I suppose there will always be a part of me that will wait for you in doorways
Stepping over the threshold
Hesitating
Contemplating
Looking back
Then moving forward
Each time the pause becoming less
Underneath the stairwells of bookstores

I will search for your face in the crowds
And for your footsteps along the shorelines
I will feel your presence in places we used to visit
Perhaps this may never stop

For you were woven into my life as a piece of the fabric
A part of who I was
A force in who I was going to be
You were a friend that I expected for always
Someone to grow alongside myself

But then you turned your head and shut your eyes
Seduced by the promise of a remedy for your lovelessness
A body to temper the loneliness
Leaving me to search for your face through caverns of fog
And wondering why I am so often a second thought for you

I used to be angry
But that potency is fading with time
And someday you will be a memory

Yet in this subsiding bitterness I shall keep your secrets safe
The secrets that drip from your lips and waver in your eyes
You are different than me though, love
And I shall find peace in the comfort that mine were never yours to know

You,
the wave of a
calm ocean.
I,
the ground beneath
the surface.
Oh how you pull
the sand apart
in search of me.

The plan was to be independent
I had my goals written down
My priorities were in check
I was going to follow through
And achieve what I had to in the end
But then **** happened
And my ascetic side was left for dead

All my dreams I trapped in a mausoleum
My spurious persona was in the lead
My new ambitions were kaleidoscopic
They were all wants and never needs
Something new always grabbed my attention
Once I had achieved a thing
Slowly but surely I was being drowned
By deceit and greed

And one day I searched myself and could not find me
I did not see the me that was a visionary
I had missed my way and that was clear to see
I was already in the depths of the ocean of sin when it finally dawned on me

At this point even self-love couldn't save me
And self-hatred couldn't change me
Even self-will couldn't revive me
So I found a coping mechanism
To help me live with my atrocities
Under the ocean of sin.

In every nook,
In every corner,
In every person,
I kept searching for her.
Oh this ******* urge
to be home.

If ever happiness
knocks at my door.
How will I
recognise?
The sound of delight.

Will it howl
like the blowing wind?
Or rustle as
the woods and trees?
Will it be
like splashing water?
Or the pelting rain,
on the window pane?

Maybe it will
just creep in silence.
Echoing in the
wells of silence.

What would it be like
to have someone
who is your everything?
What would it feel like
to be someone’s
everything?

People talk about
finding this person
who they love forever
but why can’t everyone
have that?
Why can’t I
have that?

They say
one day you will find
the person you will
love forever
but right now
I have a hard time
finding anyone
besides the warm bodies
I find in the dark
on a dance floor
who I never see again

My person
I fear
is lost
gone from ever being found
He took the wrong exit
on his way to me