i met you when i was 14
and like an addict with their first dose of ******
i had a taste of you, liked it
i grabbed and hooked on to something
way too soon

i met you when i was 14
had my first kiss on a train in the sunset
something so strangely intriguing
it was beyond perfect, felt like home
and i thank you for that

had my first kiss on a train in the sunset
i gave my body to you
i thought that one day i was going to marry you
your fingers and lips traced every inch of my skin
our love was naked and raw

i gave my body to you
you were there in my room
we shared a playlist of stolen lullabies
i could see you up against the closet door with me
i closed my eyes as the moonlight washed me through

you were there in my room
i reached for you and you pushed my hand away
in the darkest crowd of the busy station
i saw you cry for the very first time
as the unforgivable words slipped out of my mouth

i reached for you and you pushed my hand away
we danced under the christmas lights
we never made it 'til the season
the decorations were put up too early
just like us

we danced under the christmas lights
you left me like my soul had left my body
phone call, 19:35
i guess you were relieved
but nobody else would care for me the way you did

you left me like my soul had left my body
i was a **** mess
no food, no shower, no friends, no life
i couldn't leave the couch due to my fear
that even seeing the littlest something would've reminded me of you

i was a **** mess
you had blades running down my skin
we were toxic
our love had both of us walking on a tightrope from the very beginning
i guess you fell off first

you had blades running down my skin
i found myself
you stold my highest passion - taylor swift
we were going to see her show later this year
but i was left with a spare ticket

i found myself
i was getting over you
sleeping, crying, dancing
until the music came back into my life
until i saw the sunrise for the first time in 6 months

i was getting over you

I can’t help but wonder,
What happened to you?
Did you ever find peace,
After all you’d been through?

It’s been more than five years,
Since I last saw your face,
But I remember the tears,
At our final embrace.

We shared so much laughter,
On 31st street.
But when life forced us apart,
The joy turned bittersweet.

If I saw you again,
Would it be like old times?
What would run through your head,
If I showed you these rhymes?

Would you respond to a message,
If I were to hit send?
Has life been good to you?
Has time been your friend?

I wonder who you’ve become,
And if you’re out there too,
Do you wonder about me,
How I wonder about you?

really hot days
remind me of my home

the one across the sea
with mangos ripe on the vine
and yellowed grass

if I close my eyes,
i can almost taste the dust in the air
feel the warm embrace of my family members
that i miss so dearly
smell the petrichor off the hot cement floor after a fresh monsoon rain

time zones apart feel like worlds apart
and they are
when your family is dying
and there is no way to comfort your aunt
because her husband is taking his last breaths

there was no chance for her to say goodbye
to her father, to her husband,
both lay in hospitals
continents apart
isolated, but not unloved
both gone, not even a month apart

the borders have been closed for i don’t even know how long
there is no physical way for us, let alone her own children, to be present
all we do is wait

most of my memories are spent on
drinking chai on the veranda
or dancing in the rain with Papa
playing holi with pails of water mixed with “gulal” and water pistols.
seeing the smiles of all my family members,
together once again.

really hot days
remind me of my home
smoke from the wildfires mimics the smog in the air
the sun - a red ball in the grey sky
if i shut my eyes real tight
i can still get a glimpse of us on the rooftop, celebrating life.

I like the word reminiscent.
Like an echo of a quondam.
Events that very likely happened
But are inevitably vanishing.
Passions still light the night
And northern lights wave in a psychedelic sky.
Is it reality or just a faint dream?
Once we lived on that bluish dot,
Covered with trees, down the Galaxy
Where the breeze danced with the sea
And just music could lull thoughts.

Perhaps after a Big Crunch and a new Big Bang,
With a little patience;
We might all be Revenants.

“So this is a good bye.”

to the man donned in black
to the woman with no spine
and a broken back
you work in slumber
with eyes unopened
to life's beauty
you have only spoken
brief talks betwixt dreams
stiffened, when awoken
of thoughts that linger a ways away
in a land of virtue
reminiscent of tolkien

I can keep it all to myself
the things you said to me
the things you did
it's mine forever
it's mine alone
the things I wish I did
the things I wish I said
I should have put a bullet
in your pretty little head
I can keep it all to myself
the things I said to you
the things I did
the things I thought
it's mine forever
it's mine alone

Instagram was a graveyard
of memories that came to pass
until
my ex shared a picture of our son
on the backseat of his car
with their hands touching
whoever "he" is
I wonder if he knows
all the nasty **** you love to do
the ****** up thoughts you keep
the thoughts that keep you
so very far away from me

Now Instagram is a nightmare
a collage of everything
that makes me sick to breathe
it's where my dreams died
and reanimated
as someone else's
and that's ok because
in a way
they are still mine forever
his and mine alone

If we ever touched again
that would be
our very own cosmic Hiroshima **** up
I wonder how many souls we'd stamp out?
I wonder how many dreams would die?
mine are at the forefront of my mind
the dreams I had of us together
as the happiest three man band
the world has never seen

Besotted by an ardor,
Beseeching for its vanishing color.
Today I've no words!
Tomorrow I see you, the day after it rains.
No day passes without our idyll,
Once again summer,
jelly and butter.
With me you're unbridled,
With you I'm at home,
You enervate my sadness,
Eviscerate my fear,
Our long silences paints bliss in evening ours,
You search in me for that deluge of love,
Skin and skin sears doubt, closer and closer,
Lost are we in ourselves amidst lust.
Soon, why so soon should you leave?
Your eyes brimmed with tears,
Cheeks crimson smear,
Lilly of the valley redolent in your hair,
My words; did they fall in your ears?
You're far, beyond oceans,
Arid deserts,
Edifying concrete!
I'm here, singing, singing
Awaiting for winter...

The crunch of bones,
The smell of blood,
The aching whisper,
Of pain to flood,
My brain complete,
Neurons explode,
The anger rising,
Through veins it flowed.

A lifetime away,
Maybe the next,
I'll have what others,
So easily fetched,
But till that day,
My time is numbered
I'll travel this life,
Unencumbered