How can I
Mere mortal man
Write verse and rhyme of Venus?
For She is Herself
Poetry
These black days
These barren days
That turn my soul to ash
And char the fibers of my soul
And all because I must be away from Her

I am drained
In the absence of my Venus
I am pained
By the space now forced between us

But I will overcome the fractures
Not bested by this distance
For always has She been
Just beyond
The morning
The  horizon
The road
The hallway
Yet through these barriers
I have persevered
I have roared at the enemies that keep me from Her
I will not rest
No
I will not be satisfied
No
I will wager my everything on Her
Yes
For Venus
My all

I used to be terrified of flying
Until I saw the sunrise on a 7AM
Chicago skyline
Rumors of clouds, whispering across
A grey cityscape and trickling into sidewalk cracks

And I saw through the window crack
The very crack of dawn on a newer day than the last
Call it pristine gray
My fears are now framed pristine gray
In blankets of doubt and navy blues
Like her pristine navy blue hair as it uttered secrets in the streets.
A small girl with a horizon smile, opening up as a jetstream
With streamlined pristine bright eyes
Poking holes in hurricanes
With her hands made of golden snakes, shining like a Chicago sunrise
Wrapped in my clutch
And if you say she doesn't shine
Then spit the pyrite from your teeth
And tell me what it's like to
Bend the truth.

Now, those snakes have long since shed their skin.
And her pristine color schemes have long faded into rippling cascades of green grass and smile-light vibrance.
Oh, I will wash my hands endlessly in my lifetime, but those colors will never run.
And to learn from a color is to love another, and to love another is to see the color of her eyes in the sunrise that takes away your worst fears.

I lost my worries in a pristine scheme,
Beautiful eyes, her hair, and a smile.
I am on the runway, waiting for my flight to depart.
These colors will not run,
And neither will I.

Fear shakes me as I look at this creature,
Staring at me through the darkness,
A grey smoke blurs my sight,
I mumble prayers like a preacher.

I shut my eyes, as does a pigeon,
It scrapes its claws, on the bare ground.
I peek through the slits of my eyelids,
Still there - now theres a legion!

I turn my back and run,
I can hear them chasing me,
Rustling through the dead of silence,
I stop, only to come undone!

Am I dead? I see a light.
I turn, I face them now.
The light lingers and I hold on,
Closer I walk, with all my might.

I see them. They see me.
My failures, my rage, my darkness.
The distance, the pessimism, the void.
Fears in their multitude existence.

Closer , closer, closer I get,
I fear the fears no more,
For they exist, as does the light,
Shining like an auroral net.

Catch them, bind them,
Then I set it free.
Now I bind me, within me.
And fill my heart with divine glee.

I see a monster now and then,
I see it for what it is,
I know it can be tamed to my will,
For there exists a light within.

My light shines brighter,
as the darkness grows.
The two exist coherently -
For what is, is!

Old and stained,
ragged and worn,
with holes and even
unraveled and torn.
Love is like your favorite sweater,
well used and seen all kinds of weather.
After a few years
and several loose threads,
there may be holes that need mending.
Don't get too worried my dear,
as long as the time that you're spending
is carefully piecing the threads back together.
Love is like your favorite sweater.

It's that time of year
So I guess I should confess,
Twelve months ago my greatest fear
Put me under great duress.

I started living my worst nightmare
In every single way
And learned to cope instead of hope
In waking up someday.

Still I've overcome the outcome 
Of being too depressed
By holding on to being wrong,
It wasn't love I guess.

But it's that time of year again
To curse my memories and dreams,
For a year ago I lost my friend
Who has yet to be seen.

I couldn't live without her,
But I haven't died yet,
I've come so far; as to what we are,
well, it's best if I just forget.

For I've overcome the outcome
Of being friends at best,
By holding on to being wrong,
 We were doomed to end, I guess.

So happy anniversary
For the worst day of my world
A time of great adversity
When I lost that perfect girl.

I thought my life was over
I thought that hope was gone
It blew my mind, I couldn't find
A reason to move on.

Still I've overcome the outcome 
Of losing too much rest
By holding on to being wrong,
Well, at least I try my best.

10/10/14

Firm hold of a stressful release
The real ease...
Is music to your heart in skilled keys
Closed noted memories unlock the liberties
that now potentially send me back to infinity
So this delivery came from the enigmatic entity
That never ceased empathy for any arch enemy
And even when the serpent brought the sin into the synergy
Symmetry was just a waste of energy
Only the incompetent compete for skin identity
Stab it with a label, still the same color when you bleed
Blind folded you could truly peep what the spirit speaks
Monologue with nonsense on your conscience and you'll miss the speech

Privilege: written on my skin
I swear I'm on your side
Though I lock my doors when you pass by.
Try to ignore what's within
The enraged masses to whom I spoke
Though I'm guilty of what's battered down their throats.
Get me by the *****
The phallicist marvelously displayed in power
Squeeze out every drop of lust; watch me shrivel and cower.
Place me within these walls
Walking along your glass ceiling as I dream
Fondling your ******* on behalf of the company.
I'm no passerby
Though I weave you on the street like a fleeting ghost
I serve like you're a growth and I'm the lucky host.
It's a **** good lie
To myself; believe I'm not guilty too
Of all the hate and greed that's crippling you.

I tried to end it all again,
and yet again I am still here.
I really dont understand.
I'm giving up on giving up.
I wont even try to try harder.
Im throwing my hands up and leaving suicide alone.
But the feeling of it wont let me go.
i can say for the most part right now
i am pretty content.
i just dont want to think anymore about anything.
there's so much bad in my life that the good is impossible to see.
subconsciously i see possibility...
I am trying to push myself forward and carry myself ahead.
even though pain still lingers onto my legs,
nails deep in my calves making it hard for me to keep going.
but i know that as long as im moving forward im making progress even if slowly...

Naaire, you had a post on your instagram that read:

Slow progress is better than no progress,

And with all that has been said...

i am trying to make myself better because im tired of feeling dread.
suicide was my only way
but really i was already dead...
i need to make myself feel Alive

but i've been drowning myself instead..

at the moment i am okay
i have time for just one breath

its been so long since i've been okay...
and i thank the powers for that..

and i will try to go further than where im at.