This girl. This ******* girl.
She's drifting into my life like autumn wind.
Running around, catching the leafs,
Because I can't let go of such a gorgeous girl.
Hair the colour of bonfires, wrapping around, warming my heart.
Well my heart's turned to ash and my lungs are burnt,
But she gives me a new reason to escape these demons.

Jesus Christ, I can't get you out of my mind.
The other-thinking and paranoia escapes when my lips touch hers.
A star kissed face, freckles and eyes..
Her eyes.. my God, I could look into those eyes for hours.
Because I've never been good at trusting, and I don't know how to let people care for me,
But I see the same pain behind her eyes,
And it's mesmerising.

Some nights,
Am the fallen star,
with too many wishes
hanging upon it.

Some days,
am the wilted flower,
which has seen too many winters
and too few springs.

Mostly I am the invisible presence
that never quite learnt to show itself.
I have watched too many people
and know too well the bitter scent of pretence in the air.

They will pretend to,
see you,
know you,
love you.

Only for them to,
hurt you,
leave you,
**** you

Life is a party some said
but no one warned me
against uninvited  Guest.

I used to be able to close my eyes
for longer than a blink
but paranioa has a funny way of shortening the intervals between open and close
blood shot eyes is my new self portarit
only enemies and maskaraders can be seen through these windows
that lead to a fast beating heart
that is aggressively racing to its final destination

I float in the center of confusion and paranoia,
These days, all I can do is ponder in traps of thought,
These thoughts race and beat me to the finishing ribbon,
I inhale with a treacherous risk of it being my last,
I must part from you,
You hold dear to my heart, but my heart can't succumb to your cancer,
It's killing me inside to know you're always around,
Just give me a few days with my feet on the ground,
Soon, we will fly high together again,
But today, I must knot this leash to the leveled Earth,
It's just not the same anymore,
I can't be alone with your envious smile,
You take me to places I do not wish to follow,
My hopes and dreams are fading away with your evaporating smoke,
You tell me to sore through the clouds, but I stay grounded to this planet by my morals,
What used to feel right, now feels so wrong,
Down seems to be up and life is surely turning over,
You're pulling me into the surface like a gel conforming to its surrounding plane,
It is my fault for loosening the grip,
You're gone now,
I have given up on you,
I've left town, but I'll return when it is convinient,
Just keep flying high like you do and I will meet you at the podium,
This is a race,
But, last place finishes first,
Be safe,
Be smart,
Don't fly too high...

Who knows how many times I've passed the gate
Who knows how many times I've closed my eyes
Who knows if I'm already dead inside
If this is only an illusion to keep my spirit alive
While my body fails to reconcile
and keeps on walking, dead or alive

I’m sorry I can’t sleep,
That I spend my nights in constant agony,
Closing my eyes and trying to stay calm
But never finding rest within my mind.
I’m sorry I always have a headache,
That I have a constant pain behind
My eyelids, a torture that plagues my temples
And unmercifully spirals around my head.
I’m sorry I have to fake my way through
Every day, smiling and laughing while
The constant fatigue drains at my soul,
Tempting me to snap at everyone.
I’m sorry I frequently wake up in tears,
Fully convinced that the terrors of the night
Are real and tangible, and even though they aren’t,
I know they’ll come back night after night.
I’m sorry I’m too scared to tell anyone
What I’m going through, too worried
That they will think I’m weak, or stupid,
Or that I’m lying to gain attention.
I’m sorry I apologize for everything,
That I am paranoid, worried sick about
All the wrong I’ve done, and all the
Wrong my mind leads me to believe I’ve done.
I’m sorry.

He always wrapped up
when he went outside.
Buttons up to the top,
scarf wrapped around twice.

Hat pulled down tight
with his earmuffs on,
skin windswept white,
all sunny summer long.