as the music plays loudly in the room I had made into my home
I put my phone down and get out of bed
as my feet hit the cold, creeky winter floors
I begin to feel this rush of pure joy
the music makes me jump up and down, throwing my arms around wherever it feels right
I do not know how to dance but I listen to the way the music moves me
at this moment I do not think about the boy who doesn't love me or my mother who so desperately wants to leave this dreadful planet
No.
at this moment my head is empty, no thoughts that could bring me down
suddenly, the song ends
I stop dancing and crawl back into my bed
what a joyful moment that was

until that song plays once more...

A beautiful red broke a smile
on a shame face
O, it turns out that my beloved
long gone
and I failed to face

A blue sad sky
to the poet who is gloomy in front of the poem
stringing words
downing the imagination
the numb

Apparently, the flower is the beloved
O I forget how many times I searched
All in my yard
Grow in a heart!
Grow in a heart!
Bloom on a heart
Bloom on a poem!

O this is a poem for her
And the buzzing bee sing a song to her
And also sing a song to me

I still hear your euphoric melodies,
The way your eyes would sing.
Vivace, you set the tempo;
The master of playing my heart strings.

Curtains may fall
And people may go
But the ghost light’s
All I know

People may shout
And prance around the stage
But the ghost light
Will never age

See them laugh
see them cry
And get more for the encore
When next they arrive

See them live
See them die
And get scored for the next chord
When next they survive

I watch over their theatre with pride
But don't think for a minute that I’m on their side

Why do they call me a ghost?
When I am surely alive
Don't tell me I'm wrong
Surely I survive

When singers are done with their long songs
When dancers will find no more dances, they're wrong
And I will stand here in the dark all alone
In this theatre, I call my home

So I find I'm more than this
More than your people have taught me to be
If you fear a shadow behind you
That of course
Is me

when there's post
who is it you hope
has written you?

when there's rain
do you feel it's in vain
if i asked to picnic with you?

i'd have to say
i'd like to stay
if only it's with you

open your window
i'm speaking to you now
if for anything, to let in some air

sure, it's chilly
but the birds sound so silly
when in the dead of winter
they sing

His whistling rises with the moon;
softened trills and murmurings
grow louder in the dusking sky,

drift across my ceiling, down
into my waiting ears.

A halo of satisfaction rings his face,
sweat drying on his chest
as he leans back upon my balcony.

I gather his things
and place them by the door.
I know this tune is not meant for me.

But I listen to it, still,
and dream of my hands
tangled in his soft feathers.

Who will sing me to sleep
when the nightingale is paired?

I never was the kind of girl
Who hid my face
Was not afraid to tell the world
What I had to say

But this nightmare came
Knocking at my door
I can't let it show
The inside is so hollow, so hollow

This ain't real, this ain't me
I'm not exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Can't let the light shine on me
Now I've lost who I am
The only way to hold it in
Is just hiding who I wanna be
*** this ain't me.

Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark?
To dream about a life where you know who you are
Even though it seems like it's so close to me
I just can't believe in myself, it's the only thing

This ain't real, this ain't me
I'm not exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Can't let the light shine on me
Now I've lost who I am
The only way to hold it in
Is just hiding who I wanna be
*** this ain't me.

I'm the voice you hear inside your head
I'm why your ears are ringing
You need to find me
You gotta find me

I'm the missing piece you need
The reason that you're falling
You need to find me
You gotta find me

This ain't real, this ain't me
I'm not exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Can't let the light shine on me
Now I've lost who I am
The only way to hold it in
Is just hiding who I wanna be
*** this ain't me.

This ain't me

But I can find who I am
And keep myself from holding in
No more hating who I used to be
*** that ain't me.