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So here I am again,
At the end of my world.
Life is unstable,
Feelings are fleeting.

Why must my world end?

Why must it be mine?
Why was it everything I loved,
Everything I cared about,
that had to end?

See I wonder this,
I'll ponder it for a long time
Before finally asking myself:

...Why not my world?

This realization soothes no pain.
Saves no hurt.
But this realization does assure you,
assures me-
that this pain,
this destruction,
it's not personal.

It was never personal.
I don't want to go to sleep
I fear tomorrow would come too fast

I don't want to close my eyes
I'd rather right now last

Painful or not
At least it isn't tomorrow
At least today is almost over
The kind that say "I've not done such and such in days."
The "Such and such" being something needed to sustain life

Who sit on their phones after telling you that YOU are hosting them
On a Thursday night

Whom dodge non-academic questions because they're hard
And afraid the answer you expect is correct

Who say things just because they want your pity
Even if those things aren't true

The kind of people who are ungrateful

The kind of people who are stupid because
Maturing and learning is too hard
"It's much easier to pity myself and stay ignorant" they say

Those people frustrate me
Perhaps they frustrate me so because there was a time
When I did a few of those things
People are stupid.
I get frustrated sometimes

When people don't follow lore
Or the unspoken laws of RP

When people refuse to consider others in their actions
Or give insincere sentiments

I get frustrated sometimes just because

It's all very frustrating
And sometimes, it makes me hate people
But that's a bit irrational isn't it?
I fear not having time one day to enjoy myself
Not having time to lay with my husband
Or run through a few casual dungeons in WoW
Or just rest for a little while

I fear not having kids before 30
When 30 comes family history says I'll get a hysterectomy
All I want to do is be a housewife
And a mother
A homemaker

I fear that one of my best friend will just disappear
Maybe because I pushed him away
Or because he got bored with our conversations
Or maybe he just never cared

It hurts to think about Null
How I pushed him away
And he did so much for me
I never got to tell him thank you
Or how much I truly appreciated him

It hurts to think about how Papa died so early in my life
We could've had so many fantastic conversations
I could've learned so much

It hurts to think about the last conversation that I had with Papa
I didn't know how to talk to him when he was dying
So I cut the conversation short
I should've never done that

I fear that I'll never see them again
That I'll never get to say I'm sorry
That I'll never get to say I love you
That I'll never get to hear You're okay from them again

But you know it's nice to think about Karsten
The man I love

Not platonically like Null
Or in a family way like Papa
Something in-between
Something romantic

I love him

He's my best friend
We're romantically involved
I could spend the reset of my life with him
I just hope I can make it work
That we can make it work

So yeah life isn't all happiness
And I have fears
And pain
They'll stay with me forever

But because of people like Karsten
And my Mother
And so many others
Life can be bright
And it is worth it
Null is just a name used in place of a real name, if that wasn't well known. :)
The way Sherrezade looks at Ja'far,
The way she smiles when she talks about him
-Though only an act-
Is one of knowing.
It's a look that says,
That insist,
She knows something.
Something you don't.
But it's also reassuring
As if to say it will be okay
That you'll be enlightened soon

And Ja'far
He is almost naive
He thinks he can save the kingdom
And while he does...
It's just one of those things.
He has a great heart
He truly wants happiness for all

And lastly
The phrase
"You are kind and that's enough"
Is really a simple statement
But it makes sense
And it's something people should hear more as children

Maybe then they'd stay that way..
This is really only a look and feed back on the play Twisted: Story of a Royal Vizier by Starkid.
This relationship
It's improbable
It's terrifying
It's wonderful
And it's home

But I'm young

And this relationship..
It is-
Well it's a big little thing
It's a thing in the life of a teenager
A thing that concerns love
The kind of love you only feel in your youth I'd reckon
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