There is thunder in my bones where you lay.
Your memories dissolve like salt into a wound.
To this day,
If anyone calls me 'Red,'
I will rain down like the storm cloud you always hoped I wasn't.
My collective tears will burst from the dam
Until not a spot on your soul is dry.
I will tear out the tendons, remove the connective tissues.
You wanted to make me yours,
To erase the personhood until I was pliable for your will.
To some extent, you succeeded.
Your memories are stored in my body, trauma.
The bleeding is internal, is not visible, is just as deadly,
But I have staunched the flow.
There is thunder where you lay in my bones,
Lightning where you touched me.
I am tearing you away tendril by sticky tendril.
I hope you feel the sting inside you.
This girl is not your object.
This girl is a hurricane.
This girl is the end of your world.
There are words for what you did,
****** assault, ****,
But they are not sufficient for the way
My psyche floated out of my skin.
You counted on the scars keeping me bound,
But you had only started the storm.
I am a thundercloud, a lightning goddess,
Made from the sun, wind, and ocean.
You called me 'Red' like my hair,
But I am 'Red' like my temper, like fire.
Try me once more, and I will teach you not to play games
With young girls.

I joked
I bantered about it
Being touched when I did not want it
I chuckled
I giggled about it
Being felt that way when I did not want it
I set it aside
I disregarded it
Being looked at with the eyes of a prey
I ignored
I muffled it
The deviant remarks when I did not want it
I covered
I draped it
The million clothes on my body when I did not want it

And yet

They uncovered
They tore it
Every fabric that touched my skin when I did not want it
They grazed
They squeezed it
Every inch of my bare skin when I did not want it
They muffled
They ignored it
Every scream that left my lungs when I did not want it
They forced
They pushed it
Every inch of their filth in me when I did not want it.
But I did not stop there, I asked and begged and yelled out my story to all
But at the end
I was called a ****
A ****
Who asked for it.

Do you remember me?
Do you remember the way you pulled at my hair
The way you bit on my shoulder
Legs
Thighs
Neck
The way you hit my cheek
And left marks of yourself all over me
The way you flung money on my face
The way you kept ******* me
Even though I was asking, begging
PLEADING
For you to stop
The way you screamed,
"Work harder you *****!
I didn’t waste money for you to stop"
And the bruises you left
When I passed out?
I
Am the girl
From the Red Room of The ***** House.
I
Am the ****
Who is ***** everyday
But society says,
"NO. It's all for the easy money"
I
Am the gold-digger
Crying for people to stop.
I
Am the story
Of eighty million **** toys
Behind the Curtains less Doors of Pleasure for Men.
No.
We aren’t **** stars.
We don't become famous for filming obscene videos.
We are just some toys
That men borrow
Like a rental car.
We are the colors
The society talks about in hushed voices
In the corner of a deserted street.
We are the discarded clothes
You never wore
Because they weren’t good enough.
We are the succubuses
Of every man's dream.
We are Pleasure
And
Lust
And
Money
And
Sin.
But,
We die a bit everyday.
We have felt, seen and heard pain
MORE than any one of you here.
We are WOMEN.
But no one holds a candle lit march for us
When one of us is *****.
Because
"It's all for the easy money"
Isn’t it?
We are the Strippers, the Prostitutes, the *****
We
Are the nightmares you never wish to have
We
ARE THE UNSHED TEARS OF A FORGOTTEN PAST.
do you remember me now?

Mother knows
Stranger in my bedroom
Please don't touch me

"Oh but I already have"

Mommy don't leave me
It hurts
Don't want to be touched there

"You mean like this?"

No stop
I cry
He will be back

Face smothered
Can't breathe
Please don't **** me

Be thankful
No one else could love you
Look at you pathetic mess

Please not again

Face in pillow
Hand on my throat
Knife near by

Heart pounding
Mouth dry
Tears streaming

I said no
Please stop
Don't hurt me

Hard thrusts
Body bleeding
I cant sleep

The silver lining
of her otherwise fuchsia
underwear, was in its ability
to sense danger.

The gray area
of her otherwise rosy
lips, was in who they were
allowed to kiss.

The red alert
of her otherwise bronze
thighs, was for what attempted
to get between them.

The white elephant
in her otherwise beige
room, is what happened
to her prized possession.

to be
completely
gut wrenching
honest

i do not
know
where to
even start
this piece

i am lost
i do not
know
which way
is up
which way
is down

i feel hurt

i am
aching
from the
pain of my past

the cracks
within me
are starting
to crumble
once more

i am lost
i am breaking
i will rebuild

I was fourteen,
a rebel and so naive,
my "boyfriend" broke up with me,
or at least I thought he was mine,
but that's a story for another time,
and then I met this guy,
my age, so popular and so my type!
we hung out at my house,
almost every nights,
he walked me from school,
I thought that was nice,
but outside my bedroom,
we turn into strangers.

One day he asked me out,
on a date..?
I thought maybe it wasn't too late,
maybe it was fate,
for me to trust again,
he told to meet him late,
so I dressed up nice,
wore my favorite jeans,
and blushed my cheeks,
nothing too revealing,
don't wanna be deceiving!

We went for a walk,
and...he took me to a hotel,
I should've left right there and then,
but I thought,
we were alone before,
he wouldn't do anything I don't consent for,
we went up to our room,
ordered some pizza and drank some *****,
and he paid for EVERYTHING!

One thing led to another,
I was wearing only his sweater,
too drunk to remember,
how he got on top of me,
why I couldn't push him off my body,
my hands on his chest,
but he's not moving his hands,
he kept kissing my neck,
I kept screaming STOP!
and NO, I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!
SO WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

He drowned down my voice,
nothing my mouth was able to say,
he told me it was okay,
that it'll feel great,
but I felt paralyzed and betrayed,
tears streaming down my face,
and I was afraid,
I couldn't keep it down,
while he pinned me down,
on the bed, my lips he's kissing,
but only to keep me from shouting,
not because he's so loving,
he was so close to finishing,

He screamed YES!
while I thought NO!
but thank god he pulled out,
and then he got mad,
why I didn't put in my mouth,
why I let his *** spread out,
on his sweater, he went to the bathroom,
and I sat on the bed,
I was all wet from his sweat,
I felt exposed,
and got filled with regret,
I wish I stayed home,
I wish we never met!

Four years went by,
and I'm still traumatized,
I'm eighteen,
and its summer after my senior year,
I'm hanging out with some friends,
and I'm at a hotel again,
but this time I know what could happen,
and I've taken precautions,
we hung out a couple of times,
and he said he wanted to see me one last time,
but surprisingly I was the first to arrive,
he said let's drink to **** some time,
until the others pass by,
I politely decline,
and I ask to sit outside,
on the balcony,
where it's safe and everyone can see us publicly.

He then poured my a glass of orange juice,
my vision got kinda hazy and my body got loose,
he picked me up from my chair,
and took me to the bedroom,
I didn't know what to do,
my mind was awake,
my body was at stake,
he placed me on my stomach where it aches,
and pulled down my shield...

... I don't know where to go from here,
or how to feel,
I'm almost nineteen,
and I still see them in my dreams,
and I still feel them breathe,
heavily against my body,
and I'm so very sorry,
for every girl who had to worry,
about an unwanted pregnancy,
because they acted so recklessly,
I stand by you during your journey,
and in front of all the jury,
with integrity,
to tell the whole world your story.

This is my story.