Time drags its rusted teeth through the hours, carving paths I cannot follow.

Four years of severed threads, of reaching through fractures

where hands do not meet, where silence swallows what should have been.

You were small when I last held you, a weight I could carry, a warmth that fit inside my ribs.

Now you rise beyond the edges of my sight, a fire flickering in a room I cannot enter, a voice carried by winds that never return.

The world is made of locks, of distances built like cathedrals to the absent.

I have screamed at stone, at glass, at paper, at laws that wear no faces, at names that do not bleed.

I have torn at the seams of waiting, but limbo does not break"

it only watches.

Still, I dream in hunger, in fractures of light.

A moment where your name is more than a ghost in my mouth, where your laughter does not stretch through wires, through time, through static.

One day, I will stand beside you, not as a flicker, not as a whisper, but as something real, something whole.

Until then, I build futures in the dark, lay bricks in rooms I have never seen, sculpt a life that may never know me.

No force can break what is already broken.
No distance can erase what is already fading.

Everything happens the way that it should

[sometimes you just have to wait a bit to see,
but even bad can be good
if you give it room to breathe.
There's nowhere to look but directly at it,
and to face what's come be.]

It could not have happened any other way, because it happened the way that it did.

{You are who you are - and you did what you did - and you're the only place you can be; this the only life you live. There is no other you to compare yourself too. They are a figment. They do not exist.}

So you are where you are until you change something, kid. It is what it is. You get what you get, and you get what you give. 

(You want it different? Do it differently; otherwise, take it all for what it is: and either change what you need to change, or quit your ******* and settle in. There's Nothing to do about what you did. The choices made are set in stone, forgive yourself and start to dig.)

अब भुला देंगे तुझे ,
क्यूंकि मेरा तो होने से रहा।
पर कम्भख्त ये तेरी यादें ,
मुझे दिन रात सताया करती हैं।

Body aches, and soul decays, the ocean stretches wide,
With scorching skies, and burning eyes, I’ve nowhere left to hide,
No wind to kiss these ragged sails, no stars to be my guide,
I drift in silence, hours bleed, the waves and I collide,

The sun, a hammer, beats me down, each breath a broken plea,
The thirst has left my throat a grave, the hunger gnaws at me,
The years, the months, the days are one, the tides my only sea,
Yet still, I wait—though hope is dust—for solace that won’t be,

No whispering wind, no shade in sight, no shadows on the crest,
The horizon mocks me with its calm, my heartbeat begs for rest,
A desert made of salted glass, the end a welcome guest,
I’m lost, I’m worn, I’ve come to know the drowning in my chest,

If these dead waters rise for me, I’ll sink without a sound,
Let ocean’s weight press down my bones, ‘til none of me is found,
For I have nothing left to give, no strength left to be crowned,
And if these seas shall swallow whole, then let me, too, be drowned.

This path, overgrown with briar and brambles,
Thorns and nettles strewn in disarray;
A loathsome path of broken dreams, and yet,
Willingly I walk it each day

This path that hurts not the feet, but the heart,
Where roiling streams overflow their banks,
And burning cinders comingle with ice --
An affirmation of Life's cruel pranks!

What is it that prompts my unwavering steps?
The love that greets me at journey's end!
The ghost of a love lost so long ago
Leaps boundaries only love can transcend

What pain I endure to savor love's bliss!
On this path, blazed by temerity,
I fly past the graveyard of ill-fated  dreams
To a love that defies mortality

How weary I've grown trying to understand
Why such perfect love incurred God's wrath;
And now all that's left are the memories
That await me at the end of this path