i am a child of the sea;
i'm a tidal wave of emotions,
a tsunami that continuously changes paths because i'm just so ******* indecisive
there's saltwater burning my lungs,
fulfilling them to the very edge and just taking and taking from my body until there's nothing left of me
but jesus christ,
i'm such a mess that all i want to do is settle upon your very edge of the coastline and stay there for eternity,
until the sky burns out and we all dissipate into nothingness

Have you ever stood outside
On a cold and windy day
And felt what the wind tastes like
As it moves along it's way ?

Have you tasted wind in summer
Hot and sticky in your throat
Have you tasted it while fishing
Standing on a sailing boat?

Have you tasted wind and liked it
Just before a summer storm
As it flows down past your gullet
Is it beautiful and warm ?

It is a simple gesture
Standing, tasting moving air
I don't think you'd really notice
Until it wasn't there

Esopheagal cancer
Stops the wind inside the throat
the simple act of tasting wind
Is now something in my note

Now, think of tasting wind again
Try tasting through a mask
You try but cannot taste it
It's not a simple task

Enjoy the feeling of the wind
Remember how it tastes
Different seasons, different textures
It's a feeling not to waste.

A sea of glass eyes
plagues my waking, breathing, fault
dries my brain with salt

Third time's the charm
and you've only ripped my heart out
twice

Let me drink the poison
one more time

The first time I was quenching my thirst
with salt water
in hopes the wounds
would heal
and then I swallowed the sea
because my sailor
would not look at me

The next time
I closed my eyes
at the sight of the waves coming
so I cannot blame you
for pulling me under

I will stay afloat this time
unless your anchor has grown
and you still find a way
to drown me
in the tears I created

I won't know until I try

euphoric and proud, we danced like the children we were supposed to be,
brushing pencil shavings off our desks like our mothers did to our hair.
forming daisy chains like dignified humans.
The Sun beams on our faces as if it was designed to highlight our youth.

A punch in the gut, a knife drawn to the heart,
the inability to entangle a simple breath.
You lift the crease of your face up to seem gracious.
You lift your chest up to see if it will split, like the carcass of a rabbit that didn't quite decay underneath all that snow.
Your pulse softens like the tiny pieces of eraser entangled with faded words.
Your chest takes longer to inhale and only you and everyone else around you knows whats coming.

Cracked lips was the worst that we ever suffered.

Your breath is still warm and it still comforts the animals that surround your mouth

Lucy is talking about how her father fed her pigs and then slaughtered them. I think to myself, this is strange behavior.

*I know that your calloused fingertips caught on the cotton of her sleeves when you finally reached caducity. They told be that it was slow and pain free, and usually the mouth will taste of salt. That day was when the alloy of the sky grew to meet with the clouds, where salt loved to hide away. Your soon-to-be corpse was finally concluded, and I forgot to say goodbye.

I'm collecting each passing moment
with a pinch of salt and sugar
sprinkled in my memory

One, two, three shakers full.

but the sands of time keep slipping
through my mortal fingers

I keep an empty jar on the top shelf.

and everything else is a blinding mishmash
of my mind in the morning light.*

Please don't look under the bed, it's embarrassing
what I forget to think about.

Sand on my hair,
Salt in my ears,
Fish on my toe.
I grabbed a handful of sand
and tossed it in the sea.
A ripple formed.
The hardened sand scattered into the sea;
tiny little grains;
And I remembered why I did not choose you.
It's because you never really loved me.

ever since my childhood broke and the safety net disintegrated
I've been running and holding it high above, arms aching
in a futile attempt to stop things falling through
woven seams. Sometimes it works and I stare up,
neck burning, to the things I cannot touch.

I do not look down to the debris scattered around me,
to the failures of my braced shoulders, slipping through like water;
impacting like stones.

once I caught a fisherman; he threaded silver secrets
through twine using smiles and sympathy and I lowered my arms, to keep him alongside. There were some places he couldn't reach but
that was ok, because we ran for an eternity ensnared in each second.

it was a particularly beautiful day when I noticed him slowing,
staring out to sea, steps faltering and new smiles forming that
were not faced to me. He left me and dived headfirst, forgetting that
fisherman cannot swim. He drowned as I ran on, arms outstretched
above me as the net danced in the wind and everything fell through.

I have never stopped, never ceased these thundering steps;
my eyes are still turned to the sky, the holes in my net cast
beautiful shadows and through them I see the stars and wait impatient
for the night when they too fall.