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Ntsika H Aug 2020
I’d love to rediscover *** with you
Recreate it
Give it a new meaning
I want to learn how to have *** all over again - with you

My attention is on you
This class involves an interactive conversation of more than words

My lips
They will cease to speak but my hands won’t
Your skin and mine need to have a very important conversation

If you turn the page, you will see that I am in love with you. From the start of this sexbook to the last page, you’ll notice that each page is laced with the lace you wear when class is about to start

Class is in session
My attention is my affection so forgive me if I’m practical about my understanding
Theoretically, two are meant to become one without subtraction - it could be a fraction - not mathematically, just according to you and me

Class is in session
Mouth to mouth
You’d think I’m saving your life but you’re the one taking my breath away
Chest compressions turn thrusts
Chest to hips
Mouth to mouth turns to mouth to lips
You’d swear that one was drowning

Class is in session
I struggle to pay attention
It gets different when I have to articulate my understanding to your pleasure
It gets different when my grades are judged on your response

Class is in session
Physical Ed has never been this physical
I’m trying make sense of your moist skin
It went from sweats to streams of your satisfaction dripping down my lips like I just had a meal that left my mouth watering

Class is in session
I’m open to correction
Wherever you hands lead me, I’ll follow
I don’t usually ask, but do you swallow?
It’s not a prerequisite
As long as it fits

Class is in session
My attention is my affection so forgive me if I’m practical about my understanding
Your body is a runway
I plan to land
Your smile lighting up the way
Your eyes - my destination

Class is in session
I love you
I love everything about you
Recreating moments of intimacy will be one class I don’t mind repeating
This is the one class where being bad, is good
Your body
The memo to this test
Straight A’s

Class is in session
I’ve studied you
From head to toe
I’ve memorized what you look like even on days when your skin seeks refuge in your wardrobe
I’ve watched you grow
I’ve learned to love you seasonally
I’ve learned to love you with the warmth of summer on cold winter days
I’ve learned to Spring to your rescue when your leaves fall
I’ve been dying to make love to you
Ultimately, physically

Class is in session
If I promise to love you and make love to you like I’m falling in love with you daily, would promise to love me while making love to you daily?

Class is in session
Life’s toughest lesson was living without you
That’s a class I hope to never take again
*** and class
Ntsika H Jul 2020
High school
I was new to this love thing
Crushes were a usual thing
I never really acted on it
I was never one for relationships

Things change though
I remember when our conversations started
Not too long after, it felt like something was missing when I hadn’t heard from you

You were one to stay after school
I was one to go home
I never believed in extra mural activities but then I fell in love with someone who did

For some reason, her cellphone battery span was only enough for the school day but nothing after that

I got used to it
It became routine to get home from school knowing it would still be a few hours till I heard from you

Oh man
When you finally got home, you’d have to juggle between giving me attention, taking a shower and doing schoolwork

Our phone calls would be brief
My broke *** never had airtime like that

Those short calls were almost predicting the future of our relationship. Short but somehow, meaningful.

You were the first person to introduce me to red flags

You were my first real relationship
I’d like to believe I loved you
I guess I dived in a little too quickly, too soon
You did everything right
I had no standards
No expectations
I was along for the ride - no matter how short it turned out to be
I didn’t even know myself back then
Almost 10 years later and I still have memories of how dishonesty was a comfortable place for you

I made excuses for you
The worst part was that I made excuses to myself, for you
I betrayed myself
On multiple occasions
I vouched for you
To myself
I held you at a higher esteem than I held myself

I remember this all too well
We were in different schools
You were one of the popular girls
I was the one with the jokes
We were never meant to be

Somehow, you caught my attention
You spoke words that eased my uncertainty
I believe you loved me at some point
I just wasn’t what you were looking for
I was in the slow lane and you were in the fast lane
No matter how many gears I switched, you were always way ahead of me

You broke my heart when dishonesty became normal
You broke my heart when lies were just a part of your conversations
You broke my heart when I had no business giving it to you
It’s ironic
I had no business loving you but I never made that any of your business
Instead, I gave you the best of me and you gave me enough to keep me at bay

Moments later, you flipped your switch to a red light and I stopped. Time taught you that you had lost a gem while getting rocked to sleep at night.

When your light turned to green i was already in a different lane
It doesn’t take me long to get over you
It takes me a while to get over what you did to me
I wish we did better
I wish we never met in the capacity of a relationship

Sincerely, a now broken church kid.
Ntsika H Jul 2020
I’d imagine that our schedules are a Big Bang because they always collide
We try make time but somehow time never agrees with the decisions that we make so I guess we tend to miss each other more than we should
Under the same roof but only for the moments where we’re under the same sheets
The in betweens are vetted by ‘to-do’ lists and responsibilities
We have time
Just not enough time for each other

It’s funny how this pandemic comes and saves our relationship like a life saved by a paramedic
We’re meant to live out our lives at home, now we have to work from home so we work on our house to make it a home
Forced to rekindle the spark to this fire
Under instruction, for us to spend to time together with no disruption
Learning love all over again, building and repairing our union, constantly under construction

Quarantined with the love of my life
We’re probably sick of each other because we’re growing on each other
I guess we’re contagious and this home is our con-tangent
If my affection was identified as a cough, and my sneeze as time - I’d become your common cold
If my love was identified as a fever then girl you know I have the hots for you

I can’t go outside
I wouldn’t want to be outside of this love
I want to be Quarantined in the lines of your heart
I’d chill on the couches of your heart
Cuddled up in blankets of your love
Watching a Kanye concert cause our love’s locked down
Ntsika H Jul 2020
There’s supposedly 5 love languages recognized world wide by different relationships.

Some melt with a touch, while some are appreciated by gifts, others enjoy splurging time, some are sprinkled with affirmations, and some are indulged by acts of service.

All these love languages play the role in making sure that love is properly articulated to the understanding of the recipient.

Many are paired with someone who expresses love differently yet they still make it work.

Could it be that opposites don’t attract but similarities do?

I’m yet to see a person stand for a love they do not understand. Better yet, I’m yet to see someone receive a love they can’t reciprocate.

A language is only understood by those who speak it. Often, communication is compromised when love is not the language you have in common.

Repetition doesn’t always provoke understanding. When I constantly tell you that I love you and you don’t get it or when I show you love through the denomination of a physical touch to translate my feelings and you don’t get it - it makes me feel that we’re of two different people, not meant to be more than strangers.

I translate love to touch
A touch isn’t always automatic
A touch requires cognizance
A touch is intentional
Physical touch is where I thrive because it’s intentional
Intentionalism is the tip of an iceberg

The process to intentionalism is built up with a train of thoughts and a ocean of feelings
It’s hard to intentionally touch someone who you don’t love

It’s hard to feel comfortable with extending a motion of physicality in a direction of another human being who you expect to respond warmly to your touch
Or to respond with understanding
Understanding and tracing the purpose of the touch
A touch that is translated to a love
Your love
Our love

I guess my love language could be sign language because it’s literal
My hands have signed your skin almost like you’re a canvas of graffiti
You look like love
You are love
My Love
Love Languages
Ntsika H Jul 2020
It started with me getting lost in her presence while soaking up her essence
That later turned to sessions of unplanned lessons about how many of them she makes me count, including herself - blessings
This is a truth I’ll keep confessing because she graced her way into my life  making matters of my heart pressing - making falling in love with my best friend so refreshing

It’s been a long time coming
We’ve been oblivious to it but somehow we saw this would turn into something
Time has a funny way of turning nothing into  the one thing you never knew you needed

Wholeheartedly I had been searching for a love - a love as pure as hers. Subconsciously, our interactions became interviews - those turned to shared views and the love we yearned to experience from past relationships made us more deserving of a love that’s true

Our chemistry
She became the back of my hand
A constant presence
Her and I apart looked unfamiliar
By my side is where you’d find her most
And Of all the pet names, Fam was the one I occupied the longest
Babe is the one I hope to carry forever

She’s not big on last name changes
I’d settle for hyphenating
She’s teaching me that love has no prerequisite
Love isn’t a piece of paper, neither is it a wedding band
Love is a decision
Made with precision and of all the spaces she occupied, I can’t wait for her to occupy the forever position

This is a fairytale
One that had us overlooking each other
It later had us lost in each other’s eyes
I’ve been lost in her eyes since, but I’ve never felt so much safety in a heart
She’s God best piece of art
A canvas
Riddled with perfection
The only thing left is for me to pop the question

Will you...?
Best Friend❤️
Ntsika H Sep 2019
Dear Readers

Thank you.
For all the times that you took an asset as valuable as time, to exercise the art of word play, to convey messages that my mouth can’t, for reasons you may never know, I thank you.

It’s not everyday that one openly expresses themselves to a stranger, and they respond with understanding. How can a platform so anonymous feel so warm? My heart is humbled!
Ntsika H Sep 2019
I hope his hugs feel safe and secure.
I hope his actions are as active as his words
I hope his love surpasses the thought of being less than what you are
I hope his mind never wanders from yours and I hope his heart beats with syllables of your name while his veins pump the respect you deserve

I hope your smile is genuine and real and I hope your heart is content with his love
I hope your being finds comfort in his
I hope your love for him is as strong as the fibers that knit eternity into the souls of your mate
I hope your soul merges with his like a soulmate should

I wish you happiness
I wish you joy
I wish you have peace
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