I don’t know if being pregnant
Was on my mind
Or the fear of being left behind
Unable to rewind,
Back to the time
In which I was able to make good decisions
To think with great precision
To look beyond  a short sighted vision.

Taking a risk,
Over someone who doesn’t care for you
Lack of resolve to take care of you
A person who doesn’t care for Love
And I simply paying the price
For disobeying the king above
Because I did wrong instead of doing right

His final straw has been cut,
And unfortunately I am out of luck
****.
Yes I am what you call, f**ed

happiness is a risk,
and to risk means to know its cost

Making moves to be great involves taking risk
Refusal to make moves is also a risk

Not giving up on your idea when people say it's dumb is a risk
Pushing the idea aside is also a risk

Falling in love is a risk
Not falling in love is also a risk

Choosing a life partner is a risk
Not choosing one is also a risk

The choice to be good to people is a risk
The choice not to care is also a risk

So, maybe risks are unavoidable
Therefore, take those that are profitable

Under the skies.
Looming is a web of lies.
Destroying all life.
For you and me it destroys our life.

Heading for more danger.
Putting leaders in anger.
There are always two sides of the story.
So which, if any is the real story?

Stuck on corporate greed.
Is this what any of us need.
Greed is taking it way too far.
Like, do I really need a fancy car?

Or, do I need something to get me to and then back again?
Instead we follow lies to spend and spend.
Cash can stick to your ribs.
While you can feed and take sips and sips.

Spend it on stuff we really need.
It is the truth I really bleed.
Though there is no more to believe.
Take this warning and take heed.

Greed is upon us.
Like were caught in a web with something poisonous.
One day I hope we see greed for what it really is.
It is just an obscene risk.

Sadness feels like a hug from a friend
It is familiar
It envelopes me and makes me uninhibited
I can just be because being won’t get any worse      It’s like I have nowhere to go
I don’t have to be afraid of falling
because I’ve already fell and now I’m on the ground
Safe and sound
Happiness feels like being on a ledge and looking down with a ladder right next to you
Higher or lower
There is no guarantee except that of risk

i cannot put into words what you have done for me but i will try
i was lost in the numbness of nothingness
the silence around it all was getting way too loud
and i hadn’t felt the excitement of another for way too long

you’ve been around for a while
in the back of my mind as a matter of fact.

it may have taken a while to get you to notice me
but i was willing to take the time, because you felt different
and as far as ‘felt’
it’s too early to tell but you make me feel
and it’s not just a spurt of feel, its a feel thats real

i almost gave up in all honesty
i didn’t want to put myself out there again
to then just be torn limb from limb, again
but you felt, right

you’re quiet… to others
but to me you’re you
and i can’t get enough of you

your voice is distinct-
your voice is yours, it levels me and i could listen to it all day
your eyes are deep-
your eyes are specific, they look at me not through me
your walk is confident-
your walk is purposeful, you don’t wander
your presence is home, its way too early but at the same time idc
your essence is irrational, idk why you’re here at this time
but i can’t second guess it cause nothing has ever felt so right

i look at you and i am in wonderment
your beauty is indescribable
and your being makes your beauty seem intolerable

you make me want to become a better me
you make me reevaluate my purpose
you make me pay attention

i cannot put into words what you have done for me but i will try
i was lost in the numbness of nothingness
the silence around it all was getting way too loud
and i hadn’t felt the excitement of another for way too long

idk why God has placed you in my life
but i hope that you are here to stay
no one has affected me the way you do
i have been so afraid of it all
to stay put
to move
to be happy
to love
to give myself up
but you make me anxious to do all of those things
you make me want to be happy
you make me want to try
you make me want to take risks
you make me want to move
but most importantly-
you make me want to

I put it down
next to the piano on the bench
the 8.5 by 11 paper where my problems poured into existence
I watched it sit there
and watched them pass it
was it as invisible as me?

I looked once more
and it was gone
lets see who gets to ignore my issues this time
mom or dad.