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Ash Dec 2020
Me: Hello,
Him: Hello ,hey
Me: Can I ask you a quick question?
Him:Sure ask anything,
Me:Can I move on now,It's been 4 months
Him:Why have you met someone else?
Me: No I havent because I keep waiting for you,
Me: You call me all sorts of pet names knowing I love you then nothing
Him: I thought I told you its nothing serious.
Me:Rembering I gave  him my virginity,Him introducing me to his family as his wife to be,Him showing me off and then the fights,his anger issues and then him finally dumping me and me seeing him all over another girl
Him:Listen I just started seeing someone else it's been two weeks
Him: I don't want things to change between us,
Him: Ash are you there?
Him: Hey ASh?
Me: Coahz I loved you so much I waited for for months for you to stop being angry,I lost my virginity to you ,spent money on you,was it not enough ,I'm I not enough never mind tho,thank you for ...
Him: Fuckkk
Him:Hangs up
17/12/2020
Ash Dec 2020
It's been four months since we broke up,
In those four months i've been praying,
Praying that we get back together  but
You don't want that you say anything but,
Yet ask to see me quite often ,
It's been 10 months since I shared the secret,
The secret of my body with you My virginity,
It's been four months since you dumped me,
Yet how is it that my heart still aches?
Yet how is it that I can't seem to move on?
Yet how is it that I still can't understand why,
Why it was so easy for you to just walk away?
Why you don't want me back?
Why you moved on ?
Why God allowed you to come into my life?
Why He did it in spite of knowing you'd hurt me?
Why i'm still in so much pain all the time?
Why I can't stop:
Thinking about you
Thinking about who you are with
Thinking about how life is for you
Thinking if your thinking of getting back with me
Thinking if only I could see how your mind works
Thinking if only I had the power of time for sure i'd
Go back and do so many things right :
One of those things would be not letting you be mine
Were you really mine though?
Love is a lie to me but they say God is love...
If Love is Blind
Then I love Hate...
Ash Dec 2020
There is beauty in time,
it makes or breaks us,
puts that mark of difference
in all of us.
Yet we can't store it ,
Even tho we can give it,
We can lose it,
Time is a limited Gift
Thinking out loud ,The beauty of time
Ash Dec 2020
A boy will say
  You deserve better
     but
A man will say
  I will make myself better to deserve you
Always remember that
  May 2020 Ash
loveless
And over time,
My pen stopped bleeding
But my heart didn't
Ash Mar 2020
I often wondered how it would feel like lossing it.
I always thought there would be splashes of blood and  I love you from my man's lips.
I always wanted it to be perfect.

If I said a few months ago six to be exact I was happily single would you believe me.
If I said I was a ****** till yesterday would you believe me.
If I said my ex wait boyfriend oh I don't know.
If I said I had broken up with him two days ago for cheating on me but still let him take my virginity yesterday would you believe me?
If I said my virginity didn't stop him because he is in a party rn would you believe me?

Four months ago he didn't feel right the whole relationship didn't feel right
Three months ago I found a string of text with him and other girls
Two weeks ago he goes on a trip and came back with intimate pictures
One day ago he apologized  saying we need to talk but took the only thing I hadn't given him
I love him but he says he can't say it because he is working on himself .

How I feel about this,
Heartbroken,sad, suicidal
What I'm going to do:
Breath and learn to love me as a non ****** .
Cry cry alot
I fell for a bad boy four months ago,things weren't great from the get go,it didn't stop me from loving him tho,I had held on to my virginity for so long so long it made me feel stronger like I'm a price after yesterday tho,I thought since we were intimate for the first time and that he knew he was my first things would be different,I know it's naive ,I have no one to tell,I fake my laughs I fake my smiles how ai wish he would call or text but nothing comes no good morning text no goodnight text only a babe I'm in a party the only text the whole day,I'm sorry I shared this I just need to share I'm sorry to myself
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