I dream of the words
melting in my mouth
and leaking out
unexpectedly
he then knows
that my feelings
are stronger than I led on
In my dreams he always
picks up the words
playing with them in his hands
until they again form
and he gives them back
but I never know
if he is trying to tell me
he loves me too
or if he wants me to take it all back
and pretend it never came out
"what is love?"
a question asked by an inquisitive 3 year old
love is something I have for you
a well meaning mom attempts to explain
love is what your dad and I have
we love each other and we love you

she says, trying to convince herself of the same
you will be raised in a house full of love
and that was her hope
but she couldn't make a man love
and so she taught her children
what love wasn't but labeled it as what love was
in hopes that they would feel
like they had grown up
in a loving environment
but as adults they struggled
their relationships never lasting
because love had always been
half hearted attempts on holidays and birth days
but cruel words and inattention the rest of the year
it had been painful and loud
never soft and easy
It takes a lot to peel off the label of love
and realize that jar you'd been given
was a misprint
it took them years even a lifetime
to rebuild an idea of love
into something that was true
Falling in love with him terrifies me
But not because I am scared of heartbreak
Her and I are quite intimate

I fear that this is the last first
last first date
last first kiss
last first I love you
mumbled from nervous lips

I worry that we will fall so deep into each other
that we won't be complete without the other

He might just be
the love of my life
and I don't know if I am ready for that
In 6 months when he moves away to his new job hundreds of miles away and we can't make it work, I will feel silly about this poem. But right now he makes me feel thing I have never felt before
I look up
to the cliff above
sigh

I turned around
and shook my head

I can't
there's no way
even if I climb it
I couldn't get down
the water isn't deep enough
the sides are too steep

So in silence we sat
watching the waves roll in
letting the silence
consume the space between us

Until he said
yeah you really couldn't
I mean maybe I could
but not you

I was taken aback
how dare he say I can't
I could do anything
if I want to

I looked back up
at the perilous slopes
back down
at the waves crashing into sea boulders

And I stood up
grabbed by bags
and started my journey
to the top

Because no fear
would stand in the way
and absolutely no one
could tell me I was incapable
Is falling into love worth it
when you can't swim
and the water is infested with sharks
I know I will drown but the water looks so nice
I know that we can not be
any version of us
will just end with shattered hearts
and missing pieces

I tell myself I am happy
to have a friend like him
someone to share poems with
to share ideas with

I tell my friends
that I don't want to be with him
that it could simply never be
him and I will never work

But every time he leaves
I feel an emptiness
in my chest
a hollow part of me

He fills this void
In a way I have never felt before
and even though I say no
my heart is screaming yes

So I quietly pursue a relationship
I know will destroy me
just so I can feel whole
If only for a minute
I need to write it down
to solidify the facts
him and I have never been
and will never be
each others future


we were each others present
for a while
and oh how your smile
could light up my day
we were good at the now
but never knew what tomorrow
might bring

As his presence fades
our present ceases to exist
but I have to let that go
because we have no tomorrow
all we had was each other
no goals, no plans
eventually the present must become the past
and I must move on
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