Now that you’re gone and I’m here on my own
I never knew that you’d made this feel like home
What do I do now that you’ve gone?
I hope your happy there with your place in the stars
‘Cause now I’m down here all alone in the dark

Please, if I could turn back the hands of time
I would finally get to say my last goodbye
Then maybe you would know how I really felt
And I wouldn’t be left here wondering.
If you are out there…
If you can hear me tonight please know
I wasn’t ready to let you go!

I promise you I will stay strong
I know that you wouldn’t want us all to cry.
There are so many things we never got the chance to say
But if you can hear me tonight
Please know that I love you so!

Please, if I could turn back the hands of time
I would finally get to say my last goodbye
Then maybe you would know how I really felt
And I wouldn’t be left here wondering.
If you are out there…
If you can hear me tonight please know
I wasn’t ready to let you go!

Oh please, don’t let me walk through this alone!
I ask you to give me your hand to hold
I know you’ll guide us through the night
And I promise you, I’ll try to do you proud.

The birds keep singing outside my window
And I watch how they fly away.
One day I will ride upon their wings
Over mountains and the stormiest seas just to see you
Where we will never have to say goodbye again.

Oh, oh, ohhhhh
Please, if I could turn back the hands of time
I would finally get to say my last goodbye
Then maybe you would know how I really felt
And I wouldn’t be left here wondering.
If you are out there…
If you can hear me tonight, please know
I wasn’t ready to let you go.

I want to rip you apart
until you are merely fragments of human
ripped and vulnerable
then I could finally tell you
how I feel
about you
about us
about the way I strive for us to exist together
in this lonely universe.
I would glue you back
piece by piece
carefully and slowly
making sure you are still just as perfect
as you were before.
but I know that no matter what
you will be
you make my heart sing pure joy
just by the look you give to me
the sensation of your warm hands on my skin
nothing could make me feel more secure
even since the first time I saw you
my soul was awakened
I was given a purpose
to fall in love with you.
you don't love me though
and you never will.
I am nothing to you
just a foolish female
who will give you anything you desire
that is my own fault,
not yours
I have let myself lust for you
too many times
and now I am stuck
craving your presence and voice
your affection and promises
I know I am a sucker for you
and I am not sure
if I will ever not be

I don't remember you
                    But I love you    
       I bet your laugh was contagious
  And your bright smile turned heads
You were the kindest **** anyone couldve
                                Met
Heard the universe stopped turning when
                              You left
After all nothing can survive when its lost
                              The best
Never got to know you before you left
                           This world
          But i will always be Daddys girl

This part of my day is called
A Fistful of Muddy Mushrooms

Because I feel like the embodiment of
something edible, yet poisonous;
Pure, yet filthy, putrid, covered
in the refuse of plants that die.

Maybe they should have refused
to die,
Maybe they should have
Tried
to reach their leaves up and up
until
an ant at the bottom felt
like they were BIG ENOUGH
And a giant thought they were just the
right size for dinner salad,

Because when I speak,
My heart strangles my vocal chords,
And my words sound much less of the
perfect
role model I really am.

How could I not be?

I serve young minds and cater to
small minds,
Much smaller than those they serve.

No one told me that growing up would
R.I.P the arms off my former child self,
Dangle the appendages in front of me,
while I watch monster after monster
Eat my flesh. Slowly. Delicately.

Like a dessert.

I wanted to grow up to be a kid.

I got my wish.

At the cost that I
Do Not
Belong
to the good graces of the Good People
around me

and all of us

scattered like leaves on the ground.

It's been a year since he took you from the world and still I can't see you ever being gone...
I wish that I could take my beating heart and place it in your lifeless body,
bring you back with bleeding arms just to show me you are alive and embodied,
I wish that I could give my lungs to you,
The ones he shot the bullet through,
So you can breathe and be , just to be, but BE,
Don't be dead... just be...
I hate thinking about the truth because the truth is we lost you...
If you have a soul and you really did go ,
you passed on that's all i want to know...
Just that you're okay and you're not hurting to this day,
I don't want to believe that you're just lying in a coffin under the ground people walk on and i dont want to believe that that was the end ...
of you...
i want to put my hand on your chest and feel something ,
i want to see your face and be able to read it... living...
i need to know that you're still alive in some sense...
and since my life hasnt gotten any better,
i think i'll come to you.
to give you my heart and my lungs to use...
i dont want to believe anything about death.
i want to know you're at peace but in reality you're dead.
when i talk to you do you hear me?
when i smile at you do you see me?
when i call your name 50 times a day,
do you come to me to relieve me?
of this empty endless pain....
i just want to know...
that you
are okay...
i dont think i'll be able to read this over without a whole meltdown moving closer,
and i dont want to do that but how can i not?
i've just been through this so many times...

i dont want to make you sad
i dont know if you can see this but if you can,
i love you and i want you to know one thing...
it'll always be
"live on",
never
"rest in peace".
i feel like the loss arrested me... and im in prison awaiting release.
the way your death affected me is like i got smashed to un-fixable pieces..
i never thought i could be destroyed but he did...
when i found out what he did and that what he did could never be fixed...
i want to go to the end of the world and jump off of the highest cliff.
feel my body falling fast and death approaching faster.
nothing to catch me but life that comes after...
and when i see your face again i know that i am home...
and that what was taken from all of us was never really gone.

Death.. A lesson you spend your life studying for with a guarantee you're going to pass.. Pass away..

Hello, Death? It's me, one of your victims..

Death, let me address you for a moment....

Death, you speak languages that you only understand, but our minds try to console our hearts by giving motive for you... We spend days, nights making excuses for you...

One day you speak suicide.. Half way through your sentence you speak ******... ******, you corrupt a mind to do your ***** work.. Not that would be any cleaner if you did it...

Death, you hide beneath coffins, you run behind bullets and you color the suicide note with tears...

Death, I don't get you.. You don't only steal a life... But you steal our livelihoods as well.. Isn't life enough..? Why do you come back and take tears from our eyes, put memories in our minds so we never forget your act of dismissal..

Death, you're a thief and we all condone your crimes with a church service.. We send one off to a place beyond the sky.. A place far from here... But still, that never seems to be enough..

You feast on lives like it's a buffet.. You get served with a plate full of life, and you're a fool of life cause you keep taking it away from us, as if our plates aren't full of problems..

Death, you coward.. You only look us in the eyes when our time comes.. Where were you when you sent us a warning? Funny, I opened that letter and it only had half your signature on... When I looked over to show my brother the letter, there you were running behind that bullet.... As the bullet pierced his skin, you pierced his soul with your sword of damnation.. You never killed him.. You killed us... Cause that's what he was doing when you ran behind that bullet.. He was standing up for us.. For me...

Gone, never forgotten..