I can't stop shaking and I don't think it's the cold
I feel you resting on my skin and it's the same skin you used to trace and I keep burning my body in the shower thinking it will rid the residue of you
we said all of the right words at the wrong time
and I'll walk through a crowded room with a glass in my hand
and I'll try not to notice your voice in the noise of everyone else but I swear it's still the only sound I hear
I'll convince myself I used you the same way you used me and I'll swallow it down with a sip of *****
then swear this is the last night I'm drinking to forget you
I'm training my tongue to stop telling stories of us everytime someone says your name
and when 3 a.m. comes around and I'm tempted to text you my epiphanies on why we went wrong
hoping one might resonate with you and we can try again
I'll remember all the time I spent rearranging the pieces of me that got tangled with yours and hope I never have to love that much again

And so the shoe drops,
Easily, easily
It’s much easier for you to wound me,
than wear your human mask over lizard skin.
You gnash your teeth and flail your limbs,
like a stupid ******* lizard person.
How hard is it to check in when you’ve said something so worrying?
How hard is it to speak?
Or is it just that words don’t issue,
from betwixt your lizard beak?

Both he and I know that I am living in that camera of his.  Sweet girl, trapped, knowing nothing but laughter and million-watt smiles.

I don't know if he will ever develop the film.

Those were some of my brightest days, no matter how flimsy the flame was. Late nights filled with friends and stars and empty baseball fields.

I refuse to forget her. Sweet girl who tried her hardest, supplicated herself to his every mood, broke her bones to make him laugh. Because those photos are the proof that I meant something to him once. That he was just as much a part of the memories as I was.

Even though we're strangers now, maybe you even loved me once, when I was sepia.

So, cut me out if you will.
Cut me out of your film, I do not much mind.

I have a very strong feeling that we should be together
That everything I have done until now has been right
The sad moments, heartbreaks and poor choices
Seems like shattered small pieces of distant memories
Because now you are here in my life
It feels so right
Oh, so right

Still, everything is disappearing
The sad moments, heartbreaks and poor choices
I will feel it all at once
And the distant memories will become my reality
Yet stronger because darling without you
It will feel so wrong
Oh, so wrong

It's good to miss you,
routines make me get bored easily,
and boy have you failed at being consistent!

I'm just worried,
do you even miss me too?
If this becomes the routine,
then what do I even get out of it all?

what if I disappeared
would you wonder?
would you text me, and ask where I went?
would you call me, if I didn't answer?
would you look for me, when I gave you no sign that I was even alive?
would you be sad? feel that something wasn't right?
or would you just move on with your life and never think of me again?
I understand you.
I wouldn't look for someone that didn't want to be found either.

my phone lights up,
a smile brightens up my face.
scurrying to check the notification,
hoping to see your username.

but it's not you—
it's somebody else.

i shut off my phone,
the screen turns black.
and a little bit of my heart,
darkens and crumbles along with that.