It's good to miss you,
routines make me get bored easily,
and boy have you failed at being consistent!

I'm just worried,
do you even miss me too?
If this becomes the routine,
then what do I even get out of it all?

what if I disappeared
would you wonder?
would you text me, and ask where I went?
would you call me, if I didn't answer?
would you look for me, when I gave you no sign that I was even alive?
would you be sad? feel that something wasn't right?
or would you just move on with your life and never think of me again?
I understand you.
I wouldn't look for someone that didn't want to be found either.

my phone lights up,
a smile brightens up my face.
scurrying to check the notification,
hoping to see your username.

but it's not you—
it's somebody else.

i shut off my phone,
the screen turns black.
and a little bit of my heart,
darkens and crumbles along with that.

yeah, there's no problem. i'm cool. i'm alright. you're fine. no need to plague your thoughts with me.
<decoding>
yeah, there's NO problem. I'M Cool. I'm alRight. You're fIne. No need to plague your thouGhts with me.
<decoding>
yeah, there's problem. ool. 'm alight. ou're fne. o need to plague your thouhts with me.
<decoding>
NO, I'M CRYING.

11.45pm
hi, guess what i'm listening to country music right now
and i cant text you because my parents took my phone and laptop:(
so ill just write this and you can read it later
i love you

11.50pm
i just ran dowstairs amd almost tripped and died
but its like all good
i had to get my chocolate milk
imma watch cat videos until im tired

12.00am
okay well i lied
i started watching horror movie trailers and now im scared
im still listening to country
im soo bored

12.20am
jeez my parents just came home because they forgot their keys for something and somehow noticed i was up and gave me sleeping pills
so i kinda wanna die but its all good
i just listened to the song H.O.L.Y and now 16 is playing
not a bad song

12.25am
i was thinking about how you always say opposites attract
and like thats not wrong because we're really different people
but like i was thinking about it
and i think i kinda get it now
we're opposite, or at least we were before we started dating but we kinda tried to like the stuff the other person likes
like i wouldve never started listening to country if it wasnt for you
and you probably wouldnt have tried listening to the music i like
and you probably wouldnt have tried to write poetry
so like i think thats why people say opposites attract, because we show eachother new stuuf and like idk

12.32am
well i just remembered i have a health test tomorrow so i should probably study but i cant do that tomorrow in the morning or later

ughhhh im still not tired
oh guess what?
i love you soooooooo much
and youre amazing and great and one of my favourite people

1.00am
okay well the pills are really kicking in now
so goodnight
i love you

and it's always about the timing or the circumstances
it's always an "I'm busy" text message that fades into days of silence
it's when you notice how he used to compliment your mind
and now he only ever calls you beautiful when you're bare inbetween his sheets
and you tell yourself he's just a boy
this is what boy's do
it will get better
but "you're my girl" turns into "I don't think this is working"
and you're crying again
and you wonder why you keep having the same ending with different people

and you're wide awake in the middle of the night wishing he'd call
and then he'll miss you enough to want you but never enough to stay
and you worry you are so good at finding the wrong love you won't know how to recognize the right

do you have any idea
how ******* good it feels
to see that smiley face
and know you might be imitating it as we type?