It's midnight
The whole city is sleeping
But my mind is still beeping

The sky is dark and the stars are blinking
I'm not sleepy, I'm still thinking

Alone,
Thinking about her
And our older days
Suddenly,
Lots of other thoughts raised

Night without her
Is like a nightmare

I don't know
Why I keep thinking About her
She left me
It's almost a year

Again,
I fall in sleep
With her thoughts
And few more tear's spots

How do you know you’re living your best life, when at your best you still feel hollow?
What am I supposed to be doing, when Doing is the antagonist of my Being?
Who am I supposed to BE,
when what I DO is more important than who I AM?
How can I tell you the way I really feel, when words are so clumsy and shallow?
Why do the clouds' imperfections astound you, but my own make me worthless?
If I died and came back as you, could I look myself in the mirror?
If you died and came back as me, would you have the strength to go through what you put me through?
If life is a game, I’m not having much fun at all.
If death is a maze, I hope to always be lost.

𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴 near
𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 cheer

𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵𝘴 dear
𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘴 fear
𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 tears

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘴 virus 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 coronavirus
𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘶𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 us

𝘐𝘵𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘷𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘦. (𝘴𝘰? 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵?)
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 cry
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 die

𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳 you?
𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘺 you!

𝘜𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘪𝘭, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 afraid
𝘐𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘪𝘭 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧

𝘚𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 rest?
𝘕𝘖! 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 protest

𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 community
𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘴 humanity

𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 complexion
𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 perfection
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 complexion
𝘎𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 rejection

𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 health 𝘪𝘴 wealth
𝘉𝘶𝘵 wealth 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 health

i always feel so stuck, like there is this strange expectation of me, like i am not the person they are expecting, they are using, that they are searching for. Or perhaps i constantly feel like that towards everything. I belong, and yet i don't. people belong yet they dont.
constantly trying to beat others, yet never knew be friends with them was really the answer. I am not involving myself enough yet i never want to be. I try then act like I never tried, blame others for annoying me yet allow them to.
I use platforms as an escape from people yet show the same people as a way of being accepted straight after. I do things behind people's backs only to tell everything later. i want to be free yet i have no clue what of.i dont know what is trapping me, but i just know it is. im writing things for myself only to tell them to others.
i message people and they finally reply, then only to feel abandoned again. Things come and go, but never here forever or for very long.
i complain of eyestrain yet stare continuously at the screen like some kind of void for the stress and blame inside me.

The art of procrastination, is to not care at all.
What a fool I am?
To assume I could do nothing at all,

other than worry.

Would you pull me close?
If i start to walk away
would you let me in?
and tell me we're okay?

Would you dare choose me?
if i ask you to choose,
Will I win against her?
Or would I just lose?

If i ask you if you love me
I know what you'll say,
you really did love me
but your  "love" is not okay

Yes you do love me,
but you also love her
I'm sorry you have to choose..
or else...we're over

She stared me down a vacant lot,
holding just a vile,
of one thousand miles,
i traveled to lay where i was shot.

waves of tender hugs,
and secret love notes,
a love worth next to nothing,
a love that’s hard to cope.

she asked me why i had stayed the extra hour,
my head thought the truth
as my mouth decided to shower,
that girl with future demons
and tears she’d never have cried.

but why she follows
everything but her heart,
it’s a mysterious thing about her,
i swear i’ll never master,
like the strokes of a brush
product of every recent thought.