Theres a saying that goes, "once you've made your bed, lay in it."
I supposed I've made my bed,
My choices were the mattress,
My dark desires were the sheets,
My secrets were the pillows I slept on,
My thoughts covered me like my blanket.
Frankly my bed was better left alone,
It was better before you climbed in,
The sheets ruffled,
The blanket pulled back,
The mattress bowing in beside me.
I could hear the crumple of the pillow as you rest your head upon my secrets and covered yourself in my thoughts.
You took my dark desires and made yourself apart of them.
I allowed you to come into my bed
And
I guess that's why my mattress
Is so heavy.
You were the riskiest choice I had made and you piled on,
Sank into a dark desire,
Became hidden away in the pillow you occupied,
Covering me like the
Warmth
You once provided.
You became the bed I slept in,
Rolled upon,
Never let me leave.
Why I had spent so long amongst the bed you helped make always made me wonder why.
Your scent was a permanent fixture,
An added amusement to my suffering.

Sometimes you come back into my life like a sweet secret on my lips.
I think of all the times we spent underneath the sheets laughing while we touched each others souls and bodies.

You taste like cheap beer and regret and for some reason my self -destructive mind doesn't seem to mind.
I lick your lips and taste your tongue against mine as we kiss till the sun rises.

No one knows though, we keep this locked and loaded under our belts ready to fire at any moment.
Loose lips sink ships or so they say but god, I wanna scream your name to the sky.

If they knew... we would never make it out alive.
They would tell us we were wrong.
They would tell us " not again"
And we would smile and agree knowing we would be seeing each other later that night.

This ones for you my aching secret .
My long lost love affair I am choosing to keep under wraps.
My worst nightmare with the sweetest taste.
I'll see you in the morning when we pretend we don't know each others names anymore.

I take a deep breath and slip under the water
There is no grace or elegance
No caution or concern for the waves created,
I breathe freely for the first time in what feels like weeks
The sweet sensation of burning in my lungs
(A reward for waiting so patiently)
I don’t think I’ll ever lose that initial panic at the suffocation,
The clawing at my throat a constant reminder of where I am,
But the deeper I sink
The easier it becomes to swim down
It is, I think, a beautiful contradiction
The longer I drown myself, the darker the murky depths I live in become
The more I crave this broken ecstasy I have created

I'm sinking slowly,
beneath the waters surface,
but I'm not fighting.

She sank deeper
         And deeper
               And deeper
                     Into the abyss
                          Of her poor, dark mind.

i.

without words,
boy, caught up in the dark,
brown-eyed boy,

as night drifts,
dark in her clouds.

ii.

a tumbling
star,
leaden feet
sink to earth,

drowning stream...
poured from a water jug
a dark, crackling sky.  

iii.

night's thick opiates
glaze,

unmissable sky
sinks anchor-like.

iv.

slumber-heavy,
dreams carried to the stars,
lost time
stretching like a cat.

v.

boy, sleep sound tonight,
brown-eyed boy,

as night drifts
dark in her clouds.

I woke up with a sinking feeling,
one I couldn't place.
You quickly told me you were drowning,
and it didn't take long for me to realize that
we were sinking fast.
It was then that I realized it'd be
weeks before I saw your face.
As you abandoned ship,
it hit me that there was only one life jacket between us.
You apologized as you left.
You made it to shore as
I was lost in the undertow.