I joked I bantered about it Being touched when I did not want it I chuckled I giggled about it Being felt that way when I did not want it I set it aside I disregarded it Being looked at with the eyes of a prey I ignored I muffled it The deviant remarks when I did not want it I covered I draped it The million clothes on my body when I did not want it
They uncovered They tore it Every fabric that touched my skin when I did not want it They grazed They squeezed it Every inch of my bare skin when I did not want it They muffled They ignored it Every scream that left my lungs when I did not want it They forced They pushed it Every inch of their filth in me when I did not want it. But I did not stop there, I asked and begged and yelled out my story to all But at the end I was called a **** A **** Who asked for it.
In the honor of the ****** Assault Awareness Month
I’m sitting in my car, hugging my knees to my chest muffling my cries My parents look at me through the rear-view mirror with worry in their eyes and in unison say “It’s not your fault”
I’m sitting in a tight room, on a small chair, in the interrogation room The first thing that comes out of the officer’s mouth is “It’s not your fault”
I’m standing at the bottom of my stairs with tears streaming down my eyes In front of me is my mom, she’s consoling me and she says “It’s not your fault”
I’m struggling to keep myself standing wrapped in a pair of arms, sobs escaping my mouth Hugging me is my dad and he’s repeating the phrase over and over “It’s not your fault”
I’m telling my story, my typing is slow and my hands shaky, tears are flowing down my cheeks Jonathan texts back his support and the first thing I read is “It’s not your fault”
I’m sitting on a couch, I’m shaking and repeating the story holding back tears My new counselor looks at me and says the infamous phrase “It’s not your fault”
I lay in bed, lights off, blankets on, tears streaming down my cheeks I can’t get all the people out of my head, the memories of what happened, the phrase is stuck on replay in my mind “It’s not your fault” “It’s not your fault” “It’s not your fault”
I repeat the phrase over and over Under my breath and into the night where the only person who can hear is me “It’s not your fault”
It’s not my fault and it never was. How can it be my fault when an adult took away my childhood? How can it be my fault when I was in fear and embarrassment?
Most Importantly How can the people who are supposed to be there for you think it’s your fault? How can your family disown you when it’s not your fault?
I’m not going to apologize for trying to protect myself and everyone else he’s done it to. I will be the voice for everyone and anyone who is or has been afraid to speak up about it. Because It’s not your fault.