Tears well up, how warm

they are, I didn't receive this --


gift for a long time.

Shall I spill words?
Shall I spill tears?
Or Shall I spill blood?
Indegenious to my nature is the fact,
That it can't stay,
It needs to flow,
It needs to be felt and heard by another existence,
A much kinder and understanding one
Hitherto,
the sacrifice to spill has left a dauntingly adverse repression,
Nothing has sustained,
all has been robbed,
"Shall I spill away all that has been left of me?"she wonders

Salt filled orbs, refusing to fall.
Locked behind a dam, they silently call.
For release, for freedom, for sweet escape.
But they are held captive, in an unbreakable shape.

A hurting heart, a broken Soul
Feelings too deep, to ever be told.
Eyes that deceive, a smile that hides.
The pain that is within, forever resides.

The tears that don't fall, leave an endless ache.
A burning sensation, that no one can shake.
They swim in our eyes, but refuse to spill.
As we hold them back, against our will.

I can’t begin
Its hurts too much
The pain of this ending erases every grain of my love
My ability to care is gone
But I will endure
I turn away and walk with purpose to my new life
I am not whole, I have cracks in every joint
But I will live on
I will not forget you
For I will not allow your maltreatment of my spirit to prevail
But I will live on
The hurt will make me feel,
I know I am alive
I will not cry for mercy
I have no tears for you
If you were hurt, I would walk away never noticing the speck that is you.
I will endure and move on

I keep my tears to myself
I keep them safe on my shelf
Hidden from you
What a sad thing to do.

Have I told you yet
That I made a little bet
When all's done and set
I'll wish on them we never met.

what do you think of when I say flood?
gushing water breaking through a dam?
overtaking things not meant to be wet?
the land below wave more than just sand?
well it did feel like that.
held my cup of unused tears
held them back; i can’t cry
not in a million years
but as i went to press a button
not important of any sort
i held the cup in one hand
and with the same i pressed my floor
then it happened.
nothing then all at once.
my cup tipped over and a few tears
spilt in a little pearly bunch
they pattered onto marble
floor of the white lift
oh no now they know
the walls know i slipped
it wasn't on purpose
but they’ll say its a lie
i have to run
no time to say goodbye.

you say you’ve changed, but i don't see it in your plastic wails.
you only say “sorry” to avoid the burden of guilt, only to
press the foot that you placed on my back even harder.
i can still feel the silent venom of your words, to me
or not. do not take me as idiotic, because even
though this vessel of ragged skin and bone cannot
hold up physically for himself, he has learned
not to trust those who shed snake tears.
i’m not to be fooled, i’ve been fed poison from strangers
since the day i came into adolescence - all because of one thing, myself.
and it comes to life - the thought that those who judge others
are nothing short of their remarks. so, call me feminine and fragile
behind my back and act as if my ears deceive me - but they
don’t, and serpents like you i won't fall easily prey to. and easy
prey i may be, but not to be captivated in the hands of you.