yeah, there's no problem. i'm cool. i'm alright. you're fine. no need to plague your thoughts with me.
<decoding>
yeah, there's NO problem. I'M Cool. I'm alRight. You're fIne. No need to plague your thouGhts with me.
<decoding>
yeah, there's problem. ool. 'm alight. ou're fne. o need to plague your thouhts with me.
<decoding>
NO, I'M CRYING.

11.45pm
hi, guess what i'm listening to country music right now
and i cant text you because my parents took my phone and laptop:(
so ill just write this and you can read it later
i love you

11.50pm
i just ran dowstairs amd almost tripped and died
but its like all good
i had to get my chocolate milk
imma watch cat videos until im tired

12.00am
okay well i lied
i started watching horror movie trailers and now im scared
im still listening to country
im soo bored

12.20am
jeez my parents just came home because they forgot their keys for something and somehow noticed i was up and gave me sleeping pills
so i kinda wanna die but its all good
i just listened to the song H.O.L.Y and now 16 is playing
not a bad song

12.25am
i was thinking about how you always say opposites attract
and like thats not wrong because we're really different people
but like i was thinking about it
and i think i kinda get it now
we're opposite, or at least we were before we started dating but we kinda tried to like the stuff the other person likes
like i wouldve never started listening to country if it wasnt for you
and you probably wouldnt have tried listening to the music i like
and you probably wouldnt have tried to write poetry
so like i think thats why people say opposites attract, because we show eachother new stuuf and like idk

12.32am
well i just remembered i have a health test tomorrow so i should probably study but i cant do that tomorrow in the morning or later

ughhhh im still not tired
oh guess what?
i love you soooooooo much
and youre amazing and great and one of my favourite people

1.00am
okay well the pills are really kicking in now
so goodnight
i love you

and it's always about the timing or the circumstances
it's always an "I'm busy" text message that fades into days of silence
it's when you notice how he used to compliment your mind
and now he only ever calls you beautiful when you're bare inbetween his sheets
and you tell yourself he's just a boy
this is what boy's do
it will get better
but "you're my girl" turns into "I don't think this is working"
and you're crying again
and you wonder why you keep having the same ending with different people

and you're wide awake in the middle of the night wishing he'd call
and then he'll miss you enough to want you but never enough to stay
and you worry you are so good at finding the wrong love you won't know how to recognize the right

do you have any idea
how ******* good it feels
to see that smiley face
and know you might be imitating it as we type?

turn the phone on silent
get the angle right
send the message, take a breath
you'll lose yourself tonight

caught up in your nightmare
no dignity to find
so bite your tongue and move along
too late to hit rewind

i never meant to start this
the one thing i regret
but you text me and i don't leave
i wish i could forget

Ignored again.
I ignored again.
Again, I missed your texts and calls.
Your smiles and tears, and your breaking heart.
So empty when i text you ‘sorry’
It seems to lose its meaning.
And guilt claws and tears its way in me.
I can’t seem to make you believe my apologies.
Then time starts to walk again, healed from the storm.
Then there’s this space between my heart and that blank, black text.
Then there is this unreachable truth to get to you.

My hands clawed through, my eyes tearing me, my head going black. No. It wont go there if i allow it.
It’s just a text.
Don’t be so emotional, geez.
Hm.

I've searched so long, for that phenomenon called Happiness.

So busy looking I didn't realize it was right under my nose.

Happiness is buying a stuffed dinosaur for your best friend's newborn.

It is getting to smell the scent of your favourite lip balm you thought you'd lost.

Happiness is knowing that you'll soon get a tight hug from the person you love.

Happiness is knowing that tonight you get to cuddle in your pajama after a hard workout.

Happiness is getting a text that makes you laugh so hard you cry.

Even burning your dinner so you have to start again.
Because you know you have more, that is happiness.

Happiness is singing and dancing along to corny songs thinking about the person who makes your heart flutter.

It's all about the little things, the things that make you tick.

That is the definition of happiness.

It took me so long to open my eyes, to see real happiness.

I'm glad I finally did.

I used to love seeing your face everyday.
In fact, I would only leave my house knowing you would be there.
The more we talk face to face, we began to run out of topics to cover.
Disagreements would happen so new conversations could be created.
We began to enjoy the art of silence and the art of presence.

Distance has became the new appreciation.
In fact, I would fill my schedule with work to avoid meeting you.
I did not have to face your attitude or deal with any negativity.
I was able to do me and still enjoyed knowing you are there for me.
You have became the backup to my loneliness.

The more I think about it, the more I liked it.
In fact, I started to enjoy independence and found self-love.
I never have to worry about what to plan for us or what to do next.
The amount of freedom I felt, relieved me from stressing out.
I can decide on the spot, click send and just move on.