust.
My heart or my head.
They're spinning me around,
As if it's life or death.
Each direction will cause pain,
But somehow,
One will still bring something to gain.

Love. What is love? How is it to be in love?
I'll tell you.

Love is great. You're happy - constantly.
Rainbow colored butterflies,
flying around in your belly.
All you can think about is him,
which constantly makes you happy.

Every day you'll walk in the hallway,
with the biggest smile on your face.
Everyone will notice how happy you are.
You're happiness will affect them too,
or most your closest friends,
because they know why you're that happy.

But all of a sudden, it can turn all the way around.
He can make you miserable.
Every time you see him,
these butterflies fly around in your belly,
but they're not rainbow colored anymore,
they're all dark and twisted.

You'll lie all alone in your bed - crying.
Because he's the worst person in the world.
He made you believe,
that you two had a chance.
A chance to see all of the light together.
But his only purpose was to make you
miserable.

I will my will
From The power of the crown above
To infinity of my everlasting love.
He Focused

Up, down, turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
It's to late, you all ready missed
Feeling like I don't exist
Been laying here in my bed for days
Counting down the ways
Of how to let go, or should I stay
The number count is growing high
Of the many ways to die
The argument to stay is small
Finally at the bottom of the fall
There is no getting up again
I'm to weak within this skin
This hole is deeper than the rest
The walls slick with oil, who would've guessed
Me that's who
There seems to be nothing I can do
Not this time, not by myself
I need some help
But they all ran away, sickened by the sight
Of a twisted corpse still trying to fight
Guess I'll just lay here and try to find some peace
But that will happen after they find it in the Middle East
I'm just tired and can't carry on
So I'll just lay here till I'm gone