The night is fruitful
and it stretches on forever
with no light or voice to vie
to me the darkness provides
to me it never lies
my mind becomes calm and agile
like a figure in the caricatures

so I diligently fantasize the time
who speaks to me through the ticking of the old clock
who paints the dusky room with ink that darken every second
who puts a tranquil aura on items that touches my skin
who proudly reveals its presence over every other elements
who is the now, the ever, and the everlasting end

Know this - I am.
Know this - I can.
Know this - I will
and know this - I will, with you.
And yes, that's a promise,
about which I am serious.
You can be sure of my presence,
confident of my grace.
Come and together let's change this place for the better.

I need to write it down
to solidify the facts
him and I have never been
and will never be
each others future

we were each others present
for a while
and oh how your smile
could light up my day
we were good at the now
but never knew what tomorrow
might bring

As his presence fades
our present ceases to exist
but I have to let that go
because we have no tomorrow
all we had was each other
no goals, no plans
eventually the present must become the past
and I must move on

your fan sounds like rain on a window pane through the speaker on my phone as you’ve fallen asleep on video call for what could be the hundredth time, i’ve lost count of how many nights we’ve done this
since we were 16, we have done this, year after year
the sound does not bother me though, and i do not hang up
instead, i pretend you’re beside me as i listen to your breathing
it is steady, rhythmic
it seems that everything you do, you do beautifully, it’s so hard not to stare
you make music when you speak, a pattern in your syllables imprinting on my brain
you see, you make music for a living, but my favorite songs are the way you run your fingers through your hair instead of brushing it
the way your brows furrow when reading an email
how every time you put on a hat, it’s tilted slightly to your left
the fact that each time we kiss, you always peck my lips after and smile a toothy grin
when you laugh and your eyes crinkle up at the corners
your attention to detail, color coordination, aesthetics
how you always make sure to remind everyone you talk they should drink more water,
i love falling asleep listening to you
i listen to the music you make when you aren’t even trying

"Don't ruin it by talking"
I tell her as we watch my lava lamp

was it too soon
as the leaves changed we did too
that's when I noticed it, talking to my mom
I realized that things were bad since
they grew back

am I using this new girl, that's her favorite show
her warmth? her presence? her kindness?
but what I know is
you only stopped chewing your nails
when I wasn't there

these answers
if I know they don't
show up in my tears then, why, why
do I keep searching for them there
the answer to

what am I trying to replace?
as we watch my lava lamp
your warmth? your presence? your kindness?
but what I know is

right now
it isn't you.

The only time I ever smiled was with you
Your presence the sole thing able to coax out a laugh
I regret putting my happiness in your hands to hold
Now it's trapped inside a fading photograph

No one knows how my soul searches for you during the darkest night
Or how my feet gravitate towards your street on the regular
The air cold like your soul caresses my skin

The sounds of guitars and melodies decorating the streets in the distance
My starving heart aches to be fed by your presence

No one knows, truly knows
The scar you've left on my existence