Today has turned into one of those days where I feel like I’m missing out on life
whatever that means
wherever it means


it means I’m at home, a young mother at 25, at home on a Tuesday evening and I have work in the morning and I’m feeling left out
I’m feeling jealous of anyone who isn’t tied down to someone
I’ve gotten to taste what that life is like,
on the weekends my son is with his father,
it’s bittersweet,
It feels so good to do what you want with no responsibility for a little while
but having someone to miss and a home to go home to hits different when you know what you’re missing


It’s a lonely life
I didn’t realize how isolating parenthood can be
how many hours alone I would spend
how much time I’d be unable to talk to another adult
how much I’d feel left out by the people I care about
how many times I’ve had to turn down plans because I had my child

It’s also a fulfilling life
a beautiful one
a challenging one
a scary one
a fun, adorable, loving, and be loved life I have

It’s just a Tuesday night
and I’m at home with my kid on my couch in my living room
one day I’m gonna miss these days
I have successfully written myself out of the funk I was in when I started this
thanks for listening

I'm Free"
Such a con man convincing me that I was so beautiful, his saving grace,
With his hands, he painted my face,
With make-up I would have to retrace,
I would dress pretty just for him,
I kept my body fit and trim,
Though for real, I didn't know it was a messed up,
I tried to be his best partner, his loving wife.
Shocked and and scared every time,
like it was something new, that just began,
He'd beg my forgiveness again & again,
how I always forgave, forgetting all the prior distress,
just to continue day after day.

Pulling my hair, using your fist to paint my lips the color of crimson red, fearing each time I'd die.
It even happened when you weren't full of whiskey,
I'd have moments of reality,
knowing I had to get out for my babies,
You had everyone convinced you were innocent,
I was the one that suffered your vengeance,
like an illusion, everyone took your side,
they all believed every time you lied.

I have no more shame, no more fear,