I take my seat upon the couch
and hit the power buttons.

Blue-hued light washes over me
in beautiful cascading ignorance.

I mindlessly flip through channels,
briefly stopping to look at cars.
And cheeseburgers.
And movies.
And Bowflex.
And lawyers.
And jewelry.
And petfood.
And starving african children.
And starving animals.
And cellphones.
And service providers.
And medications.
And disorders.
And maladys.
And sales.
And beautiful people modeling clothing I will never wear.
And stores I won't ever shop at.
And lives I'll never live,
only dream of.

Because commercials are now more entertaining
and more relatable than the shows between them.

You remind me of an onion.

As the layers peel away,
I struggle not to cry
'cos you're just the same inside-

and in your heartless little way
you blinded me with love,
enough to make me stay-

to cut you up in little pieces
and chew you like
"Take that, you frickin' onion"

my nail polish is chipped
and my knees are bruised
and my eyes have dark
circles and i don't smile
often and getting out of
bed everyday is almost
painful and i miss too
many people at night
and i stutter when i'm
nervous but at least i'm
not dead yet i guess

i'm so tired of trying to make
other people feel better when
i can't even drag myself out of
bed half the time
i wish i could take my friends'
pain away so they'd all be ok
or at least better than me
maybe then i could focus on
myself but that's a distant
dream i couldn't reach with
fifty-foot arms
sometimes i feel doomed to
lay in bed alone and scream
at my reflection every time
i pass the mirror

Sniffing powdered white off my nannas vintage mirror
My inheritance,
My dignity gone
Nannas old, she's dying
Told me stories about the fairies in her head
Dancing her to sleep each night
Would dance upon my head ....

If I had a dime for every poem or song I wrote
That never made it, I'd be a millionaire,
If I had to survive by my own creations,
Be my own boss, I'd be a total dead scare.